Time out?

If you have kids, you may have given them a “time out” before. Have you ever felt like YOU needed one? I’ve felt that way for the last week. Part of it is getting back into the swing of things after holiday break. Part is nerves about upcoming half marathon training. Part is work stress. Part is the crazy cold weather (-25 wind chill). Part, a big part, is the appointment next week. Next Tuesday, I have my (almost) 1 year anniversary of my lumpectomy, so I have a follow up with the surgeon. Because the mammogram was clear, I expect this appointment to be pretty “routine”. You’d think its no big deal. I mean I’m cured, right?

I’m fully confident that things are fine. I keep telling myself that. But there is that doubt that likes to creep in to survivors’ minds…Why does it still hurt? Does that mean something? Will the feeling ever change? What will he say? The list goes on. There should be a list that they give you called “these things are normal” so people like me can read it and cross things off. Oh, that feeling is normal? Ok. I can deal with that. But, my husband reminds me that normal is over rated. Still, there is a yearn to feel normal. 

Recently, a fellow survivor/friend and I went to a painting event. It was a fun afternoon. This was the first time that she had referred to herself as a survivor… Said it out loud. Trust me, it’s a big deal. When you’re in the midst of treatment, you just fight through. But after, you step back and realize “wow, I did it” – and you acknowledge that what you did was a big deal. So, saying it out loud is a big deal. I’m super proud of her. I’ve been pretty vocal and have tried to draw attention to  breast cancer happening in young women. She fought hard too, but hasn’t wanted the attention. I admire her strength. We’ve learned a lot from each other in the last year. My time out place would be much like the painting that we did. 

Tuesday will go fine. The winter won’t last forever. Half marathon training will be tough, but I can do it. And I will think of our painting as my time out place. I wish you peace on your journey of enough.


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