Tag: #peace

Empty, full or none at all?

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Happy Holidays! For me, I celebrate Christmas but I also respect the fact that there are many different holidays this time of year. Last night we went to a Rock & Roll Christmas program. It was fun – they put traditional songs to rock music. We are picking up our son tonight and will travel this weekend to see more family. After a year of many health issues for my family, I’m thankful we can be together. We will miss out on seeing my in-laws since some are in AZ and some in NC.

I’ve seen a lot of articles about moms not having Christmas stockings. I can honestly say I don’t have one. But neither does my husband. Neither of us have one, in fact I don’t think we have the whole time we have been married. I’m fine with it. I feel bad if it’s one sided but since neither of us have one, it doesn’t really matter to me. Quite honestly, I stink at gift giving to my hubby anyway. For everyone else, I usually do well. Not for him… something I think will be great goes unused. Not having to figure out stocking gifts for him is one less thing on my holiday “to do” list.

Much of the holiday “burden” typically falls on the mom. Planning, gift buying/wrapping, organizing, meal planning/prep/making, decorating, cleaning before and after, making sure the cards are sent, all the relatives have gifts, shipping packages in time, and trying to create magical core memories. We are also probably working full time, might have used up our vacation so we don’t have a holiday break, we might have put on a few pounds, are trying to have grace with ourselves and keep our cool. We don’t want to miss out, take things for granted or have regrets.

Everyone is at a different place during the holidays. Some people get to be with family and friends, while others may spend it alone. There may be a full house or an empty chair at the table. There may be piles of gifts or families barely scraping by. We can’t assume we know what’s going on with someone else. It’s also not our job to judge. If you’re able, do what makes you happy and try to share some joy with someone else. Maybe you’re on the receiving end of help or compassion… that’s ok too.

My goals this holiday season are to spend time with my family, enjoy some delicious food, have a fun time playing games and laughing until my stomach hurts. I want to hug my family and frost sugar cookies with my boys who are no longer little. I want to bless a stranger and have more patience. What are your goals?

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Whether your stocking is empty, full or none at all, just make sure you’re on the same page. Have the discussion. You might be glad you did.

New Journeys…

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Sorry I missed “writing Wednesday.” I was fulfilling my duty of being 50 and getting a shingles shot. I was fine Tuesday, but had a 101 fever Wednesday and just needed rest. Today is much better.

“Team hammerhead” excelled at trivia last week and we tied another team, then tied in the tiebreaker and came out winning. It was a fun date night as we get reacquainted with each other. This week, we are trying another trivia night. We’re trying out some new local breweries and sampling their food too. We have some favorites so far, but there are still more to check out.

Even though our nest is not officially empty, it sure is empty more often than it’s full. I guess it’s not something we were fully prepared for. We spent 7 years together before we had kids, then the next 21 years raising them. If someone did mention this phase, I’m sure I brushed them off/didn’t listen. There really should be a list that gets passed on, called “These are the things nobody tells you.” It would be a long list. Although it still might not matter. Often we are too wrapped up in our current stage in life to think about the next one. We also aren’t guaranteed any of these stages so it’s wrong to assume they will happen.

With a year and a half before graduation, we are slowly spending more time together. It’s one of the things we weren’t really expecting. Luckily, we still get along pretty well, so we have that going for us. It’s also adding to our life experiences and using some of Cam’s endless (previously thought to be kind of useless) knowledge. Although I will say, I have gotten some right answers myself.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Regardless if your new journey takes you to trivia nights or not, enjoy your time together. It’s one we shouldn’t take for granted.

Molting season

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Here are four of my chickens. I haven’t shared many pics of my ladies lately because they have been molting and haven’t looked very good. The light tan one (Butterscotch) is the latest one to molt. You can see the spikes on the back of her head – those are her new feathers coming in. Our chickens have molted every year, usually in the fall. They lose a majority of their feathers and new ones come in. While they are transitioning, they look pretty rough.

While I was on a call with a mentor of mine, she suggested I post pictures anyway. We all go through our own forms of molting, even as humans. It might not be as visible as it is with chickens, but we all have periods of our lives where we don’t look or feel so great. We still need love (& treats) during these times. My chickens LOVE watermelon, so this was a big treat for them. While they are molting, they don’t lay eggs. Their bodies are putting energy into re-growing those feathers. Hens might slow egg production when the season changes and there is less daylight (& cooler temps). All of these factors, plus the fact that they are four years old, means that they are currently not laying many eggs. They still get treats. I still tell them they are good chickens.

We are (generally) so much more compassionate with others than we are with ourselves. We forget to give grace to ourselves when we are in our molting phases. You’re not broken, wrong or unloveable. You made it through one molting season, you’ll make it through another. We may be less productive for a period of time, but we are still loved, still important, still valuable.

If you’re going through your molting season right now, hang on. Have a snack, get some extra sunlight, take a walk, talk to a friend… whatever you need to do to spark a little joy. A little joy is a reminder of the good. It doesn’t mean you’re ignoring your current state, it just means that you have hope.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Excuse me while I give the chickens some more watermelon and go buy some eggs!

I didn’t notice…

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I’m not sure where the month of November has gone, but apparently it’s been three weeks since I posted. Oops. I have not felt particularly inspiring (to myself or others), so I’ve been putting it off. It’s been busy with continued fall prep, a “mom comedy” show (attending – not performing), musical in West Fargo and musical performances here. Our son was Bill Austin in Mamma Mia. The picture is of the dipped Rice Krispie treats I made for the cast and crew on Saturday. They had a double performance day on Saturday so I sent some Mamma Mia inspired treats.

Wednesday they had a family performance, then public shows Thursday to Sunday. We went to all 6 performances. They were all great. Each one was a tiny bit different depending on the crowd, the microphones and the energy. All were an epitome of teamwork. People don’t often think of musicals as being a team event, but it is. Lighting, sound, choreography, director, acting, solos, duets, background vocals, set design, stage changes and ushers…. all coming together to create a seamless show. I heard someone say, “I didn’t notice the lighting, so I know it was good. I would have noticed it if something seemed off.” I thought that was pretty accurate- several things might go unnoticed because it all seemed so natural. The lighting made sense, the costumes were great… you might have noticed if there were microphone problems but not think twice about it if it runs smoothly.

How many things go on in the background of our lives that we don’t notice until they are missing or not done? Probably don’t notice that the laundry gets done each week unless you’re out of socks. Might not notice the dishes are washed unless you can’t find a cereal bowl. There was “white noise” when I was in the office and I didn’t notice it until it went out and it was very very quiet. We might not notice the people in our lives as much as we should either. I think Thanksgiving is a good time to remember the things we might not otherwise notice or give thanks for.

I have a lot to be thankful for… my continued good health, my family, friends, my home and job come to mind first. But there are so many other things that I’m inspired to write down that I probably wouldn’t think of. I encourage you to notice something new this holiday season.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May your hearts be full of thanksgiving, even for the things you didn’t notice before.

Also…

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I had two other posts started, forgot it was Wednesday, got distracted and then saw this quote. Again. I’ve seen it several times. It really hit home for me, yet it’s also kind of difficult to accept. The planner might freak out at a surprise. The giver will often struggle to receive. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.

I delivered a meal to a thoughtful person tonight and I know it was challenging for her to accept it. She’s used to thinking of others, caring for others, and doing for others so she didn’t feel like she deserved it for herself. It’s often difficult to ask for help. I understand the feeling. I’ve been there.

It’s silly that the people who love to help others don’t allow those people the joy of helping them. I like to plan. I like to give. I consider myself thoughtful and considerate. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have said those things. I wouldn’t have taken those compliments. There is something to say for being humble, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of your self confidence and self worth.

One issue with not asking for help is that sometimes you forget how. I sometimes get annoyed when my family doesn’t just know what I want. It’s wrong for me to assume they should know these things, but asking doesn’t come natural for me. It’s not something I do frequently enough for it to be “second nature.”

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. This is your reminder that also is OK.

H.O.P.E.

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I had an entirely different post planned. I’d written part of it, then I saw a post from a friend of ours. 5 years ago, they lost their son to suicide. (He was the same age as our oldest son) It’s also mental health awareness month, so I figured I should switch gears. Mental health isn’t something someone else has. We all do. We all have our own mental health differences, just like our physical bodies aren’t all the same. Mental health struggles impact more people than you might be aware of. It has impacted us.

Two years ago, I got a call from our oldest son. He was in his freshman year at Montana State, 13 hours from home. He moved there not knowing anyone and his roommate was about to drop out. He was going to school and working part time. He had gone to fraternity rush but wasn’t accepted. When he called, he has been in the ER. He told me that he called campus police because he was worried about what he would do. Actually, someone else called campus police and found him, bleeding. We had talked about it because of Robbie. I had hoped he would have reached out. I went numb. I didn’t know what to do. Do I fly out there? Do I drive? Then what? I told my boss I needed some time for a personal matter and I went for a walk. I sat on the dock by the lake and sobbed. Thankful he was found. Terrified it would happen again. I felt lost, alone and like a failure. What could I have done differently? This wasn’t about me.

He didn’t want to miss work, so he still went. He got in trouble for being late. If they only knew. From outward appearances, he was fine. He had been so depressed that he was not sleeping. He would wander around campus until 3am and still make it to work and class. After that day, he went to campus counseling, but just didn’t find a connection with the right person. She did tell him that hunting would be ok since he enjoyed being out in nature. He had to talk to the campus counselor and to the police in order to get his guns back to be able to hunt. He decided to drop out after the first semester. He started working full time instead. There is a stigma attached to dropping out of college. One that shouldn’t exist. It’s not right for you? Good for you to recognize that before spending almost $200k in tuition and being miserable the whole time.

He calls me (almost) daily. I still worry about him, but I feel more confident that he would reach out again before it’s too late. Too often we aren’t aware of people’s struggles. It’s not easy to talk about. It’s necessary though. Even if we think people “seem fine.” It’s OK to not be OK, but it is not OK not to tell someone. He knows that now. He’s in a better frame of mind. He has a core group of friends, a dog, and he does a lot of hunting and fishing.

That fall, he showed people what they wanted to see… a friendly, talkative guy. I asked him today what would have made him give an honest answer instead of “fine.” He said, “Probably someone looking me in the eyes and saying that they cared and I didn’t really seem fine. Someone to push for the truth instead of a fake answer.”

This isn’t a story many people know. Many family members will be shocked. I’m sorry you heard about it this way. It’s not something that’s easy for a parent to bring up either.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH. Your are needed. You are worthy. You are loved. If you feel you, or someone you know is in crisis, 988 is the suicide and crisis line. You can also text 741741 for free crisis counseling. For resources on teen mental health, go to https://Robbie’s-hope.com.

Did we just become best friends?!

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It’s a quote from the movie, “Step Brothers,” but it’s what I was thinking about recently. I had a lovely pause/trip to CA. I was able to work remote, spend time with my sister, complete a few projects, see a musical, run/walk a Rock n Roll 5k, kayak with otters & seals and so much more! We were discussing podcasts, and The Holderness Family podcast is one of my favorites. I told her, “They don’t know it, but I’m pretty sure we are best friends.”

I’m not a stalker. I have not reached out to these people. I follow them on social media and listen to their podcasts. I didn’t see them on “The Amazing Race,” but they did win it. I just feel like we are similar and we’d probably be along, in a strange way. We are close to the same age, both have 2 kids and we have similar personalities. Penn has ADHD and is very creative. Same with my husband. Kim is an introvert and needs to recharge after too much people-ing. Same with me. Aside from Penn singing & playing piano, I feel like he and my husband would talk for hours. Kim and I would get into a deep (non-superficial) conversation, but be blunt about when we need to leave. I’d learn pickle ball to hang out with them.

Having a best friend is a strange concept as an adult. Kids become best friends because they’re in the same class or same neighborhood or same activity. Adults may find people through their kids, or it may be kind of random. I stepped out of my comfort zone a few years ago and went on a weekend retreat where I knew nobody. I came away with several friends. Many of whom I keep in touch with, and a few I’ve gotten close to. I realized the other day that I’ve been here (in this town) 7 years. I still feel like “the new person/outsider,” even after all this time. You never know when you’ll connect with someone and spark a friendship. I’m sure I have more friends to meet yet.

I miss the friends I fell out of touch with. I often think of the times we spent together. I think of people I used to work with. I think of the neighborhood we used to live in. I guess in some cases, Best Friends Forever might be Best Friends For a while. People may come and go, but think of the additional people you get to meet and new experiences you get to have.

Maybe someday I will meet Penn and Kim, but I won’t hold my breath. Until then, I’ll be thankful for my friends – past, present and future. Thank you for coming along on my journey.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. You are enough and you always will be – even if people come in and out of your life.

A fall pause;

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Normally, this time of year we have a bunch of mini pumpkins and gourds. This year, we just have this small basket. But it screams fall to me, so I’ll keep these for myself (and perhaps my deer friends who have been eating my hosta.) Our garden took a hit due to the hot, dry summer and my husband working on the front and back steps/patio. I kept up with picking, but not enough watering and weeding. That’s ok. We still had things to bring to the market and have food in the freezer.

I haven’t written for a while, which is a little unusual for me. I’m a pretty regular weekly writer – even if I do lose track of days. I guess I needed a fall pause. I haven’t felt very inspirational, and there are some things going on that are just too personal to share. I’m fine, I just have some background things happening that I needed to focus on.

Sometimes we forget to pause. We rush from one thing to the next. This summer was busy with work, market, gardening, canning and family time. There wasn’t a lot of pausing. Even our trips are packed and full of walking/adventures. I’m grateful to get to go. I just forgot to give myself some grace.

I also forgot that it is ok to be both…

  • Both busy and needing a break
  • Both introverted and needing to talk
  • Both loving family and needing time alone
  • Both grateful for what you have and craving a change

I often feel like I need permission to pause. Busy is rewarded, yet pausing feels selfish (when I do it). I’m aware that it’s necessary, it’s just not always supported.

So, if you’re in need of a fall pause, here is your permission. Take a break, read a book, have some extra water, go for a walk, meditate, pray or just take a deep breath or two.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you take some time to pause. You’re worth it!

Experience sponge…

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It kind of looks like a computer screensaver, but it’s a photo I took at the New England Aquarium on our trip to Boston. The three of us did not press up to the glass like these starfish. I’m pretty sure too many kids had licked on it. Our trip to Boston was fun. We saw a lot of things, walked a lot of miles and needed a bunch of extra socks. The weather was great, aside from two downpours on Friday. We got completely drenched. Twice. I feel like “an experience sponge” as I tried to soak up the sights.

I’ve mentioned it before, but we don’t sit much or have downtime on our vacations. We try to see and do as much as we can. This time, we did all of the things on my list earlier than planned, so I had to quickly find some additional things to do. We walked 7-15 miles each day. We took the “hop on, hop off trolley,” the first day. It was a good way to see the city. They had a night tour, but that was pretty much the same route so it was a bit of a waste (but we did sit down). We saw many of the Freedom Trail stops. Some were interesting and others were quick visits and then on to something else. It was neat to see the USS Constitution. An amazing old ship with beautiful wood and really short ceilings & steep stairs. I imagined how sick I’d be to sleep in a hammock while on the water.

Boston Day 1. Tate bakery, Nero coffee, Trolley tour, freedom trail, USS Constitution, USS Cassin Young, Quincy Market, Bunker Hill, Faneuil Hall, Boston Tea Party tour, 🦞 seafood & “summer night trolley tour” Also drove by Fenway (country concert & lots of people.)

Boston Day 2. Continuation of the Freedom trail, 12-15 miles of walking, several inches of rain, 3 pair of socks each 😂. Went by Paul Revere house and statue, had Mike’s Pastry (thank you to those who recommended that – YUM!), saw the old North Church and Boston market- outdoor and indoor…. All before lunch. Boston Market was cool. Had some good coffee and got some treats for later. Poured rain, luckily we went in the correct door for the Massachusetts State house- the Hooker entrance 😂, it was very pretty inside. I took way more pictures of it than I thought I would. We walked through all of the Boston Public gardens (it’s free), but they didn’t have the swan boats running due to weather. Had lunch in Chinatown, it was very good. “Your cousin from Boston” Samuel Adams tour was 45 min. We took the orange subway there and back. We had beer, of course (not Myles), and also beer cheese pretzel and chips/beer cheese. We went back to Boston Market, went to little Italy/The North Side for a fish festival but it was raining again. Had gelato instead. It cleared up and we walked all along the pier & saw a double rainbow. Finished the day at Legal Seafood.

Boston day 3: New England Aquarium. The center was a large aquarium with lots of varieties of fish and turtles & rays etc. We petted some stingray. We got to see a feeding. Walked back to little Italy (which I guess is not called that – it’s called “The North Side.”) It was an amazing lunch – lobster ravioli was amazing! Then switched hotels so we walked a mile with luggage 😂 New hotel had us on the 13th floor, but we weren’t there long. Since we did the other things more quickly than planned, I added a last minute whale watching trip. I was nervous about the seasick possibility but it was good. 4 hour tour & saw lots of whales. Supper at Quincy Market. The market has a lot of shops and small food vendors. Had to get some clam chowder! (Chowder was great but the San Francisco bread bowls are better). Travel day the last day.

I feel like we did most of what I would have wanted to do. We didn’t see Harvard or Salem due to time and distance. We either walked, took an Uber or Subway instead of renting a car. That was great advice because traffic there is nuts and you have to pay to park everywhere. For now, we can cross Boston off the list and start thinking of where to go next.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Returning home meant more pickles and salsa to process, so we won’t be traveling very far for a while. College classes have started for our junior in HS and regular HS classes start Tues. Life goes by quickly. Keep your eyes open.

Beans, clouds and tea parties?

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What do these things have in common? Boston, MA. I mean, there are clouds everywhere, but I’ll be flying in them today. Why Boston? Why not? It’s not super hot or cold and there is plenty to do. Plus, it’s someplace we haven’t been. There is a list of ideas for things to do, places to eat and only one reservation (aside from hotels). The weather looks great and I think our long weekend will be fun. Next week, our youngest son starts classes at the tech school with (junior year) high school classes starting after Labor Day.

With his high school and tech classes, Mama Mia musical practice and working part time, along with his You Tube channel (The Unspecified Show), this seemed like the best time to take a trip. I don’t have the facts, but I’m guessing that most people will not say, “I wish I would not have traveled so much,” looking back at their life. Maybe if they traveled for work and didn’t like it – but recreationally? Yeah, I’m not going to regret these little trips. And I’ll probably share pictures of our trip, because maybe you’ve never been to Boston and you’d like to see it. Maybe you have been, but it’s fun to see it from our point of view.

When we went to NYC, we shared lots of pictures because we packed a ton of stuff into our trip. But one of Cam’s friends said, “It’s fun to see it from a whole new perspective.” They lived in NYC, but hadn’t done some of the “tourist stuff,” and got some ideas of things they wanted to try.

Maybe someday we will take a trip to relax on a beach, but not yet. For now, we will pack our walking shoes and have our cameras ready.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. If you’re not able to travel in person, travel in your mind with a good book or a Discovery channel documentary.