Tag: #thankfulness

TGIF…

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I’ve lost track of time, but I’m aware that it’s Friday as I write this. I got a new job (same company), and my last day is April 30. I’ve been training someone new, which requires me to be in the office every day. I had been going to the office 2-3 days/week, but this week it’s been daily. I’m talking/training almost the whole day, which is a departure from what I’m used to. Even when I was going into the office, I wasn’t talking much throughout the day. I’d go in, lead one meeting, listen for a few others and do my work.

I learned/confirmed that my “social battery” needs recharging. I was tired and not wanting to talk when I got home. Every day this week, I just wanted to sit with the cat and be quiet. I was mad at myself for having these feelings. I diminished the impact it had on me. It was such a drastic difference from what I was used to, and it just surprised me how tired I was. How can someone be tired from talking? I literally have a Mass Communication degree.

It’s just a big change and I wasn’t very patient with myself. My friends and sisters helped to remind me that it was a temporary situation. A count down of days helped to put that into perspective. Journaling helped to release some of those thoughts (& so did crying in the shower). Too often we dismiss our own emotions, diminish them or even get mad about them like I did. I struggled with the idea of even writing about this. I know I’m not alone though. I know I’m not the only one to feel overwhelmed by constant talking or too much “people-ing,” and/or the need to feel like you fit in. Even though I’ve been here 7+ years, I felt like the new person or an outsider when I went into the office. Granted, I will be the actual new person on May 1, but that’s to be expected.

So what’s the point? Give yourself the grace that others gave to me this week. Give yourself the space to breathe, to write it out, cry it out, burn some paper, have a pet nap with you, be in nature – whatever you need to keep going.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you have people to cheer you on, but also be your own best cheerleader. You can do it. It might take time. It might take some rests or breaks or cat pets, but you can do it. I believe in you.

Reminders…

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These two pictures hang in my home office. Large enough that they cannot be ignored, they serve as reminders when I feel less than. I’ve needed that reminder quite often lately.

Job searching can be quite a stressful process. Searching, applying, waiting, interviewing, waiting, etc. It’s draining and it’s difficult. Thankfully, I do have a job currently, but I’m looking to expand my role (and income), with the possibility of going back to remote work full time. It sort of feels like real-life “whack-a-mole” or an actual roller coaster. It takes a lot to pick yourself back up and try again. Some positions suggest a masters degree, which is not something I have (& really have no desire to obtain). Going back to school when I’m 50 wasn’t really in the plan. Although, the plan was kind of flimsy and changed 509 times, so I’m sure it will evolve yet again.

I think we could all use reminders. Not just reminders of doctor appointments, project due dates or grocery store list – but positive reminders. I don’t want to stick my head in the sand or in the clouds and be either all “doom & gloom,” or all “sunshine and rainbows,” but reminders are good. You are enough. Be kind. These are reminders in my home office. Visually seeing them makes me say them in my head too. They are another form of validation to help offset some of the negative chatter that goes on in my head. Perhaps I’m not alone.

I started writing this post last week and just didn’t feel like finishing. I wrote a whole page of “I AM” statements because I needed some extra reminding. This week, I got 2 interviews and some renewed confidence. Things can change. “I am open and willing to receive great things,” is another one of my favorite reminders.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. You can use this as your reminder too. You are enough.

Version 5.0???

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I read somewhere recently “there are so many versions of you, that it’s difficult to really say who you are.” There is the version you think you are, but there is the version of you from your coworkers’ perspective. There is the version of you seen at the track meets by other moms when you’re off to the side, and you’re not confident enough to join in their group. There is the version of you for each of your kids – because you were not the same mom for each of them. There is the version of you that met your spouse and the version that exists 30 years later. There is a version your family sees though texts and calls and the filter you let them see. There is the version of you as a customer, a patient, a consumer – in person, on the phone and online.

You get the idea. Lots of you, but which one is it? You’re constantly changing, growing, aging, having new or different experiences, gaining and losing friendships, learning new things, letting go of what no longer serves you. Ask someone to describe you in one word. It’s an interesting experiment. Some may give you a noun (mother/sister/wife/friend), while others will give an adjective relative to feelings (caring/funny/sweet), and others may give you a word describing your appearance (short/curly hair/glasses.) Which one is right? All of them – but just to the person saying it. If someone says I’m fun, that doesn’t automatically make me fun. It makes me realize they think I’m fun, but it still might not convince me (or anyone else) of how fun I am.

Have you ever held onto something you thought about yourself but it no longer applies? Sometimes the familiarity feels comfortable. It’s difficult to release those things and add something new. We often forget that we don’t need to hang onto things that don’t work for us. It’s ok to start something new, to change things up.

You may have heard, “Someone else’s opinion of you is not your problem.” That’s a tough one for me. Especially since it means things are out of my control. It’s even more difficult when it’s someone you love and care about. If someone has spent hours with you, knows your dreams, secrets, skeletons and victories… then they walk away or pull back – it seems like a big rejection. Was I not a good enough friend? What did I do wrong? But perhaps it isn’t something related to you at all – it’s just something they are going through and they need the change.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. You are enough as you are, and yet you are allowed to change as many times as you need to. Don’t give up.

Comfort stars…

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I can’t tell you how many bowls of chicken noodle soup I’ve had in my lifetime, but I can tell you for sure that number of bowls consumed while sick far outweighs the bowls I’ve had when I felt well. From Lipton noodle soup to Campbell’s Chicken & Stars, those were the traditional comfort foods when I had a cold or didn’t feel well. (And of course, some saltine crackers.)

It’s interesting how many emotions can be stirred up by different foods. Often we think of celebrations, traditions, highs or lows. We might be able to remember the sweet or savory tastes and smells while being transported back in time. Having chicken & stars soup tonight made me think of our old green and gold sofa. As I sat on my own gold/yellow sofa, I thought of all of the times my mom made soup for me when I was sick. There may be some negative food related memories, but for me, they were mostly positive.

I had a health coach tell me to remove the emotion from food, and just see it as fuel for the body. I wasn’t very successful with that concept. Even “mindless snacking” is often a form of self soothing/comfort. Sharing food or cooking and baking for someone is often an expression of love. It’s a form of gift giving, by sharing your talents and resources. It’s one of the things that brings me joy. While I don’t necessarily have fancy or expensive taste, I do appreciate good food. I also gravitate to the foods that are tied to a memory of a person or an event.

Now that I’m physically back in the office half of the time, I’m sure my cubicle neighbor thinks a goat moved in next door since I do like to snack. Surprisingly, I think I snacked less when my kitchen was 30 feet from my office. Maybe I’ll incorporate some comfort snacks into my desk drawer stash. For tonight, I’ll have my “comfort stars” in hopes of warding off a cold.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. What are some of your favorite comfort foods? Which ones bring you back to a special birthday or celebration? Do you have a family tradition or a favorite dish your grandma made?

Sometimes love …

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It’s Valentine’s Day time, which means the stores have been selling flowers, candy and cards like crazy. Even our Menards home improvement store carries roses this time of year (and not the kind you plant outside.. not yet.) It’s the busiest day of the year to go out to eat, at least it was in the 90’s when I was a waitress in college. There are many ways to celebrate the day, if you’re into that type of thing and/or have a special someone. Love may look different, depending on the couple.

Sometimes love looks like roses or flowers on the table. Sometimes love looks like a favorite candy or treat. Sometimes love looks like a wonderful meal, either cooked by someone else or made at home. But sometimes love looks like taking out the garbage cans, doing the dishes or folding the laundry. Sometimes love looks like a thoughtful note or a passing kiss. It’s not always romantic/hot/steamy. Sometimes love is an expression of appreciation, of acknowledgment of your special bond together. Sometimes love is watching a movie together, or just spending time together.

I may be a little less romantic, but I’m still thankful for my partner. I’m thankful for his patience. I’m thankful that he loads the dishes and starts the laundry. I’m thankful he tries to make me laugh when I’m down. I’m thankful he puts up with my cat and chickens even though he isn’t a fan. I’m thankful he is willing to go on most adventures with me.I’m thankful he has loved me through highs and lows, sickness and health, “Rice a Roni days” (very poor starting out), and more comfortable times. Many days, I feel like a failure as a spouse and I’m thankful he stays with me. If you have a partner, do you know what their love language is? His are acts of service and words of encouragement. Mine are quality time and gift giving. Knowing these preferences helps us navigate things a little better… most days.

Regardless if you celebrated with someone or had a “galentine’s day,” or spent some time alone, or maybe even went to Ash Wednesday service, I hope it was a good day. It’s also a good reminder that we need to love ourselves too… I’m very guilty of forgetting this part. I get lost and forget to love myself. That doesn’t mean I am not self centered – I’ve been in a spiral of that for a while, it’s just not been in a loving sense. I saw a reminder the other day to write down all of the things you love about yourself. How long would your list be? How much time would it take to fill a page? Maybe ask a friend or loved one what they love about you and see if it sparks something.

Sometimes the goofiest days are the ones we remember the most. Sometimes just the love is enough. Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Oh, and by now it’s Valentine’s candy sale time!!!

Weren’t you just 10 yesterday?

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Time really does fly by. Do I write about it every year? Well, it’s true. Seems like my oldest boy was just 10 or just 5, but now he’s turning 21. No longer a little boy with a buzz cut, now he’s a man with much longer, curly locks.

There are a few milestone birthdays, and this is one of them. I don’t think I was fully prepared to be spending so many of his birthdays without him after he turned 18. I certainly have some core memories from the day he was born and many birthdays and parties since then. A January birthday in the upper Midwest is a bit of a surprise for what the weather will be like. Cold is a pretty good bet though. 18 is another milestone and our youngest turns 18 this summer. As I see ads for senior pictures, it all makes me pause. When did my two little guys become men?

Being a parent to teens/young adults isn’t easier… it’s just a different set of worries. Instead of “Bob the Builder” or “Minecraft” t shirts, it’s welding work boots for one and suits for the other. Instead of “Hot Wheels” races, it’s actual fender benders with trucks and cars. Sleepless nights with babies changes into late nights waiting for them to get home, or talking on the phone later because one of them is a time zone ahead.

I love these two humans more than they can comprehend… more than I say. One day they might understand if they chose to have kids. Either way, I will love them through their highs and lows, loves and heartaches, triumphs and disappointments and everything in between. It’s the silly little stuff they remember- not always the grand gestures, big gifts or trips. As long as they know that I’m their safe space, their home base, their unconditional fan…. I’ll be happy.

So, happy birthday to my legal adult son. I’d say “don’t over do it,” but I know better. Be safe. Thank you for still calling your mom. I love getting to share in the details of your life.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. I’m thankful for the passage of time… it means I’m still here!

BINGO?

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“That wasn’t on my (current year) BINGO card,” is a phrase that became common in 2020 (if it wasn’t before). Pandemic, tsunamis, killer bees… I forget all of them. It gave me an idea. What if I made a 2024 BINGO card of things I want to happen? A typical BINGO card has 24 spots. Now to think of 24 things I want out of 2024. Some will be stretch goal type things and some will be more realistic. All will be positive and/or bring joy.

I’m not sure I’ve seen this done before. I’ve seen a month long type document of things to do each day, but this is just 24 things for the year. Interesting. It’s not really a New Year’s resolution. It could include daily things like “drink plenty of water,” or “journal daily.” It could also include bigger items related to jobs, finances, travel etc.

I’m going to start filling mine out. I think this will be a fun take on a vision board. I don’t plan on beating myself up if I don’t have a “blackout BINGO” by 12/31/24. Just a fun thing to switch the focus. Would you be interested in seeing it once I get all of the boxes filled in? I can tell you for sure that I have 9 ideas already. Do you have some ideas to share?

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May your BINGO card be filled with fun and challenging things. I’ll skip the killer bees on mine!!

Empty, full or none at all?

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Happy Holidays! For me, I celebrate Christmas but I also respect the fact that there are many different holidays this time of year. Last night we went to a Rock & Roll Christmas program. It was fun – they put traditional songs to rock music. We are picking up our son tonight and will travel this weekend to see more family. After a year of many health issues for my family, I’m thankful we can be together. We will miss out on seeing my in-laws since some are in AZ and some in NC.

I’ve seen a lot of articles about moms not having Christmas stockings. I can honestly say I don’t have one. But neither does my husband. Neither of us have one, in fact I don’t think we have the whole time we have been married. I’m fine with it. I feel bad if it’s one sided but since neither of us have one, it doesn’t really matter to me. Quite honestly, I stink at gift giving to my hubby anyway. For everyone else, I usually do well. Not for him… something I think will be great goes unused. Not having to figure out stocking gifts for him is one less thing on my holiday “to do” list.

Much of the holiday “burden” typically falls on the mom. Planning, gift buying/wrapping, organizing, meal planning/prep/making, decorating, cleaning before and after, making sure the cards are sent, all the relatives have gifts, shipping packages in time, and trying to create magical core memories. We are also probably working full time, might have used up our vacation so we don’t have a holiday break, we might have put on a few pounds, are trying to have grace with ourselves and keep our cool. We don’t want to miss out, take things for granted or have regrets.

Everyone is at a different place during the holidays. Some people get to be with family and friends, while others may spend it alone. There may be a full house or an empty chair at the table. There may be piles of gifts or families barely scraping by. We can’t assume we know what’s going on with someone else. It’s also not our job to judge. If you’re able, do what makes you happy and try to share some joy with someone else. Maybe you’re on the receiving end of help or compassion… that’s ok too.

My goals this holiday season are to spend time with my family, enjoy some delicious food, have a fun time playing games and laughing until my stomach hurts. I want to hug my family and frost sugar cookies with my boys who are no longer little. I want to bless a stranger and have more patience. What are your goals?

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Whether your stocking is empty, full or none at all, just make sure you’re on the same page. Have the discussion. You might be glad you did.

New Journeys…

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Sorry I missed “writing Wednesday.” I was fulfilling my duty of being 50 and getting a shingles shot. I was fine Tuesday, but had a 101 fever Wednesday and just needed rest. Today is much better.

“Team hammerhead” excelled at trivia last week and we tied another team, then tied in the tiebreaker and came out winning. It was a fun date night as we get reacquainted with each other. This week, we are trying another trivia night. We’re trying out some new local breweries and sampling their food too. We have some favorites so far, but there are still more to check out.

Even though our nest is not officially empty, it sure is empty more often than it’s full. I guess it’s not something we were fully prepared for. We spent 7 years together before we had kids, then the next 21 years raising them. If someone did mention this phase, I’m sure I brushed them off/didn’t listen. There really should be a list that gets passed on, called “These are the things nobody tells you.” It would be a long list. Although it still might not matter. Often we are too wrapped up in our current stage in life to think about the next one. We also aren’t guaranteed any of these stages so it’s wrong to assume they will happen.

With a year and a half before graduation, we are slowly spending more time together. It’s one of the things we weren’t really expecting. Luckily, we still get along pretty well, so we have that going for us. It’s also adding to our life experiences and using some of Cam’s endless (previously thought to be kind of useless) knowledge. Although I will say, I have gotten some right answers myself.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Regardless if your new journey takes you to trivia nights or not, enjoy your time together. It’s one we shouldn’t take for granted.

Molting season

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Here are four of my chickens. I haven’t shared many pics of my ladies lately because they have been molting and haven’t looked very good. The light tan one (Butterscotch) is the latest one to molt. You can see the spikes on the back of her head – those are her new feathers coming in. Our chickens have molted every year, usually in the fall. They lose a majority of their feathers and new ones come in. While they are transitioning, they look pretty rough.

While I was on a call with a mentor of mine, she suggested I post pictures anyway. We all go through our own forms of molting, even as humans. It might not be as visible as it is with chickens, but we all have periods of our lives where we don’t look or feel so great. We still need love (& treats) during these times. My chickens LOVE watermelon, so this was a big treat for them. While they are molting, they don’t lay eggs. Their bodies are putting energy into re-growing those feathers. Hens might slow egg production when the season changes and there is less daylight (& cooler temps). All of these factors, plus the fact that they are four years old, means that they are currently not laying many eggs. They still get treats. I still tell them they are good chickens.

We are (generally) so much more compassionate with others than we are with ourselves. We forget to give grace to ourselves when we are in our molting phases. You’re not broken, wrong or unloveable. You made it through one molting season, you’ll make it through another. We may be less productive for a period of time, but we are still loved, still important, still valuable.

If you’re going through your molting season right now, hang on. Have a snack, get some extra sunlight, take a walk, talk to a friend… whatever you need to do to spark a little joy. A little joy is a reminder of the good. It doesn’t mean you’re ignoring your current state, it just means that you have hope.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Excuse me while I give the chickens some more watermelon and go buy some eggs!