Tag: #survivor

per·se·ver·ance

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

Perseverance. noun: steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.

A lot goes into training for a half or full marathon. Usually 18 weeks of training, long runs on Saturdays and lots of core strength building. For the last 7 years, my husband has done 2 marathons per year, every year. What started out with a neighbor friend suggesting a run around the development has turned into an obsession. 367 miles of just marathons, let alone the hundreds of training hours and long runs. You can train and prepare and do everything right, but race day is always a wild card. What will the weather be like? Did you “pre-hydrate” enough ahead of time? Did you practice drinking while running? Did you eat the right foods? Are you mentally prepared? To me, marathons are the epitome of perseverance. Today, Cameron completed #14. While it wasn’t his fastest time, he finished. It was warmer than he likes, the humidity was high, and yesterday he twisted his ankle. It swelled up last night to almost twice the size. I asked him if he wanted to skip the race today. That wasn’t an option for him. Perseverance. Today was the ultimate test. He finished. To him, it didn’t seem enough. His time wasn’t good enough. You know who did think it was enough? His cheering section. We had our cowbells ringing the whole time.


I have never run a full marathon. It’s not on my list. I did 4 half marathons & that was enough (maybe). I love my husband, but I don’t share his love of running. He gets jealous when he sees people out for a run…wishing he could be out with them. He gets up at the crack of dawn or long before, inspires and leads others, then goes to school and does more of the same inspiring and leading. He won’t admit it. He’s pretty humble that way. I’ve said it before, but I’m a pretty big fan of the guy.

This past week was homecoming at school. When you go to a small rural school, homecoming week is a big deal. Dress up days every day, & lots of extra games and activities. Our school also does a “chalk fest.” The students get to draw on the sidewalks. This year, a group did a portrait of him in chalk. He was humbled & embarrassed, but it was pretty cool. He had his picture taken by his portrait- he was in a “Mr. Incredible” costume. Yes, yes you are.


There are days when he feels like he doesn’t do enough. (The day following the portrait, one kid wrote that he was mean – he must have said no to them.) We all have days when we feel like we are not enough. I bet, there is someone who thinks you are though. Aside from God, who always thinks you’re enough, there are others. When you have those feelings, ask yourself if you’d say the same thing to your best friend. Would you tell them they were too slow, not nice enough, not a good enough parent? Most likely not. Don’t do it to yourself. Show some love. Look in the mirror & be like the old SNL skit, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me.”

Peace be with you on your journey of enough, whether it’s 26.2 miles or not, it will be enough.

The rest of the story…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

sunset lake

Some people don’t care for Facebook and others love it. The ones who dislike it usually do because they feel it’s “fake” or “too negative” or just not real. I understand that, but I happen to like it. I like to feel connected to my relatives and friends by seeing pictures of them. I slide past the ones that have too much drama or differing views and linger more on the pictures of family adventures or positive quotes. I “like” a bunch of positive quote sites or ones that are scripture based. It’s my way of letting in those reminders or nudges that I need just when I need them. Some days those posts are so meaningful and hit home so much that they make me teary (that happens more now than before.)

Yet with each smiling photo, there is a back story. Paul Harvey was frequently on in our family vehicle while I was young. His segment was “the rest of the story…” and would talk about the back story or give more info on what the headlines were talking about. I thought of that the other day when one of my favorite pictures of the boys popped up in my Facebook Memories. It’s of them at sunset standing by a lake. It’s a gorgeous picture. The “rest of the story” is that there were 10,000 mosquitos by the lake that night at dusk. The kids were getting eaten alive and they all tried to stay still long enough to get that photo then race back to the campground. I love the picture because I love the water and the lake and those 3 men in the photo. It also is a good reminder that things aren’t always as they seem. That mom that posted her smiling kids at the zoo… she might have just lost her cool before that about ice cream or them fighting about what animal they were going to see next. The photo of the runner who finished the marathon… his body is hurting more than you can tell, his toes are bloody and parts of his body are chafing that he’d rather not talk about. The person who has gained weight but took pictures anyway… maybe they are on medication that has caused it or 100 other reasons why. That doesn’t mean that we should stop sharing the photos. It just means that we should take them for what they are and not assume we know the back story.

We do that to people a lot. (At least I’m guiltier of it than I’d like to admit.) We assume we know “the rest of the story…”  We assume that the person in the meeting was just crabby. We don’t know that they just learned that a friend of theirs had passed away. We assume the clerk at the store is having a bad day. We don’t know that this is their second job just to make ends meet. We assume the kid at school is naughty. We don’t know that he’s unsure of when he will eat again over the weekend, and fearful of what will happen to him or his siblings. We THINK we know the rest of the story but we don’t. We should just reach out to people more and care more. Me included. When I post pictures of our family this coming week in Duluth, you wouldn’t know the back story (except I’m telling you now. You wouldn’t know that my Oncology follow up is Wednesday and this was a good distraction to make me think about the Dr. less and of my family more. You might not know that the recent loss of friends unexpectedly has made me want to embrace life. You might not be aware that we know our 13 year old might not think a “Tall Ship Festival” with his family will be cool in 3 years, so we are going now while it is.  We assume. You know what that does. (There is a saying that goes along with that – if you’re not sure, Google it) It leads us to either assume the best or the worst depending on what type of person we are. It makes us judge others when the judging is not ours to do.

My challenge to you is this… keep sharing pictures of your family, dog, cat, kids, and friends – whatever. Just don’t assume you know the rest of the story when you see someone else’s pictures, unless you’ve walked in their shoes. Even then, those shoes might be a different size. Share some love. Help people along their journey of enough – that good karma will come back to help you someday also. Peace be with you.

Ribbons…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment


All of that work for a ribbon? Both of our kids are in 4H. This week was the culmination of the year – the 4H judging for the Red River Valley Fair. Cameron and I met through 4H, so we are familiar with the projects and the fair & the work that goes into it. While some of the projects were done ahead of time, there were some that we were doing the week (or day) before. It’s a great experience for them to work on something & then have to explain/tell about it.

They each entered almost 20 exhibits. From gardening to woodworking, sewing to baking, outdoor skills, ceramics and citizenship, they had their hands full. We each try to help and guide them with the projects, but the kids do most of the work. While we offer suggestions, we don’t correct or perfect it for them. Cameron helps with woodworking & outdoor skills, and I help with baking and sewing. The boys have to write out their own recipe cards for their baked goods. Myles wrote his in paragraph form. I “suggested” that he make it in a list so it’s easier to read. “No, mom… I like it this way.” Ok. I let it be. I let them pick the recipes they want to make, and this year they got creative. They both love maraschino cherries so Dallas made “cherry bomb muffins” and Myles made double cherry cookies. When they got to the judging time, the judge “suggested” that Myles make his recipe easier to read. (Mom just grinned) They got some honorable mention ribbons – Myles for his cookies, Dallas for his rhubarb and fish holder. They also came home with some reds, and I was ok with that. I don’t expect them to be perfect… I want them to try their best and learn from the experience. It’s their project, not mine. I had my 4H project days – this is up to them. While they might not have gotten all blue ribbons, my 13 & 10 year old boys have sewn, baked, painted, created, sanded and gardened. That’s what I’m most proud of. Not the ribbons, the experience.

The other thing I’m most proud of is the tied blankets they made for breast cancer patients. The blankets will comfort someone going through breast cancer & that just warms my heart. Pink ribbons will always hold a special meaning, for me and for the boys.


The red ribbons in sewing, ceramics and jelly weren’t the end of the world. As Myles walked away from the judges table with a red ribbon and his head held down, I knew he felt “not good enough.” We tried to explain that this is a learning experience & now he will know what to do next time. I don’t think they should all get blue ribbons, but it made me think of something. God gives us blue ribbons every day. To him we are always enough, even when we feel like it’s a red (or white) ribbon day. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that our good deeds don’t make him love us more. It doesn’t matter if we feel like we deserve a Grand Champion ribbon. He loves us as we are. Isn’t that great?! I hope you have a blue ribbon day. The creator of the universe thinks you’re enough, so why are you so hard on yourself? Peace be with you on your journey of enough.

Confessions of a “Pinterest mom”…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment


(Photo from recent 10th bday at Thunder Road – go kart cupcakes) I have a confession to make… I love Pinterest. If there was a job where testing out and evaluating the ideas on the site was your sole purpose, that would be awesome. Pinterest moms get a lot of flack though. I don’t do the Pinterest stuff to impress anyone, I do it because I love it. I like finding new recipes or tricks for doing gardening stuff or Halloween costumes – it’s full of ideas. Cam has even looks up kayak modifications for fishing on Pinterest. Anytime I try a new recipe, the boys say “did this come from Pinterest?!” Sometimes it just takes a spark to get me going.

Birthday cakes and cupcakes have always been an adventure. Aside from our first born’s 1st bday, (long story but let’s just say I was a paranoid 1st time mom & didn’t want to give him sugar so his cake had flax & stuff in it – poor kid) we’ve tried to make their bday cakes be fun and meaningful. Not to impress anyone else, but to see the excitement from our kids. It’s something that we both like doing – Cameron gets involved in the design and implementation of the cakes. He’s also a little more particular than I am. So his attention to detail and my baking skills make for a fun combo.

After the first bday fiasco, Dallas’ 2nd bday cake was a 3D John Deere tractor – complete with chocolate donut wheels and Oreo front tires. That was before Pinterest came around… We thought of that ourselves. Since then, there was a Bob the Builder, Mack truck from Cars, Death Star, Elmo, Ham the Pig, Sponge Bob, Minions, Dallas Cowboys star, light saber cupcakes … Just to name a few. We try to make them related to what the boys are into at the time. Myles had a Ninja Turtle bday one year. I made masks for all of the kids and made Ninja Turtle cookies and cakes. The huge smile on his face made it all worth while.


I’m not just making cakes, I’m making memories. However you do that with your kids is up to you. I don’t judge anyone who buys the stuff from the store! If you don’t find this fun, don’t do it. Your kids will be just fine with a store bought cake.

Last summer, during Myles 9th bday, I was still recovering from surgery and not feeling particularly festive, so he just had a couple of friends to a movie and lunch instead of a big party. When he said that his summer wish list included a bday party, my mommy guilt took over and I agreed. He couldn’t decide on what kind of cake to have. Since we were going to ride go karts, we went with go kart cupcakes. (Also made it easier to include his friend who has gluten allergies if I made gluten free cupcakes) He loves Minions still so we had both kinds. It was a hit.

I hope when you see Pinterest ideas, you think of some fun new things to try instead of feeling like you’re not enough. Even though I like searching through there, not all are winners – making dried strawberries in your oven doesn’t taste like candy, it tastes like mush. It doesn’t discourage me though, I just search for something new to try. Peace be with you on your journey of enough.

I don’t want to blink …

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment


I don’t want to blink. I don’t want to miss any more of this. The last year feels like a blur, and I feel like I wasn’t fully present for my life, for my family. I was selfish and said no to volunteering, social functions & life in general some days. I needed to, in order to just get by. Sometimes I feel like I should have done more, since I had an “easier/stage 1″ cancer. I missed out though, I closed my eyes too much. Now my oldest son is 2” taller than me and my youngest one can finally say breakfast instead of “brefkist.”

Today, and this weekend, is graduation for many. In 5 short years, I’ll be doing the same. I don’t want to blink. I don’t want to miss it. Today, my boys played with foam swords and horsed around on the water. They laughed and chased each other, and I literally had tears in my eyes. I know this won’t last. I know that there will be summer jobs, and girls and camps etc, and my time with them will slip through my fingers.

I think I know why the youngest in the family is usually spoiled. (I’m the youngest so I can comment on this – ha ha) It’s because that’s when it sinks in for the parents – this is the last. The last little one. The last tooth fairy and Santa. The last Kindergarten program and science fair. So we try to hold on, soak it in and make it last a little longer. (Plus sometimes we are just more tired, so we give in)  We may have been in such a sleep-deprived zombie state with our first kids to fully realize this. Now it starts to sink in. So we say “yes” to a few more things… staying up later, an extra treat, etc.

For those of you with graduates today, take it all in. I hope the day goes well. I hope you realize that it doesn’t matter what kind of food you have or how many decorations there are. If your kids are happy, that is enough. For those graduating today, remember your parents love you… probably more than you can comprehend  right now. Enjoy the next stage in your life. Have some fun, learn something new & have some amazing adventures. To your parents, you are enough.  Peace be with you today. I’ll be the one with my eyes wide open, trying not to blink.

My wish for you…

On By journeyofenough2 Comments


My wish for you is that you will do something in your life that’s out of your comfort zone. Something that you thought you’d never be able to do (in a good way, not an illegal way 😉) Yesterday, I completed my 4th half marathon, but my first one “post cancer.” I didn’t prepare enough for it, and I knew that. I had started training with a great group in Fargo in January (Faster Stronger Runner.) I soon realized that I’d need to walk more than run. I started skipping the training sessions. My kids had events, it was too cold… Lots of excuses. The problem was, that I don’t feel like a runner. I don’t love it like my husband does. I’m not fast. I cannot talk when I run. I don’t get a runner’s high. I had committed to do the half though, and I wasn’t going to back out. I did most of my training on my own, enjoying the quiet time.

Leading up to the half marathon, the weather reports showed it being hotter than it has been in this area. 80 degrees is great for spectators, but not great for most runners. You need to take in more water and try to keep your body cool. I started out ahead of the three hour pace group, knowing that they’d eventually pass me. That was ok. My main goal was to finish. I gave lots of high 5’s to kids and adults. I wore a big pink tutu and my “TeamEdith” hat. (I raised over $275 for breast cancer research) I twirled my tutu in the street, told the story behind it to a few people, and smiled big each time someone yelled, “nice tutu!” The temps were much hotter than I would have liked, but you have to deal with the day as it comes. I took water and Powerade at every stop. I ran through each sprinkler, and took advantage of kids with squirt guns. A friend handed me a bag of ice, which made its way around my body – in my bra, under my arms and in my hat. My husband and kids were out to cheer me on. Their cheers, hugs and high fives were wonderful. They walked with me the last mile. One advantage of Cameron being a 6 time finisher of the same race, he knew the last mile would be tough. He was right. They kept me going, and I was able to shuffle/jog into the Fargodome. My sister was in the stands, and husband and kids were right along the finish line. I did it!

I thought for sure I’d cry at the end. I didn’t. Maybe I was too dehydrated. I did almost pass out, but managed to keep it together (despite being clammy and having everything flashing/going spotty.) What did make me cry was when I thought of the people I was thankful for. I texted some of them as I was waking on the course. Not everyone, but some I was able to text as I ran “their mile.” The people towards the end had much shorter notes. At mile 5/6 there was a man in a wheelchair without legs, cheering on the side of the road. His sign said “take a step for me, I’ll be with you..” Something to that effect. I was crying in the street because I could walk/run/jog – it’s all about perspective. It made me think that a year ago, I had a broken foot, was recovering from lumpectomy & radiation and I was getting ready for a hysterectomy. This is why I ran. Because I can. I wanted to show people, and my kids, that you can do anything you put your mind to. My pain is only temporary. A few days from now, stairs won’t hurt as much and I will be able to get up more easily.

I struggled with not being fast enough, good enough, going far enough… But the look on my family’s faces said that I was enough. Peace be with you on your journey of enough & may you take the time to enjoy some high fives and spectators cheers. God put them there for you.

Let us run with perseverance…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment


The young man on the right is my son, getting ready for a 100m race. It’s a race that he didn’t win, but he did his best and didn’t give up. The verse is one of my favorites. It is also printed on the back of the Fargo Marathon medals.

The Fargo Marathon is coming up this weekend. There are several events leading up to it, but the one I’ll be concerned with is the half marathon. For the past 6 years, my husband has run the Fargo full marathon.  26.2 miles is not on my bucket list. I’m content to be a marathoner’s wife. At some point last year, I decided that when I beat cancer, I’d finish another half marathon. (It didn’t seem like a good idea when it was super cold out though.) Regardless of my finishing time, I plan to complete the race.

“Perseverance”… not giving up. It applies to more than just running. Steady persistence in a course of action is one definition. Don’t give up is a lesson that I hope I’ve taught our boys. Facing cancer head on, broken foot, hysterectomy etc – I didn’t give up. Were there days that I wanted to? Yep. I’m human. We all are. My husband got a stomach bug during his last marathon. He looked longingly at the medical tent, tempted to give up. But he didn’t. He wanted to show our boys perseverance. Will they understand it today? Maybe not. But they will have the memory of him sticking with it.

“The race marked out for us…” Just as the marathon organizers plan out the course and mark it with spray paint, orange cones & traffic directors, God does the same for us. Sometimes we don’t see the signs. We are too busy looking ahead to see what’s next, or looking behind us to see who’s coming, & we don’t pay attention to his signs. We may be tempted to quit or to take a different route. We might be so busy worrying about our feet hurting that we forget to high 5 the little kids on the sidelines, to thank the volunteers or just to soak up all of the positive energy. God puts people in our lives to help direct us. While they may not have orange reflective vests on, they are there to gently guide us down the correct route. Have you ever felt this? That someone was placed in our life for you to learn something or to help you go a certain direction? They were. And there are more signs if we just pay attention.

I hope you take the opportunity to watch a marathon or a half marathon. It’s amazing. I get emotional each time I watch. The things that our bodies can do are simply amazing. All kinds, shapes, sizes and ages will be in the race. For some, their speed and grace is beautiful to see. For others like me, their goal is to finish… to persevere. Cheer them all on!!

Saturday will be an emotional day. Whatever my finish time is, it will be enough. Crossing the finish line will symbolize more than just 13.1 miles. I’ll be the one in the pink tutu. Come out & cheer me on. I’ll be accepting high 5’s also.

Warriors wanted…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment


“Prayer warriors” took on a whole new meaning 2 years ago after my brother-in-law’s farm accident. He had a tractor drive over his back. The odds of him coming out of that alive, let alone able to walk again were slim. He is a miracle. We called on everyone we knew to pray. For those first several scary days, that’s all we could do. Pray. My sister and I stayed up all day & night for a few days. Our slogan became, “we are running on God and coffee.” I’m not one to stay up all night, yet I didn’t feel tired (not like I would normally be) the whole time I was there. We could feel the prayers. If you’ve ever gone through something traumatic and let people into your personal life, asked them to pray for you, you might have experienced this. It’s amazing and life changing. It makes you look at prayer in a whole new way. Intentional…

Intentional prayer is different. Instead of saying, “I’ll pray for you,” you pray specific, intentional prayers. I like to think that God likes it when we have a conversation. When we are more specific and intentional, I feel like it makes it easier for him to help us. After I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I felt that same feeling again. I felt people praying for me. The best way to describe it, for me, is like a warm blanket covering you… wrapping you in peace. Given the experience from before, I asked for specific prayers. I opened up & shared what I was going through, in order for people to help pray specifically & intentionally. It’s hard to let people in and be vulnerable, but I was glad that I did.

If you want to help someone and you don’t know what to do, this is one of the easiest ways to help. Take a few minutes & have a chat with God. Include a prayer for peace for them. Offer some kind words to your friend… not advice or judgement or questions, just tell them you are praying for them (& maybe what your specific prayer was.) There are a lot of people I know who are going through some crummy stuff right now. It seems that the older I get, the more common that is – health issues, marriage issues/divorce, and death of loved ones. Aside from possibly bringing them a meal or sending a care package or card, I try to pray for them.

Faith is an important thing to me, and it’s become something I’m more open to talk about than ever before. It doesn’t make me perfect or better. It makes me more at peace. I feel that part of my journey is to share it with others – to share my faith journey, stumbles and all. Remember friends, you are enough!

Thankfulness…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment


I like this picture. Aside from the message of being thankful, I like the picture of the two seeds just floating along together. Sometimes we feel like the two seeds in the middle, floating side by side, and sometimes we feel like the ones in the top corner, kind of tumbling and randomly falling. I feel like the more thankful we are, the more we are like the two in the middle. It helps guide our path. When we forget to be thankful, then things can feel out of control.

But what if it’s hard to be thankful? Oh, some days it’s not easy & I won’t claim to have it all together. Some days fear and guilt overshadow thankfulness. Fear is something they don’t talk much about “post treatment.” Fear of the unknown, of reoccurrence, of death. The what ifs that swirl around in our mind can sometimes make it feel like you are suffocating. When you get a strange pain or have unexplained vertigo for long periods of time, it’s hard to shut off the “what ifs.” It’s a balance between being a hypochondriac and being an advocate for yourself. There is unexpected guilt too. How did I get so lucky to get through this while other people lose loved ones unexpectedly? I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain those things. Maybe nobody does.

I feel the need to hand over those fears to God though. I know that it makes some people uncomfortable talking about it, but you can just quietly do this yourself. Whisper, pray, think to yourself…

       Lord, I give my fears over to you. I know that I cannot fix them myself and that you are greater than this world. Help me to focus on the good. I give to you my feelings of not being enough. Help me to realize that to you, I am enough. You designed me to be the best mom that I can be to my kids (even when it doesn’t feel like it.) You already give me the tools I need … Help me to see all the good you see in me. Amen

To me, those two seeds feel so peaceful. I hope you find peace today amidst your struggle. Start your day with thankfulness, even when it’s not easy. Peace be with you on your journey of enough.

Another anniversary… 

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

 Are you tired of my anniversaries? 1 year ago tomorrow, I had my last radiation appointment. I “rang the bell” at Roger Maris Cancer Center & ended my active treatment. These milestones are wonderful to celebrate but they bring up some emotions too. My Facebook memories showed my Caring Bridge post from a year ago. Since you might not have read that, I’m posting it here too:

April 7, 2015

Today I had my last regular/weekly appointment with the radiation oncologist (aka my flow chart Dr). Tomorrow is my last radiation treatment. They were talking to me today about ringing the bell after my last treatment tomorrow. I guess I hadn’t thought of that. I obviously know that tomorrow is the last day, but to realize that it’s the last day of “active treatment” was something that hadn’t quite sunk in yet. The thought of being able to “Ring the Bell” kind of made me emotional. For those of you who don’t know, there is a big bell by the doorway at Roger Maris. When you are done with “active treatment”, you can ring the bell to signify that you are a Survivor. Some people don’t want to do it, some think it’s superstitious to ring it in case your cancer returns (and also you still have 5 yrs of follow up – but this is the end of active treatment). I am quite certain that I will ring their bell and do so with my pink attire on and a large smile on my face. And I will quite possibly be teary.

I am relieved to have this part of my journey (almost) over. I’m amazed at the prayers, friendship and support that me and all of my family have received these last 4 months. I’m thankful for those prayers and positive messages that have carried us through some difficult days. I’m so thankful for my family and their support. I know I’m not always easy to deal with, and they’ve taken it in stride. I’m thankful for my co-workers, and Cameron’s, who have helped cover our work duties, supported our absences and listened to our stories – I’m sure to them it seems like this is going on FOREVER. I am thankful that I have grown in faith, learned to turn things over to God (and not be shy or apologetic in my dependence on HIM), and have drawn on HIS strength and promise to keep me going. While my journey isn’t over, and I’ll likely update after hysterectomy (and if there is anything else “interesting” that happens along the way), I’m glad to be closing this “chapter” of my cancer story. Strength, positive attitude and faith are things that I’ve heard from people when they talk about how I’m handling this. There is a saying on my desk that is truer than you’ll ever know – “You never know how STRONG you are until being STRONG is the only choice you have”. That’s how I’ve approached this journey, and will continue to for the next 5+ years.
So, if you see me tomorrow (Wed) after 11am, feel free to HIGH FIVE me, say congratulations, or just smile big. This chapter of my journey will be ending, and I will be thankful!
**********

That was from a year ago. At times it feels like yesterday & sometimes it feels like a million miles away. I still carry the card with me from the cancer center: “Ring this bell Three times well Its toll to clearly say, My treatment’s done This course is run And I am on my way.” I still can’t read that without getting a lump in my throat. So tomorrow I will acknowledge my anniversary & be thankful for all that’s happened. Oh, and if you want to high five me on Friday, that’s fine too.