Tag: #thankfulness

Emotional flood…

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6 years ago, we said “I do (again)” in Las Vegas while doing my first half marathon. It was a “run-through” vow renewal. We didn’t know the twists and turns that we’d face in the years to come. We assumed we would grow old together… we felt invincible. I miss the carefree time & how fit I was.

4 years ago, Myles was getting ready for his bell solo at the 1st grade Christmas concert. I really miss the Christmas concerts at our old school. They don’t do them here and it makes me sad. Last year, Myles had a sing along, but it isn’t the same. I miss all of the songs & actions the kids did. I miss some of that magic.

3 years ago, we were also getting ready for a Christmas concert, but it was with a heavy, anxious heart. 3 years ago was my diagnosis of breast cancer. My world would change in so many ways.

So today brings a flood of emotions… Joy, sadness, thankfulness, love, hope, peace, remembrance & fullness.

Joy like the pure joy in Myles’ smile. Sadness for missing out on a Christmas program and the “end” of that kind of magic. Thankfulness for everyone who stood beside me, cheered me on or held my hand. Love of my husband, family and friends. Hope for the future & for a long, healthy life. Peace knowing that I’m a child of God and supported and loved. Remembrance so that I don’t take my birthdays and Christmases for granted. Fullness because my heart is full (& probably somewhat to do with the abundance of cookies too! – see previous post)

So, while the day goes on like any other, it does cause me to pause and be grateful. I’m grateful to be on this journey of enough with you. Thanks for reading – now give someone a hug!

Thankfulness…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment


I like this picture. Aside from the message of being thankful, I like the picture of the two seeds just floating along together. Sometimes we feel like the two seeds in the middle, floating side by side, and sometimes we feel like the ones in the top corner, kind of tumbling and randomly falling. I feel like the more thankful we are, the more we are like the two in the middle. It helps guide our path. When we forget to be thankful, then things can feel out of control.

But what if it’s hard to be thankful? Oh, some days it’s not easy & I won’t claim to have it all together. Some days fear and guilt overshadow thankfulness. Fear is something they don’t talk much about “post treatment.” Fear of the unknown, of reoccurrence, of death. The what ifs that swirl around in our mind can sometimes make it feel like you are suffocating. When you get a strange pain or have unexplained vertigo for long periods of time, it’s hard to shut off the “what ifs.” It’s a balance between being a hypochondriac and being an advocate for yourself. There is unexpected guilt too. How did I get so lucky to get through this while other people lose loved ones unexpectedly? I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain those things. Maybe nobody does.

I feel the need to hand over those fears to God though. I know that it makes some people uncomfortable talking about it, but you can just quietly do this yourself. Whisper, pray, think to yourself…

       Lord, I give my fears over to you. I know that I cannot fix them myself and that you are greater than this world. Help me to focus on the good. I give to you my feelings of not being enough. Help me to realize that to you, I am enough. You designed me to be the best mom that I can be to my kids (even when it doesn’t feel like it.) You already give me the tools I need … Help me to see all the good you see in me. Amen

To me, those two seeds feel so peaceful. I hope you find peace today amidst your struggle. Start your day with thankfulness, even when it’s not easy. Peace be with you on your journey of enough.