Instead of a “random Tuesday,” this was a random Thursday. Cameron asked this morning if I was nervous… I said I’d be lying if I said no. I don’t like to hear, “you have nothing to worry about,” and he knows that. I got ready for work, put on my resilience t-shirt & gave extra kisses to Myles before I walked out the door. 10:40 was my appointment. Another mammogram before we move to Alexandria. With the busyness of trying to relocate, this wasn’t at the top of my worry list, but it certainly made the list, and I was aware of the day.
Someone asked me after I completed radiation if I was “done.” I didn’t fully realize at that time that there isn’t a “done.” There are pauses and the gaps between appointments will grow, but there isn’t a “done.”
I walked over to Sanford and breathed in the crisp ND fall air. I admired the beautiful yellow leaves and I walked up to the mammogram desk. I’m familiar with the routine. I’ve had more of these than a 42 yr old should have to have. I lost count… One after every biopsy, before lumpectomy, after the wires went in… The one today was a 3D, my 6 month checkup. I knew not to wear deoderant today. I knew that I could tell them to stop if it got to be too uncomfortable. I held my breath and closed my eyes. Less than 20 seconds. Release. Switch angles. Repeat. 3 times on each side, the left being the most painful, but still – it was only 20 seconds. I’ve given birth twice, endured procedures for infertility, broken a few bones and survived cancer. 20 seconds I can do.
I took my “breast cancer awareness gift/prize,” not sure what it’s called -a 2017 planner. Seemed fitting for me. I wished the tech a nice day and went on my way. For all the people who avoid this because it’s uncomfortable, let me remind you – cancer is more uncomfortable. Get your mammogram done. Suck it up for 20 seconds and you could save your own life.
Resilience. That’s my word of the day. While numbers and dates and to do lists swirl in my head, I took a few moments to breathe. I went and had lunch at the donut shop downtown. Some warm wild rice soup and my favorite donut was the perfect comfort food combination. Since I hadn’t written in so long, I thought it was a good day to share a post. A good day. Resilience has gotten me through a lot in the last (almost) 2 years. It will get me through a mammogram, the wait of the results, and the transition to a new town, new job, new home and new schools.
I will need a lot of peace on this next part of my journey, but I feel led to this area. I don’t know why. I’m not sure what is in store for me, but I trust that it will be good.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough today – and get your mammograms, ladies!!