What’s in your cabinet?

This is the cabinet in our bathroom. We moved into this house almost 4 years ago. It was built in 2006 by the technical college. They didn’t find it necessary to have many cabinets or closets for storage. We moved into this smaller (square footage) house with lots fewer options to put stuff. I found some cabinets at our Habitat for Humanity store in town and those have helped to ease the crowding.

Recently though, I have taken a clutter clearing class. You wouldn’t know it by looking at my living room, but I have taken several classes, read some books and bought some books with the intent to read. The latest class had us start in the bedroom. I went through my closet (again) and my youngest son went through his clothes also. We were able to donate 4 large bags of clothes and sold some of the name brand items locally. He is a typical 14 year old and went through growth spurts, causing a whole bunch of “too small” clothes that were barely worn. Turns out, a friend of mine had a son who was needing some new pants and it worked out perfectly.

Stuff. Clutter. Extras. Why do we hold onto it? The answer is different for everyone. It might be an emotional attachment, but often times there is a story or history tied to the item. I tend to keep a lot of “just in case” stuff. I have a crazy amount of beach towels. I went through a period of time where I bought a bunch of rugs. I have way too many shoes. It’s true that everything in the house takes the mental capacity to remember where it is in case someone may need it. I just released 4 bags of things I no longer need to keep track of. One thing I liked about this class on decluttering was the time limit set. Spend 30 minutes and then move on. She didn’t say to spend a whole day or that you need to throw it all out in 5 hours. 30 minutes. It’s a start. It felt like releasing a weight and made me want to continue.

Anyone else shove stuff in a closet and then forget about it? Stuff, feelings, emotions, goals… it doesn’t have to be just physical. Regardless of what you’re cleaning out of the cupboard, be gentle with yourself in the process. Keep the stuff that sparks joy. Bless and release the rest. January lends itself to being a goal setting, life changing month… and then by February, we beat ourselves up because we didn’t achieve our big goals. 30 minutes to declutter your closet or your thoughts. 30 minutes of mindfulness, 30 minutes of meditation, 30 minutes of journaling, 30 minutes of movement. I’m one to say I don’t have time, yet I will watch TV for 30 minutes. Little shifts can make a difference, but if February comes and your world isn’t magically different, it’s ok. Be gentle with yourself and try again.

I wish you peace on your journey of enough. May you take the 30 minutes to open the cabinet. You may be blessing someone else with the items you release.

Are you ready?

I shared a story yesterday about a mom with a senior and all of the struggles to let go. It hit me hard. It’s something so difficult to prepare for. A friend asked if she would be ready when her kids get to that age. My reply was, “You won’t be ready… but I will be here for you when it happens.”

I understand that not everyone has the same relationships with their kids. Mine isn’t perfect. Nobody’s is. I remember feeling so ready for diapers to be done. I remember being ready for them to crawl, walk and ride bike. I remember being ready for the floor to be free of toys and then LEGOs. People would tell me, “Enjoy it, it goes fast.” I would grin and nod, thinking it wouldn’t end. It literally feels like yesterday when they rode bikes around the neighborhood with water guns. I can still hear the little kid giggles and belly laughs.

I wasn’t ready to let go of their little hands. I wasn’t ready to no longer have cheers when I come home from work. I wasn’t ready for him to drive (ok, maybe a little). I wasn’t ready for the first time he lied and it hurt my heart. I wasn’t ready for his first heartbreak. I wasn’t ready for the harsh words from bullies. I wasn’t ready to NOT be able to fix or help or mend. I wasn’t ready for the last trick-or-treating. I wasn’t ready for the last Christmas he helped decorate the tree.

I’m not ready for graduation. I’m not ready for his room to be empty. I’m not ready for his bathroom to be clean. I’m not ready for dad’s fishing buddy to be gone. I’m not ready to share his time with a girlfriend. I’m not ready for less communication. I’m not ready to be second.

I AM ready to see him do what he loves. I’m ready for him to spread his wings. I’m ready to hear about his new adventures. I’m ready to see what kind of man he will become. I’m ready for him to be independent (kind of). I’m ready to cheer him on when he succeeds and listen when he stumbles. I’m ready to send some cookies that remind him of home.

Will he change his mind a few more times? Probably. That’s ok. This is such an amazing time- to get to decide what you want to do, find your love, explore the world. It’s so much more accepted to do this at 18 instead of 47 (although it shouldn’t matter). Are you ready? I’m not. But I’m forever thankful to get to be a mom, his mom.

Hang on, moms of seniors, the next 5-6 months are going to fly. I wish you peace on your journey of enough. I may not be ready, but he is, and that gives me peace.

Discouraging words?

“Home, home on the range
Where the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day”

After a modified Christmas, we ventured towards Billings, MT. We planned a tour of the college over the break. We saw lots of deer and antelope playing on the way. There were a few discouraging words from the back seat (ha ha). A tour of the town and driving through campus in person is much different from what you can see on a web site. It’s difficult to get a true picture of size, cleanliness, safety and over all feel of the college (and town) from the pretty pictures on the web site.

As long as we are this far west, what else should we see? This sparked a conversation that led to a last minute trip 2 hours west to Bozeman and a campus tour. The town is beautiful, the campus was larger and he really seemed to like the area.

Do you remember deciding what you wanted to do after high school? I do. I changed my mind and my major several times. I changed colleges twice. I heard several discouraging words. My high school guidance counselor said I should not go to a technical school for radiology tech because my grades were too high. I was told I couldn’t be a physical therapist because I got a B my freshman year. I thought of becoming a counselor until I was a resident assistant in the dorms. I ended up with a Mass Communication degree but scheduling and planning manufacturing production lines.

It’s a balance between finding what you love to do and being open to other options. Allowing your kids to be able to spread their wings is one of the most wonderful and frightening moments all at the same time. As we toured the campus, they had a statue of a bobcat named “Spirit.” Surrounded by snow capped mountains, it seemed so peaceful. And, as “cheesy” as it sounds, I knew the spirit would always be with him. I hope he listens to the nudges from spirit as he navigates adulthood. I’ll try to limit my discouraging words.

I wish you peace on your journey of enough. May you seldom have discouraging words as we head into 2021.

What if?

Butterscotch posing for a picture with her new scarf

So you’re probably sick of me writing about being in a “funk”… but honestly, am I the only one? Probably not. What do you do when you’re in a bad mood or just out of sorts? I am not great at remembering, but being outside AND smiling really help me. So today, at lunch, I went out to visit with my ladies and tried some scarves on them. They weren’t big fans. Only two had them on, and honestly not for that long. But I gave them treats & told them they were good chickens.

Sometimes we need to look within. What if we just loved ourselves? What if we stopped the internal chatter that is so mean, we would never say it to another human? (Although I think some people on social media really would say this) What if we looked in the mirror and said, “I love your curly hair,” or “Your eyes are beautiful.”? What if…

  • What if we appreciated the laugh lines because it means we laughed a lot?
  • What if we appreciated our grey hair because it means we got to spend a bunch of years on earth?
  • What if we were thankful for the toothpaste in the sink & the inside out socks on the floor because it means we aren’t alone?
  • What if we were thankful for smelly teen clothes because we knew we won’t always have them around?
  • What if we paused and took a deep breath because it reminds us to be present & thankful for life?
  • What if we were thankful for for rain because it brings rainbows and nourishes the soil?
  • What if we looked people in the eye when we checked out at the store because it would let them feel “seen?”
  • What if we stopped expecting pastors & teachers to be perfect and realized they are normal people like us?
  • What if we stopped waiting for “someday” because we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow?

I’m just as guilty of these as anyone else. I’m too hard on myself, too shy to look people in the eyes and too self absorbed to notice things around me. None of us are perfect. We aren’t meant to be.

Many of our kids are distant learning or partially distant. Many of them are struggling, missing their friends and the stability that school brings to their life. Many of our teachers are working in person and remotely or having students with a combination of the two (while trying to care for their own family.) Many of our health care workers are stretched thin, worn out and tired. Many of our small businesses are struggling to get by. There is a lot of crud & struggles & mess, but I don’t believe we are doomed.

What if we found the thing that makes us smile, and did that? What if we showed love to ourselves so we can fully love others? Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup… it is especially important to remember that around the holidays. I wish you peace on your journey of enough. May you have some “chickens in scarves” moments to brighten your day. Hang in there!

So close…

Ever feel like this pool ball? So close… just on the edge, but not quite there? Sometimes are aren’t ready yet. Sometimes we don’t feel safe. Sometimes we need support in order to make that last push forward. Just a small tap to get to your goal. New year’s is just around the corner and I’m not ready for more goal setting.

Somehow, it’s already December. Calling it a strange year is a monumental understatement. I’ve run through a variety of emotions, sometimes all on the same day. I have been the highest weight ever and have shed 20 lbs. I frequently have no idea what day it is, and I really want a vacation. I sent out some Christmas cards, but I haven’t done much baking. I put my tree up much earlier than normal. I grew to love yoga pants. We had a successful farmers market, despite a late start and obvious challenges. We planted earlier than we have in many years. We got rid of our roosters, but our hens are doing well. I was able to go to Texas in February and the rest of the year’s trips were canceled, postponed or modified. I sewed hundreds of masks. I baked more pies than ever before. I have a senior in high school and an 8th grader. We are managing through distant learning, then hybrid, then distant learning all while working from home (and then not, and then home again.) Oh and figure out what the senior will do after school. We’ve seen people come together and people more divided.

Did that seem random? Yep, that’s how the year has been. Celebrated 5 years cancer free, but learned of my dad’s cancer diagnosis and diagnosis of a friend of mine. Celebrated 25 years of marriage but couldn’t really celebrate. Some days I tried to work on personal growth and other days I was just trying to get by. Even though it’s early December, I feel like the New Year’s resolution time will be here before we know it… or maybe it will seem to take forever.

I frequently feel like the pool ball… On the edge of “ok” or not ok. Anyone else? I think we will all remember 2020. Nothing is normal and so much has changed. I still have a lot to be thankful for. I try to focus on those things when it feels like I’m walking uphill in quicksand.

I wish you peace on your journey of enough. Just keep in mind… someone else may be having a “pool ball” kind of day. Show them some grace- you don’t know what they are going through. If you are having a pool ball kind of day yourself, hang in there. You have a purpose & you are loved.

Thankful Tuesday?

What age is it when you can’t remember how old you are, so you have to do math to figure it out? …But your random math skills stink even though you do math every day? Not sure, but it’s been happening for a while. Tell me I’m not the only one who has to do math to figure out their age? Like only on the significant years (21,30,40) do I know how old I am for a whole year. Ha ha, maybe it is just me.

My birthday usually falls around Thanksgiving. Since that isn’t the same day each year, it varies. Having a Black Friday birthday was fun when we could stay up all night and go shopping. I’ve baked Christmas cookies for my birthday, driven to our favorite restaurant, had Thanksgiving meals or spent the day shopping. This year will be different, so I’m going to see if I can come up with 47 things I’m thankful for. These are not really in order of importance. I’m just glad I could come up with this many.

  1. My husband. 25 years of marriage – we’ve had our ups and downs but he’s stayed with me and still tries to make me laugh.
  2. My boys. Forever thankful I got to be their mom. Even though some days I struggle, I think they know I love them.
  3. My sisters. I’m thankful to have them as my friends. They are both strong, faith centered, family loving women. They are amazing examples to me in more ways than they will ever know.
  4. My nieces and nephews. Blessed with some of the best. I’m thankful to get to see many of them & treasure the time we have together.
  5. My friends. I’m a bit reserved, so it takes a while for me to open up, but if I talk your ear off, you’re in my circle. My true friends “get” me & don’t try to change me or force me to fit in.
  6. My cat. Toothless has been a wonderful addition to our family, even if my hubby isn’t a fan. I love the kitty cuddles. He is one of the softest black cats.
  7. The chickens. These 6 ladies make me smile so big. They each have their own personalities and make me laugh. I love their different sounds, and the way they run to me when they think I have treats!
  8. My cancer journey. I’m not thankful for cancer in general because it sucks and it takes lives and loved ones. I’m thankful for the lessons I learned and for my ability to help others.
  9. My job. It puts food on the table and a roof over our head. It’s not glamorous and most of my family has no idea what I do, but I’m thankful for it.
  10. Our land. Not just the house, but our land. The land that grows the crops that feed us and our community. The beautiful trees and the land that houses the chickens and my son’s fort.
  11. I’m thankful to live near the river. Floating down the river with friends in the summer is one of the most relaxing experiences. I love to walk down to the dam and listen to the water and watch the fish.
  12. Faith. My faith has gotten me through some tough times. It has also evolved over the years.
  13. Love of travel. Most years, we’ve been able to take a trip or go camping. We sure missed it this year.
  14. Music. I listen to the same station when I’m driving & it’s uplifting/positive. I’ve been enjoying Christmas music at home though.
  15. Planning skills. Aside from being my job, it also helps with #11. Not all my trips have budgets and spreadsheets, but it has happened.
  16. Writing. I’m glad my cancer journey led me to writing. It’s something therapeutic for me and I’m in awe when people share it because it resonates with them.
  17. Art. I’ve always loved art. I like to paint and draw. I don’t let myself do it enough, although I have more paintings than I have room to hang them.
  18. Sewing. I learned to sew through 4-h. When I was in college, I had a work-study job at the costume shop. I kind of faked my way through sewing costumes for plays. Now I like to sew baby blankets, masks & the burp cloths like my grandma used to make.
  19. Pictures. I take a lot of pictures. I go in spurts with getting them printed or put into books. I don’t remember everything, so I like to have a picture to remind me. It’s fun to look back on our adventures.
  20. Empath. I consider myself empathic. I can sense people’s energy and often take on their feelings. I’ve learned more about holding space for someone else instead of being a sponge and absorbing it.
  21. Yoga. I’m thankful I learned yoga. I miss it. It’s peaceful and relaxing. It’s a way to connect to the earth and move my body.
  22. Laughter. The kind of belly laugh that makes your eyes tear up so you can hardly see. I was laughing so hard recently, I almost had to pull my car over. It was great.
  23. Senses. Something we often take for granted, but I’m thankful I have all of mine.
  24. Meditation & prayer. It is a great way to be present & connect with a higher power.
  25. Journaling. Sometimes I just need to write down all the stuff that’s in my head so it stops spinning around up there.
  26. I’m thankful for anyone who had read this far!
  27. Campfires. I love sitting by the fire… Especially on a crisp night, with a hoodie or a fuzzy blanket. I love the smell, the sound, the sight of it. Maybe because it awakens so many senses. (Not touch though LOL)
  28. Lakes. Being by water is relaxing to me. I like to be on the boat or go fishing with my family.
  29. Stories. I’m thankful for the stories my boys tell me about their day. I miss reading stories to them as little kids. I’ll settle for fishing or Minecraft stories now.
  30. Half marathons. I’m thankful I did them. I didn’t set any records or have a fast time, but I finished. I showed myself that I could move forward for 13.1 miles. Maybe I’ll do another… someday.
  31. Fall leaves. I love going for a walk in the fall, when the leaves crunch beneath your feet. I love the smell of them, the sound, and the sight.
  32. Crisp white snow. I’m not a big fan of winter, but when the ground is all white and the snow glistens in the sun, it is pretty.
  33. Skiing. Speaking of snow, I like to downhill ski. Our friends taught us how and I like it. I’m still a novice but I have a good time.
  34. Camping. I know I mentioned travel, but I think camping is it’s own thing. There is something special about cooking over the fire, making letter shaped pancakes and sleeping in a tent or small cabin. Some of my best memories with my boys have been camping.
  35. Big extended family. My parents came from large families. I’m thankful to have a big support network. I miss my grandparents.
  36. Curly hair. Maybe a strange one, but I have very curly hair. It’s naturally curly and I let it be. It doesn’t take me long to get ready in the morning.
  37. My unique name. There aren’t too many Mavis names around, so it makes me feel unique. Add in a last name that few can pronounce, and I’m even more unique.
  38. Coffee. But not for the typical reasons… I don’t NEED it to get my day started. I like it though. I like the warmth, the smell and the taste.
  39. Retreats. I’ve gone on a few retreats with other ladies, and it’s been amazing. I’ve met people I would never have met before. They’ve opened my heart and widened my circle.
  40. Time. I’m thankful to have had (almost) 47 years here. We never know when our time is up, and I’m thankful to still be here.
  41. Pennies from heaven. My grandparents & aunt send pennies or dimes (10 kids). My mother-in-law sends quarters. Little reminders that our loved ones are still with us just warms my heart.
  42. Movies. We watch a lot of movies as a family. I enjoy the time together & we are often quoting lines from movies.
  43. Flowers. I love fresh flowers. I often pick some up to have at my desk (pre-Covid). They are so beautiful and make me smile.
  44. Blankets. Maybe because it’s cold outside now, but I love being curled up in a cozy blanket.
  45. Care packages. I love sending them. I love to put together a surprise for someone to lift their spirits or even make their day.
  46. Fireflies in the summer. I love to watch them in the summer, especially on a clear, starry night.
  47. Last, but not least, my parents. (Hopefully they read this far!) I wouldn’t be here without them. I wouldn’t have a giving heart, a sense of faith or a love of family without them. I’m grateful to be their daughter. My dad just celebrated his 80th birthday. I’m thankful for that also.

Wow. 47. I wasn’t sure I could get that far, but I could probably keep going. It’s easy to think of a few things, but to get to 47 takes some extra thought. Whatever your Thanksgiving looks like this year, remember all that you are thankful for. Focus on those things. I wish you peace on your journey of enough. May your thankful list be long, and your heart & belly full.

Ho Ho, oh no!

Thanksgiving is next week. Normally, I wait until after Thanksgiving to put up the Christmas tree. Not this year. Not 2020. Something that brings joy and doesn’t hurt anyone else? Go for it. Handmade ornaments, sentimental gifts and mementos from trips we’ve taken adorn our tree. There isn’t a theme or fancy ribbons, but every ornament has meaning. There isn’t room for a tree upstairs, so you can’t see it from our window. Instead, it’s in the basement family room, and to me – that’s perfect. Watching movies with the twinkling glow of the tree is one of my favorite things.

This year, our cat joined us in the festivities. While the Christmas music was playing in the background, the cat attacked a few ornaments. In order to distract him, our son got a fuzzy cat toy. In the picture above, his claw is stuck to a fuzzy toy on a string. He has a guilty look on his face. Silly, but funny to me.

We could all use some silly. We could all use some extra joy. It’s been a stressful 8 months. Tensions run high, people are frustrated and there is a lot of anger. Way too much anger. Even though your Thanksgiving or Christmas might look different than you planned, try to find some JOY. Put your tree up early, bake your favorite treat, take a drive, go for a walk, sing to the radio, dance in the kitchen, savor a cup of coffee, read a book, spend time with your pets.. so many options. Just think – if we all did one thing a day to bring joy, what a difference it would make.

So this year, instead of “Ho Ho, oh no,” say “yes” to joy. I’d love to hear your ideas on what you can do to bring joy. Many of us aren’t traveling, but we can get creative. Video call, write a letter, send a surprise in the mail to someone, leave a treat for your mail carrier or delivery person. There are still ways to connect, even if it’s different than before.

I wish you peace on your journey of enough… and enough joy to make you giggle… or at least crack a smile.

Support…

Sometimes we try to hold on so tight… we forget to ask for support.

What does support mean to you? My mentor asked a group of us “what does support look like for you?” Do you need just to talk it out? Do you need someone to sit quietly with you? Do you need some space alone? Do you need to write it out? Do you need someone to give you a hug or hold your hand? There is no wrong answer.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in making sure other people are ok, that we don’t express what we need for ourselves. What support do WE need? It’s not selfish to think about it. It’s helpful to those around you if they know how they can support you. It can be a different answer, depending on the person. For me, it was a difficult question to answer. I hadn’t given it much thought. I mean, aren’t I just supposed to help and support other people? (The answer is “no”.)

I’ve written about it before, but it’s always good to have a reminder- reach out. If you are in need of support, ask specifically, let people help, and don’t feel bad for asking. Recently, I reached out to a few friends. I was not ok that day. I didn’t need to be fixed or helped and I couldn’t be hugged by them. I just needed to feel supported. I have friends and family and friends of family going through cancer during Covid. What a scary time… so many changes, so much more isolation. They still need support, it just looks different than before. Instead of visits in person, maybe we can support with Zoom calls, care packages or cards and letters. As always, you can pray for them. You can do this at any time and any place. It costs $0, and when multiplied can create miracles.

Support means something different to each person, and it’s different depending on the person supporting you. My friend supports me by letting me vent a either via text or phone call. My guys support me by giving me a hug. My sisters will pray for me. I have friends who will send me positive thoughts (& really mean it, not empty “thoughts & prayers.”) If any of them asked for similar support, I would NOT think they were bothering me or being needy. I would be happy to support them- and they do the same for me.

I wish you peace on your journey of enough. We could all use a little support right now. Think about what that means to you, and let your loved ones know. You are enough!

When the elephant in the room sits on you…

“Horton Hears a Who” is a cute book & good movie. This lovable large elephant is what comes to mind when I think about anxiety. I’ve talked before about “the elephant in the room” being cancer… It makes people uncomfortable to talk about it. Anxiety is another elephant. This one can make it feel like the elephant is sitting on your chest. The pressure on your chest or throat can seem very real. It almost makes it hard to move. Sometimes the elephant’s trunk wraps around your throat while he’s sitting on you. It’s hard to be mad at such a cute elephant. I mean, look at that smile! 

Have you ever felt this way? If not, then please be thankful for that. It’s a crummy feeling. I switch between wanting to cry, scream or run away. Anxiety & depression aren’t talked about much, but they are getting more attention. For years, I thought it must be my fault. I should be able to just snap out of it. I would take medication and then think I was fine, so I could go off. Then I’d have anxiety attacks and realize I need some help keeping that harmony. My “tool box” (to keep my elephant in another room) is filled with support, medication, meditation, and grounding in nature.

Many people are feeling the weight of the elephant right now. If it’s not you, there is likely someone in your circle with an elephant they won’t talk about. Sit with them (even virtually)… hold space for them. I didn’t know what that phrase meant a few years ago. To me, “holding space” means to be there for someone without judgement… just to hold the space for them to process, and not try to fix it. When I reach out to my circle, letting them know I’m having a tough day, I’m acknowledging my feelings. It’s not a weakness and I don’t need to be fixed. I just need support that day.

Many of us are trying to hold it all together. Be kind, choose love and don’t assume you know someone else’s story. I wish you peace on your journey of enough. It’s a cute movie, but none of us want Horton on our chest!

It needs to be said…

Monday, my husband told me something that I didn’t know I needed to hear. We were talking about the upcoming 2 days off of school. We try to go somewhere during this time each October. But 2020 has been different. We like to travel and explore but this year, we’ve gone very few places since March. One year, we went to Colorado and rode ATVs in the mountains. Another trip was to St. Louis (cheap flights!). Yet another was to Nashville. We are finding out that the trips we took when they were really small are ones they don’t remember. Feeling like I don’t have control of how we can spend our time, I was at a loss for what to do. Having a senior, I know our family trips are going to be dwindling.

Then he said it. The 4 words I didn’t know I needed to hear…”You’re a good mom.”

It took a while to sink in, but it made me kind of emotional. We assume people know how we feel, but sometimes it needs to be said. More important to me than any professional title, job grade or so-called success … I just want to be a good mom. Many of us do. Now let me be clear, I’m not writing this to have a bunch of other people tell me I’m a good mom. I’m writing to tell you that maybe the moms in your life need to hear it. Tell your wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister and especially your mom that she’s a good mom. She needs to hear it. And if she dismisses your statement, say it again (Good Will Hunting style). “You’re a good mom.”

I have a great mom. What makes her great? 1,000 things. My sisters are great moms too. They’ve been great examples. But we have a fault. We put others first way too often. We still haven’t learned that we can’t pour from an empty cup. We try to do it all. Everyone else comes first. Somehow that makes it better? Nope. Taking time for ourselves makes us feel guilty. Self-care seems like a luxury instead of a necessity. I’m in an online class about self care. She asked us to start our day with something just for us. I was at a loss for what to do. That’s probably not a good sign. Baby steps… I’m trying.

If she has kids at home, she’s probably trying to juggle it all. She’s a good mom. If her kids are grown, she’s probably adjusting to her empty nest. She’s a good mom. If her kids are adults and she’s a grandma now or even great grandma, she wishes she could hear from you more. She’s a good mom. Just tell her while you can. You will probably make her day, but have some Kleenex near by.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Go tell a mom what she means to you (unless she’s having coffee, then give her 5 minutes.) Feel free time share the post. You might inspire someone to make a mom’s day.