Tag: #breastcancer

Free to grow…

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School is starting for our North Dakota friends, and before we know it, we will have our new “back to school pictures” too. This photo was from 5 years ago. 5 years. Myles was just going into Kindergarten and Dallas was going into 4th grade. Sometimes when I look at my boys, this is what I see. I’m guessing that my parents still see a blonde 5 year old with curly pigtails. I imagine it’s similar for other parents… you see a growing son or daughter before you, but your mind jumps back to years ago. Those little hands that just wanted you to hold them, those big backpacks on their little bodies, those smiles – eager with anticipation for a new school year. 

I often hear people say, “I wish I could keep them this age forever.” I get the idea behind it, but it also makes me think of those parents that don’t get to see their kids grow – they are taken from them all too soon, and they are “frozen in time.” They won’t get to experience life with them beyond that point. That picture is the last one they will take. There won’t be totes of school papers, pictures from the big game or prom or weddings. I know that may seem harsh, but there are families in this area dealing with that this year. There are families everywhere dealing with it. 

So, while we soak up the last few days of summer and get ready for back-to-school nights, let’s remember to be thankful. Be thankful that your kids are free to grow. Be thankful for their busy schedules and noisy friends and games. Be thankful that they’ve grown out of their new clothes already. Just stop and breathe it all in. Soak it up like a sponge and thank God for another year with them. Think of those parents who won’t get to experience this. (Maybe have coffee with them or just give them a hug). 

Peace be with you on your journey of enough & may God grant you growing kids. 

The file grows…

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It all started as I approached 40. I wouldn’t call it a “bucket list,” because I wasn’t planning on dying anytime soon… there were just some new things I thought I should try. Stuck in my routine and bound by anxiety, I felt like I was missing out. So, why not try something new? I wish I would have actually written them all down. Perhaps I didn’t believe in myself enough to think I’d go through with it. Some things that I do remember (starting around, near or after 40):

  1. Colored my hair blonde (just to see if I’d have more fun)
  2. Completed a half marathon (total of 4 times)
  3. Went to a “paint & sip” by myself – did a painting while drinking
  4. Did hot yoga (normally don’t like being hot)
  5. Joined a “fight club” at the gym (I know, I broke the first rule)
  6. Got breast cancer (lumpectomy, radiation & hysterectomy)
  7. Rang the survivor bell (see above)
  8. Got tattoos (just for radiation, haven’t been brave enough to get a fun one)
  9. Wrote/writing a blog
  10. Rode the Wild Thing roller coaster at Valley Fair
  11. Ski @ Red Lodge, MT
  12. Moved my family to Alexandria 
  13. Went to a writers conference 
  14. Rode the Linq wheel in Vegas
  15. Went to a drive in movie 

Did any of them change my life? Yes. Some were intentional & some were not. All came with lessons or realizations of some kind. Some were more profound than others. Coloring my hair made me realize that it’s not your hair color that decides how much fun you have – it’s your willingness to say yes to new things. Completing the half marathons started out as a test for myself to see if I could do half of what my husband does (he’s a full marathoner). It ended up as an emotional journey – my last one being completed a year after my cancer “stuff.” The painting class by myself was proof that I could step outside my comfort zone. I normally avoid situations where I’m alone with 20-30 strangers. I made it through the class and have done it a few times since then – alone and with friends or family. The hot yoga and fight club made me realize that my body can do some amazing things. Also learned that “hot” is ok and I got my pink boxing gloves for fight club. Those pink gloves would be worn the day of my lumpectomy. The cancer wasn’t on my bucket list, but it did change me. It opened my eyes to how short life is. It helped me to realize that it’s ok to take a risk or make a change. It made me realize that it’s alright to need people, to let them bring you meals or flowers or just visit. 

You get the idea… everything had a meaning or a lesson or a realization of some kind. Some stretched me further than I thought I could go. Some prepared me for other things that would come along later. It only happened because I was open to it. Not quite like the Jim Carey “Yes Man” movie, but along those same lines. Before having cancer, our family trips were carefully planned out. I’m talking spreadsheets, budgets, binders, timing of events & places to go, how much we would spend on parking or toll roads – all of it. Planned. After cancer, we went with a rough idea and were more spontaneous. I’ll never forget my boys looking at me and asking what our plan was for the day. When I said “I’m not sure,” their eyes got huge. “What do you mean?!” This whole concept was foreign to them. It has taught them both ways – it’s good and comfortable and reassuring to have a plan, but it can be fun to be spontaneous.

My hope for you is that your own file (“things I never thought I’d do”) grows. Be open to new things. Let people in. Step out of your comfort zone. Take the trip. May your journey of enough lead you to a whole new set of adventures and a peace that fills your soul. 

Season of enough…

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Are your cards sent? Did you order enough? Are your cookies made? Did you bake enough? Are your presents wrapped? Did you buy enough? As we enter the Christmas & holiday season, we are bombarded with messages that we aren’t enough. Sales that remind us how much time is left or that time is “running out” often create a false sense of urgency. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the material side of Christmas. (Pardon the wrapping pun) I find myself forgetting what I’ve already wrapped if I don’t have a list. When we moved, I found presents that I had “hid” a little too well! Those gifts were perfect for the boys at the time, but they have outgrown them. Those gifts went to the toy drive instead.

Whatever your level of preparedness, I’m guessing that it’s better than you think it is. Many people won’t remember what gift they got last year, but they will remember the time together. 2 years ago, I was recently diagnosed with cancer. At our family Christmas Bunco, I had a little too much to drink – I’m guessing that will be more of a memory than the gloves I gave someone. I remember my mom doing Wii bowling that included some interesting leg movements (she was not drinking). I remember our games of spoons, my nephew showing off his impressive auctioneering skills, & that one time when we went yulebaching.

I’m blessed and thankful to get to spend time with my family over the holidays. My kids will be fed and loved and given gifts. They don’t fully understand how special that is. I know that there are others experiencing loss, faced with a diagnosis or struggling with other issues. I hope that they can find comfort & friendship this holiday. As you rush from one Christmas concert to another, try to cram in some last minute shopping or bake a few more treats, I wish you enough.

Enough family to make you feel loved. Enough food to make you feel full. Enough activity to make you feel vibrant. Enough peace to last you for the coming year.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. (& save a cookie for Santa)

What if you could….

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I celebrated a birthday this week. In the past, I didn’t think they were a big deal, but events over the past two years have made me realize that every birthday is special. Too often we take each day for granted. I’m as guilty as anyone of trying to plan ahead. It’s been part of my job for as long as I can remember and a part of my personal life too. It’s December 1st, but I’m planning for the weekend, for Christmas, for New Years, for next summer. I plan as if it were guaranteed to me – as if living to 95 is how it’s all going to work out. But ask someone who has lost someone – most times they probably weren’t expecting the loss. They too assumed they’d have more time. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t feel like I was going to die when I had cancer. Actually the sudden death of others is what hit me harder. Both things made me appreciate life more. The saying “life is too short” really made sense and that’s part of what prompted our move.

For my birthday, my sister in California sent me a present & house warming gift. The towels are pictured above. “Bake the world a better place.” What if you could? What if just baking could bring joy and peace and make the world a better place?  While it seems like an unattainable goal, when you stop to think about it, it’s true – you can.

I’ve always loved to bake. My mom taught me how. She was great with making homemade cookies, bars, cakes and pies. We frequently had dessert at meals. While she will tell you that she’s “lost the touch,” her gingersnap cookies never last long & her peanut butter Rice Krispie bars are often requested. To me, baking does make the world a better place. It’s one of the things I do when I’m stressed out because it makes me happy. I’d rather offer to bake something for an event than do anything else. It’s one of the reasons that we’ve had a marathon baking day the last several years … joy. We both (me and my friend who does “baking day” with me) give away most of our baking. Teachers, co-workers, church or neighbors – many people other than just family benefit from our plethora of holiday goodies. We’ve taken several dozen to the homeless shelter every year too. My boys help me bring it in. They get to see the big smiles on the faces of those who wouldn’t have homemade treats. Baking the world a better place, one cookie at a time. Perhaps that will be my tag line some day. Now if I could just make them healthier, I’d have it made!

So, enjoy your birthdays, celebrate with loved ones and maybe even bake something this holiday season. (It can be from a mix or even from the freezer, nobody will know) Whatever you make, share it with someone. You could be making their day. Peace be with you on your journey of enough & stop to smell the cookies.

Thanks, you might hear that a few times today…

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At the risk of posting something on Thanksgiving day and having it get lost in your feed…I like this saying & it’s fitting for Thanksgiving week. Sometimes we get so busy that we forget to stop and be thankful. Instead of worrying about what we lack, we should focus on what we have. Many of us live in abundance – we don’t worry about our next meal or where we will sleep. I didn’t thank God for the ability to walk until I broke my foot. Then that simple thing that we take for granted suddenly becomes a big deal. I wasn’t thankful for my health until I had cancer and my life forever changed.

Everyone has a story. We’ve all had some event or circumstance that shapes who we are and the journey that we travel. Sometimes they are huge, significant things like death/loss, cancer, accidents etc. Other times they are small and we don’t recognize it at the time (or maybe ever). For example, back in 1993, I went to a 4H picnic & walked over with a friend to a group of “the cool guys.” The one guy asked where my ex-boyfriend was. I explained that we weren’t dating. He said, “I’m sorry.” I said, “I’m not.” The rest is history. Small, every day occurrences can shape our lives significantly also. That cool dude became my husband. Life forever changed. You may look back on an ordinary day and realize that it was a turning point.

We all also cope with those significant changes differently. Some people feel sorry for themselves, some pretend it didn’t happen, and some are more vocal. I’ve been more vocal about my cancer journey than some. It doesn’t make my way better – this is just how I cope. Writing stuff out is like making a big list. Have you ever made to-do lists? I have plenty. (I’ve been known to make a list or add to it so that I can cross something off). I do think that sharing with people allows you to bring them in, share in your joy or pain and feel more connected. You might learn something about them or yourself.

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful on purpose. Today you may hear people be thankful for family or friends or a big turkey dinner. There will also be people who are alone, scared, homeless or wondering where their next meal will come from. They might be cold, tired or struggling with addiction. Not everyone enjoys the 4 day weekend filled with food, football, shopping &/or family. I say this, not to make anyone feel bad, but to make you aware that you probably have so much more than you realize. My husbands job at the school opened our eyes to the struggles that some kids face. Some of those kids worry about more than just turkey. They worry about being safe, where to sleep, what to eat. Yes, we have way more to be thankful for than what we realize. When we really think about it, the list could be very long. Sometimes it might not make sense.


I wondered if I should put this quote in, because it seemed kind of negative… but to me, it is a reminder to be thankful for our struggles, challenges and even difficult people. Maybe an odd thing to be thankful for, but hasn’t a difficult person also shaped your life? Did they make you realize how strong you really are? Did they make you strive to be nicer? Less judgemental? More loving? We learn a lesson from everyone who touches our lives. What path we take is up to us. Fill up with turkey and blessings this weekend, but take some time to relfect too. Peace be with you on your journey of enough.

Pinktober

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Last year, I wore pink every day in the month of October, even dressing up in my pink tutu for Halloween. This October, I’ve had a lot of changes brewing in my life and I haven’t worn as much pink. I did want to take the time to tell you about a group that has special meaning to me… “Pink it Forward.”

After I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014, shortly after my 41st birthday, a friend told me about Pink it Forward. They send care packages to breast cancer patients free of charge. There are a few different packages to choose from: 1) Treatment Package is put together with chemo and radiation treatments in mind. It has a tote, blanket, water bottle, chocolates and other items to combat some side effects. 2) Determination package has a hand made fleece blanket. 3) Pajama package has soft, button front pjs – so important after surgery! 4) Relax pack has a soft robe, journal and ice packs. This group of women have been impacted by breast cancer themselves and in their family. They wanted to find a way to give back or pay it forward. When you are thinking about giving for pink this month, please keep them in mind. They accept monetary donations to help fund the packages, but they also have fund raisers, blanket tying events and a craft/vendor show. You may not know where your money is going with some larger groups. This group uses the funds to put together the packages and ship them at no charge. Do you know someone who was diagnosed and you don’t know what to do for them? First, pray for them. Then go to pinkitforward.org and request a package for them. Want to help out? Follow them on Facebook to find out about upcoming events.

My boys had a Citizenship project in 4-H last year. They each made a tie blanket for Pink it Forward and will be giving the blankets to the group shortly.


Think Pink this month and think of Pink it Forward. You may just help someone else in their journey of enough.

per·se·ver·ance

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Perseverance. noun: steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.

A lot goes into training for a half or full marathon. Usually 18 weeks of training, long runs on Saturdays and lots of core strength building. For the last 7 years, my husband has done 2 marathons per year, every year. What started out with a neighbor friend suggesting a run around the development has turned into an obsession. 367 miles of just marathons, let alone the hundreds of training hours and long runs. You can train and prepare and do everything right, but race day is always a wild card. What will the weather be like? Did you “pre-hydrate” enough ahead of time? Did you practice drinking while running? Did you eat the right foods? Are you mentally prepared? To me, marathons are the epitome of perseverance. Today, Cameron completed #14. While it wasn’t his fastest time, he finished. It was warmer than he likes, the humidity was high, and yesterday he twisted his ankle. It swelled up last night to almost twice the size. I asked him if he wanted to skip the race today. That wasn’t an option for him. Perseverance. Today was the ultimate test. He finished. To him, it didn’t seem enough. His time wasn’t good enough. You know who did think it was enough? His cheering section. We had our cowbells ringing the whole time.


I have never run a full marathon. It’s not on my list. I did 4 half marathons & that was enough (maybe). I love my husband, but I don’t share his love of running. He gets jealous when he sees people out for a run…wishing he could be out with them. He gets up at the crack of dawn or long before, inspires and leads others, then goes to school and does more of the same inspiring and leading. He won’t admit it. He’s pretty humble that way. I’ve said it before, but I’m a pretty big fan of the guy.

This past week was homecoming at school. When you go to a small rural school, homecoming week is a big deal. Dress up days every day, & lots of extra games and activities. Our school also does a “chalk fest.” The students get to draw on the sidewalks. This year, a group did a portrait of him in chalk. He was humbled & embarrassed, but it was pretty cool. He had his picture taken by his portrait- he was in a “Mr. Incredible” costume. Yes, yes you are.


There are days when he feels like he doesn’t do enough. (The day following the portrait, one kid wrote that he was mean – he must have said no to them.) We all have days when we feel like we are not enough. I bet, there is someone who thinks you are though. Aside from God, who always thinks you’re enough, there are others. When you have those feelings, ask yourself if you’d say the same thing to your best friend. Would you tell them they were too slow, not nice enough, not a good enough parent? Most likely not. Don’t do it to yourself. Show some love. Look in the mirror & be like the old SNL skit, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me.”

Peace be with you on your journey of enough, whether it’s 26.2 miles or not, it will be enough.

The rest of the story…

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sunset lake

Some people don’t care for Facebook and others love it. The ones who dislike it usually do because they feel it’s “fake” or “too negative” or just not real. I understand that, but I happen to like it. I like to feel connected to my relatives and friends by seeing pictures of them. I slide past the ones that have too much drama or differing views and linger more on the pictures of family adventures or positive quotes. I “like” a bunch of positive quote sites or ones that are scripture based. It’s my way of letting in those reminders or nudges that I need just when I need them. Some days those posts are so meaningful and hit home so much that they make me teary (that happens more now than before.)

Yet with each smiling photo, there is a back story. Paul Harvey was frequently on in our family vehicle while I was young. His segment was “the rest of the story…” and would talk about the back story or give more info on what the headlines were talking about. I thought of that the other day when one of my favorite pictures of the boys popped up in my Facebook Memories. It’s of them at sunset standing by a lake. It’s a gorgeous picture. The “rest of the story” is that there were 10,000 mosquitos by the lake that night at dusk. The kids were getting eaten alive and they all tried to stay still long enough to get that photo then race back to the campground. I love the picture because I love the water and the lake and those 3 men in the photo. It also is a good reminder that things aren’t always as they seem. That mom that posted her smiling kids at the zoo… she might have just lost her cool before that about ice cream or them fighting about what animal they were going to see next. The photo of the runner who finished the marathon… his body is hurting more than you can tell, his toes are bloody and parts of his body are chafing that he’d rather not talk about. The person who has gained weight but took pictures anyway… maybe they are on medication that has caused it or 100 other reasons why. That doesn’t mean that we should stop sharing the photos. It just means that we should take them for what they are and not assume we know the back story.

We do that to people a lot. (At least I’m guiltier of it than I’d like to admit.) We assume we know “the rest of the story…”  We assume that the person in the meeting was just crabby. We don’t know that they just learned that a friend of theirs had passed away. We assume the clerk at the store is having a bad day. We don’t know that this is their second job just to make ends meet. We assume the kid at school is naughty. We don’t know that he’s unsure of when he will eat again over the weekend, and fearful of what will happen to him or his siblings. We THINK we know the rest of the story but we don’t. We should just reach out to people more and care more. Me included. When I post pictures of our family this coming week in Duluth, you wouldn’t know the back story (except I’m telling you now. You wouldn’t know that my Oncology follow up is Wednesday and this was a good distraction to make me think about the Dr. less and of my family more. You might not know that the recent loss of friends unexpectedly has made me want to embrace life. You might not be aware that we know our 13 year old might not think a “Tall Ship Festival” with his family will be cool in 3 years, so we are going now while it is.  We assume. You know what that does. (There is a saying that goes along with that – if you’re not sure, Google it) It leads us to either assume the best or the worst depending on what type of person we are. It makes us judge others when the judging is not ours to do.

My challenge to you is this… keep sharing pictures of your family, dog, cat, kids, and friends – whatever. Just don’t assume you know the rest of the story when you see someone else’s pictures, unless you’ve walked in their shoes. Even then, those shoes might be a different size. Share some love. Help people along their journey of enough – that good karma will come back to help you someday also. Peace be with you.

Ribbons…

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All of that work for a ribbon? Both of our kids are in 4H. This week was the culmination of the year – the 4H judging for the Red River Valley Fair. Cameron and I met through 4H, so we are familiar with the projects and the fair & the work that goes into it. While some of the projects were done ahead of time, there were some that we were doing the week (or day) before. It’s a great experience for them to work on something & then have to explain/tell about it.

They each entered almost 20 exhibits. From gardening to woodworking, sewing to baking, outdoor skills, ceramics and citizenship, they had their hands full. We each try to help and guide them with the projects, but the kids do most of the work. While we offer suggestions, we don’t correct or perfect it for them. Cameron helps with woodworking & outdoor skills, and I help with baking and sewing. The boys have to write out their own recipe cards for their baked goods. Myles wrote his in paragraph form. I “suggested” that he make it in a list so it’s easier to read. “No, mom… I like it this way.” Ok. I let it be. I let them pick the recipes they want to make, and this year they got creative. They both love maraschino cherries so Dallas made “cherry bomb muffins” and Myles made double cherry cookies. When they got to the judging time, the judge “suggested” that Myles make his recipe easier to read. (Mom just grinned) They got some honorable mention ribbons – Myles for his cookies, Dallas for his rhubarb and fish holder. They also came home with some reds, and I was ok with that. I don’t expect them to be perfect… I want them to try their best and learn from the experience. It’s their project, not mine. I had my 4H project days – this is up to them. While they might not have gotten all blue ribbons, my 13 & 10 year old boys have sewn, baked, painted, created, sanded and gardened. That’s what I’m most proud of. Not the ribbons, the experience.

The other thing I’m most proud of is the tied blankets they made for breast cancer patients. The blankets will comfort someone going through breast cancer & that just warms my heart. Pink ribbons will always hold a special meaning, for me and for the boys.


The red ribbons in sewing, ceramics and jelly weren’t the end of the world. As Myles walked away from the judges table with a red ribbon and his head held down, I knew he felt “not good enough.” We tried to explain that this is a learning experience & now he will know what to do next time. I don’t think they should all get blue ribbons, but it made me think of something. God gives us blue ribbons every day. To him we are always enough, even when we feel like it’s a red (or white) ribbon day. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that our good deeds don’t make him love us more. It doesn’t matter if we feel like we deserve a Grand Champion ribbon. He loves us as we are. Isn’t that great?! I hope you have a blue ribbon day. The creator of the universe thinks you’re enough, so why are you so hard on yourself? Peace be with you on your journey of enough.

Confessions of a “Pinterest mom”…

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(Photo from recent 10th bday at Thunder Road – go kart cupcakes) I have a confession to make… I love Pinterest. If there was a job where testing out and evaluating the ideas on the site was your sole purpose, that would be awesome. Pinterest moms get a lot of flack though. I don’t do the Pinterest stuff to impress anyone, I do it because I love it. I like finding new recipes or tricks for doing gardening stuff or Halloween costumes – it’s full of ideas. Cam has even looks up kayak modifications for fishing on Pinterest. Anytime I try a new recipe, the boys say “did this come from Pinterest?!” Sometimes it just takes a spark to get me going.

Birthday cakes and cupcakes have always been an adventure. Aside from our first born’s 1st bday, (long story but let’s just say I was a paranoid 1st time mom & didn’t want to give him sugar so his cake had flax & stuff in it – poor kid) we’ve tried to make their bday cakes be fun and meaningful. Not to impress anyone else, but to see the excitement from our kids. It’s something that we both like doing – Cameron gets involved in the design and implementation of the cakes. He’s also a little more particular than I am. So his attention to detail and my baking skills make for a fun combo.

After the first bday fiasco, Dallas’ 2nd bday cake was a 3D John Deere tractor – complete with chocolate donut wheels and Oreo front tires. That was before Pinterest came around… We thought of that ourselves. Since then, there was a Bob the Builder, Mack truck from Cars, Death Star, Elmo, Ham the Pig, Sponge Bob, Minions, Dallas Cowboys star, light saber cupcakes … Just to name a few. We try to make them related to what the boys are into at the time. Myles had a Ninja Turtle bday one year. I made masks for all of the kids and made Ninja Turtle cookies and cakes. The huge smile on his face made it all worth while.


I’m not just making cakes, I’m making memories. However you do that with your kids is up to you. I don’t judge anyone who buys the stuff from the store! If you don’t find this fun, don’t do it. Your kids will be just fine with a store bought cake.

Last summer, during Myles 9th bday, I was still recovering from surgery and not feeling particularly festive, so he just had a couple of friends to a movie and lunch instead of a big party. When he said that his summer wish list included a bday party, my mommy guilt took over and I agreed. He couldn’t decide on what kind of cake to have. Since we were going to ride go karts, we went with go kart cupcakes. (Also made it easier to include his friend who has gluten allergies if I made gluten free cupcakes) He loves Minions still so we had both kinds. It was a hit.

I hope when you see Pinterest ideas, you think of some fun new things to try instead of feeling like you’re not enough. Even though I like searching through there, not all are winners – making dried strawberries in your oven doesn’t taste like candy, it tastes like mush. It doesn’t discourage me though, I just search for something new to try. Peace be with you on your journey of enough.