Have you ever asked God for a sign? Has it ever come in billboard form for you? (This has happened to my sister more than once, by the way) I think God has a sense of humor… otherwise why would we have a platypus. So sometimes he puts gigantic signs for us – if we are paying attention, we can see them. We all saw this sign as we went to Alexandria to sign the papers for our rental house on Sunday. Very fitting. “Adventure awaits, Alexandria, Minnesota.” Yes, yes it does. 

Rental house signed for on Sunday & we made two trips back and forth. Monday was the last day of school & Halloween. I stopped by the school in time to see Myles’ 4th grade class all tell him why they thought he was great. My favorite part was when the kids said that he tried to include & play with everyone. They had a Halloween costume parade and a little party. I brought snacks and watched “The Great Pumpkin” with them. It was an emotional last day for Cameron as a para. He has touched the lives of kids and staff and will be missed. Dallas said his last day was kind of uneventful… just another Monday. Monday night was trick or treating for Myles with his twin buddies. Dallas went to a Halloween party and I handed out candy. It is such a wonderful neighborhood for trick or treating- lots of kids and very little traffic to worry about. I will miss it. I’ll miss seeing the neighbor kids & their excitement of candy and glow bracelets. It all happened so quickly that I didn’t even get a picture of my 3 guys. I’m thankful for the 12 years that we had there and all of the memories made.

Tuesday started the packing. 3M is moving us so we had people come to pack. It was supposed to take 2 days to pack, 2 days to load the van/semi and 2 days to unload. We helped them and it took way less time. We were supposed to unload on Monday/Tuesday which would have made it interesting for going to work and school. Thankfully, we were unloaded by Thursday afternoon! The boys were a great help & earned a pop and a big thank you from the movers. Now begins the adventure of unpacking & finding a new temporary home for stuff. We had gotten rid of a lot before we moved but there is way too much left. We will need to pare down for our next place. 

Myles found 3 pennies while unpacking. He said, “mom, we are starting our next chapter.” Yes, buddy, we are. He’s done amazingly well. Everyone has. Their positive attitudes make a world of difference.

 This is what we get to wake up to each morning…God is good. 

While our piles of boxes can seem overwhelming, we will eventually find a place for stuff (or we will get rid of it). Next week I will start a new job and the boys will start a new school. I pray the transition continues to go well. Thank you to everyone who has shared well wishes, fond memories & offered or given help. 

Remember to keep your eyes open on your journey of enough… God might just give you a billboard. 

Peace be with you.

Instead of a “random Tuesday,” this was a random Thursday. Cameron asked this morning if I was nervous… I said I’d be lying if I said no. I don’t like to hear, “you have nothing to worry about,” and he knows that. I got ready for work, put on my resilience t-shirt & gave extra kisses to Myles before I walked out the door. 10:40 was my appointment. Another mammogram before we move to Alexandria. With the busyness of trying to relocate, this wasn’t at the top of my worry list, but it certainly made the list, and I was aware of the day. 

Someone asked me after I completed radiation if I was “done.”  I didn’t fully realize at that time that there isn’t a “done.” There are pauses and the gaps between appointments will grow, but there isn’t a “done.” 

I walked over to Sanford and breathed in the crisp ND fall air. I admired the beautiful yellow leaves and I walked up to the mammogram desk. I’m familiar with the routine. I’ve had more of these than a 42 yr old should have to have. I lost count… One after every biopsy, before lumpectomy, after the wires went in… The one today was a 3D, my 6 month checkup. I knew not to wear deoderant today. I knew that I could tell them to stop if it got to be too uncomfortable. I held my breath and closed my eyes. Less than 20 seconds. Release. Switch angles. Repeat. 3 times on each side, the left being the most painful, but still – it was only 20 seconds. I’ve given birth twice, endured procedures for infertility, broken a few bones and survived cancer. 20 seconds I can do.

I took my “breast cancer awareness gift/prize,” not sure what it’s called -a 2017 planner. Seemed fitting for me. I wished the tech a nice day and went on my way. For all the people who avoid this because it’s uncomfortable, let me remind you – cancer is more uncomfortable. Get your mammogram done. Suck it up for 20 seconds and you could save your own life.

Resilience. That’s my word of the day. While numbers and dates and to do lists swirl in my head, I took a few moments to breathe. I went and had lunch at the donut shop downtown. Some warm wild rice soup and my favorite donut was the perfect comfort food combination. Since I hadn’t written in so long, I thought it was a good day to share a post. A good day. Resilience has gotten me through a lot in the last (almost) 2 years. It will get me through a mammogram, the wait of the results, and the transition to a new town, new job, new home and new schools. 

I will need a lot of peace on this next part of my journey, but I feel led to this area. I don’t know why. I’m not sure what is in store for me, but I trust that it will be good. 

Peace be with you on your journey of enough today – and get your mammograms, ladies!!

The cat is out of the bag… We are moving!  On Monday this week, we made the announcement that I got a new job in Alexandria, MN and will be moving. I became pretty “un-popular.” I thought that I might get something thrown at me when we went to the volleyball game that night. I was taking away their Mr. Frueh, and their buddies. How could I? Were we really moving in November?! Yep. Exciting! 

Life has taken many unexpected turns but this is a big one. Over the past few days, we have tried to start packing, reducing/purging and throwing. It’s a whirlwind of dates, forms, changes and lists. Today we took the kids to tour a couple of schools. Dallas will be in a middle school with a class of 300 instead of 48. Myles has 6 elementary options so his school depends on where we find a house. We don’t have a place to go to yet and aren’t ready to show our house yet. The nice thing is that the new company is relocating us. That will take some of the stress off but there are still a lot of logistics to work out.  Dallas has figured out that there is no fishing team there yet, learned what kind of fish are in the area, and found out they have a trap shooting team. Myles is relieved to have seen the playground options, and is really hoping to get a cat.

It will be scary and exciting and new.  It will be a new journey for our whole family. Great things are in store on my journey of enough.

The word “just” had been swirling around in my mind quite a bit over the last week. I kept thinking that I must have written about it before, but wasn’t sure when.  Then this memory pops up on Facebook today from my Caring Bridge journal a year ago. So many similarities, I decided to copy it over. The differences: I’ve now completed another “Go Far Woman” 5K, done another half marathon (yes I did wear an obnoxious pink tutu for #4), and recently celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary. This one word “just” sparked part of the idea for my blog. It’s kind of long, but take a few minutes to review with me…

Journal entry by Mavis Frueh — 9/15/2015
The word “just” is one that I’ve become more aware of in the last year. Mostly because it’s said in a sense of being “less than” or “not good enough”…. 
I “just” had stage 1 cancer

I “just” had a lumpectomy

I “just” had radiation

I “just” did a 5K

Shortly after my last post, I was interviewed for WDAY. They did a story on me because of all that I’ve overcome in the last year, and I was about to do the GoFar Women 5k that weekend. When a long-time friend asked if I could be interviewed for it, I reluctantly said OK. “I don’t feel very inspiring” I said. I did the story anyway, and was glad that I did. The ‘angle’ that they used in the story is about early detection and awareness, and that made me feel good. As I said in the story, I’m not the typical face of breast cancer. I’m 41, I have young kids and a lot of life ahead of me. So if my story gets one (or hopefully a lot) more women to get checked earlier, and they have a chance to catch this early, then awesome. We often sell ourselves short. We are our own worst critics. Many times I catch myself saying things in my head (about myself) that I’d never say to another person. I have to stop and re-direct those thoughts. It’s hard to do. I’ve done 3 half marathons. 3 times I went 13.1 miles in a race, and yet I always started with the phrase “just” a half marathon. It’s not Cameron’s fault – he never rubs it in my face that he’s going to do his 12th FULL marathon – he never makes me feel like it’s not enough. That’s all on me, all in my head. The shift needs to be on the emphasis in the words – from “I JUST did a half marathon” to “I just DID a half marathon!” This is a phrase that I will get to use again next year. As I get stronger and am able to train more, I am confident that I can do it. And I will wear obnoxious pink clothing and perhaps a pink tu-tu… because if it makes another 41 year old realize that this is a disease that doesn’t care how old you are, then I’m MORE successful than whatever my time ends up being. 

In the past year, a strangely large number of people I know have been impacted by breast cancer. A neighbor/friend, co-worker of Cameron’s and neighbor/friend/co-worker’s sister, another friend’s sister, and myself. When you think of the stats, 1 in 8 women get breast cancer- that’s kind of mind-blowing. Do you know more than 8 women? I do. So I guess as I age, the odds of it happening will likely increase. It just seemed odd to hit all at once, within a short span of time, and all of us are younger than you’d expect. Is a mammogram uncomfortable? Yes. But guess what? – It’s less uncomfortable than cancer. It’s less uncomfortable than a mammogram after cancer. It takes maybe 15 minutes max. Take the time for yourself to have this done. October is breast cancer awareness month, so it will be in the news and will be talked about more than it normally is. Use that as your reminder, at least to make the appointment. Do it for yourself, for your kids, your family – whatever the reason, just do it.
Last month, we celebrated our 20 year wedding anniversary. 20 years! It happened to be the first day of school and Dallas had Cross Country practice, but it was still nice. I remember the day. I remember how it was the fastest day of my life. All of that planning and it was over in a snap. If you asked us then where we’d be in 20 years, none of this would have been on our list. But it shaped us into who we are today. So when I’m asked “where do you see yourself in 10 years?” I don’t have an answer. Why? Because I never imagined 10 years ago that I’d be a cancer survivor today. I will go with the flow more. I will plan less. I will love more. I will worry less. Lots will change in the next 10/20 years. Who knows, maybe I’ll have written a book by then. 10 years from now I could be a mother-in-law. We never know what life will throw our way. But whatever it is, it shapes who we are. Peace be with you today.

Labor Day weekend marks the “unofficial end of summer.” It also is the weekend of the Western Minnesota Steam Threshers Reunion in Rollag, MN. I remember going a few times as a kid, since my grandpa had his steam engine there. Ever since our boys were little, we have taken them back to Rollag on Labor Day weekend. This year was no different. After a long run for Cameron and cross country meet for Dallas in Moorhead, we headed out for some old tractors, steam engines, train rides and plowing demonstrations. It was a record crowd on Saturday – probably because it was too windy to be on the lake. The boys had fun & got some walking in too (5 miles/day to burn off the caramel rolls and double ice cream cones!) We went back Sunday to see a little more of the threshing, steam shovels and saw mills. After a windy day of walking around, Cam and Dallas did some fishing off the kayaks (ours and our niece’s.) They pulled them up into the grass and we had a nice campfire. In the morning, they were gone. Someone had taken them in the night. I didn’t know what to say to the kids when they asked, “Mom, who would do something like that?” It was almost like they suddenly realized that not everyone is “good.”

Then the news story of Jacob Wetterling broke… His body had been found after 27 years of being missing. I was just 16 when he was abducted and it changed the way people viewed the safety of “letting kids be kids.” I still thought of Jacob when I had my own kids. How quickly something can happen and your life can change. Patty Wetterling only remembers her son as 11 or younger. Her memories of seeing him stop at just 11 years old… 11. She didn’t get to teach him how to drive, take pictures at his prom or see him grow up. For 27 years, she hoped that he was still alive. How do you explain  all of this to your kids? How do you explain the bad?

My kids have always had a roof over their heads, a bed to sleep in and food to eat. They never worried about being abused or seeing their parents fight. They have been kind of sheltered, I guess. Part of me wants to protect them from all that is bad, but I know I can’t do that forever. I take tomorrow for granted too much. Do you too? I assume there will always be more time… But then my son gets taller than me and talks about driving. I know my time with them is slipping away. Then I remember how blessed I am… I still have my kids with me. My memories of them aren’t frozen in time. It almost makes me want to wake them up and give them a big hug (but it’s 11:30 pm.)

So, although it stinks to have the kayaks stolen, they are just “things.” Things that can be replaced. I still have my two most treasured little guys and I hope I get to see them become men. I still don’t know how to explain the bad to them, but perhaps I can show them how to be good, and maybe that will be enough. Peace be with you on your journey of enough. My thoughts and prayers are with the Wetterling family as they try to process the news of their beloved son. Our hearts ache for you.

This is us, 21 yrs ago… just a couple of kids in love. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. I’ve written a lot about my cancer anniversaries, but this one is a “good anniversary.” 21 years ago, I was anxiously awaiting our wedding day. I wasn’t nervous or getting cold feet, I was just excited… ready to start our life together. This year, on the night before our anniversary, I made 6 trays of bars for a friend’s funeral/celebration of life. I am reminded of how lucky I am to get to spend each day with my husband, and I realize how many times I take that for granted. 

Don’t get me wrong, our marriage isn’t perfect. We have our differences, but the good far out weighs the bad. Our “Rice-a-Roni days” make us appreciate being able to buy groceries. Our struggle with infertility makes us appreciate our kids. Our sickness, cancer and broken bones makes us appreciate our health. 

Sometimes we feel like we want to protect our kids from these types of things, but we won’t be able to. And we shouldn’t want to. They will need their own “buying bread with pennies and quarters” days. They will experience heart break and rejection and loss. I want the best for my kids, but I also want them to experience life. I want them to have compassion for others and know what it means to be a good friend. I hope they find someone who treats them well. I hope they pay attention to how their dad treats me. I hope they use that example to treat their significant other the same way one day. 

Laugh every day. Love deeply. Make someone else’s day. These 3 things might as well have been said at our wedding. It’s what Cameron seems to live by on a daily basis. Yep, I’m still in love after 21 years. The more years go by, the more I appreciate how rare and special that is. Our pastor said of Cameron, “He’s a little bit crazy…” during our wedding sermon. I thought our best man was going to fall off the stairs laughing. It’s true, but it’s great – and it’s good enough for me. I’m thankful to be good enough for him. Cheers to many more years ahead. 

Peace be with you on your journey of enough.