Within the last few weeks, I’ve seen Facebook posts about our 30 year High School reunion & the “all school reunion,” as well as people bringing their kids to college. It got me thinking about friendships. How many people have life long friends or friends from college years versus friends they met later in life?
I didn’t attend the high school reunion due to a bowling tournament for our youngest son. If I had gone, it would have been pretty uncomfortable. I haven’t kept in touch with many of my classmates for the last 30 years. It was not a large class – less than 50 in our whole grade. Obviously we have things in common, but we grew apart for various reasons. It was probably 10 years ago when I last saw any of them. I kept in touch with my college friends for a while, but we grew apart also.
What makes a lasting friendship? I’m probably not the right person to ask. I told one friend about my concerns regarding her abusive boyfriend… that friendship ended. I over-shared with another friend… didn’t hear much from her after that. Some who I thought were friends disappeared during crisis. Some faded without knowing the reason why… maybe there wasn’t much of a reason. In my head, it was likely something I did. Since I’m more introverted, I tend to avoid going out to meet people – I prefer to be behind the scenes. I wasn’t always that way. I was much more social in high school and college. I think it was the fading of friends that shifted it for me. I know people, but not all of them really know me.
I’m guarded. I worry about being accepted, about not being enough or being too much. I value time with my family and prefer to recharge at home. I do enjoy adventures and traveling. Attempts at setting boundaries end up being walls. What do I think is important in a BFF? Acceptance, honesty, fun, caring, compassion & joy.
I remember the friend who could walk and talk for miles. I miss that. I remember the friend who stopped by with a meal, I want to be like that friend. The friend who sends random postcards or texts, I cherish that. The friend who digs deeper into the “How are you doing?” question and doesn’t take my “fine” answer, I appreciate that. I want to be the kind of friend who makes a difference. I want to be a safe/accepting friend. I want to make someone smile, make them realize they matter and let them see how wonderful they are.
Our seasons of friendship change. For some, the season is longer and others maybe fade more quickly than we planned. Either way, they shape us into who we are. I hope you have enriching friendships and you are able to be the kind of friend you need yourself.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Make sure you are friends with yourself first and be aware of what you want in a friendship. You are enough, just as you are. Someone else thinks so too!
2 thoughts on “BFF?”
Wow! What a post, Mavis. One of my favorites. Military life made it virtually impossible to make life-long friends you grew up with. And those I did keep in touch with from my elementary years in England have faded due to my personal political and religious beliefs. Mine, mind you, not theirs—because I never judged them. I guess they felt I was a lost cause and gave up. Who really knows the “whys” behind why people act the way they do. Or disappear. . .
It’s amazing how polarized individuals are over such things now, which is why relationships are eroding.
As far as you, to me, you are one of the most authentic and genuine women I know. You share yourself openly, your journeys, your fears, doubts, and you question, which is a huge plus in my book. You question, you don’t “know it all”.
Your vulnerability and authenticity make you “real” – and while I don’t “know it all” either, perhaps that’s a very threatening thing for inauthentic people.
Much love on your Journey of Enough! xo
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Thank you so much. My hope is that people can relate and feel some connection or at least perhaps partially understand me a little more. I’m certainly not very good at being fake and I’m ok with that. The right people will stick with me. I had a very long friend fade in the last year and it was almost a grieving process for me. I was so sad to lose “my person” and part of my sense of who I was. She is happy and has moved on, but I still miss her since she knew all of my story/background/secrets and she was my safe person. Or so I thought. I appreciate you reading my posts. It means a lot. I have a small following but I’m ok with that for now. Writing is partially my free therapy. Have a wonderful day!!