Tag: #survivor

Have a friend who thinks you are enough…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

Change is hard. It’s scary. It’s also not impossible. It’s been 6 months since we moved … half of a calendar year has gone by in a new state, new city, new schools, new jobs, new churches, new Dr’s. We are still adjusting but we are also doing fine. More people were worried about my kids than my husband and I. “It must be hard to move at that age.” “I can’t believe you changed schools during the school year.” You get the idea – I must have ruined their lives. Only, I didn’t.

Kids are way more resilient than we give them credit for. Yes, we moved our kids. But we also love and support them, we feed and clothe them and take them places. They aren’t abused, neglected, dealing with alcoholic parents or wondering where their next meal will come from. Many of their classmates are. We just don’t see or talk about it as much. Kids are also more easy going (sometimes). They may be more open to learning about “the new kid.” The boys still miss their friends deeply, but they are also making new friends. Much easier than the adults are. Making new friends as an adult is harder, in my opinion.

I don’t have anything to compare it to. We moved to Kindred when I was 1. I graduated from high school in the same town. I even moved back for a period of time. I didn’t have much change of scenery. I wasn’t forced to adapt. That’s not a bad thing – it was comfortable and secure. It was safe.

Making friends as an adult is hard for me. I’ve become even more introverted than before. I fear rejection & judgement. It’s scary and doesn’t feel safe. I am admittedly hard to know. I have a small circle of close friends, but those are ones that I would do anything for. I am very thankful for them. I became friends with Jessie when we were neighbors. I offered some baby clothes to my pregnant neighbor, and somehow we clicked. Similar values, love to bake, both introverted. We would go on walks around our neighborhood & talk for hours. We’d lose track of time while we put on miles. We’d have monthly group suppers (with enough food to feed many) Then she moved. Just 15 miles, but it was so hard. Would we stay friends? Would we still see each other? I mourned the loss of my best friend & walking partner…The person who didn’t care if my house was messy or not. She accepted me for me. The real me was enough for her. Fast forward many years…We stayed friends and are still close, even though I’m farther away. It just takes more planning to get together in person. She knows that if she texts me at 11:30pm, that I’m sleeping but I will reply to her at 6am when I get up. Our kids have grown up together and act more like cousins or brothers and sisters than just friends.

Friendship are hard, but they are possible. I may meet some new people, but I will always cherish the friends in my circle. I know people who are making some big life moves, and the thought of leaving their friends is hard. My advice is this: “you will make time for what/whom is important to you.” Peace be with you on your journey and may you always has a friend who believes you are enough. (Because you ARE!)

Responsibility, respect & kindness…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

There are some things that are harder to teach. Struggle with reading? There’s title reading. Struggle with math? Maybe a tutor or some extra time with the teacher is needed. How you interact with others is more tricky. It’s not something that we should expect our schools to teach. It should start at home. (Disclaimer- I’m NOT a perfect parent, I’ve made plenty of mistakes!)

Our kids have been at a new school for 4 months. They haven’t always had an easy time, but last week I felt a huge sigh of relief. We got a letter in the mail for our 8th grader. He was nominated by a teacher for the Alexandria Code of Conduct “Responsibility” breakfast. They honor kids who exhibit their core code of conduct values. He was selected for responsibility. I couldn’t be more proud. In 4 months, he’s shown his teachers he can be responsible. Even when some kids in his group are roudy, he hasn’t followed them blindly. It was the best caramel roll ever.

At the same time, we got the report card for our 4th grader. They get graded on a scale of 1-4, 4 being the highest. He received 4’s in Respect and Kindness. Struggle with writing? I can accept a 2 in writing if there is 3-4 in conduct. For our child with anxiety issues, he has shown his teacher that he’s respectful when she is talking. He has shown classmates his kindness. He has befriended a special needs girl and he goes out of his way to make her feel included. He makes her feel special. He sees her as a person. If we were at our old school, they would say that he’s showing his greatness.

My story isn’t to highlight my parenting skills. I’m harder on my kids than I should be sometimes. I’m also their biggest cheerleader. When they do stuff like this, it makes me think that they will do OK in life. They have they foundation to be good people. They are enough. It reminds me of a Lenten confirmation message… we talked about how God loves us regardless of our gold stars and straight A’s. I explained to the 8th grader that it’s like my love for him. I will always love him… regardless of his grades, how fast he runs or how many fish he catches – he’s my son and nothing could make me love him less. I may get mad or disappointed, but I will always love him. I explained that’s a lot like God’s love – but his is even bigger.

To God, we are always going to be enough. Our lives may deviate from his chosen path, but there is always time for us to get back on track with his plan. Those tests and trials will make us stronger. The people we meet on those detours have something to teach us. May your heart be open to following his journey for you. Peace be with you on your journey of enough. ❤

Roller coasters, mess & hopes for the future…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

Our pastor on Sunday talked about letting God meet us in our “mess.” We often show the best side, and fail to be real with each other. If you ever want to know how real I am, drop by on a random Tuesday and my house will likely make you feel better. (It’s not spotless!) Anyway, here is me – letting you in on my mess. What a roller coaster. The last few weeks have had us up and down and down and up again. When we decided to move to Alexandria, homes in our neighborhood were selling very quickly. We wrongly assumed ours would sell quickly also and we’d be able to move forward. But then it was the election and Thanksgiving and Christmas and not much happened. We thought we had it sold twice, but those fell through. Then last week we put it back on the market, ready to start over. Thankfully, the market has picked up, and 3 showings and 2 offers later, we can finally put a SOLD sign out front. Our ND realtors did a great job in making it all come together. Our MN realtor did a great job in calming the sellers here (of the home we want to buy.) By the end of February, we should be ready to really move forward.

We are thrilled there is a young family who will be loving our home as much as we did. It was neat to hear my boys talk about how much the kids will love the playground and yard… how they will think the park is neat… all the ways that the new kids will love to grow up in the house that was their home. There is so many things I hope for them…

I hope they get to carve pumpkins on the kitchen table in the breakfast nook. I hope they have cookie sprinkles on the floor and Nerf gun darts stuck to their dishwasher. I hope their kids “farm” the new carpet. I hope they open their home to the neighborhood kids & not worry if it’s clean or not. I hope they have S’mores in the fire pit and teach their kids to garden. I hope they ride bike or go for walks “around the loop.” I hope they get tons of trick or treaters. Mostly, I hope they make the house into their home – with memories that their kids will cherish also.

Sometimes our journey of enough takes is on a roller coaster instead of a nice smooth path. God has a plan for each of us. Sometimes it’s hard to see and it’s usually hard to wait, but it will come. Peace be with you on your journey. And remember, the roller coasters make us appreciate the smooth paths!

Sweatpants and fleece thank-you’s …

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

A friend and former co-worker made me this neat fleece tie blanket as a going away gift. It’s cozy and comfy. It reminds me of her and of our new Minnesota adventures. It also makes me think a little deeper.

We recently celebrated Christmas. It was filled with family, food, games and travel. It was a “dress shirt event.” Christmas pictures, church programs and services… special times. My dad comments every year about the number of people who appear at the Christmas service. The church is full, there is candlelight and extra songs. It’s a special event. It brings people together and is a reminder of God in our lives. We remember the big gift he gave to us by sending his son. We are more likely to go to church and to perhaps thank God… to pray.

I believe that God loves our “dress shirt” thank-you’s but I think he also loves our “sweatpants and fleece” thank-you’s…The every day prayers when nothing out of the ordinary is going on. It’s easy to remember God when times are tough because we are usually asking for help. It’s easy to remember God when amazing things happen – births,  weddings or other great things because  we are so thankful for the good fortune. It’s harder to remember to be thankful for every day things.

I’m reminded of this each night when our youngest son says his prayers. He’s a kid of rituals, routines and familiar things. Each night we read from a daily devotional book for kids and say the Lord’s Prayer, then we thank God. For years, that was my section. In the past year or so, he has started to do the thankful part. It’s interesting to hear what he says. It’s a great reminder to be thankful for the “every day.” Some days he is even thankful for stuff he wasn’t necessarily excited about. He’s thankful for someone else’s good day or exciting event. He’s thankful for ice fishing even though he doesn’t love it. He’s thankful for my good day at work. He’s thankful for going out for supper. It always ends with “thank you for our family and all of our blessings.”

Sometimes our journeys take us down scary paths. We might not have expected a loss or life change, illness or move. We struggle to find meaning and hope. In those times, but also in the regular “lounge in fleece days” I hope you are able to be thankful. I know some days that is the last thing you may feel like doing. It takes strength but it also takes practice. I feel like our daily prayers make God smile because it means we are thinking of him. What are you thankful for today?

Peace be with you on our journey of enough. May you have some sweatpants and fleece thank-you’s to go with your dress shirt thank-you’s.

Season of enough…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

Are your cards sent? Did you order enough? Are your cookies made? Did you bake enough? Are your presents wrapped? Did you buy enough? As we enter the Christmas & holiday season, we are bombarded with messages that we aren’t enough. Sales that remind us how much time is left or that time is “running out” often create a false sense of urgency. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the material side of Christmas. (Pardon the wrapping pun) I find myself forgetting what I’ve already wrapped if I don’t have a list. When we moved, I found presents that I had “hid” a little too well! Those gifts were perfect for the boys at the time, but they have outgrown them. Those gifts went to the toy drive instead.

Whatever your level of preparedness, I’m guessing that it’s better than you think it is. Many people won’t remember what gift they got last year, but they will remember the time together. 2 years ago, I was recently diagnosed with cancer. At our family Christmas Bunco, I had a little too much to drink – I’m guessing that will be more of a memory than the gloves I gave someone. I remember my mom doing Wii bowling that included some interesting leg movements (she was not drinking). I remember our games of spoons, my nephew showing off his impressive auctioneering skills, & that one time when we went yulebaching.

I’m blessed and thankful to get to spend time with my family over the holidays. My kids will be fed and loved and given gifts. They don’t fully understand how special that is. I know that there are others experiencing loss, faced with a diagnosis or struggling with other issues. I hope that they can find comfort & friendship this holiday. As you rush from one Christmas concert to another, try to cram in some last minute shopping or bake a few more treats, I wish you enough.

Enough family to make you feel loved. Enough food to make you feel full. Enough activity to make you feel vibrant. Enough peace to last you for the coming year.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. (& save a cookie for Santa)

The best kind of contagious…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

I decided to give you a break from my cancer diagnosis anniversary to let you know about a great book. I’ve followed Nicole Phillips’ column for a while. She writes a weekly column for the Forum newspaper about kindness & recently released a book. “100 short stories to remind you God is good and so are most people.” I bought 4 copies. Guess what 3 people are getting for Christmas? (Aside from 3M products) The book is a compilation of her columns, all good reminders that it doesn’t necessarily take lots of money or time to spread kindness, sometimes you just need to be nice.

The book gives you lots of examples of how something small can mean a lot to someone else. Sometimes we get too wrapped up in ourselves to think of others. I’m guilty too. We rush about and don’t take the time to listen to others, to smile at the cashier, to ask the server how her day was or to look people in the eyes. If nothing else, maybe it will make you more aware of your fellow humans.

Several years ago, when Dallas was small, we visited family & went to church in Oakes, Nd. They had “quiet bags” for the kids… a bag with some distractions for them. A stuffed toy, coloring pages and crayons, a car, a book etc. Both Cam and I thought this would be a great addition to our own church. The nursery in our hometown church wasn’t “sound proof” and we felt self conscious of our loud toddler. With our tax refund money, we bought cloth bags, found clearance stuffed bunnies, used coupons for etch-a-sketches and found Bible coloring books at the dollar store. I painted on each bag and we filled them up. Over the years, someone brought in 2 stands to put them on and our boys have helped us fill and re-organize the bags. If it makes some parents with little kids feel more welcome and more willing to stay for church with their kids, then that’s great. It was our way of spreading kindness.

There are many simpler examples though… pay it forward in the drive though… help someone who is short on money at the grocery store…visit a nursing home… find out the needs at the local shelter. The ideas are endless.

Each year, for the past several years, my best friend Jessie and our families do a giant baking day. It’s a 12-14 HR marathon day of cookies, candies, bars and snacks. It started when she lived two houses down from us. It seemed like a good idea to use our double oven and kitchen island. Over the years, we streamlined our process and added cooling tables in the garage too. The husbands were in charge of dishes and packaging up the finished product. We each brought our favorite recipes and then doubled or tripled it. We both like to bake, love the chance to visit, and like to share the Christmas goodies. The majority of our treats go to family gatherings, but also to school teachers, mail carriers, bus drivers, co workers and homeless shelters. I know I wrote about this recently, but for us it was a really great tradition… one that we are both missing this year. It’s also one that for us was an easy way to spread kindness.

As we navigate some new paths on our journey, we look towards the opportunity to spread kindness in our new location. I hope you will order Nicole’s book and it will spark some ideas for you too. And, when you are done reading it, do what I did – share it with someone. I gave mine to my new co-worker (with a note thanking her for making me feel so welcome). Peace be with you on your journey of enough… may you have enough  this holiday season to be able to share with others!

What if you could….

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

I celebrated a birthday this week. In the past, I didn’t think they were a big deal, but events over the past two years have made me realize that every birthday is special. Too often we take each day for granted. I’m as guilty as anyone of trying to plan ahead. It’s been part of my job for as long as I can remember and a part of my personal life too. It’s December 1st, but I’m planning for the weekend, for Christmas, for New Years, for next summer. I plan as if it were guaranteed to me – as if living to 95 is how it’s all going to work out. But ask someone who has lost someone – most times they probably weren’t expecting the loss. They too assumed they’d have more time. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t feel like I was going to die when I had cancer. Actually the sudden death of others is what hit me harder. Both things made me appreciate life more. The saying “life is too short” really made sense and that’s part of what prompted our move.

For my birthday, my sister in California sent me a present & house warming gift. The towels are pictured above. “Bake the world a better place.” What if you could? What if just baking could bring joy and peace and make the world a better place?  While it seems like an unattainable goal, when you stop to think about it, it’s true – you can.

I’ve always loved to bake. My mom taught me how. She was great with making homemade cookies, bars, cakes and pies. We frequently had dessert at meals. While she will tell you that she’s “lost the touch,” her gingersnap cookies never last long & her peanut butter Rice Krispie bars are often requested. To me, baking does make the world a better place. It’s one of the things I do when I’m stressed out because it makes me happy. I’d rather offer to bake something for an event than do anything else. It’s one of the reasons that we’ve had a marathon baking day the last several years … joy. We both (me and my friend who does “baking day” with me) give away most of our baking. Teachers, co-workers, church or neighbors – many people other than just family benefit from our plethora of holiday goodies. We’ve taken several dozen to the homeless shelter every year too. My boys help me bring it in. They get to see the big smiles on the faces of those who wouldn’t have homemade treats. Baking the world a better place, one cookie at a time. Perhaps that will be my tag line some day. Now if I could just make them healthier, I’d have it made!

So, enjoy your birthdays, celebrate with loved ones and maybe even bake something this holiday season. (It can be from a mix or even from the freezer, nobody will know) Whatever you make, share it with someone. You could be making their day. Peace be with you on your journey of enough & stop to smell the cookies.

Thanks, you might hear that a few times today…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

At the risk of posting something on Thanksgiving day and having it get lost in your feed…I like this saying & it’s fitting for Thanksgiving week. Sometimes we get so busy that we forget to stop and be thankful. Instead of worrying about what we lack, we should focus on what we have. Many of us live in abundance – we don’t worry about our next meal or where we will sleep. I didn’t thank God for the ability to walk until I broke my foot. Then that simple thing that we take for granted suddenly becomes a big deal. I wasn’t thankful for my health until I had cancer and my life forever changed.

Everyone has a story. We’ve all had some event or circumstance that shapes who we are and the journey that we travel. Sometimes they are huge, significant things like death/loss, cancer, accidents etc. Other times they are small and we don’t recognize it at the time (or maybe ever). For example, back in 1993, I went to a 4H picnic & walked over with a friend to a group of “the cool guys.” The one guy asked where my ex-boyfriend was. I explained that we weren’t dating. He said, “I’m sorry.” I said, “I’m not.” The rest is history. Small, every day occurrences can shape our lives significantly also. That cool dude became my husband. Life forever changed. You may look back on an ordinary day and realize that it was a turning point.

We all also cope with those significant changes differently. Some people feel sorry for themselves, some pretend it didn’t happen, and some are more vocal. I’ve been more vocal about my cancer journey than some. It doesn’t make my way better – this is just how I cope. Writing stuff out is like making a big list. Have you ever made to-do lists? I have plenty. (I’ve been known to make a list or add to it so that I can cross something off). I do think that sharing with people allows you to bring them in, share in your joy or pain and feel more connected. You might learn something about them or yourself.

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful on purpose. Today you may hear people be thankful for family or friends or a big turkey dinner. There will also be people who are alone, scared, homeless or wondering where their next meal will come from. They might be cold, tired or struggling with addiction. Not everyone enjoys the 4 day weekend filled with food, football, shopping &/or family. I say this, not to make anyone feel bad, but to make you aware that you probably have so much more than you realize. My husbands job at the school opened our eyes to the struggles that some kids face. Some of those kids worry about more than just turkey. They worry about being safe, where to sleep, what to eat. Yes, we have way more to be thankful for than what we realize. When we really think about it, the list could be very long. Sometimes it might not make sense.


I wondered if I should put this quote in, because it seemed kind of negative… but to me, it is a reminder to be thankful for our struggles, challenges and even difficult people. Maybe an odd thing to be thankful for, but hasn’t a difficult person also shaped your life? Did they make you realize how strong you really are? Did they make you strive to be nicer? Less judgemental? More loving? We learn a lesson from everyone who touches our lives. What path we take is up to us. Fill up with turkey and blessings this weekend, but take some time to relfect too. Peace be with you on your journey of enough.

Onto the next adventure…

On By journeyofenough2 Comments

Friday was my last day at work. It was a bittersweet week filled with lunches and stories and “lasts.” The last meetings, the last time I’ll visit with some people and the last time I will be a planner for this company. As we pack up our house of  12 years, I’m often reminded of the “firsts.” My boys had their “firsts” in this house. First steps for Myles, first teeth lost for both boys, first garden they remember, first crushes and heartbreaks, kindergarten and school programs. We moved here when Dallas was 1 1/2. It’s the only home they’ve known. They rode their first bikes here, carved all of their pumpkins here & done all of their homework here. They’ve had friends play,(but not as many as they should have had because I was too worried about my messy house.) I’ve rocked them in the living room and dried their tears in bed. It’s the only house they’ve ever known and I’m taking them from it. It makes me feel crappy and selfish, but I know it’s a move we need to make. For reasons that I cannot explain to them, we need to move. Onto a new adventure.

While a house is just a building, a home is wherever your family is. I hope they understand that someday. I hope they forgive me for taking them (all of them) from their friends and their routine and their “normal” into something all new. I hope they see it as an adventure, an opportunity for a new start. I hope they learn that the people you want to stay in touch with are the ones you always will. Your true friends will be able to see you anytime & pick up right where you left off. I never moved around as a kid. I was also 1 when my parents moved to Kindred but I was married and on my own when they moved off the farm. People who have moved around as kids reassure me that they will do fine. They will make new friends and stay in touch with the ones important to them. I’m not sure how to explain that on Monday, their last day of school. I’m guessing there will be big tears. Kind of like the ones I have now as I write this. I will dry their tears and hug them and let them know that my arms are their true home.

We are entering a whole new chapter of enough. Is our house good enough for someone to buy? Will they fit in enough at their new school? Will I fit in enough at my new job? I have to trust that the answer is yes. I have to trust that we’ve been led in this direction for a reason. I can’t wait to see what that is and how it unfolds. In the meantime, I’m sure there will be fishing and skiing when we aren’t unpacking and finding a farm to call ours.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough, and please say a prayer for a good transition for my family. It’s not “good bye,” it’s “see you later.”

Pinktober

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

Last year, I wore pink every day in the month of October, even dressing up in my pink tutu for Halloween. This October, I’ve had a lot of changes brewing in my life and I haven’t worn as much pink. I did want to take the time to tell you about a group that has special meaning to me… “Pink it Forward.”

After I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014, shortly after my 41st birthday, a friend told me about Pink it Forward. They send care packages to breast cancer patients free of charge. There are a few different packages to choose from: 1) Treatment Package is put together with chemo and radiation treatments in mind. It has a tote, blanket, water bottle, chocolates and other items to combat some side effects. 2) Determination package has a hand made fleece blanket. 3) Pajama package has soft, button front pjs – so important after surgery! 4) Relax pack has a soft robe, journal and ice packs. This group of women have been impacted by breast cancer themselves and in their family. They wanted to find a way to give back or pay it forward. When you are thinking about giving for pink this month, please keep them in mind. They accept monetary donations to help fund the packages, but they also have fund raisers, blanket tying events and a craft/vendor show. You may not know where your money is going with some larger groups. This group uses the funds to put together the packages and ship them at no charge. Do you know someone who was diagnosed and you don’t know what to do for them? First, pray for them. Then go to pinkitforward.org and request a package for them. Want to help out? Follow them on Facebook to find out about upcoming events.

My boys had a Citizenship project in 4-H last year. They each made a tie blanket for Pink it Forward and will be giving the blankets to the group shortly.


Think Pink this month and think of Pink it Forward. You may just help someone else in their journey of enough.