Tag: #journey

Sticks & stones…

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“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Whoever came up with this saying must not have been a teenager at any point in their life and certainly didn’t raise one. I still remember names I was called and rumors that were spread about me as a teen. It’s an age where you are trying to find out who you are, and when people put negatives into your head, you start to believe them. I am a different person than I was in high school, but why can’t I shake those labels? Why don’t I have excellent advice to give my sons?

My 17 year old son also has labels put on him and rumors spread. With social media, peers are able to message ladies to “warn her” about him and fill her with lies before he even gets to know her. They stalk where you are, who you’ve added to Snapchat or Instagram, and bad mouth anything you post. I know the pain of feeling alone and yet I don’t have the words to comfort him.

My 13 year old gets called “gay” and “pimp” because he wears suit coats to school. While I would love him regardless of if he’s gay or straight, I’m quite certain he isn’t a pimp (since he didn’t know what it even meant). Kids in his church group even pick on him and he has stuff thrown at him at school. I don’t know how to explain these things to a kid who got a kindness award and gets A’s.

It’s not a journey I wanted my kids to take. It’s not a lesson I wanted them to learn. It’s not something I was prepared to re-live. I can’t “mama bear” protect them and yell at these kids. I can’t fight their battles for them. And now we’ve changed to “distance learning,” where their online presence is all that is seen. Does this make it better or worse? Plenty of adults have hurtful things to say online too. Would they say them in person? To your face? Not sure. It’s honestly one of the things that has delayed my book writing… fear of rejection, of being seen, of putting my heart out there and being told it wasn’t good enough.

While other moms are using this time to create cute time capsules, or learn something new, or make lasting memories, I’m just getting by. We are watching movies at night and all working on computers during the day. We have home cooked meals and sack lunches from school. I’m not going to lose 50 lbs or get my book written during this time. I cleaned out my refrigerator door over the weekend and I was pretty proud of myself. My house isn’t spotless (partially because I know nobody is coming over). But hopefully, through all of this, my kids will know they are loved.

When I was looking to take a picture of actual “sticks and stones,” I ended up placing them in the shape of a cross. I didn’t realize it at first. This seems fitting since last Sunday was Palm Sunday and this Sunday is Easter. Jesus dealt with sticks and stones, palm branches and praises, thorns and nails. He sees our hurting hearts, and just like my momma bear instincts, he wants to make it better. Sometimes we have to go through the difficult stuff to come out stronger on the other side.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Stay home if you can, wash your hands, stay 6 feet away, don’t touch your face, and be a kind human. Don’t judge the person at the grocery store or the person online- “keep your eyes on your own paper.” We are all in uncharted territory, and you are enough!

Put your right foot out…

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I’m not talking about the hokey pokey, but that’s a good guess. I (almost) always sleep with my right foot out of the covers when I’m sleeping. It could be winter or summer, at a hotel or at home… but it’s just the right foot. It’s one of those things you don’t think about. You might also assume everyone does it. My husband does not. My oldest son does. So this made me wonder… is it hereditary? I know my grandma Lil did the same thing. We aren’t unique. If you Google it, there are a bunch of articles about how this helps regulate your body temperature. Maybe the reason my hubby doesn’t do this is because his body temp is always below 98.6. I’m not sure.

I’m fascinated by the different traits we inherit. I can only wink my right eye but I can raise my left eyebrow. Watch someone try to do the opposite, it’s funny. I can roll my tongue like a tube, but someone who can’t will just stick their tongue out. It’s not something you can learn (to the best of my knowledge). Have you been around family members who have the same laugh or mannerisms? When you get extended family together, that can get pretty interesting. My boys got my left eye dominance, blue eye color and my teeth. Few people say they look like me.

Aside from genetics, there are other things I hope to pass on to my kids. I hope they continue to love animals. I hope they believe in a higher power. I hope they hold the door open and remember their manners. I hope they treat people with kindness and look for ways to help. They both have my husband’s sense of humor and love of movies. They have his work ethic, even though he doesn’t always see it. They love to be outside and experience nature. As we are getting closer to having a high school senior, giving them life skills is increasingly important. Can you do your own laundry? Can you mow the lawn, fix a meal, grocery shop and build something on your own?

Giving them life skills will help them put their best foot forward, but it means giving up control. It means you might end up eating a homemade nacho pizza experiment or having to explain rewashing clothes if you forgot to dry them. It means they will have to learn the lessons of asking for help and independence at the same time.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough… and sweet dreams.

In the face of tragedy…

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Our downtown area had a fire last week. Before 5 am on Tuesday, a lady in the apartments above the businesses smelled smoke and called 911. The historic building quickly became engulfed in flames. The streets were closed off and smoke could be seen for miles. Firefighters from Alexandria and surrounding towns worked for hours to get the fire out. In order to stop the spread of flames, they had to knock down part of the building. Years of history, thousands of dollars of inventory, life investments, small businesses, apartments… gone. Everyone was evacuated safely.

In the face of tragedy, our town (and neighboring towns) came together. Alexandria, MN has a population of 13,592 people. We are a lake/vacation town. Our population triples in the summer, but in February, it’s still just “the locals.” With small businesses struggling to survive, the loss to our downtown was difficult to see. The day they were fighting the fires, local businesses brought food, water, coffee etc to the firefighters and other workers. People shared videos of the fire. People prayed for safety and for the fire to be extinguished. The displaced apartment residents went to the Red Cross to get help. Fundraising started for businesses and residents. People lost their homes, their businesses, their jobs, their livelihood. Yet, in the face of tragedy, we came together. The local mall offered rent discounts to the businesses, a fund was started to help people impacted, people donated pet supplies to those with displaced pets, food and clothing drives were started… the list goes on.

Sure, you can still find naysayers and people who complain or say something wasn’t good enough or a donation wasn’t enough, but I choose to look for the good. Rose colored glasses? Maybe. But I also believe that if you focus your energy on the negative, that’s what you’ll find. These weren’t just buildings. It was more than that. When I stopped at the local bakery to get some banana cream pie treats, I had to take a picture of the building across the street. The apartment above with the curtain hanging and the rest was ripped away… the antique shop that was a loss, the tattoo parlor, now gone…

It must be overwhelming for the businesses, the tenants and all those impacted. In times like this, I remember Mr. Rogers saying, “Look for the helpers.” There were so many helpers that day and there will continue to be helpers until the rebuilding is done. It certainly makes us aware of our small businesses. I know Amazon is easy, and I use it also… but I also shop downtown. It means so much more to the person who lives and works here than it does to a big company.

I wish you peace on your journey of enough. May you come together in the face of tragedy. Many small acts of kindness can make a big impact.

Take it off cruise…

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How many of you use cruise control in your vehicle while driving? I use it on the interstate when I’m going lots of miles without stopping (unless it’s icy). How many things in our life feel like cruise control? We just set it and forget it? Recently, I got a health reminder in my medical app to have a Pap smear. Normally, I’d be glad for the reminder and I’d call to get an appointment. My medical team was on cruise control, because I don’t need a Pap smear. I no longer have the parts for it. I had a radical/total hysterectomy almost 5 years ago. I chuckled to myself and sent them a note asking to remove the reminder.

How often do we go through our days on cruise? We go through the motions, assuming we have plenty of time. Then, a sudden jolt disrupts our routine and we feel lost. It may be a job change, an illness, a death, an accident. We come out of our hypnotic state, like when you’ve been driving on the interstate for a while and suddenly realize you missed your exit. A family from my sister’s town lost their adult son in a farming accident last week. He was a newlywed and sounded like a great guy with a zest for life. This is not the detour his new bride or his family and friends wanted. There are so many why‘s that we will never have an answer to, until we meet on the other side. There are no words to ease their sorrow, and our tears cannot bring him back.

Maybe in honor of him & those no longer with us, we take it off cruise on purpose… take a detour, try a new road, stop and look around, pretend you’re a visitor in your own town & see all things you missed as you were cruising by. Pick up some flowers to share with someone or use them to brighten your own space. Be silly, spread joy, share some kindness. It doesn’t take much effort to find the bad/negative news. I challenge you to look for the good stories. Find something to be grateful for. Share that with others.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Take it off cruise this week on purpose. Maybe you’ll discover something new.

Wait, we are NOT related?

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(photo of me & my actual sisters in Waco)

I grew up in a small town in ND. The population was around 500 people at the time. We lived in a 1911 era farm house on the edge of town. Town was on one side of the gravel road and we were on the other. We had a hobby farm with a few cattle and some sheep. My parents’ friends lived less than a block away. My mom’s best friend was Lois. She was the one who helped fix my hair when my mom was out of town. They stuck by my parents through some rough times. She was the first example of a “sister friend.” Even though my mom has many sisters, they didn’t live in the same town. Lois has been my mom’s Gayle. Oprah said “everyone needs a Gayle. Someone they can call up anytime. Someone to listen, not judge and be honest with.”

When my husband and I got our first house, we ended up living pretty close to them again. Our kids grew up hearing us talk about what they were up to and visiting just like relatives do. Recently, my oldest son and I were talking and somehow mentioned Lois. He said, “Wait, we are NOT related? I always thought we were.” I’m not sure what relation he thought we were, but he knew that we were close. I said, “It is kind of like you guys growing up with our Jessie and her kids. You spend more time together than many cousins and get along better than siblings.” It made sense to him then. I didn’t tell him Jessie is my Gayle because he’s not a fan of Oprah and he wouldn’t know what I’m talking about.

To be a “sister friend” is an honor. You get to love someone like your sister. If she already has a sister, you are not taking her place… you’re filling in, being there physically, enhancing each other’s life. I know that if I called up my sister friend, she would first off know something is wrong because I’d rather text… but she would listen and be there. When we lived closer, we’d go for walks. Literally miles would be walked – more or less, depending on the events of the day and the status of the kids. We still keep in contact, almost daily. We both miss our in person walks, but we will settle for the texts and the time we do spend together because we get each other, just like sisters.

This week, I am lucky enough to be traveling with my sisters to Texas. We stayed with my niece and her husband, met up with our aunt, uncle and cousin. We’ve laughed and eaten, walked and driven, laughed and eaten some more. We’ve crossed things off our bucket list and tried new things. We’ve had fun shopping and enjoying the 75 degree weather (it’s 112 degrees warmer than MN was last week!) Our time together is short, but we are thankful to be together. Whether you have a sister or a sister friend, take time to cherish them. Include them in your life, let them know how much they mean to you. Even if life takes you in different directions, you can always make time for each other. I’m 150 miles from one sister and almost 2,000 from the other, but they are in my heart every day.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. And if you’re in Waco, stop for the cupcakes at Magnolia bakery. They are amazing!

What’s your super power?

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Last week, I wore a T-shirt that says #writer. It’s chilly in MN (it was -1 that day), so I wore my buffalo plaid shirt over the top of it. I realized I was self conscious and almost changed shirts. “What if someone says something?” I kind of felt like Clark Kent. Writing, for me, is a bit of a Superman type secret. Not everyone in my normal life knows that I write a blog each week. I’m not sure all of my relatives know either… or maybe they just chose not to read it. Some days I think it would be great to have a large following and other days I struggle to feel worthy enough to be an inspiration.

WordPress does a neat job of showing how many people read your blog. It also shows where they are from. One day, I had a bunch of readers from Ukraine and I was a little worried that I was being flagged or something. That lasted one day, so I figured they realized I was kind of boring and not any type of threat or spy. I’ve had people from all over the world read my words. It’s kind of cool, if you think about it. Without the internet (and my phone), I couldn’t reach this many people. I am going to be writing a book. It’s something that I’ve been thinking about for a while. I’ve had people tell me I have to write but they didn’t say what it should be. I’ve leaped forward into classes and then I’ve slunk back into my cave, wondering what my topic should be and if anyone other than my 24 followers would read it.

Superpowers. While writing isn’t really a super power, it’s something I do that isn’t known to everyone. Maybe my writing makes someone feel like they’re not alone or that they are enough. Do you have a secret talent? A super power of sorts? Something you love to do but you aren’t sure if you should share it with the world? What if you shared it? What would happen? Everyone is good at something or has something they love to do. Most of the time, if it’s something you love to do, you’re probably pretty good at it. Part of what makes it good is the joy that it brings to you. Each time I write, I feel like I am giving something of myself. When someone reads & comments and even shares my words, that brings me joy. I also love to bake. It is like therapy for me and I love that it brings joy to others. I enjoy sewing and gardening and tending to my chickens.

Whatever your super power, I hope you will feel it’s good enough to share with others. Start out small if you need to. Remember that you don’t need validation from others though- if you love doing it and it brings you joy, then it’s already enough. Peace be with you on your journey of enough.

Find one thing …

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This is my cat in his “cat cave.” I’m jealous… I wish they made them for humans. Ever feel like you’re at the tipping point? Just on the edge of ok and not ok? Yeah. Me too. Some things seem silly and still drive me nuts. There is a road sign by a beach area – it’s a yellow sign suggesting to slow down. It’s winter in Minnesota. Nobody is at the beach. It’s not even plowed out as an ice fishing access. Every day I drive by it twice, and most days someone slows down for the beach area. I let it bother me. I know it shouldn’t but it does, so that frustrates me. When I know how to respond or how to act, but I don’t do it, I get frustrated with myself. I feel like a pouting kid needing a “time out.”

I’ve taken a lot of classes, read books and gone to retreats to help me be more self aware. I am much more aware of what things trigger me and how to respond. It doesn’t mean that I respond appropriately on a regular basis. I know I feel more relaxed when I meditate. I know I feel more clear when I am outside. I know I feel more grounded when I go for a walk. I know my mind feels less cluttered when I journal. Some days I feel like I have a tool box full of options and it is sitting on a shelf, just out of reach. That’s when I am jealous of my cat and want to crawl into a cave.

We had the cloudiest January in Minnesota this year. When the sun doesn’t shine for days on end and it’s cold & snowy outside, it can impact people’s moods. It does for me. I’ve been frustrated with others, frustrated with myself and just out of sorts. I think it’s a reminder to me that we are all human. Even when we know what to do, sometimes we struggle to follow through. Some days it feels easier to be like my cat and hide away.

This week, I challenged myself to find one good thing about the day. Even when things go wrong, I am going to find at least one positive. I know that focusing on the crappy stuff brings in more crappy stuff. The things that frustrate me in others are often a mirror to what frustrates me about myself. I can’t even fix it with a Snickers because I’m trying to eat healthier. So instead of candy or saying something I’ll regret, I’ll try gratitude. I’ll try focusing on something good. Will I be 100% positive? Probably not. But it’s enough because it’s a start. We all have to start somewhere and each day is a new day.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Give yourself some grace, but challenge yourself to find at least one good thing about your day. You’re worth it!

The “me” before you…

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A few weekends ago, I had the chance to spend a couple of hours in the car with our oldest son. He’s almost 17. As we talked about different jobs my husband had before he was a stay-at-home-dad, I realized there is a lot he doesn’t know about either of us. We kind of assume that he knows what we were like before he arrived, but how could he? He didn’t realize it was 7 years after we were married before we had him. He didn’t know what activities I was involved with in high school. He thought it was strange that I was in everything except a major sport. He didn’t know much about his dad being born overseas or living in Idaho. He doesn’t know much about my trip to Israel when I was in high school.

There was a whole different “me” before my kids arrived. Some stories are ones I’m not proud to share, but they did shape me into who I am today. Even the boys’ younger years are ones they don’t remember, so they need to be told what happened. When we moved here, there was a whole different “me” in ND than I am here. Sure, basic parts are the same, but many people don’t know my story. My coworkers had experiences before I arrived that I’m not aware of also.

It was a good reminder – we often assume people know our whole story, even though they are just walking in on a chapter. The people who walk in on a chapter often fill in the pages with assumptions. That’s what we do in the store when we assume someone’s story based on their looks. It’s what we do when we assume the naughty kids just lack discipline instead of knowing their home life story. I’ve written before about assuming. However, without knowing the whole story, that’s what we naturally do. When my kids just say their day was “good”… I don’t know the whole story, so I assume based on how they act or what other things they say.

As we approach the holiday season, I encourage you to get to know someone’s story. Find out some of their “me before you”… or share some of your story with someone else. Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Check back with me next week when I share my birthday “acts of kindness” list. Hopefully it will inspire someone to do even one thing from the list.

Did you open all of the gifts?

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We went to the movie Jumanji 2 after Christmas. It was light-hearted and I laughed quite a bit. Danny Devito is in the movie as a crabby grandpa. He tells his grandson (& anyone else) “Growing old sucks.” He just had hip surgery and is having a difficult time getting around. At the end of the movie, after their adventures, he says to the grandson, “You know, growing old…” the grandson interrupts, “sucks.” “Nope, growing old is a gift.” I had a tear in my eye because it’s true. Being able to grow old is a gift we forget about and not everyone gets to enjoy.

This Christmas was difficult for many people. I had classmates who lost their parents and this was the first Christmas without them. A local farmer, his brother and his son all died from toxic silo fumes… a devastating loss at the holiday time. A UND football player was in a skiing accident and had severe spinal injuries…his family is praying for a miracle that he will walk again. The gift of growing old. We often forget about that one. In the season of worrying about getting all of the presents wrapped and traveling here and there, we often skip over a big gift – the miracle of life.

I’ve witnessed the power of prayer – for my brother-in-law and for myself. I will never forget the feeling of having people pray for us. It’s incredible. After his farm accident, we were amazed and thankful that he was alive. We were even more amazed and thankful when his broken ribs and broken pelvis healed… and he walked again. I felt people praying for me before my cancer surgeries and it gave me peace. Last week, I posted about the 46 acts of kindness I had done. Praying for someone is something that costs $0 and can mean the world to someone else. Pray intentionally. Actually do it instead of just saying you will. Don’t believe in God? Send them positive healing thoughts.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you open all the gifts this year, and be reminded each day what a great gift growing old really is.

Don’t stop believing…

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As I sat and wondered, “what should I write about this week??”… my husband started playing a bunch of Journey songs on his phone. “Sometimes it’s ok to celebrate Journey’s greatest hits.” LOL, ok, I’ll go with that. I was born in the 70’s and graduated high school in the early 90’s. I had some Journey cassette tapes growing up. “Don’t stop believing” and “Faithfully” were two classics from my teen years. I was kind of naive though and didn’t fully grasp the meanings of many song lyrics until later.

Don’t stop believing… maybe it means something different now. When I think of believing, I think about God instead of the rock group Journey. When I think about where I was 5 years ago, having cancer surgery and not knowing what my future would hold, it would have been easy to stop believing. “Why would God give cancer to me? Doesn’t he know I have two boys who need me? Doesn’t he know I had plans to grow old with my husband? Doesn’t he know my parents and sisters and family worried about me?” Why God? There is a Christian song by Austin French called Why God? It talks about the things we wonder about – why do bad things happen? It’s on my list of questions to ask someday. I don’t have the answers. I think I know why I got cancer. It wasn’t karma or plastic bowls or sugar or genetics. It was a lesson of self compassion, empathy, understanding, asking for help, being open and connecting with others. It taught me to be brave and compassionate and daring.

Though it all, I didn’t stop believing. I prayed for health and healing. My faith helped pull me through. Our youngest son struggled with believing. He was 8 when I had cancer, and I think he was a little mad at God. Each night since he was little, we would say bedtime prayers. We would ask God to watch over us and keep us safe and healthy. Why wasn’t God listening? It took a while to work through those fears. Fear of loss, fear of the unknown.

I kept falling back to my favorite verse- Jeremiah 29:11-12. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Then you will call on me and I will listen to you. He says he will listen. He doesn’t say he will fix everything or make it all better. He doesn’t say there is a magic wand to erase the heartbreak and tragedy.

Share some kindness. Bring joy to someone. Take time for yourself. Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Don’t stop believing… in yourself or your God or your higher power.