Tag: #peace

Just try…

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We went to a Cross Country meet Thursday. It was 88 degrees in the shade and there was only a slight breeze. Buses lined the street and there were cars as far as we could see. We had never been to Little Falls, Mn, but that’s where the meet was. JV boys, JV girls, Varsity Boys then Varsity girls ran a 5k on the golf course. We were most interested in the JV boys. I love watching running. While I have completed 4 half marathons, I don’t really love to run like my husband does. I’ve never driven by someone who was out for a run and wished I was them. But I love to watch it.  I love the crowd of kids and seeing them race. I love cheering for them – all of them. The fun went off and the crowd came racing towards us. I always try to pick out my runner, and in that first sea of kids, it’s sometimes difficult. As I scanned the crowd for Alexandria shirts, I cheered for the Cardinals and clapped for everyone else. Then a boy in a green jersey ran by with an adult. The adult had a strap around his wrist attached to the kid in the green jersey. He was leading him through the course because his sight is impaired. I instantly got a lump in my throat. Wow. We wove our way through the golf course, cheering at different intersections. There was one big hill on the course. After our Alexandria runners went by, I stayed to cheer on the rest of the kids. Myles asked me why we didn’t just leave. I said, “Because nobody is here. No one is cheering these boys on. We are staying until the last one runs by.” And we did. First, last or in between, they all tried.

As the sight impaired boy came closer to the finish, I heard his guide say, “26 is a PR (personal record), you’re almost there!” I cheered for him, never knowing his name or his story. I talked to my husband after the race and asked out loud, “Why does that make me so emotional to see a blind kid running?” Why? Because he tried. He didn’t give up. Last week we were at a race in Detroit Lakes. It was a hard course with lots of hills. As usual, Cameron went to the back of the course to cheer the kids on… the spots that nobody goes to, except maybe a coach or two. He saw a kid start to go up the hill, start walking and walk off the course. He didn’t finish. He wasn’t going to win, so he stopped. He didn’t appear injured… it was just hot and hard. 
To me, this is one of the big things that sports teaches us. Yes, I understand that many won’t go on to be big college runners or win the Boston marathon, but they learn to try. Hopefully they have a coach that puts more emphasis on doing your best than winning. If you learn to keep going in the face of adversity, maybe you will apply that to other areas of your life. If you do your best, that’s enough.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you keep going when you feel like walking off the course. Listen for the cheers, and just try.

Stand by me…

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Are you sitting down? Stand up. It’s ok, I’ll wait… Stand up. How long did it take you? If you are able bodied, it took you a few seconds maybe? How many times do you do that in a day? Ever think about it? Ever give thanks for it? We did, 3 years ago. 

My brother-in-law had been in a farm accident, where a tractor drove over his back. He had broken ribs and needed a plate put in to hold his pelvis together. He spent weeks in the hospital recovering, and even longer in a wheel chair. He needed time to heal without walking. Then the OK came… “You can try to stand.” I can’t imagine how scary and exciting and overwhelming that must have been. Can you imagine the faith that took? The faith that the doctors knew what they were doing? The faith that God had pulled you through? The faith that your family would be there if you fell? He stood with a walker, and we all cheered!

The thought of that “anniversary” yesterday made me cry. Thankful, overwhelmed tears, even after 3 years. There is so much that we take for granted each day… walking,  seeing, talking. We forget to be thankful for the small things until something happens to make them more difficult. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Isaiah 40:29. There is no doubt in my mind that God gave him strength to stand. God continues to give him strength, as he does to all of us…Strength to overcome obstacles we never thought we’d win. 

When things go wrong, or seem out of control, we are more likely to cry out for help. But, just today, stand up – and then whisper, “thank you.” Make a list of all of the things you are thankful for – big or small. Then do the same thing tomorrow. If you focus on the good, more good will come.  When you feel like you’re not enough, remember that God is standing beside you. To Him, you are always enough. 

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. 

Good news and donuts…

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I’ve transitioned almost everything after our move… new dentist, orthodontist, new church, new doctor, new place to change the oil and find cheap bread (different places). One thing that I’ve held out on is my oncologist. I can’t bring myself to change that one just yet. There’s a reason why we are reluctant to change – it’s safe and comfortable and predictable to stay with what you know. Even with all of the changes that I’ve gone through in the last year, this is one that I’m waiting a little longer to change. So, for now, I will drive back to Fargo every 6 months to meet with my oncologist. 

Leading up to the appointment, we were on a family trip, so my mind was pre occupied with vacation stuff. I did find myself being “short” with my family, but I didn’t make the connection- appointment was coming up and I was anxious. It’s been more than 2 years since I rang the bell signifying the end of my cancer, but the what ifs are hard to push out of my mind. What if I missed something in a self exam? What if there is a different cancer somewhere else? I tried to quiet my mind on the drive to Fargo and stopped for a quick cappuccino Heath Blizzard before my appointment. 

Breathe…

I checked in to the front desk at the cancer center. Every time I’m there, I’m one of the youngest people there. I also look healthy, aside from being a little overweight… I don’t fit in. I wonder about everyone’s story. We all have a story. The grey haired couple argued about which direction to go. The lady in a wheelchair wanted her leg adjusted. The lady with a walker and a scarf on her head looked for a place to sit. All different stories with a common thread… cancer. I didn’t have to wait long before the nurse called my name. I stepped on the scale and walked back to the exam room.

Breathe…

Vitals and verbal updates, then wait for the Doctor. While I waited, I thought back to that first appointment with him, when they had to re-do my blood pressure because it was off the charts. I didn’t have to wait too long before he came in. I had nothing new to report, but he would check things over just to be sure. I got the all clear – stat on the same “anti-cancer” meds and see him again in 6 months. I can have my 3D mammograms and MRI done in Alexandria.  

Wheew! BIG breath.

As I left the clinic, I found my way down to Broadway and just had to stop for donuts. I wish I didn’t tie food to celebrating, but I do. Good news called for good donuts. Maybe someone will start a trend of celebration carrots, but until then… peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you be blessed with good news and donuts! 

Free to grow…

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School is starting for our North Dakota friends, and before we know it, we will have our new “back to school pictures” too. This photo was from 5 years ago. 5 years. Myles was just going into Kindergarten and Dallas was going into 4th grade. Sometimes when I look at my boys, this is what I see. I’m guessing that my parents still see a blonde 5 year old with curly pigtails. I imagine it’s similar for other parents… you see a growing son or daughter before you, but your mind jumps back to years ago. Those little hands that just wanted you to hold them, those big backpacks on their little bodies, those smiles – eager with anticipation for a new school year. 

I often hear people say, “I wish I could keep them this age forever.” I get the idea behind it, but it also makes me think of those parents that don’t get to see their kids grow – they are taken from them all too soon, and they are “frozen in time.” They won’t get to experience life with them beyond that point. That picture is the last one they will take. There won’t be totes of school papers, pictures from the big game or prom or weddings. I know that may seem harsh, but there are families in this area dealing with that this year. There are families everywhere dealing with it. 

So, while we soak up the last few days of summer and get ready for back-to-school nights, let’s remember to be thankful. Be thankful that your kids are free to grow. Be thankful for their busy schedules and noisy friends and games. Be thankful that they’ve grown out of their new clothes already. Just stop and breathe it all in. Soak it up like a sponge and thank God for another year with them. Think of those parents who won’t get to experience this. (Maybe have coffee with them or just give them a hug). 

Peace be with you on your journey of enough & may God grant you growing kids. 

Just one…

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On a humid August night, I walked into a restaurant that was new to me (The Garden Bar on 6th). There were only two other guests in the building, but the sign said Please wait to be seated. So I did. The gal came over and asked how many were in my party. “Just one,” I said quietly. My boys were off on a trip back to Harvey, ND so I was in my own tonight. Truth be told, I don’t love to cook. I love to bake things or make desserts, but I’m not a great cook. So when I’m home alone, it’s either cereal, eggs or left overs. I thought I’d try something new. As I scrolled through my phone, I glanced at the menus. I ordered a Minnescato Mule (like a Moscow Mule, but with a local Miscato and rhubarb syrup). I’m not a “foodie,” but in the spirit of trying new things, I had a kale summer salad with berries, candied pecans, pecan crusted chicken and a maple vinegarette. I made a point to look at my waiter when he came by – instead of being shy and embarrassed of being alone, I paused what I was doing and paid attention. As the copper mug condensated on the table, I slowly enjoyed my salad. When I was finished, he appeared again and asked if I’d like dessert. (See previous post about pie.. 😉). “Yes,” I said. “What do you have?” He looked surprised that I had agreed to it and he read off the 3 items on their dessert menu. The first one was a blueberry rhubarb bread pudding. Mmm. No more needed to be said. I love bread pudding for some reason and Cameron isn’t a fan. “Yes, the bread pudding sounds great, thank you.” I went back to my phone, pausing to look out the window or watch for new people coming in. The other two had left and soon more groups appeared… 2 guys who made it clear that they were not on a date, a group of 4 ladies who were there for a “birthday club,” (even though it wasn’t anyone’s birthday- they just like to get together once a month), and a group of young ladies. As I waited for my dessert, the restaurant got busier and the sound of conversations drowned out the music. Then it arrived. Warm blueberry rhubarb bread pudding with ice cream on top. It was amazing. After a couple of bites of the warm pudding with a prefect crunch top, I figured I’d better photograph this. I am not a food critic but this was really good.

As I left the restaurant, I started thinking about my first statement… “just one.” Just… like it wasn’t ok that I was there alone. I almost felt the need to explain myself, but I didn’t. The thing is, as an introvert, I need this kind of time to recharge my batteries. I don’t do it much, but I do feel more refreshed when I’ve had a little time alone, to regroup. I feel like it makes me a better mom, wife, co-worker when I’ve had some “me time.”  There was a time in my like where I would have laughed at that term. Me time?!  What is that? Nobody has time to be alone, there is too much to do. Yeah, there is, but it will still be there. The peas were still waiting in my garden to be picked. While my supper delay made me a feast for hungry mosquitoes (they get worse at dusk), the peas were still there and they still got picked. And, while I was picking peas and being a mosquito buffet, I started thinking about writing. Sometimes I catch myself thinking in “story lines”… testing out my blog ideas in my head. Will that be a good enough story? Is that interesting enough? Enough, enough, enough. Yes. It will be. Because someone else is eating alone tonight and they also said “just one.” And I want them to know that’s ok. Whatever your reason, it’s alright. If you are lonely though and don’t want it to be just one, I hope you’ll chat up the waiter or waitress. You might be the only person tonight that treats them like a person and not a servant or an after thought. If you need that time to recharge and refresh, I hope you take it. I hope you are able to enjoy a peaceful evening (or lunch or whatever). I wish you peace on your journey of enough. The kind of peace that comes from a recharge (and a really good bread pudding.)

Pack your bags & try the pie….

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It all started with a casual conversation…

My sister, Marie and her friend Heather were talking about spending some time with their daughters. “We should really do something with our girls before they go off to college next year… And while they still like us.” What the mom’s didn’t realize was that the girls overhead the conversation and it lit a spark. Both of them probably knew it was one of those things people say, wishing for it to happen, but knowing that it probably wouldn’t. Time would slip away, and before they knew it, they’d be off to college. So the girls, soon to be seniors in high school, took it upon themselves to plan a trip. The girls told the moms what days to take off of work and what to pack, but nothing else. “You need 3 days off, tennis shoes & shorts for sure.” No clues. No hints. No slip ups. Their lips were sealed, but their minds were racing. You could see the sparkle in their eyes when they talked about the upcoming adventure. 

The girls researched where to go, what things to do in the area, popular places to eat, etc. The moms were still totally unaware of what was in store. Anticipation was thick as they loaded up the car early in the morning of day 1. It was 3 hours into the trip before they found out where they were headed. Duluth, MN. 


Their 3 day adventure would take them biking along Canal Park, having meals by Lake Superior, a trip to Gooseberry Falls, Glensheen mansion & Betty’s Pies & more. 3 days. That’s it. This wasn’t a week long vacation to the Caribbean. It was 3 days in northern Minnesota, and it meant more to the moms than the girls will ever know. It meant that they cared enough to want to spend time together. It mean that they planned out their trip with excitement & mystery. It meant that the love those moms show their daughters came back full circle. It makes me emotional and teary eyed thinking about it. I’m sure it will make them all smile each time they think of their trip together. Time spent together that they wouldn’t trade for the world. 

Take the trip. Try the pie. Walk by the lake. Love. Laugh. 

It makes me think of a surprise trip that I planned 16 years ago. Cameron was about to turn 30, and I wanted to surprise him. Before kids, before 9/11, before airport security & before you needed a passport for Canada, I planned a surprise trip to Niagara Falls. I did have a binder and a plan but it was all secret to him. I got him to the airport & had his bags already packed. I had a sign with his name on it. His plane ticket was purchased & we were off.


We stayed on the Canadian Falls side & had a great time. We went on a biking trip to vineyards in the area and saw the falls up close. I normally don’t add this many pictures, but look at these kids!! I’m not sure what made us laugh at the vineyard picture, but I’m guessing it was something that seemed funnier given the amount of wine we had.


I realize that we do need to work to make a living, but it can’t be at the expense of our life. These moments won’t come around again. We don’t get a “do-over.” I still grin when I think about this trip – as will those 4 ladies when they think about their Duluth adventures.

On your journey of enough, take the time to have a detour. Go somewhere new. Try a new food. Have a new adventure. Stop and listen and soak it all in. Spend some time with those you hold dear. Oh, and for sure -have the pie! 

Have a friend who thinks you are enough…

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Change is hard. It’s scary. It’s also not impossible. It’s been 6 months since we moved … half of a calendar year has gone by in a new state, new city, new schools, new jobs, new churches, new Dr’s. We are still adjusting but we are also doing fine. More people were worried about my kids than my husband and I. “It must be hard to move at that age.” “I can’t believe you changed schools during the school year.” You get the idea – I must have ruined their lives. Only, I didn’t.

Kids are way more resilient than we give them credit for. Yes, we moved our kids. But we also love and support them, we feed and clothe them and take them places. They aren’t abused, neglected, dealing with alcoholic parents or wondering where their next meal will come from. Many of their classmates are. We just don’t see or talk about it as much. Kids are also more easy going (sometimes). They may be more open to learning about “the new kid.” The boys still miss their friends deeply, but they are also making new friends. Much easier than the adults are. Making new friends as an adult is harder, in my opinion.

I don’t have anything to compare it to. We moved to Kindred when I was 1. I graduated from high school in the same town. I even moved back for a period of time. I didn’t have much change of scenery. I wasn’t forced to adapt. That’s not a bad thing – it was comfortable and secure. It was safe.

Making friends as an adult is hard for me. I’ve become even more introverted than before. I fear rejection & judgement. It’s scary and doesn’t feel safe. I am admittedly hard to know. I have a small circle of close friends, but those are ones that I would do anything for. I am very thankful for them. I became friends with Jessie when we were neighbors. I offered some baby clothes to my pregnant neighbor, and somehow we clicked. Similar values, love to bake, both introverted. We would go on walks around our neighborhood & talk for hours. We’d lose track of time while we put on miles. We’d have monthly group suppers (with enough food to feed many) Then she moved. Just 15 miles, but it was so hard. Would we stay friends? Would we still see each other? I mourned the loss of my best friend & walking partner…The person who didn’t care if my house was messy or not. She accepted me for me. The real me was enough for her. Fast forward many years…We stayed friends and are still close, even though I’m farther away. It just takes more planning to get together in person. She knows that if she texts me at 11:30pm, that I’m sleeping but I will reply to her at 6am when I get up. Our kids have grown up together and act more like cousins or brothers and sisters than just friends.

Friendship are hard, but they are possible. I may meet some new people, but I will always cherish the friends in my circle. I know people who are making some big life moves, and the thought of leaving their friends is hard. My advice is this: “you will make time for what/whom is important to you.” Peace be with you on your journey and may you always has a friend who believes you are enough. (Because you ARE!)

Peace, signs & perspective…

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Sometimes, days go by like the movie “Groundhog Day.” Other times, you get repeated messages or signs over and over and over. Today was one of those days. Everything seemed to be sending messages of letting go, of releasing anxiety and of finding peace.

Maybe it’s because it is the start of a new month. Maybe it’s because today is the first day of Lent. Maybe it’s just because I’m paying attention. Sometimes I feel conceited for thinking that God takes the time to send signs to little old me. And then I realize that He sends signs to all of us. If we are too busy or aren’t listening, he keeps trying. The God of the universe tries to make sure we have what we need.

We closed on our houses this week – the sale of our old house and the purchase of a new home. It’s the start of a new chapter and a new adventure… Anxiety, letting go & finding peace. We went to Lent service tonight and were reminded that God finds us when we are lost. It talked about leaving home and Jesus venturing away from what was familiar and safe and going out into the wilderness. My 14 year old leaned over and said, “it’s kind of like they are talking about us.” There was an artist there who painted during the service. In less than an hour, he created a masterpiece. It was related to the Bible story about the man who stored up his weath, but for what? He was so proud of his earthly wealth but what good did that do when he was gone? A reminder that it’s not about “things.”

Then, our bedtime reading of “Jesus Calling for kids” by Sarah Young also talked about peace and anxiety. We should hand over what we need to God & thank him.

You, Lord, give true peace. You give peace to those who depend on you. You give peace to those who trust you. Isaiah 26:3

The perspective comes from those who have lost people close to them recently. Some died too soon, some unexpectedly, but all created a void. We cannot live on earth forever, but we aren’t always ready to leave. We heard a story tonight of a 43 year old man who died suddenly of a heart attack. 43. My age. Perspective.

So, here is my wish for you –  may you have peace or learn ask for it. May you see the signs that are being sent for you. May you understand that God’s timing isn’t the same as ours. May you have the perspective you need to appreciate the good in your life. Peace be with you on your journey of enough.