Tag: #survivor

On behalf of introverts everywhere…

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It’s that time of year… holiday parties. While most people look forward to the celebrations and fun, it makes me cringe. Don’t get me wrong, I like you, I just don’t want to be at a social gathering where I may or may not know everyone. It literally creates a physical reaction in my body. I’m sure I’m not alone. This time of year is when extroverts shine. The small talk, socializing & merriment is right up their alley. There is a lot of pressure to attend festive social functions. I love the holidays, but the parties are my least favorite part. So I avoid them… because I’m learning to say “no, thank you.”

If you’re not an introvert, let me give you some insight…. Introverts see the invitation as an obstacle to carefully overcome. Do I go and feel awkward or try to come up with an excuse? If I go, it’s like a land mine. For me, it’s like being in jr. high all over again. Who to sit by? Who to talk to? Drink something? Don’t drink? How long do you stay? What if you say the wrong thing? Forget to talk to someone important? It’s a long list. If I don’t go, then there is the guilt. Why couldn’t you make it? Where were you? The list is shorter. See where I’m going with this? It’s easier for me to skip the party and deal with the questions, and it’s far less stressful.

I don’t mean to be dramatic or sound like I’m a party pooper, but this is a real thing. So please, continue to have your parties but don’t feel bad if I’m not there. I’m probably snuggled up at home. On behalf of introverts everywhere, we respectfully decline. Peace be with you on your journey of enough, whether you attend or not, you are enough.

Emotional flood…

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6 years ago, we said “I do (again)” in Las Vegas while doing my first half marathon. It was a “run-through” vow renewal. We didn’t know the twists and turns that we’d face in the years to come. We assumed we would grow old together… we felt invincible. I miss the carefree time & how fit I was.

4 years ago, Myles was getting ready for his bell solo at the 1st grade Christmas concert. I really miss the Christmas concerts at our old school. They don’t do them here and it makes me sad. Last year, Myles had a sing along, but it isn’t the same. I miss all of the songs & actions the kids did. I miss some of that magic.

3 years ago, we were also getting ready for a Christmas concert, but it was with a heavy, anxious heart. 3 years ago was my diagnosis of breast cancer. My world would change in so many ways.

So today brings a flood of emotions… Joy, sadness, thankfulness, love, hope, peace, remembrance & fullness.

Joy like the pure joy in Myles’ smile. Sadness for missing out on a Christmas program and the “end” of that kind of magic. Thankfulness for everyone who stood beside me, cheered me on or held my hand. Love of my husband, family and friends. Hope for the future & for a long, healthy life. Peace knowing that I’m a child of God and supported and loved. Remembrance so that I don’t take my birthdays and Christmases for granted. Fullness because my heart is full (& probably somewhat to do with the abundance of cookies too! – see previous post)

So, while the day goes on like any other, it does cause me to pause and be grateful. I’m grateful to be on this journey of enough with you. Thanks for reading – now give someone a hug!

Thousands to share…

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When my friend and I get together, it’s quite the opposite of the “5 loaves and 3 fishes” story. We always over-do food. Not sure why but we both do, so when we are together, we could easily add a few more people and still have plenty. For many years, we have gotten together to do our Christmas baking. We aren’t even sure how it started. Likely it was while we were on a walk one time when we were still neighbors. I’m guessing we got to talking about holiday baking & thought that since we both liked to bake, it would be a great way to do it together. We would try to get together once a month for a group meal. Maybe we talked about it then. Not sure. It all started with her bringing over her baking supplies and using our double oven to make the baking go faster. Of course there were lists involved (who made which one and how much). We each picked our favorites to make. Eventually we found some new ones and got rid of some others.

We made a full day of it each year. Our husbands were in charge of dishes, packaging & the babies. Now our kids are much older and we don’t need the pack & play or diaper bags. The year I was diagnosed with cancer, we still baked. We made an extra batch of everything & took it to a neighbor who was also battling cancer. I was still numb from my diagnosis- still not sure what path my treatment would take. Baking has always been like therapy to me. Not sure why, I just love it. Last year we didn’t do baking day. We had moved into a rental and things were crazy. Between the two of us, we didn’t have a good weekend to do it and my double oven was gone. When we were cleaning out our old house, I cried when I saw sprinkles under the stove – so many memories of baking in that house.

So, this year, we took baking day “on the road.” Her friend wanted to join too, so this time, I packed up 1/2 of my kitchen and hauled it to West Fargo. We spent 4 hrs the night before having some wine & just doing “a few things.” Sunday was Game Day! It was an 8am start, and when we left at 5, they were still doing their cut out cookies. After seeing the pictures on Facebook, several people asked if we were doing a bake sale. It’s not why we made that much, but I am taking some of mine to a bake sale at work. We do a fundraiser for Relay for Life. Usually, we give most of it away. We like to eat some of course, but we mainly just love to share it. Several years, we have packed up a bunch to take to the homeless shelter. We give it to teachers and neighbors & co-workers. The fun is in the laughs that we have while we do it. It’s an all-day, 12-14 hr marathon. Our feet are sore, but our freezers are full and we have plenty to share. Her husband likes to keep track of numbers. Final count was 3500 treats, aside from our separate cut outs and the puff corn & reindeer chow.

I ended up sick but it wasn’t from eating too many sweets. Just a bug. Or God’s way of slowing me down. Or maybe I’m getting too old for this. Regardless, the treats were all divided into 3 groups by our packaging department & will be shared throughout December.

Whatever your talent, be sure to share it. This time of year is a great time to reach out to a neighbor or volunteer somewhere. May your journey of enough contain enough sugar for your cookies, enough music for you to sing along and enough laughter to make the time fly. I’m thankful to have had all of that and more yesterday.

Are you resisting the good?

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This photo came up on my Facebook feed today. I remember this day. Our youngest son was 4. He was not a fan of Santa. Each year, we went to Santa Village in Fargo. It was an old farm that was made into a “park” for the Fargo Park District. Every year for Christmas, they set up a model train in the barn, made crafts, decorated cookies with Mrs.Claus, saw the reindeer, wrote letters to Santa and got to visit with him. The visiting part didn’t always go well. Some years, we had to wait in a long line to visit with Santa. He always wore over-all’s since he was at the farm. He wasn’t in his red suit until Christmas, of course. He had white hair and glasses and was soft spoken.

Myles was not a fan of any kind of mascots or life size cartoon characters & he wasn’t a fan of Santa. You can see my husband laughing hysterically & our other son with a big grin like “I’m getting his presents too!” We went back later and tried again. This time, he sat on his lap and even gave him a hug.

It made me think – how many times do we resist something good just because it’s scary. Have you ever passed up an opportunity because you didn’t want to go outside your comfort zone? Have you ever stayed away from someone unfamiliar? What if they were like Santa? A little scary at first, but really kind hearted. What if there was a great gift waiting for you but you were too stuck in your ways to check it out? Next time you encounter an opportunity, think of Santa. Just maybe don’t scream or cry like our son did.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Ho ho ho.

Drop the hiking pack…

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I took this picture after dropping my son off at school. What a beautiful sunrise. (I added the words to make it more “artsy”) But, it got me thinking – how many days do we drag yesterday with us instead of starting over. Have you seen the movie “50 First dates?” Adam Sandler falls in love with Drew Barrymore, but she has short term memory loss. She forgets yesterday & starts over each day. I wouldn’t want to forget yesterday, but maybe I don’t need to hold onto it so much. You’ve heard people say they have “emotional baggage.” To me, that brings up a powerful mental image. The heavy baggage of yesterday that we carry around…We dwell on it. We let it define us. We let it hold us down & keep us from moving forward.

Have you ever pictured it? Have you pictured getting rid of it? Have you seen yourself lifting it off your shoulders like one of those giant hiking backpacks? Give it a try. Picture yourself taking off that burden. Release that fear, that anger, that guilt, that doubt. You don’t need to carry it with you. It does not need to define you. It may have shaped who you are, but it doesn’t need to weigh you down and keep you from discovering something new about yourself.

You might not want to get rid of your big hiking pack. I get it, it’s comfortable & safe. It feels like something you’re supposed to have on, to carry around and to keep you from running too far or trying something too crazy. Ok, so what if you took baby steps & took a few things out of your pack to start with? Maybe you’re not ready to kick it down the street just yet. What if you wrote down something from that backpack & then tossed it away? We did this at a retreat & it was a powerful experience. Toss it. Got rid of it. Throw it in the fire or into the garbage. You don’t need it anymore. You don’t need it to define you. Fill yourself up with some laughs. Let that laughter take the spot of whatever you took out of that pack. See how much lighter the laughter is? It’s bound to make you smile too.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. I wish you peace that you will find from the release of your baggage. Fill it up with enough love to keep you warm, enough laughter to keep you light & enough hope to keep you moving forward.

When no news is good news …

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My Halloween mammogram results were mailed to me. I am so thankful that I didn’t get a call. I knew that if there was something suspicious they would have called in 1-2 days. So delighted to see this in the mail today. 

My results were “normal.” Hallelujah! There were 3 ladies named Mavis getting mammograms on Tuesday. What are the odds of that?! I take it as a sign that I was supported.  I felt the love and support of everyone who said they would hold my hand through it. 

If you are a lady & haven’t had a mammogram yet this year, please do so. It could literally save your life!! (Men get breast cancer also but I’m not sure about insurance coverage for men) When you do, I hope you hear no news and get a letter instead of a call. Thank your technician because they also helped. Tell someone you trust that you’re going so they can pray with you. One year, my best friend came with me and we had lunch and drinks before hand.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. 

Hibernation…

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It’s opening deer season in MN tomorrow and everyone is excited about getting out and hunting. Except me. I’m excited for my husband & son, but I won’t be sitting in a deer stand myself. I’m more of an “inside girl” in the winter. I try to ski and liked snowshoeing, but I still don’t love winter. Yep, I’m aware of where I live… winter is inevitable. It’s been in the 30’s for several days, and while that makes my son super excited that “ice will be forming on the lakes,” I just want to crawl into my hot coffee & eat all of my Halloween candy. It’s been super cold at work so I’ve had layers on. (Not as cold as my old job where I had a heater and fingerless gloves like from The Breakfast Club movie.) It’s cold enough that I crank it up to “nursing home hot” when I get home.

Hiding. Hibernation. Isolation. It’s easier to do here when it’s cold. It’s easier to get stuck inside under a cozy blanket and nap away the winter. But that’s not what we are called to do. We are called to connect with others, to support each other and to experience our lives. Remember how I told you that I joined a Connect Group at church? Connection. Why are we so scared of it? I met with two strangers and they didn’t laugh at me or call me nuts. We all have our own version of crazy, so we shouldn’t hide ourselves away just for fear of rejection. I went to a retreat last weekend with 18 other ladies I had never met. Me. An introvert. Guess what? It was great! It was amazing and it was fun. Connection. We all crave it whether we admit it or not. I cried and laughed with 18 strangers and made 18 new friends. I opened up my small circle to let people in. They didn’t run away. They hugged me instead. They cried with me and laughed with me. 

Even though I feel like a momma bear some days, I’m not meant to hibernate. Neither are you. I challenge you to let someone new get to know you. The real you, the authentic you. May your journey of enough include some new paths, new friends and new experiences. Life is short, go live it! 

Peace be with you!

Hibernation…

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It’s opening deer season in MN tomorrow and everyone is excited about getting out and hunting. Except me. I’m excited for my husband & son, but I won’t be sitting in a deer stand myself. I’m more of an “inside girl” in the winter. I try to ski and liked snowshoeing, but I still don’t love winter. Yep, I’m aware of where I live… winter is inevitable. It’s been in the 30’s for several days, and while that makes my son super excited that “ice will be forming on the lakes,” I just want to crawl into my hot coffee & eat all of my Halloween candy. It’s been super cold at work so I’ve had layers on. (Not as cold as my old job where I had a heater and fingerless gloves like from The Breakfast Club movie.) It’s cold enough that I crank it up to “nursing home hot” when I get home.

Hiding. Hibernation. Isolation. It’s easier to do here when it’s cold. It’s easier to get stuck inside under a cozy blanket and nap away the winter. But that’s not what we are called to do. We are called to connect with others, to support each other and to experience our lives. Remember how I told you that I joined a Connect Group at church? Connection. Why are we so scared of it? I met with two strangers and they didn’t laugh at me or call me nuts. We all have our own version of crazy, so we shouldn’t hide ourselves away just for fear of rejection. I went to a retreat last weekend with 18 other ladies I had never met. Me. An introvert. Guess what? It was great! It was amazing and it was fun. Connection. We all crave it whether we admit it or not. I cried and laughed with 18 strangers and made 18 new friends. I opened up my small circle to let people in. They didn’t run away. They hugged me instead. They cried with me and laughed with me. 

Even though I feel like a momma bear some days, I’m not meant to hibernate. Neither are you. I challenge you to let someone new get to know you. The real you, the authentic you. May your journey of enough include some new paths, new friends and new experiences. Life is short, go live it! 

Peace be with you!

Grace …

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“the condition or fact of being favored by someone”

synonyms: favor, approval, approbation, acceptance, esteem, regard, respect; goodwill

Grace. There are at least 5 different meanings when I look it up. I felt it the other night. We were at church for confirmation & the parents go to a small group while the kids are in their own group. It’s led by a lady who is trained in the “Nurtured Heart” approach. Our previous school did lots of things with this. My husband had gone to training in it also. She talked about how we need to give our kids a safe place. We shouldn’t be hard on them or freak out at them. Some parents talked about their kids being perfectionists. I said that I just wanted mine to care more so I didn’t have to hound him to do homework. I sat with my arms crossed, feeling like a failure. I’m sure my body language was obvious.

I yell. I hound. I curse (out loud & in my head… not out loud at church of course). After the parent session was over, I grumbled in my head and met Dallas to go home. In the car, we talked about what our groups were doing. “What are they doing in your group, Mom?” My summary was less than stellar (apologies to the church people who may read this). “We talked about the Nurtured Heart.” He asked what it was. “Well, I’m not supposed to freak out at you, so I’m feeling like a $@&y mom.” His voice sounded surprised. “You’re not a crappy mom, you’re a great mom.” I told him how I felt bad for hounding him to do homework & turn stuff in. He said that it was ok, & he actually appreciates it because sometimes he forgets. 

Grace. 

9th grade in a new, big school is overwhelming. I guess it’s ok for your mom to remind you to turn in your stuff. If I hadn’t talked about this, I would have gone home, playing that crappy Mom scenario over and over in my head. I would have made up a whole story that was negative and self-hating. Instead, I asked and he gave me grace.

Fast forward to parent teacher conferences last night… there were some assignments that still weren’t turned in. While talking with the teachers, they were more than willing to let him turn the work in still. Grace. Because he asked. Because he cared. 

Grace. I’ve seen the word pop up a number of times in the last week. I started writing and then stopped. Put my blog post in “draft” mode and waited. But it appeared again and today, so someone needs to hear about Grace. To me, it means acceptance, forgiveness & love. I need to show it to my son more. I need to show it to myself more. I’m guessing you need it too. We all do. 

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you keep your hearts open to give grace & accept grace along the way. 

Experiment of One Word…

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One word. I was a part of a group/class and one of our assignments was to ask on social media: “describe me in 1 word.” We could not say why or respond with anything other than “thank you.” This felt strange. It felt like I was fishing for compliments and laying my heart out. The most amazing thing happened: I got practice accepting a compliment. Instead of brushing it off or adding a “but…” – all I did was reply thank you. It’s harder to do than you think. How many times does someone compliment you and you add a “thanks, BUT I got it on sale” or some other comment that tends to diminish their compliment? Try it out. If someone compliments you, just say thank you, and smile. Soak up the positive energy & spread it around to someone else. 

Another great thing happened… I now have a whole list of words to describe myself. Instead of the negative comments that sometimes float around in my head, I have a whole list of great words. I heard from people I wouldn’t have expected a comment from. I heard responses I wasn’t anticipating. They all remind me of who I am to others & who I should be to myself. I typed them all out in different fonts and  fun colors and hung it in my room. I haven’t been brave enough to hang it at work yet. One word came up twice and made me teary… Enough. Oh, yes! Enough! What a great reminder. 

Given the recent tragic shooting in Las Vegas, it made me think of this “one word.” It doesn’t cost anything to give people a compliment. It’s free to give people a new word to describe themselves. What if you could make someone’s day? What if you could lift them up when they are down? What if you could make them feel loved? You can. Oh precious soul, you do have the power to make someone else feel enough. Or beautiful… or inspirational… or talented. We don’t know how long we have on this earth. Don’t leave those good words unsaid. I challenge you to tell someone what they mean to you. Give them a new positive word. 

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. I’d love to hear what your one word is.