ReZoning

Apparently, my comfort zone is undergoing a rezoning. I’ve been stretched outside of it a lot in the last year – even before my cancer diagnosis.  I started to do a few of those “things I’ve never done before” after I turned 40. Not nearly a mid-life crisis – I didn’t do anything super wild. No fancy cars or lavish things. I changed jobs. I went to a painting class by myself.  I went skiing (which I had done before but it was many years ago so to me it was new). I wish I had made a list, but you get the idea. The fact that I didn’t make a list will shock some people who know me well. I inherited this from my dad.

Anyway, the breast cancer diagnosis was something that I didn’t think I was prepared for, but many things leading up to it did prepare me. When I look back at it, the fact that I started to do some things I had never done before was preparing me for a whole new level of “things I’ve never done before”.  My brother-in-law’s farm accident & miraculous recovery raised my faith in God and the power of prayer. It showed me the importance of family, and of being there for each other. Previous anxiety issues prepared me for dealing with a diagnosis that I had never planned for. That’s the difference – my plans are not always the same as God’s plan. Those things that were frustrating or appeared to be road blocks at times, are his way of preparing us for things to come. I wouldn’t wish some of this stuff on anyone, but I wish everyone could come to these conclusions without something drastic happening.

Asking for help with our medical bills was outside my comfort zone. Being interviewed for a news story was outside of my comfort zone. Feeling like an advocate for breast cancer awareness was outside of my comfort zone. Attending the “Embrace” Cancer Survivor retreat alone was out of my comfort zone. Signing up for the Livestrong program was outside of my comfort zone. So when a friend of ours emailed me and suggested me as a person to interview on Tuesday’s live show for WDAY, I wasn’t really surprised because my comfort zone keeps getting stretched. It’s the anniversary of the Roger Maris Cancer Center and they want to talk to someone who has gone through it. He thought of me. It may not seem like it, but I shy away from being the center of attention. I don’t have an overwhelming sense of self confidence. In fact, writing the blog in general was a huge leap for me. I felt narcissistic – why would people want to read what I’m rambling about? But then I realized I was telling myself things that I would never say to someone else. It’s really hard to be nice to yourself. We are our own worst critics. I’m trying to change that, by baby steps, but still trying. So, tomorrow morning between 6:15 and 7am, you may see me on WDAY’s live show. Whatever comes of it, I hope it’s enough.

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