Tag: #breastcancer

Well done…

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I’m not talking about steak or my score on this game… it’s a song. I know I write a lot about songs, but it’s one of the ways I pay attention to messages. A Contemporary Christian group, “The Afters,” has a song on Sirius radio called “Well Done.” I hear it a lot. I feel like many of us long to be told “good job” or “well done.” Such simple words, but when they aren’t said, can leave us searching to be enough.

Here are some of the lyrics:

What will it be like when my pain is gone
And all the worries of this world just fade away?
What will it be like when You call my name
And that moment when I see You face to face?
I’m waiting my whole life to hear You say
Well done, well done
My good and faithful one
Welcome to the place where you belong
Well done, well done
My beloved child
You have run the race and now you’re home
Welcome to the place where you belong
What will it be like when tears are washed away
And every broken thing will finally be made whole?
What will it be like when I come into Your glory
Standing in the presence of a love so beautiful?
I’m waiting my whole life for that day
I will live my life to hear You say
Well done, well done
My good and faithful one
Welcome to the place where you belong
Well done, well done
My beloved child
You have run the race and now you’re home
Welcome to the place where you belong

Powerful words. The lyrics seem to imply that we have to wait until we are gone to hear God say, “well done.” I happen to disagree. I think he says it in ways we might not recognize… When we pay it forward to someone in the drive though and they smile, God smiles too. When we reach out to someone who is sad, hurting or going through a difficult time, God sighs with us. When we pay attention to a child who needs help or just needs someone to listen, God is listening too. When we take time out of our day to be thankful for what we have, God is thankful for our acknowledgment. When we celebrate with those we love, God celebrates also. In these ways, he says, “Well done.” We may not hear the words. We may not recognize the significance, but it matters. It matters to Him, to us and to those around us. By being the hands and feet of God, we are doing his work. Sometimes we think it needs to be monumental or difficult in order to be meaningful. But by doing the small things, God is saying “Well done,” even if we don’t feel it.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Be sure to say the words, “Well done” to someone… it might be just what they need to hear.

Thoughts are powerful…

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Are you familiar with the saying, “Be careful what you wish for?” Thoughts are powerful. What we focus on, we attract. Think the world is crappy? You will look for validation of that and either see, find or experience crappy things. Think things are great? You will also find validation of those thoughts… you will look for the good in people, find the bright spot in the day or make someone else smile.

Recently, I’ve been lamenting about how quickly my sons are growing. They are more independent, one is driving and they just don’t need me as much. Then Myles broke his leg. I’m not sure how much the leg splint or the cast weigh, but for a 12 year old, who isn’t much more than 100 lbs, it’s a significant amount. He cannot bend over. He needs help with many daily tasks that seemed like no big deal prior to February 2nd, when his tib/fib fractures changed his life. He suddenly needed me. My husband made the comment that I must love being needed again. I got defensive. “Woah, I never wished for him to break his leg.” Well, no, not directly, but he does now need help.

Wheew. That was a tough one. It really brought home the power of thoughts. I’ve said to myself several times, “I’m too heavy” or “my stomach is too fat.” I recently lost almost 30 pounds. And then something happened. I stepped on the scale and couldn’t believe the number. I hadn’t been that weight in a while. And although I should have been happy, it scared me. My identity as overweight was changing. So I ended up eating things I had avoided for several months. I gained 10lbs back and was subconsciously trying to get back to that overweight me I had identified with for so long. Now I need to shift my thoughts back to the positive. I need to remember my “why” … why I wanted to get healthier in the first place. It’s not a vanity thing or a competition. I want to live longer. I want to honor this body I’ve been given and keep it around for a while.

Is your glass half empty or half full? When life hands you lemons, will you make lemonade? (These lemons in the picture were from my sister’s tree in CA last week. Dallas are one like an orange!) If you knew how powerful your thoughts were, would you try to change them? Every time you think of something negative, try to think of 2 or 3 things positive. It’s more difficult than it sounds. I’m not sure if this is one of the coldest or snowiest winters in MN, but it’s probably on the top 10 list for sure. Complaining about the weather won’t make it sunny & warm. Thinking positively won’t make it warm either but it certainly won’t make you miserable. Might as well put on some extra layers or a heated blanket & grab a glass of lemonade!

I wish you peace on your journey of enough. May your glass be half full, but more importantly, be refillable.

Thoughts are powerful…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

Are you familiar with the saying, “Be careful what you wish for?” Thoughts are powerful. What we focus on, we attract. Think the world is crappy? You will look for validation of that and either see, find or experience crappy things. Think things are great? You will also find validation of those thoughts… you will look for the good in people, find the bright spot in the day or make someone else smile.

Recently, I’ve been lamenting about how quickly my sons are growing. They are more independent, one is driving and they just don’t need me as much. Then Myles broke his leg. I’m not sure how much the leg splint or the cast weigh, but for a 12 year old, who isn’t much more than 100 lbs, it’s a significant amount. He cannot bend over. He needs help with many daily tasks that seemed like no big deal prior to February 2nd, when his tib/fib fractures changed his life. He suddenly needed me. My husband made the comment that I must love being needed again. I got defensive. “Woah, I never wished for him to break his leg.” Well, no, not directly, but he does now need help.

Wheew. That was a tough one. It really brought home the power of thoughts. I’ve said to myself several times, “I’m too heavy” or “my stomach is too fat.” I recently lost almost 30 pounds. And then something happened. I stepped on the scale and couldn’t believe the number. I hadn’t been that weight in a while. And although I should have been happy, it scared me. My identity as overweight was changing. So I ended up eating things I had avoided for several months. I gained 10lbs back and was subconsciously trying to get back to that overweight me I had identified with for so long. Now I need to shift my thoughts back to the positive. I need to remember my “why” … why I wanted to get healthier in the first place. It’s not a vanity thing or a competition. I want to live longer. I want to honor this body I’ve been given and keep it around for a while.

Is your glass half empty or half full? When life hands you lemons, will you make lemonade? (These lemons in the picture were from my sister’s tree in CA last week. Dallas ate one like an orange!) If you knew how powerful your thoughts were, would you try to change them? Every time you think of something negative, try to think of 2 or 3 things positive. It’s more difficult than it sounds. I’m not sure if this is one of the coldest or snowiest winters in MN, but it’s probably on the top 10 list for sure. Complaining about the weather won’t make it sunny & warm. Thinking positively won’t make it warm either but it certainly won’t make you miserable. Might as well put on some extra layers or a heated blanket & grab a glass of lemonade!

I wish you peace on your journey of enough. May your glass be half full, but more importantly, be refillable.

More Joy…

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We recently spent 3 days at Disneyland. We went mainly to see my niece perform with her high school choir. It was also a great reason to see my sister & both nieces and a nice escape from a chilly MN winter. On February 2nd, our Disneyland plans were in question. Would we still go, even with Myles’ broken leg? Would the 3 of us go and leave him at home? We decided to go, and with some modifications, we were determined to make it work. You can board the plane first, but storing crutches is a challenge. You can rent a wheelchair at Disneyland, but getting up to the gate takes a while. You can get in a separate line at most rides, but if you have a full leg cast, you’ll need someone to help you in. It’s not an ideal situation but you can do it. Which part of the sentence do you focus on?

There is a Disney movie, Inside out, from 2015. The main character is a little girl from MN who has to move with her family to a new city. The emotions are like characters in her head: Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear and Disgust. Joy is the one pictured above. She is the leader of the rest, but depending on the situation, any of them can take over. Joy has a spunky, upbeat attitude. I purchased 3 different Joys at Disneyland. One pin came with the Sadness character- we traded that for a different pin and traded another one for the Joy head on the left. I also got a pressed penny with Joy on it. (I currently cannot find that Joy) I wore one of the pins on the left side of my shirt – I wore my “Joy.” I wanted to get a stuffed Joy, but I wasn’t sure I could fit the Joy in my bags.

  • It rained off and on and was chilly for part of the time, but still 30-60 degrees warmer than back home. If you listened to other people in line or walking around, you could often hear who was steering their ship at the time.
      • Someone with a bag in the “no bag line”
      Kid running away from parents
      People with umbrellas or ponchos
      People without umbrellas getting wet
      Someone at the end of a 200 minute ride wait
      The girl in the Ariel outfit in line for the Little Mermaid ride
      The little boy in the Storm trooper outfit by the Star Wars ride
      Kids eating ice cream, even though it was raining

    Who is steering your ship? Does Joy drive or does Disgust take over? Is Joy hidden when Anger takes over? Does Fear lead the show? Sometimes we need someone to help us get back on track. My husband tried to bring more Joy by pushing Myles in a wheelchair and doing wheelies. He also made noises and had him take a picture by the “Cast members only” sign – get it? Cast? Ha ha.

    Joy drives his ship most of the time. Sometimes it annoys me, but mostly I’m thankful. On your Journey of Enough, I hope you have a variety of emotions. There is a time for each of them, but hopefully Joy can take the lead. Peace be with you on your journey of enough… may you find more Joy.

    Stop trying to take the pen…

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    If you’re friends with me, you’ve likely seen this picture. Our youngest son, Myles, broke his leg skiing last Saturday. It was a warm-ish day for Minnesota. The sun was shining, and even though the wind was blowing, we were just glad it was above 0. It had been -60 wind chill just a few days earlier, so were thankful it felt almost 80 degrees warmer! His friends from his old school came to ski for the day near Alexandria. While Cameron & Dallas were off ice fishing, Myles & I went skiing. We were there early, got our gear on and hit the slopes. One of the friends hadn’t gone skiing before, so they spent a little time on the bunny hill. Before long, they were on the green runs, then the blue. Myles and his two friends had gone skiing many times and felt comfortable on the slopes. We live in Minnesota, so these are hills and not mountains. The runs aren’t long and the resort isn’t large. We let them go on their own.

    We were able to get them to stop and have lunch, and then it was back to the slopes. As the day went on, they talked about switching from skiing to go tubing. You stand on a magic carpet (with your tube) and ride to the top of the hill. Then you pick a “lane” and sail off down the hill. That was the plan anyway. Just another run or two and then tubing. I was putting my skis in the locker when the friends’ mom came in. “Um, you might want to come out. I think Myles is in trouble.” My first thought went to trouble meaning he was goofing around and was about to get kicked out. As I walked out the door, I saw the snowmobile & ski patrol trailer. Oh, trouble. I could see he was conscious, so I ran back inside to change into my snow boots (because I knew I couldn’t run up the hill in my ski boots.) I ran back outside & up the hill as fast as I could. They were loading him onto the ski patrol trailer. His boot was off and his right leg was in a splint.

    We rode to the ski patrol lodge and they carried him into the building. They checked him over, and advised us to make a trip to the ER. As scary as this is, I was just glad he didn’t hit his head, he was wearing a helmet and he wasn’t impaled by a tree. You see, he fell going through a wooded area. There was a path there so they thought it must be fine. It’s not a “marked run”. His buddy went before him but Myles got going too fast & couldn’t slow down. He passed his buddy & hit a tree. Another kid saw it happen from the chair lift and went down to check on him & get help.

    Super long story, but the next 5 hours were spent in the ER, and then extreme pain caused us to go back to the ER at 3am. He had broken both bones in his leg, right where the top of the ski boot was. 8-10 weeks in a full leg cast up to the top of his thigh, then smaller cast to follow. Whatever I had planned for the next 4 months was going to change. Maple syrup demonstration at the State Park? Cancel. Trip to Disneyland? Adjust. Spring plans? Alter. When we think we have things all planned out, we might get thrown a curve ball. It’s a reminder that we can’t control everything. There is an ad on the station I listen to that says, “God’s not done with your story yet, stop trying to take the pen.” While this event won’t immediately change me to be a non-planner, it certainly is a reminder to me of what a control freak I can be.

    I’m thankful he is ok. He will get through this and will be fine. My journey of enough will switch to being a good enough caregiver for a little while. Whatever your altered path is, I wish you peace on that journey. Sometimes it doesn’t go as planned, but that doesn’t mean we should stop planning, dreaming or trying to change. It just means you might need a different color pen.

    Multiplicity

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    On a very cold North Dakota January day, I went to my very last OB appointment for our first baby. There was a storm predicted for the weekend and my doctor wanted to make sure I didn’t have to deliver at home. It was a Thursday. He said I was close enough and he could induce me to get the labor started. If I remember correctly, I was induced that afternoon – for some reason, 4:30 sticks in my mind, but my husband probably remembers better than I do.

    The first baby is a big deal. We had been waiting and hoping and praying for this for years. We also didn’t know what to expect. The info they tell you ahead of time is silly.

    • Have a birth plan
    • Bring some music
    • Bring some card games along to pass time
  • Maybe these work for some people, but I certainly didn’t listen to music or feel like playing cards. As the wind howled outside, we counted contractions and nurses came in and out of the room to check on the progress. We weren’t planning on staying up all night. We didn’t know what to expect. Some people are in labor for days, and others just for a few hours. We had the TV on, hoping it would keep Cameron awake enough for the labor. There weren’t as many options back then. The movie that was on was “Multiplicity” from 1996.

    • If you haven’t seen it… Doug, played by Michael Keaton, is overwhelmed by life and had the opportunity to clone himself. The clone can go to work and he can do stuff around the house and with his family. Then he makes another clone because he still doesn’t have enough time or enough of him to go around. While he is gone, the clones make a copy of a clone – so now there are 4. The “copy of the copy” isn’t as helpful but adds to the comedy part of it.

    The movie was on again at the time of our son’s 16th birthday. All 4 of us watched it together. As we sat there, my husband grinned, “remember where we were 16 years ago?” Yes, yes I do. The boys thought the movie was funny. My husband thought this was also pretty good material for my blog. We all feel stretched thin at times… wishing we could be more places, do more things, relax more, or volunteer more. It seems like it won’t ever be enough. I think we need to be better about picking our “yes” to other people. I get that there are some things at work that you need to do & saying “no” might not be an option. I saw Rachel Hollis speak in Alexandria and one of her points was, “If it isn’t a hell yes, then it’s a NO.”

    We get scared to say no. We like to be so busy. We stretch ourselves thin and end up doing something we don’t love. What if we said no? We might not need to multiply ourselves if we allowed some “no’s.” I know we need people to volunteer, but some people really do like it. It might be their hell yes. As Rachel said, if we say yes to something we don’t really want to do, we end up resentful when we have to do it. We bring a negative energy with us.

    Just for this week, what if you didn’t need to multiply yourself? What if you were enough just as you are? Give it a try. I will too. I wish you peace on your journey of enough. (& maybe you can check out “Multiplicity” on Netflix.

    Through all of it…

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    I had a completely different post written for this week, but then Monday happened. Along with it being the birthday of one of my sisters, January 28th has another special meaning to me. It was the day (4 years ago) I heard, “Your cancer is gone.” All day Monday, my throat was tight and whenever I found myself thinking back 4 years to my cancer journey, I realized I was holding my breath.

    4 years ago, I waked into Sanford hospital in Fargo for my lumpectomy surgery with my pink pj shirt and my pink boxing gloves. 4 years ago, my husband wore his “Hump Day” shirt (because it was a Wednesday.) 4 years ago, friends, family and strangers all prayed for the best outcome. 4 years ago, teachers and friends held my sons and calmed their fears. 4 years ago, my mom and dad held their breath. 4 years ago, a tumor almost 1/2″ and 4 lymph nodes were removed. 4 years ago, I felt like a survivor.

    There is a contemporary Christian song from Colton Dixon called “Through all of it.” I heard it Monday and I almost stopped the car. It is how I felt. Life’s been a journey. I’ve seen joy, I’ve seen regret. You have been my God through all of it.

    Here are some more of the lyrics:

    There are days I’ve taken more than I can give
    And there are choices that I made
    That I wouldn’t make again
    I’ve had my share of laughter
    Of tears and troubled times
    This is has been the story of my life
    I have won
    and I have lost
    I got it right sometimes
    But sometimes I did not
    Life’s been a journey
    I’ve seen joy, I’ve seen regret
    Oh and You have been my God
    Through all of it
    You were there when it all came down on me
    When I was blinded by my fear
    And I struggled to believe
    But in those unclear moments
    You were the one keeping me strong
    This is how my story’s always gone
    I have won
    and I have lost
    I got it right sometimes
    But sometimes I did not
    Life’s been a journey
    I’ve seen joy, I’ve seen regret
    Oh and You have been my God
    Through all of it
    I’ve written about it before, but if you’ve ever had a group of people praying for you, it’s something you can actually feel. I can’t describe it enough to do it justice. It feels like peace. It feels like being held. It feels like you are placed in a marshmallow cloud. God doesn’t promise us a life free from troubles. He does promise to be with us through all of it. He places the right people in our paths to help us. He gives us the experiences so we may help others.
    Would I wish cancer on anyone? Nope. Am I glad God was with me through all of it? Yep, yes I am. My journey isn’t finished. Is my cancer gone? Yes, it is. My side effects and doctor appointments and risks are not gone. Those will last several more years. Two of my aunts had cancer return after the 5 & 10 year mark, so I won’t let my guard down… but not from a place of fear. I will keep my appointments. I will be aware of any changes I see or feel. I will honor my body by improving my health.
    I wish you peace on your journey of enough. I hope God is with you through all of it.

    Holy Rabies!

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    What?! The cat got rabies? Nope. There is a back story….

    If you have kids or grandkids (or you just like animated movies), you know what movie this is from. In 2012, a movie called Hotel Transylvania came out. It looked like a cute movie – Dracula’s daughter turns 118, which is like turning 18 in real life, and she is wanting to explore the world. Her father doesn’t want her to go – he wants to keep her safe. He instills fear in her – that the humans are just out to hurt her, so she stays at Hotel Transylvania and doesn’t venture out.

    As we were watching the movie, Dracula called his daughter by name – Mavis. “What did he say?” I have a unique name. It’s an older name, but still not that common. I don’t hear my name in a crowd. I don’t have to go by my full name because there is another “Mavis.” I rarely meet someone else named Mavis either. My dad often assumed I didn’t like my name, but it’s not true. I kind of like being unique. The only thing that bothered me growing up, was not being able to find cool trinkets with my name on them. I couldn’t just go to Claire’s in the mall and get a Mavis bracelet like some of my friends could. So, imagine my surprise when there was an actual character named Mavis. So strange!

    I was shopping the clearance aisles at my local Target last week, when I spotted Mavis’ on clearance! “Holy Rabies!” (It’s the thing Mavis in the movie says instead of “holy cow” or “holy smokes.”)

    3 different “Mavis'”?! Wow!! I still haven’t decided if I’ll open one and display it or what I’ll do. I think I will bring one to work and leave 2 in boxes. (For sure the one that has Mavis’ name on it should stay in the box.)

    Sometimes I feel like Dracula – wanting to keep my kids safe… wanting to protect them. Sometimes I think back to when I was their age and how I felt like the Mavis in the movie – ready to explore! Our fears can be like Dracula too- trying to keep us small… telling us lies to try and keep us from experiencing new thing. Our heads, like I talked about last week, try to keep us safe. Our hearts are like Mavis – wanting to adventure to Hawaii. I’m not saying that being safe is a bad thing. When it comes at the cost of missing out on life though? Then I think it’s sad. Not many people, at the end of their life will say, “I’m so glad I didn’t try new things.” Since it’s still January, you can make a list of one new thing you want to try this year (something that will not cause harm to you or anyone else.)

    I wish you peace on your journey of enough, but I also wish you adventures and experiences. I hope you have something so exciting, it makes you shout- “Holy Rabies!!”

    All in…

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    There is a song by Matthew West called “All In.” This is the first part:

    My feet are frozen on this middle ground. The water’s warm here, but the fire’s gone out.

    I played it safe for so long the passion left
    Turns out safe is just another word for regret

    So, I step to the edge and I take a deep breath
    We’re all dying to live but we’re all scared to death
    And this is the part where my head tells my heart
    You should turn back around but there’s no turning back now

    I’m going all in. Headfirst into the deep end. I hear You calling, and this time the fear won’t win. I’m going, I’m going all in.

    The song is talking about your faith in God – how it feels safe to stay where you are… in the middle ground. If you go to church, do you go just to be seen, or are you the hands & feet of God? Routine and comfort are familiar, but the fire has gone out. Where is the excitement? Sometimes our head tries to keep us in the routine and tries to stifle our hearts. Whenever our hearts try to lead, our heads try to stop us.

    • That’s silly.
    • That’s not practical.
    • That won’t work.
    • Don’t follow your heart.
    • Don’t talk to someone new.
    • Don’t take that risk.

    Our heads would like our world to remain small. Our heads would like us to stay safe. The song says “safe is just another word for regret.” At the affirmation & intentions class I went to in Saturday, “All in” was my phrase for 2019. We didn’t do New Years resolutions, but we did have words or phrases to focus on. This is the year I start my book. This is the year we will harvest and sell our fruits and vegetables. This is the year I will write consistently. This is the year I will be “All in.” All in with my family, my faith, my work, my farm, my writing & my love of life.

    I hope you have someone who challenges you to move off the “safe middle ground.” Life is meant to be experienced & not just tolerated. Have some fun, try something new or complete something you started long ago. I wish you peace along your journey & maybe you’ll listen to this catchy tune. Don’t let fear win. May you be “All in” on your journey of enough.

    And the world didn’t stop…

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    This is my Christmas tree. Yes, it’s January and I haven’t taken it down yet. Some of the ornaments are in a box, but most are still on the tree. We traveled a lot over the holidays, but we were home some too. I had all weekend to take it down. Too many excuses… my head hurt, we went ice fishing, we watched movies as a family. My tree is still up and the world didn’t stop.

    It’s hard to take time for ourselves. I often feel guilty just sitting down because there is “so much to do.” Sometimes we need to listen to our bodies. My headache was my sign to rest. Spending time with my family fills me up, but so does reading a book. I was able to do both this weekend and I was less than 8 feet from my half- taken down tree. I didn’t completely obsess about it. I didn’t let myself feel guilty. I was thankful for the time to rest, the time to connect and the time to laugh.

    Whatever stage your holiday decorations are in, it’s ok. Have the cup of coffee, write in your journal or snuggle up with your kids. Life is short, my friends. If the tree brings you joy, it’s ok that it stays up a little longer. I wish you peace on your journey of enough as we start the new year. Let’s make it a great 2019. Maybe I’ll get to my tree tomorrow, but I know the world won’t stop if I don’t.