Last week, my boss asked me how I was doing. I blurted out a partial list of stressors in my life. After I felt like I puked out a few too many feelings, I said, “You probably weren’t looking for that long of an answer. Maybe ‘fine’ would have been good enough.” Or would it have?
People around me were having loved ones die unexpectedly or die slowly, both of my (vaccinated) parents were ill with COVID, navigating the school schedules of cross country practice (in a different location each day with a kid who cannot drive)/band/bowling/gym/6am swimming for cross training, weekly market baking, picking & processing garden vegetables, one son 900 miles away navigating freshman year alone and needing a vehicle to get him through winter & hopefully home for Christmas… & 100 other things. I’m not unique. I’m one of many moms (and some dads) who have a rolling check list of “to do,” “to find,” or “to get” running through their brains. So yeah, this last week, I haven’t been fine, but I consider myself lucky.
I’m spinning in my head with everything, but I’m learning techniques to make it better. I’m overwhelmed by life, but I know there are people who need and depend on me. I may be sad for others, but I’m thankful for my family. “It could be worse” doesn’t mean that your struggles aren’t valid. It’s not a competition of woe’s. Sometimes we need to let things out and release them… set them at the feet of Jesus, release them into the universe, turn them over to a higher power – whatever it is, we don’t have to hold onto it. We don’t have to pretend we are fine.
I was part of a Wise, Wild Woman conference last week. I went back and watched my interview. I need to take my own advice. Find your joy. Do the things that make you happy. “Yes” you can do what you love. Sometimes events shake us and sometimes we feel stuck. It’s ok to reach out for help. It’s ok to need someone even when you’re a fixer/helper. I know I’ve written about the subject before, but I feel like some of this was smacking me on the head & need to be repeated. If you’re swimming along and things are great, good for you. I am honestly happy for you and jealous (it’s ok). If you’re struggling, hang in there. Reach out, ask for help, talk about it out loud. Say the words you need to release. You don’t have to always be fine. Sometimes we just need to hear that it’s ok. We aren’t alone. You are not alone.
I wish you peace on your journey of enough. Smile when you can, cry when you need to… it’s ok to not be ok, but you are needed here.