I realized it’s been quite a while since I’ve written a post. I’ve started several, but something silly happened. I noticed that my blog was read around the world. Literally – people from other countries were reading my blogs. And as cool and humbling as that was, it scared me. I don’t really like to “be seen.” Since then, I’ve been taking some writing classes and some self development type classes. I realized now is the time to step forward. So here I am again 😉.
The necklace above is one I bought for myself. Someone once told me that my spirit animal is a bear. Whether or not you believe in that kind of thing doesn’t really matter to me – I thought it was cool & appropriate. I am fiercely protective of my two “cubs”… but not only them… I’m protective of those I’m close to. Make fun of my kid? Mama bear comes out. Make my sister sad? Mama bear again. Make my friend cry? Yep, Mama bear. The bear holding the fish was at our house when we bought it. We thought of getting rid of it, but I think it needs to stay. It’s a reminder to me of my strength. It also reminds me that I need to be aware of my mama bear and sometimes back off. I can’t rush in to save the day. I can’t beat up the bully or take revenge on a mean person. Sometimes people need to wade their way through their own battles and learn to find their inner bear. It’s really difficult though. My controlling nature and desire for my loved ones to be happy makes it hard to keep the bear silent. Instead, I just need to tell them, “I’m here for you.” I think they know if they ever really needed my mama bear side, it would be there.
These two pictures are of a cardinal bird Mom in our shrub & of the nest itself. She guarded the eggs for quite a while. We didn’t touch them – we just observed. Then one day there was an egg missing. Two days later, the other egg was missing. We assume it was the red squirrel, but we can’t be sure. What does this have to do with anything? My own nest was partially empty this week. Our oldest son was at FFA camp, and I felt “off.” School is out and summer activities have begun. We are working a lot on our farm to get things planted and nurtured and watered…. but something was missing. Work went on for me as normal and our youngest had band camp & golf lesson, but something was missing. I felt like that mama bird must have felt when her first egg was gone. Luckily, mine returns today.
I realized part of the reason it bothered me was because I couldn’t control what was happening. He was only 2 hrs away, but I didn’t know what he was up to. I didn’t know if he was behaving, or brushing his teeth or being kind to others. Whew. Control. Something I will need to keep working on. Keep letting him explore and experience, while keeping my mama bird & mama bear off to the sideline.
On your journey of enough, I hope you have a mama bear friend… but I also hope you find the one inside of you. It’s there. I wish you peace and awareness and acceptance. You are enough. You’ve always been enough.