Tag: #kindness

Just show up…

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I spent part of Friday at a funeral. My uncle passed away, so I drove down to the funeral. I wasn’t the only one. There are 10 kids on my mom’s side, and 8 of the 9 living siblings showed up for the funeral. The one who couldn’t make it felt very bad, but they weren’t able to change travel plans. My mom’s sister passed away several years ago with breast cancer. It was her husband who passed recently after a stroke. As our family filled the fireside lounge, I looked around at how many aunts, uncles, cousins and their kids had made the trip to pay their respects. But mostly, they wanted to be there for my cousins. Although they are adults with kids of their own, I imagine it’s still difficult to lose a parent. This is something that has always struck me as special about this family – and I doubt many of them give it a second thought… they show up. They show up for weddings and funerals, graduations and parties. They show up for each other without thinking it’s a big deal. But it is. Especially to the people they show up for.

I think people get hung up on the right thing to say or do, when sometimes we just need to show up. A hug or a smile or a kind word goes a long way. It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture. They just need to know that someone cares. Regardless of what you do, it will be enough if you show up.

A few years ago, we had a family reunion on this side. There are around 100 of us, and that’s just the “immediate family.” We laughed and played games and ate & drank too much, and we were there for each other. I like to think that my kids learn more about family when this huge group is together. They learn how to be close even when miles separate them. They learn how to pick up where they left off. They learn how to play cards and laugh until you cry. Another reunion is in the works, and I’m honored to be planning it.

My aunt who passed was a neat lady. Red hair and a soft smile, she was also a planner. She was the glue that brought the family together. She planned events and parties but she really knew how to make people feel special. In the small North Dakota town where my grandparents lived, there used to be a Dairy Queen. I remember my aunt taking me there for a treat. Mostly, she made me feel seen, important & special. I was probably a pre teen at the time. That memory stuck with me. When someone compares me to her, I am extremely honored. I felt her presence at the funeral. I pictured her sitting next to me in the empty chair, and she was grinning. She was so glad her family had come together to honor her husband. She was glad they showed up.

So, I hope this will remind you that however you decide to show up, it will be enough. Visit the person who is lonely. Bring a meal to someone who is struggling. Just show up. Don’t worry about it being a big enough gesture. Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you know that God can dwell within you, and when we show up for each other, we are sharing that love.

PS- this beautiful necklace was given to me by my thoughtful niece… my saying and my birthstone. I’m so thankful.

You never know what will stick…

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9 years ago, my nephew (& husband) took my oldest son ice fishing. Cameron was convinced that if Dallas was out in the cold, not catching fish, that the experience would make him not want to ice fish again & he’d be off the hook (so to speak) for future requests. But that’s not what happened. Within minutes of their ice fishing expedition, Dallas caught a Northern almost as big as he was (he was 5yrs old). The smile on his face says it all. He was hooked!! He told me that it must be a world record. To him, it was. He has loved fishing of all kinds and has spent many hours in ice houses over the past year.

You never know what will “stick”… what things your kids will end up loving. They don’t come with a manual or instruction guide. You both learn as you go. Each kid is different. Just because one loves something doesn’t mean the other will. Dallas loves fishing but Myles only likes it if he’s catching. Dallas would sit in a boat or an ice house for hours on end (and has) & Myles would rather play in the snow or sand, play with sticks or hunt for frogs. Myles even made his own “pole” out of a stick, some line and a hook and called it The Fish Stick. He actually caught fish with it more than once.

I’m certainly not an expert in children, but I think it’s important to give them a variety of experiences to see what sticks. They won’t know what they love if they don’t get to try a bunch of things. Myles recently started guitar lessons. He’s not really into sports, partially because he’s just not competitive. He loves guitar. The smile on his face when he learned to play was like Dallas catching his big Northern. He loves to draw and create things. Dallas is into all things outdoors and hunting. If he said he was going to live in a cabin in the woods when he grows up, I wouldn’t be surprised at all.

As adults, we aren’t too old to try something new either. Maybe it’s a painting class or archery or yoga or snowshoeing… you might just find your new favorite thing. It’s easy for us to get stuck in a rut… to repeat our days because it’s comfortable & safe. But, what if you tried something new (food or activity). You might just find something that sticks, or you might open up ideas for someone else. So, I challenge you to try something new or expose your kids to something new. Peace be with you on your journey of enough & I hope you find your new favorite thing!

I thought of Mr.Rogers …

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You might have seen the story online about Mr. Rogers. He said whenever something scary was going on, his mom would tell him to “Always look for the helpers.” It takes the focus off the bad and onto the doctors, nurses, firefighters, police, neighbors, volunteers etc. Focus on the good.

We were in the middle of that on a Tuesday & I thought of Mr. Rogers. We had gone to Dallas’ last Cross Country meet in St.Cloud. It was a beautiful MN fall day… sun shining, pretty trees, slight breeze. He ran his fastest race yet. It was exciting to see. After he ran, we left him with the team to watch the other groups run & ride the bus home. We went on a bit of a road trip to look at a mower. Cam had found it online and it worked out that if we left after the run, we’d make it up to see the mower after the guy was done with work. It was an uneventful road trip. We met him at his place of work and followed him home. Cameron tested the mower and decided it was a good deal. I had just handed the guy the cash, when he tripped. He didn’t get up & looked like he might be having a seizure. A neighbor lady “just happened” to be walking by. She ran up to check on him and identified herself as a first responder. While she called 911, she handed me her keys and told me to get all of the medical stuff out of her black vehicle. Myles and I ran down the street trying to find her vehicle. While we were searching, another neighbor came home from her shift as a nurse. She jumped in to help with CPR. We finally realized that her car was inside the garage (not outside) and found the AED and other supplies. When we raced back to the scene, the guy was blue. The police had arrived and one of the officers was a paramedic. The ambulance came and brought more equipment to get his heart started. It was chaos and organization… all spinning so fast but going in slow motion. I put my arm around the first responder’s granddaughter & made sure she was turned away from the scene. Myles was in our truck. Several times the man’s heart was shocked. Check the pulse, check the pupils etc. They brought him back and got him stable enough to transport.

A man died and was revived right before us. This was pretty shocking for everyone. After we got home, I told Myles that it must not have been the man’s time to go. He had a lot of people working to help him. Look at all of the helpers: The first responder who was in the right place at the right time, the nurse who got home from her shift at the right time, the police, the ambulance crew and us. Although I don’t feel like we did much, we were there. He likely would have had this happen regardless if we were there or not.

A couple of months have passed. Myles was quite shaken for a while after the experience. I think we all were. I thought of that again today when I saw a trailer house fire on the way to work. I looked at all of the vehicles there to help… police, ambulance, fire trucks etc. I looked for the helpers. They help people continue their journey, either in this life or the next. Peace be with you today on your journey of enough.

Thousands to share…

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When my friend and I get together, it’s quite the opposite of the “5 loaves and 3 fishes” story. We always over-do food. Not sure why but we both do, so when we are together, we could easily add a few more people and still have plenty. For many years, we have gotten together to do our Christmas baking. We aren’t even sure how it started. Likely it was while we were on a walk one time when we were still neighbors. I’m guessing we got to talking about holiday baking & thought that since we both liked to bake, it would be a great way to do it together. We would try to get together once a month for a group meal. Maybe we talked about it then. Not sure. It all started with her bringing over her baking supplies and using our double oven to make the baking go faster. Of course there were lists involved (who made which one and how much). We each picked our favorites to make. Eventually we found some new ones and got rid of some others.

We made a full day of it each year. Our husbands were in charge of dishes, packaging & the babies. Now our kids are much older and we don’t need the pack & play or diaper bags. The year I was diagnosed with cancer, we still baked. We made an extra batch of everything & took it to a neighbor who was also battling cancer. I was still numb from my diagnosis- still not sure what path my treatment would take. Baking has always been like therapy to me. Not sure why, I just love it. Last year we didn’t do baking day. We had moved into a rental and things were crazy. Between the two of us, we didn’t have a good weekend to do it and my double oven was gone. When we were cleaning out our old house, I cried when I saw sprinkles under the stove – so many memories of baking in that house.

So, this year, we took baking day “on the road.” Her friend wanted to join too, so this time, I packed up 1/2 of my kitchen and hauled it to West Fargo. We spent 4 hrs the night before having some wine & just doing “a few things.” Sunday was Game Day! It was an 8am start, and when we left at 5, they were still doing their cut out cookies. After seeing the pictures on Facebook, several people asked if we were doing a bake sale. It’s not why we made that much, but I am taking some of mine to a bake sale at work. We do a fundraiser for Relay for Life. Usually, we give most of it away. We like to eat some of course, but we mainly just love to share it. Several years, we have packed up a bunch to take to the homeless shelter. We give it to teachers and neighbors & co-workers. The fun is in the laughs that we have while we do it. It’s an all-day, 12-14 hr marathon. Our feet are sore, but our freezers are full and we have plenty to share. Her husband likes to keep track of numbers. Final count was 3500 treats, aside from our separate cut outs and the puff corn & reindeer chow.

I ended up sick but it wasn’t from eating too many sweets. Just a bug. Or God’s way of slowing me down. Or maybe I’m getting too old for this. Regardless, the treats were all divided into 3 groups by our packaging department & will be shared throughout December.

Whatever your talent, be sure to share it. This time of year is a great time to reach out to a neighbor or volunteer somewhere. May your journey of enough contain enough sugar for your cookies, enough music for you to sing along and enough laughter to make the time fly. I’m thankful to have had all of that and more yesterday.

Hibernation…

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It’s opening deer season in MN tomorrow and everyone is excited about getting out and hunting. Except me. I’m excited for my husband & son, but I won’t be sitting in a deer stand myself. I’m more of an “inside girl” in the winter. I try to ski and liked snowshoeing, but I still don’t love winter. Yep, I’m aware of where I live… winter is inevitable. It’s been in the 30’s for several days, and while that makes my son super excited that “ice will be forming on the lakes,” I just want to crawl into my hot coffee & eat all of my Halloween candy. It’s been super cold at work so I’ve had layers on. (Not as cold as my old job where I had a heater and fingerless gloves like from The Breakfast Club movie.) It’s cold enough that I crank it up to “nursing home hot” when I get home.

Hiding. Hibernation. Isolation. It’s easier to do here when it’s cold. It’s easier to get stuck inside under a cozy blanket and nap away the winter. But that’s not what we are called to do. We are called to connect with others, to support each other and to experience our lives. Remember how I told you that I joined a Connect Group at church? Connection. Why are we so scared of it? I met with two strangers and they didn’t laugh at me or call me nuts. We all have our own version of crazy, so we shouldn’t hide ourselves away just for fear of rejection. I went to a retreat last weekend with 18 other ladies I had never met. Me. An introvert. Guess what? It was great! It was amazing and it was fun. Connection. We all crave it whether we admit it or not. I cried and laughed with 18 strangers and made 18 new friends. I opened up my small circle to let people in. They didn’t run away. They hugged me instead. They cried with me and laughed with me. 

Even though I feel like a momma bear some days, I’m not meant to hibernate. Neither are you. I challenge you to let someone new get to know you. The real you, the authentic you. May your journey of enough include some new paths, new friends and new experiences. Life is short, go live it! 

Peace be with you!

Hibernation…

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It’s opening deer season in MN tomorrow and everyone is excited about getting out and hunting. Except me. I’m excited for my husband & son, but I won’t be sitting in a deer stand myself. I’m more of an “inside girl” in the winter. I try to ski and liked snowshoeing, but I still don’t love winter. Yep, I’m aware of where I live… winter is inevitable. It’s been in the 30’s for several days, and while that makes my son super excited that “ice will be forming on the lakes,” I just want to crawl into my hot coffee & eat all of my Halloween candy. It’s been super cold at work so I’ve had layers on. (Not as cold as my old job where I had a heater and fingerless gloves like from The Breakfast Club movie.) It’s cold enough that I crank it up to “nursing home hot” when I get home.

Hiding. Hibernation. Isolation. It’s easier to do here when it’s cold. It’s easier to get stuck inside under a cozy blanket and nap away the winter. But that’s not what we are called to do. We are called to connect with others, to support each other and to experience our lives. Remember how I told you that I joined a Connect Group at church? Connection. Why are we so scared of it? I met with two strangers and they didn’t laugh at me or call me nuts. We all have our own version of crazy, so we shouldn’t hide ourselves away just for fear of rejection. I went to a retreat last weekend with 18 other ladies I had never met. Me. An introvert. Guess what? It was great! It was amazing and it was fun. Connection. We all crave it whether we admit it or not. I cried and laughed with 18 strangers and made 18 new friends. I opened up my small circle to let people in. They didn’t run away. They hugged me instead. They cried with me and laughed with me. 

Even though I feel like a momma bear some days, I’m not meant to hibernate. Neither are you. I challenge you to let someone new get to know you. The real you, the authentic you. May your journey of enough include some new paths, new friends and new experiences. Life is short, go live it! 

Peace be with you!

Experiment of One Word…

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One word. I was a part of a group/class and one of our assignments was to ask on social media: “describe me in 1 word.” We could not say why or respond with anything other than “thank you.” This felt strange. It felt like I was fishing for compliments and laying my heart out. The most amazing thing happened: I got practice accepting a compliment. Instead of brushing it off or adding a “but…” – all I did was reply thank you. It’s harder to do than you think. How many times does someone compliment you and you add a “thanks, BUT I got it on sale” or some other comment that tends to diminish their compliment? Try it out. If someone compliments you, just say thank you, and smile. Soak up the positive energy & spread it around to someone else. 

Another great thing happened… I now have a whole list of words to describe myself. Instead of the negative comments that sometimes float around in my head, I have a whole list of great words. I heard from people I wouldn’t have expected a comment from. I heard responses I wasn’t anticipating. They all remind me of who I am to others & who I should be to myself. I typed them all out in different fonts and  fun colors and hung it in my room. I haven’t been brave enough to hang it at work yet. One word came up twice and made me teary… Enough. Oh, yes! Enough! What a great reminder. 

Given the recent tragic shooting in Las Vegas, it made me think of this “one word.” It doesn’t cost anything to give people a compliment. It’s free to give people a new word to describe themselves. What if you could make someone’s day? What if you could lift them up when they are down? What if you could make them feel loved? You can. Oh precious soul, you do have the power to make someone else feel enough. Or beautiful… or inspirational… or talented. We don’t know how long we have on this earth. Don’t leave those good words unsaid. I challenge you to tell someone what they mean to you. Give them a new positive word. 

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. I’d love to hear what your one word is.

Hold my hand…

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“Fine.” That’s what most people say when you ask, “How are you doing?” Most people are also liars when it comes to this question, but we still ask just to be nice, or fill an awkward silence or make us think that by asking we are somehow better connected. They talked about it at church last night. The pastor talked about people coming to church to feel a sense of community, but not being willing to get past the “fine.”  I get it. I’m there with you. It’s scary. It’s scary to open up to someone else and/or someone new. What if they look at you funny? What if they avoid you next time? What if they laugh, think you’re crazy or tell their friends to avoid you? But what if they care? What if, by opening up, you make a new friend or a new connection? What if you are the listening ear that someone else needs & you make their day? (By the way, you may never know or realize that this happens… people don’t always come back saying, “thanks for listening or caring.”)

So, here I am… being vulnerable… asking for you to hold my hand. (Virtually, of course.) I have my “routine” mammogram tomorrow (Friday) now changed to Monday 10/23. It comes 6 months after the MRI. This is the schedule for a while, after finding breast cancer on my left side. It still makes me nervous. It still takes my breath away. It still makes me feel like an actual elephant is sitting on my chest. I was thinking it would be later in October, but they had an opening this week, and it worked into the schedule. It’s for the best that I didn’t have 25 days to think about it. I only had 2. (I literally wrote this post at noon and they called me to change it to Oct 23rd, so I DO have 25 days to wait. I guess this gives me extra time for prayers.) This will be my first one at the clinic in town instead of driving back to Fargo.  I can do this. It’s quick, it’s not super painful and it’s necessary. I know God’s in control of this, but I can’t help wonder what is up his sleeve for me. I hope it’s to live a long life, see my kids grow & marry, and have families of their own. We aren’t guaranteed that… but that’s my hope. 

I learned to pray more intentionally after several significant life events. So here is my request: Imagine you are holding my hand on October 23rd. I may squeeze your hand when they press the machine down. The scar tissue is still tender. I may shed a tear because I’m just so thankful to be alive. Pray specifically for peace… for a sense of calm to wash over me. Pray for a good, clear scan. Pray for quick results & good news. Then, go hug someone. If you are a female, schedule your damn mammogram. Just do it. I don’t care what size or shape you are… just make the appointment. And when you do, you can message me to pray for you and I promise I will. 

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you have enough courage to open up and let people in. May you have enough faith to get you through tough times. May you have enough friends to hold your hand so that you don’t even notice the mammogram machine smush.

Just try…

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We went to a Cross Country meet Thursday. It was 88 degrees in the shade and there was only a slight breeze. Buses lined the street and there were cars as far as we could see. We had never been to Little Falls, Mn, but that’s where the meet was. JV boys, JV girls, Varsity Boys then Varsity girls ran a 5k on the golf course. We were most interested in the JV boys. I love watching running. While I have completed 4 half marathons, I don’t really love to run like my husband does. I’ve never driven by someone who was out for a run and wished I was them. But I love to watch it.  I love the crowd of kids and seeing them race. I love cheering for them – all of them. The fun went off and the crowd came racing towards us. I always try to pick out my runner, and in that first sea of kids, it’s sometimes difficult. As I scanned the crowd for Alexandria shirts, I cheered for the Cardinals and clapped for everyone else. Then a boy in a green jersey ran by with an adult. The adult had a strap around his wrist attached to the kid in the green jersey. He was leading him through the course because his sight is impaired. I instantly got a lump in my throat. Wow. We wove our way through the golf course, cheering at different intersections. There was one big hill on the course. After our Alexandria runners went by, I stayed to cheer on the rest of the kids. Myles asked me why we didn’t just leave. I said, “Because nobody is here. No one is cheering these boys on. We are staying until the last one runs by.” And we did. First, last or in between, they all tried.

As the sight impaired boy came closer to the finish, I heard his guide say, “26 is a PR (personal record), you’re almost there!” I cheered for him, never knowing his name or his story. I talked to my husband after the race and asked out loud, “Why does that make me so emotional to see a blind kid running?” Why? Because he tried. He didn’t give up. Last week we were at a race in Detroit Lakes. It was a hard course with lots of hills. As usual, Cameron went to the back of the course to cheer the kids on… the spots that nobody goes to, except maybe a coach or two. He saw a kid start to go up the hill, start walking and walk off the course. He didn’t finish. He wasn’t going to win, so he stopped. He didn’t appear injured… it was just hot and hard. 
To me, this is one of the big things that sports teaches us. Yes, I understand that many won’t go on to be big college runners or win the Boston marathon, but they learn to try. Hopefully they have a coach that puts more emphasis on doing your best than winning. If you learn to keep going in the face of adversity, maybe you will apply that to other areas of your life. If you do your best, that’s enough.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you keep going when you feel like walking off the course. Listen for the cheers, and just try.

Free to grow…

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School is starting for our North Dakota friends, and before we know it, we will have our new “back to school pictures” too. This photo was from 5 years ago. 5 years. Myles was just going into Kindergarten and Dallas was going into 4th grade. Sometimes when I look at my boys, this is what I see. I’m guessing that my parents still see a blonde 5 year old with curly pigtails. I imagine it’s similar for other parents… you see a growing son or daughter before you, but your mind jumps back to years ago. Those little hands that just wanted you to hold them, those big backpacks on their little bodies, those smiles – eager with anticipation for a new school year. 

I often hear people say, “I wish I could keep them this age forever.” I get the idea behind it, but it also makes me think of those parents that don’t get to see their kids grow – they are taken from them all too soon, and they are “frozen in time.” They won’t get to experience life with them beyond that point. That picture is the last one they will take. There won’t be totes of school papers, pictures from the big game or prom or weddings. I know that may seem harsh, but there are families in this area dealing with that this year. There are families everywhere dealing with it. 

So, while we soak up the last few days of summer and get ready for back-to-school nights, let’s remember to be thankful. Be thankful that your kids are free to grow. Be thankful for their busy schedules and noisy friends and games. Be thankful that they’ve grown out of their new clothes already. Just stop and breathe it all in. Soak it up like a sponge and thank God for another year with them. Think of those parents who won’t get to experience this. (Maybe have coffee with them or just give them a hug). 

Peace be with you on your journey of enough & may God grant you growing kids.