Not sure if it’s lucky or not, but our oldest son just turned 13. When I see the young man in front of me, I still see him as a toddler or a 6 year old. I remember him watching tractor videos, farming my carpet & learning to read. He’s a healthy teenager. While I wish I could keep that little boy who loved my lap, I am thankful to get to see him growing into a thoughtful young man. Will there be struggles? Sure, that’s part of it all. I’ve seen glimpses of what is to come. Moments of defiance or testing boundaries have started to peek out. But, my sweet teen still asks me to “shut his door” at night, just to give me an extra kiss.
He spent his 13th birthday skiing – one of his favorite things. He got some fishing tackle, a gift card to Scheels sporting goods, and we activated one of our old (non-smart) phones for him. Instead of the homemade cakes, cookies or cupcakes, he picked out assorted cheesecake for his birthday. And he had cheesecake & coffee for breakfast. He was skiing both Saturday & Sunday. The only thing that would have been better is if there was ice fishing also. He did tricks on the ski/snowboard terrain park and took a nasty fall. But since we got it on video, it became like a “cool scar” – a badge of honor in his world. I was just glad he had a helmet on.
He has changed a lot in the last year and there will be more changes to come. I’m thankful to be here for it. I plan to soak it all up. My “5 more years” will fly by in an instant. Something happens when you go through a life changing event… your perspective changes (or I think it should). You appreciate things more, take some time to breathe, allow yourself to take more risks and, if you have a teenager, you go on the “black runs/the most difficult” ski runs just to make your son go WOW!
I’m a long way from being enough, but I’ll get there. And, to my new teenager, hopefully I will be enough of a mom to make a positive impact on his life. To show him how to push through pain, have faith in God, believe in yourself & to go outside your comfort zone. On the eve of my surgery anniversary & just a few days away from half marathon training, I have a lot to reflect on. I have some anxiety about it all, but I have a great support group and I’ll have a great cheering section. Peace be with you on your journey of enough.