With warmer days and summer just around the corner, the hummingbird feeder came out of the garage. I make my own food for them with 1c water and 1/4c sugar. I put it up after I returned home from a work trip and it only took less than 24 hrs for them to find it. We always see hummingbirds zooming around, and it seems like they don’t stop. Their wings beat at 50-80 times per second while hovering and up to 200 times per second while in flight. (According to Google)
A flock of hummingbirds can be referred to as a bouquet, a glittering, a hover, a shimmer, or a tune. I don’t think I’ve seen a flock of them, but we usually have 2-6 each summer. They even flew to the feeder in the rain.
They do pause. They don’t stop for long, and it seems like they only do it if they feel comfortable/not threatened. They will sit at this feeder and rest. When we had a big cedar shrub near our picture window, I would also see one resting on a branch, tucked back away from the edge. I started a new job on May 1st and I went head first, hummingbird speed into my new position. Trying to soak up the new terms, contact names, locations, products and supply chains has my head spinning a bit. I need to take the hummingbird advice and pause, even for a bit. With evening meetings, I’m trying to be conscious of my time and I’ve been scheduling a pause. It may seem silly but it’s not say to get wrapped up in hummingbird speed and lose track of time. I also need to take time for writing again. It’s helpful in many ways and it’s a tool I use for making me feel more grounded (and productive.)
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. This is your reminder to pause. Oh and if you love the window mounted feeder, I got mine at Fleet Farm.
I’ve lost track of time, but I’m aware that it’s Friday as I write this. I got a new job (same company), and my last day is April 30. I’ve been training someone new, which requires me to be in the office every day. I had been going to the office 2-3 days/week, but this week it’s been daily. I’m talking/training almost the whole day, which is a departure from what I’m used to. Even when I was going into the office, I wasn’t talking much throughout the day. I’d go in, lead one meeting, listen for a few others and do my work.
I learned/confirmed that my “social battery” needs recharging. I was tired and not wanting to talk when I got home. Every day this week, I just wanted to sit with the cat and be quiet. I was mad at myself for having these feelings. I diminished the impact it had on me. It was such a drastic difference from what I was used to, and it just surprised me how tired I was. How can someone be tired from talking? I literally have a Mass Communication degree.
It’s just a big change and I wasn’t very patient with myself. My friends and sisters helped to remind me that it was a temporary situation. A count down of days helped to put that into perspective. Journaling helped to release some of those thoughts (& so did crying in the shower). Too often we dismiss our own emotions, diminish them or even get mad about them like I did. I struggled with the idea of even writing about this. I know I’m not alone though. I know I’m not the only one to feel overwhelmed by constant talking or too much “people-ing,” and/or the need to feel like you fit in. Even though I’ve been here 7+ years, I felt like the new person or an outsider when I went into the office. Granted, I will be the actual new person on May 1, but that’s to be expected.
So what’s the point? Give yourself the grace that others gave to me this week. Give yourself the space to breathe, to write it out, cry it out, burn some paper, have a pet nap with you, be in nature – whatever you need to keep going.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you have people to cheer you on, but also be your own best cheerleader. You can do it. It might take time. It might take some rests or breaks or cat pets, but you can do it. I believe in you.
I read somewhere recently “there are so many versions of you, that it’s difficult to really say who you are.” There is the version you think you are, but there is the version of you from your coworkers’ perspective. There is the version of you seen at the track meets by other moms when you’re off to the side, and you’re not confident enough to join in their group. There is the version of you for each of your kids – because you were not the same mom for each of them. There is the version of you that met your spouse and the version that exists 30 years later. There is a version your family sees though texts and calls and the filter you let them see. There is the version of you as a customer, a patient, a consumer – in person, on the phone and online.
You get the idea. Lots of you, but which one is it? You’re constantly changing, growing, aging, having new or different experiences, gaining and losing friendships, learning new things, letting go of what no longer serves you. Ask someone to describe you in one word. It’s an interesting experiment. Some may give you a noun (mother/sister/wife/friend), while others will give an adjective relative to feelings (caring/funny/sweet), and others may give you a word describing your appearance (short/curly hair/glasses.) Which one is right? All of them – but just to the person saying it. If someone says I’m fun, that doesn’t automatically make me fun. It makes me realize they think I’m fun, but it still might not convince me (or anyone else) of how fun I am.
Have you ever held onto something you thought about yourself but it no longer applies? Sometimes the familiarity feels comfortable. It’s difficult to release those things and add something new. We often forget that we don’t need to hang onto things that don’t work for us. It’s ok to start something new, to change things up.
You may have heard, “Someone else’s opinion of you is not your problem.” That’s a tough one for me. Especially since it means things are out of my control. It’s even more difficult when it’s someone you love and care about. If someone has spent hours with you, knows your dreams, secrets, skeletons and victories… then they walk away or pull back – it seems like a big rejection. Was I not a good enough friend? What did I do wrong? But perhaps it isn’t something related to you at all – it’s just something they are going through and they need the change.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. You are enough as you are, and yet you are allowed to change as many times as you need to. Don’t give up.
It’s Valentine’s Day time, which means the stores have been selling flowers, candy and cards like crazy. Even our Menards home improvement store carries roses this time of year (and not the kind you plant outside.. not yet.) It’s the busiest day of the year to go out to eat, at least it was in the 90’s when I was a waitress in college. There are many ways to celebrate the day, if you’re into that type of thing and/or have a special someone. Love may look different, depending on the couple.
Sometimes love looks like roses or flowers on the table. Sometimes love looks like a favorite candy or treat. Sometimes love looks like a wonderful meal, either cooked by someone else or made at home. But sometimes love looks like taking out the garbage cans, doing the dishes or folding the laundry. Sometimes love looks like a thoughtful note or a passing kiss. It’s not always romantic/hot/steamy. Sometimes love is an expression of appreciation, of acknowledgment of your special bond together. Sometimes love is watching a movie together, or just spending time together.
I may be a little less romantic, but I’m still thankful for my partner. I’m thankful for his patience. I’m thankful that he loads the dishes and starts the laundry. I’m thankful he tries to make me laugh when I’m down. I’m thankful he puts up with my cat and chickens even though he isn’t a fan. I’m thankful he is willing to go on most adventures with me.I’m thankful he has loved me through highs and lows, sickness and health, “Rice a Roni days” (very poor starting out), and more comfortable times. Many days, I feel like a failure as a spouse and I’m thankful he stays with me. If you have a partner, do you know what their love language is? His are acts of service and words of encouragement. Mine are quality time and gift giving. Knowing these preferences helps us navigate things a little better… most days.
Regardless if you celebrated with someone or had a “galentine’s day,” or spent some time alone, or maybe even went to Ash Wednesday service, I hope it was a good day. It’s also a good reminder that we need to love ourselves too… I’m very guilty of forgetting this part. I get lost and forget to love myself. That doesn’t mean I am not self centered – I’ve been in a spiral of that for a while, it’s just not been in a loving sense. I saw a reminder the other day to write down all of the things you love about yourself. How long would your list be? How much time would it take to fill a page? Maybe ask a friend or loved one what they love about you and see if it sparks something.
Sometimes the goofiest days are the ones we remember the most. Sometimes just the love is enough. Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Oh, and by now it’s Valentine’s candy sale time!!!
“That wasn’t on my (current year) BINGO card,” is a phrase that became common in 2020 (if it wasn’t before). Pandemic, tsunamis, killer bees… I forget all of them. It gave me an idea. What if I made a 2024 BINGO card of things I want to happen? A typical BINGO card has 24 spots. Now to think of 24 things I want out of 2024. Some will be stretch goal type things and some will be more realistic. All will be positive and/or bring joy.
I’m not sure I’ve seen this done before. I’ve seen a month long type document of things to do each day, but this is just 24 things for the year. Interesting. It’s not really a New Year’s resolution. It could include daily things like “drink plenty of water,” or “journal daily.” It could also include bigger items related to jobs, finances, travel etc.
I’m going to start filling mine out. I think this will be a fun take on a vision board. I don’t plan on beating myself up if I don’t have a “blackout BINGO” by 12/31/24. Just a fun thing to switch the focus. Would you be interested in seeing it once I get all of the boxes filled in? I can tell you for sure that I have 9 ideas already. Do you have some ideas to share?
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May your BINGO card be filled with fun and challenging things. I’ll skip the killer bees on mine!!
Sorry I missed “writing Wednesday.” I was fulfilling my duty of being 50 and getting a shingles shot. I was fine Tuesday, but had a 101 fever Wednesday and just needed rest. Today is much better.
“Team hammerhead” excelled at trivia last week and we tied another team, then tied in the tiebreaker and came out winning. It was a fun date night as we get reacquainted with each other. This week, we are trying another trivia night. We’re trying out some new local breweries and sampling their food too. We have some favorites so far, but there are still more to check out.
Even though our nest is not officially empty, it sure is empty more often than it’s full. I guess it’s not something we were fully prepared for. We spent 7 years together before we had kids, then the next 21 years raising them. If someone did mention this phase, I’m sure I brushed them off/didn’t listen. There really should be a list that gets passed on, called “These are the things nobody tells you.” It would be a long list. Although it still might not matter. Often we are too wrapped up in our current stage in life to think about the next one. We also aren’t guaranteed any of these stages so it’s wrong to assume they will happen.
With a year and a half before graduation, we are slowly spending more time together. It’s one of the things we weren’t really expecting. Luckily, we still get along pretty well, so we have that going for us. It’s also adding to our life experiences and using some of Cam’s endless (previously thought to be kind of useless) knowledge. Although I will say, I have gotten some right answers myself.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Regardless if your new journey takes you to trivia nights or not, enjoy your time together. It’s one we shouldn’t take for granted.
Here are four of my chickens. I haven’t shared many pics of my ladies lately because they have been molting and haven’t looked very good. The light tan one (Butterscotch) is the latest one to molt. You can see the spikes on the back of her head – those are her new feathers coming in. Our chickens have molted every year, usually in the fall. They lose a majority of their feathers and new ones come in. While they are transitioning, they look pretty rough.
While I was on a call with a mentor of mine, she suggested I post pictures anyway. We all go through our own forms of molting, even as humans. It might not be as visible as it is with chickens, but we all have periods of our lives where we don’t look or feel so great. We still need love (& treats) during these times. My chickens LOVE watermelon, so this was a big treat for them. While they are molting, they don’t lay eggs. Their bodies are putting energy into re-growing those feathers. Hens might slow egg production when the season changes and there is less daylight (& cooler temps). All of these factors, plus the fact that they are four years old, means that they are currently not laying many eggs. They still get treats. I still tell them they are good chickens.
We are (generally) so much more compassionate with others than we are with ourselves. We forget to give grace to ourselves when we are in our molting phases. You’re not broken, wrong or unloveable. You made it through one molting season, you’ll make it through another. We may be less productive for a period of time, but we are still loved, still important, still valuable.
If you’re going through your molting season right now, hang on. Have a snack, get some extra sunlight, take a walk, talk to a friend… whatever you need to do to spark a little joy. A little joy is a reminder of the good. It doesn’t mean you’re ignoring your current state, it just means that you have hope.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Excuse me while I give the chickens some more watermelon and go buy some eggs!
I’m not sure where the month of November has gone, but apparently it’s been three weeks since I posted. Oops. I have not felt particularly inspiring (to myself or others), so I’ve been putting it off. It’s been busy with continued fall prep, a “mom comedy” show (attending – not performing), musical in West Fargo and musical performances here. Our son was Bill Austin in Mamma Mia. The picture is of the dipped Rice Krispie treats I made for the cast and crew on Saturday. They had a double performance day on Saturday so I sent some Mamma Mia inspired treats.
Wednesday they had a family performance, then public shows Thursday to Sunday. We went to all 6 performances. They were all great. Each one was a tiny bit different depending on the crowd, the microphones and the energy. All were an epitome of teamwork. People don’t often think of musicals as being a team event, but it is. Lighting, sound, choreography, director, acting, solos, duets, background vocals, set design, stage changes and ushers…. all coming together to create a seamless show. I heard someone say, “I didn’t notice the lighting, so I know it was good. I would have noticed it if something seemed off.” I thought that was pretty accurate- several things might go unnoticed because it all seemed so natural. The lighting made sense, the costumes were great… you might have noticed if there were microphone problems but not think twice about it if it runs smoothly.
How many things go on in the background of our lives that we don’t notice until they are missing or not done? Probably don’t notice that the laundry gets done each week unless you’re out of socks. Might not notice the dishes are washed unless you can’t find a cereal bowl. There was “white noise” when I was in the office and I didn’t notice it until it went out and it was very very quiet. We might not notice the people in our lives as much as we should either. I think Thanksgiving is a good time to remember the things we might not otherwise notice or give thanks for.
I have a lot to be thankful for… my continued good health, my family, friends, my home and job come to mind first. But there are so many other things that I’m inspired to write down that I probably wouldn’t think of. I encourage you to notice something new this holiday season.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May your hearts be full of thanksgiving, even for the things you didn’t notice before.
I had two other posts started, forgot it was Wednesday, got distracted and then saw this quote. Again. I’ve seen it several times. It really hit home for me, yet it’s also kind of difficult to accept. The planner might freak out at a surprise. The giver will often struggle to receive. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.
I delivered a meal to a thoughtful person tonight and I know it was challenging for her to accept it. She’s used to thinking of others, caring for others, and doing for others so she didn’t feel like she deserved it for herself. It’s often difficult to ask for help. I understand the feeling. I’ve been there.
It’s silly that the people who love to help others don’t allow those people the joy of helping them. I like to plan. I like to give. I consider myself thoughtful and considerate. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have said those things. I wouldn’t have taken those compliments. There is something to say for being humble, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of your self confidence and self worth.
One issue with not asking for help is that sometimes you forget how. I sometimes get annoyed when my family doesn’t just know what I want. It’s wrong for me to assume they should know these things, but asking doesn’t come natural for me. It’s not something I do frequently enough for it to be “second nature.”
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. This is your reminder that also is OK.
I had an entirely different post planned. I’d written part of it, then I saw a post from a friend of ours. 5 years ago, they lost their son to suicide. (He was the same age as our oldest son) It’s also mental health awareness month, so I figured I should switch gears. Mental health isn’t something someone else has. We all do. We all have our own mental health differences, just like our physical bodies aren’t all the same. Mental health struggles impact more people than you might be aware of. It has impacted us.
Two years ago, I got a call from our oldest son. He was in his freshman year at Montana State, 13 hours from home. He moved there not knowing anyone and his roommate was about to drop out. He was going to school and working part time. He had gone to fraternity rush but wasn’t accepted. When he called, he has been in the ER. He told me that he called campus police because he was worried about what he would do. Actually, someone else called campus police and found him, bleeding. We had talked about it because of Robbie. I had hoped he would have reached out. I went numb. I didn’t know what to do. Do I fly out there? Do I drive? Then what? I told my boss I needed some time for a personal matter and I went for a walk. I sat on the dock by the lake and sobbed. Thankful he was found. Terrified it would happen again. I felt lost, alone and like a failure. What could I have done differently? This wasn’t about me.
He didn’t want to miss work, so he still went. He got in trouble for being late. If they only knew. From outward appearances, he was fine. He had been so depressed that he was not sleeping. He would wander around campus until 3am and still make it to work and class. After that day, he went to campus counseling, but just didn’t find a connection with the right person. She did tell him that hunting would be ok since he enjoyed being out in nature. He had to talk to the campus counselor and to the police in order to get his guns back to be able to hunt. He decided to drop out after the first semester. He started working full time instead. There is a stigma attached to dropping out of college. One that shouldn’t exist. It’s not right for you? Good for you to recognize that before spending almost $200k in tuition and being miserable the whole time.
He calls me (almost) daily. I still worry about him, but I feel more confident that he would reach out again before it’s too late. Too often we aren’t aware of people’s struggles. It’s not easy to talk about. It’s necessary though. Even if we think people “seem fine.” It’s OK to not be OK, but it is not OK not to tell someone. He knows that now. He’s in a better frame of mind. He has a core group of friends, a dog, and he does a lot of hunting and fishing.
That fall, he showed people what they wanted to see… a friendly, talkative guy. I asked him today what would have made him give an honest answer instead of “fine.” He said, “Probably someone looking me in the eyes and saying that they cared and I didn’t really seem fine. Someone to push for the truth instead of a fake answer.”
This isn’t a story many people know. Many family members will be shocked. I’m sorry you heard about it this way. It’s not something that’s easy for a parent to bring up either.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH. Your are needed. You are worthy. You are loved. If you feel you, or someone you know is in crisis, 988 is the suicide and crisis line. You can also text 741741 for free crisis counseling. For resources on teen mental health, go to https://Robbie’s-hope.com.
journeyofenough 