In lieu of blog post Tuesday
Presence… It’s what came to mind when I took a break and walked outside today. I didn’t stop and smell the roses, but I did take a picture of my flowers. I’ve been in a slump this week. So much so that I didn’t post on Tuesday- the first time in a while. I had a post started about freedom, one about word triggers and one about presence. The one about Presence completely deleted and could not be recovered. I still felt I needed to write about it, so here I am.
I usually don’t figure out what my slump is from until I’m towards the end of it. I was out of sorts this week. The sigh of relief after the graduation party, putting the stuff away, missing out in seeing my sister more, sending Dallas off for a week at Rainy Lake, the rain (which was good), waiting for MRI results, and the moon… all of it made me want to retreat. I wasn’t present for me or for my family.
I enjoy working from home, but I often forget to disconnect. It’s too easy to forget to move around more… too easy to work just a little longer when it’s right there. I wasn’t taking time for myself. We value “being busy” so much that it seems like a luxury to relax. Have you ever thought, “It must be nice to be able to relax,”… I sure have. We value work and being busy so much that we feel guilty when we do relax. At least I do.
The last 17 months, we’ve spent a lot of time together. I didn’t think I’d miss Dallas being gone this week as much as I did. I’m used to him being gone, but normally I see him after work or on the weekends. I haven’t waited up for him this week, reminded him to bring up his laundry, fill his car with gas or bring his water jug to work. I miss his presence. I know it’s preparing me for when he goes to college. It won’t be long. He’s going to be 13+ hours away (if you drove straight through), so he won’t be popping home on the weekend. We won’t be stopping by to see him much. So while I’m missing his presence this week, I’m missing his future presence also.
Sometimes we need to acknowledge our feelings, honor those broken parts/fears/grief/frustration, then make a choice to move forward. So, going into the weekend, I’m going to try to focus on presence. Since His mercy is new each morning, I’m going to try to give myself a little mercy and grace.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough.