As I sat and wondered, “what should I write about this week??”… my husband started playing a bunch of Journey songs on his phone. “Sometimes it’s ok to celebrate Journey’s greatest hits.” LOL, ok, I’ll go with that. I was born in the 70’s and graduated high school in the early 90’s. I had some Journey cassette tapes growing up. “Don’t stop believing” and “Faithfully” were two classics from my teen years. I was kind of naive though and didn’t fully grasp the meanings of many song lyrics until later.
Don’t stop believing… maybe it means something different now. When I think of believing, I think about God instead of the rock group Journey. When I think about where I was 5 years ago, having cancer surgery and not knowing what my future would hold, it would have been easy to stop believing. “Why would God give cancer to me? Doesn’t he know I have two boys who need me? Doesn’t he know I had plans to grow old with my husband? Doesn’t he know my parents and sisters and family worried about me?” Why God? There is a Christian song by Austin French called Why God? It talks about the things we wonder about – why do bad things happen? It’s on my list of questions to ask someday. I don’t have the answers. I think I know why I got cancer. It wasn’t karma or plastic bowls or sugar or genetics. It was a lesson of self compassion, empathy, understanding, asking for help, being open and connecting with others. It taught me to be brave and compassionate and daring.
Though it all, I didn’t stop believing. I prayed for health and healing. My faith helped pull me through. Our youngest son struggled with believing. He was 8 when I had cancer, and I think he was a little mad at God. Each night since he was little, we would say bedtime prayers. We would ask God to watch over us and keep us safe and healthy. Why wasn’t God listening? It took a while to work through those fears. Fear of loss, fear of the unknown.
I kept falling back to my favorite verse- Jeremiah 29:11-12. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Then you will call on me and I will listen to you. He says he will listen. He doesn’t say he will fix everything or make it all better. He doesn’t say there is a magic wand to erase the heartbreak and tragedy.
Share some kindness. Bring joy to someone. Take time for yourself. Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Don’t stop believing… in yourself or your God or your higher power.