Tag: #kindness

Where is your JOY hiding?

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I found this “Joy” at Target, which seems appropriate, since the store tends to bring me joy. Hang with me for a minute while I give you the background on Joy…

At the retreat I attended in Duluth, we played hide & seek. This seemed silly at the time, but we paired up (just like when you were a kid)… one person hid while the other was the seeker. Jodie Harvala, our retreat leader said, “If you feel like you are supposed to hide in the middle of the room, that’s ok.” And that’s what one person did – stood in the room with her arms wide open. (I think she was the first one found.) I recall mumbling to myself, “why couldn’t mine have been that easy!” I looked around the big meeting room but didn’t see my partner. I checked the bathroom and sauna but she wasn’t there. I went down to the bunk bed area where we were camping out, but she wasn’t there either. Back upstairs I went, feeling like a failure. “I stink at this, I must have no intuition….” This time I said it out loud. Jodie heard me and said, “Did you try asking where she is? Is she sending you signs?” I walked directly back downstairs and found her right away! She was hiding behind the coats, in the small/kids section. (She’s probably 6-8″ taller than me). When it was my turn to hide, I hid in the hall closet with the vacuum in the dark. Even though she was pretty sure I was in there, she still jumped when she found me.

We all laughed and got back together as a group. Then Jodie said something that was amazing to me. “The person hiding represents your JOY. What was your reaction? Where did you find it?” Wow. While I was looking for my joy, I found someone else’s joy and it scared me. I didn’t trust my intuition and doubted I’d find it. There it was, with the kids coats. Hearing that made my eyes a little misty… my kids are my joy. One person’s joy was right in front of her, waiting to be found. What started out as an intuition exercise turned into so much more and yet none of us had the same experience.

I purchased this joy as a reminder to me of that weekend and the experience. This time of year, we see lots of JOY signs – the kind in the picture and the other signs of joy that aren’t physical, but felt. I hope you will be on the lookout for joy. It might be in the cupcakes you deliver to your neighbor, the stranger’s coffee you purchase, the friendly cashier or server, the songs of children or the purr of a cat. If we slow down & really listen, maybe we can find it more easily. Or maybe it wasn’t hiding at all – it was standing in the room, arms wide open, just waiting for you to open your eyes.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough this holiday season. I truly hope you find your Joy!

Thanks & giving…

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This past Thursday, we spent Thanksgiving with extended family & friends. 2 large meals and a whole table of pies and desserts made for some stuffed guests, not just stuffed turkey. Friday morning at 3:30am, our alarm rang. We threw some clothes on & hopped in the car. This year, our boys came with us for Black Friday shopping. Their eyes were wide yet sleepy while hundreds of people streamed into Fleet Farm on a chilly North Dakota morning. Some were just there for the free stuffed sloth. We made a couple more stops and didn’t have to wait in line too long. The reward? Some kid-approved Christmas gifts & Sandy’s donuts (one of the best donut shops around). We have lots to give thanks for.

We stayed in West Fargo with our friends. Our plans were to do our Christmas baking on Saturday. Since Black Friday shopping went smoothly, we started baking a few things early. Our annual baking day turned into baking days – plural. Most of our recipes were doubled or x6! A neighbor & her mom came over to join in the fun. From Friday afternoon through Saturday at 9pm, we went through more than 25lbs of sugar and flour, over 120 eggs. My husband packaged all of the treats into 3 separate tables of containers. Her husband did dishes for hours. We mixed, measured, scooped, baked, dipped and rolled until we smelled like sugar. Our aprons, the counters and the floors were covered in sugar & flour. Good thing my friend loves to sweep! Many of these goodies will be gifts. Some will be for piano open houses, some for bus drivers, teachers, neighbors and co-workers. Family gatherings and pot-luck events and a Relay for Life fundraiser will all benefit from our baking day. Our joy is in giving it away! (Of course some will be snacks at home too)

You know the saying that anything “baked with love” tastes better? I think that’s why people love our treats. They aren’t anything strange or necessarily special- but they are baked with love. While Christmas music plays in the background, we bake our treats and visit. There may have been a glass or two of wine included, but not too much – we need to make sure the measurements are accurate! We can’t exactly remember when it started, but it’s been about 9-10 yrs that we have baked together. I think we only missed the year we moved. Each year, one of us packs up half the kitchen and comes with recipes and “raw materials” to bake several dozen treats. I think we made 25 different kinds of treats this year, but we’ve been told to scale back next year, our our packaging department might protest.

Whatever your holiday traditions are, I hope they involve both thanks AND giving. Peace be with you on your journey of enough & may you enjoy a holiday treat or spend some time laughing and visiting with those you love.

Filling up on magic…

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This past weekend, I spent some time in Superior,WI at a rustic camp (this is me by Lake Superior). 10 ladies and our leader, Jodie Harvala, spent Thursday to Sunday laughing, enjoying nature, hauling wood, bonding and exploring our Spirit side. We didn’t sing any church hymns, but we were at a Lutheran camp and did sing grace before every meal.

When thinking of a Spirit retreat, my family instantly thinks of “church ladies”. While many of us do believe in God, it wasn’t the purpose of the weekend. We were working with the Spirit side of life – learning more about intuition and paying attention to messages. Before I lose you to an image of a giant cauldron in the woods, let me tell you more about it.

We didn’t:

  • Cast any spells
  • Do anything related to voodoo
  • Perform any sacrifices
  • Use a magic wand

We did:

  • Listen to our intuition
  • Connect with like minded souls
  • Laugh until our sides hurt
  • Cry happy and sad tears
  • Release regrets and fears
  • Challenge each other to grow
  • Learn and expand
  • Play “hide & seek”
  • Hike through the forest
  • Observe the power of a waterfall
  • Feed chickadees & squirrels

I could go on and on, yet it’s hard to explain at the same time. I hauled wood in the snow with two friends I hadn’t seen in a while. We laughed and listened to Christmas music and felt like little kids again as the snow fell gently down. It looked like we were inside a snow globe. I met some new friends whom I might not have crossed paths with otherwise. I shared my story and was challenged to write a new one. We talked about big dreams, past hurts, lost loved ones and the messages they send us. We wrote down our regrets and fears and released them in the wood fireplace. We wrote down our dreams and all of the things we are thankful for. It was magical.

I think we get caught in the day-to-day grind and we end up empty. If we don’t fill ourselves back up, we have nothing left to give to others. Was it hard to leave my family for a weekend? Yep. Did they do OK without me? Yep. And I returned refilled with magic and hope, forgiveness and love. Our journey isn’t meant to be walked alone. Find those people who KNOW that you are enough. Let them remind you how magical you are. I wish you peace on your journey of enough & enough magic to fill you up.

Thank you for a magical weekend!

Robbie’s Hope

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I believe in God. I always have. There are some things I would like to ask him about though. The list is long, but here are a few:

1. Why do we have extra body parts that we can live without (appendix, gallbladder etc)?

2. Why can’t we turn on and off our ability to have kids?

3. What on earth do I need hair on the top of my nose for?!

One of my biggest questions is:

4. Why do we lose loved ones too soon?

There has been a lot of deaths lately. A couple of weeks ago, a friend I grew up with in 4-H posted a link on Facebook. Her nephew had passed away. He was 15. (The same age as my oldest son.) Everyone loved him. He was an active kid, outgoing, smiled a lot. But he was silently struggling with depression. Behind that smile, he was not OK. He died by suicide while his parents were at teacher conferences hearing about how great he was. Instead of taking him to swimming, they had to plan a funeral. They had to figure out what his wishes were. They could have easily lost themselves in grief. (I tend to think that’s what I would do.) Instead, they were called to action.

They started “Robbie’s Hope” with the intention of bringing more awareness to teen depression & suicide. They later learned of the acronym for HOPE: Hold On, Pain Ends. Their GoFundMe page has raised over $75,000 to help get awareness and prevention programs started in Colorado.

gofundme.com/robbieshope

Even more amazing – all of the conversations it has sparked. I’ve talked to both of my boys about this. I’m sure many others have also had conversations they didn’t think they would have with their kids. If you haven’t had that conversation yet, do it NOW. Please let them know to talk to parents, coaches, school counselors, teachers, pastors, relatives… anyone who will listen. Robbie’s parents thought he was OK.

“It’s ok to not be ok. It’s not ok not to tell anyone.” This is a message that his family wants to be sure you hear. “Not ok” is normal. The photo shopped and Instagram perfect looking people have issues too. Talk to someone & get some help. Suicide is not the answer. There are many people who love you.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=share&v=9kipGOGRT4g

After showing him the news story on Robbie, my oldest son said, “It’s true. I’m sure there are a lot of people struggling. Mom, guys are the worst. Nobody wants to talk about feelings.” If that’s true, how do we change it? How do we make it ok for guys to open up? How do we encourage them to support each other? They are constantly bombarded with not being enough. Not a nice enough truck, not a big enough deer, not a fancy enough boat, not smart enough… and he’s 15. It’s a completely different scenario from when I was 15. Instead of someone talking bad about you on Instagram, they stuck a mean (hand written) note in your locker. Bullying and depression aren’t the same thing. Talking to someone is a good first step for both.

We need to believe them. We need to support them. We need to be present with them. Sometimes our journeys take us places we don’t want to go. We need to get the message out so fewer parents have to plan funerals. It’s ok to not be ok. It’s NOT ok to not tell anyone you’re not ok.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. You are loved. You are important.

Random Tuesday’s have a whole new meaning…

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I used to use the phrase that included “on a random Tuesday”… until a random Tuesday changed my life. I was 41 years old when I heard those words on a Tuesday. I was teaching a class on a Tuesday when I got a call. I was standing in the hallway on a Tuesday when I heard the doctor say, “I am not sure how to tell you this, but you have breast cancer.” For a while, my world stopped on a Tuesday. I am going to give new energy to Tuesday’s! Tuesday’s are going to be a regular blog post day from now on.

As I sit at the orthodontist office, waiting for my youngest son to get some brackets put on his teeth, I am making a commitment. A commitment to be more consistent in my writing. A commitment to make Tuesday’s something to look forward to. A commitment to myself and to you. I keep getting told that someone needs to hear what I have to say. Although that’s hard for me to believe, I’m going to assume it’s true and hope you will continue to follow me in my journey.

Putting myself out there is scary. It’s eye opening and heart warming. I am hoping it will be a positive spot for your Tuesday and won’t be as “random.” Consistent Tuesday will be the phrase instead of random. I hope you will join me on my journey of enough as we share some time together.

PS – the flowers are from my husband, who sent me random flowers, because unexpected flowers are so amazing! Pink for breast cancer awareness month and I am the chairperson of our Relay for Life team.

Be IN the picture…

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This is a picture of me and my boys at the first Cross Country race they did together. As I snapped a picture of just the two of them, another mom said, “Do you want me to take a picture with you too?” “Yes! Yes, I do!” It’s something we do too little of. I know I’m not the first person to write about this, but it needs to be repeated. A lot…Until all of us moms get IN the picture!!

Tonight there is a family going through photo albums. They are gathering pictures for an upcoming funeral. How many pictures do you think they will find with her in them? How many times was the mom behind the camera instead of in the pictures? How many times did she feel not thin enough, not pretty enough, not dressed up enough, not “put together” enough? Those moments can’t be re-done. We cannot get them back. The pictures spark the memories and without them, we miss out on some reminders. We miss out on silly moments. We miss out on a gift to give our kids & grandkids… a glimpse of US.

There is a picture on my desk of me & the boys in our back yard having s’mores. I had been working outside, I was dirty and too many pounds overweight. But the photo hangs on my wall. My boys don’t care. They just loved having s’mores together.

I’m not a scrapbooker, but I do make Shutterfly books when I can. They love to look through them, but it’s mostly of them. I need to be OK with being in the picture instead of just being the one holding the camera. I need to remember that I am enough to my kids, my family and my loved ones. I want them to have so many pictures of me when my time comes, that there are too many to choose from.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough…and get IN the picture!!

You’re a good mom…

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Well, clearly these are turkeys & not my kids, but it made me laugh. “Slow…kids at play” sign with a group of turkeys. I didn’t look close enough to see if they were a family, but I thought it was funny… almost like they were getting coached to come this way, right towards the flag. Or perhaps there was a mom turkey leading them. “Get over here!” “What’s taking so long?” I’m sure she’s a good mom.

In the last 4 days, I’ve had an oddly high number of people tell me I’m a good mom. I’m not saying this to “toot my own horn”… it’s just very strange how many times this has come up. Do you ever need a message and you don’t quite get it – or you do get it but you’re not paying attention? Yeah, I think this is it. I’m not alone in being the kind of mom who worries about her kids & if I’m being a good enough mom for them.

I emailed my son’s 6th grade teacher to let her know about a sick relative & how it might be impacting my son. Thursday night, my son & I talked about their “DQ run” on Friday for cross country practice. He needed to bring money. I didn’t set it out at the time but I realized it at lunch time. I dropped off $5 at his school so he could have a treat at the run. I emailed his teacher & told her about the money in the office & said I am not the mom who swoops in & saves the day, because I think they need to learn responsibility, but this seemed different. (Your relative is dying & you don’t get ice cream on an 85 degree day – nope). She emailed me back that she understood. “You’re a good mom.”

I ran some errands for my oldest son because he had cross country practice after school and then had to mow two neighbors’ lawns. I was supposed to get goose decoy weights, cord and a call. I went to the local Fleet Farm with some texted pics of what I should get. I was telling a co-worker about my trek to pick up something I knew nothing about. “You’re a good mom.”

My husband was out of town and my oldest son wanted to go goose hunting. He has a Saturday cross country run at 8am. This means getting up at 4:30am to get stuff ready & go set up decoys so that he can hunt for an hour before practice. I was telling my friend about this upcoming event and how I know very little about hunting, but we were getting up early to go in Saturday. “You’re a good mom.”

My point is, I don’t think this message was just for me. It’s the small things that make a difference. Showing you care about things they like, making sure they can get a treat with the other kids when they’ve had a rough week. If you’re a mom, this message is for you too. “You’re a good mom.” No, I’m serious. “YOU are a good mom.” You may think you’re not enough, but you are the perfect mom for your kids. You are on this journey, learning from each other. So, be sure to tell someone they’re a good mom. It could be just what she needs to hear today.

Would you wave a magic wand?

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This is one of my favorite pictures of my boys. 5 years ago, on a still day at the lake they were just fishing. The reflection on the water makes it look like they are surrounded by clouds. I feel like this is my oldest son’s version of heaven. This picture came up on my Facebook memories and I got kind of emotional. An unexpected flood of emotions… making my eyes well up. They are so innocent here. This was before my cancer diagnosis. This was before their uncle’s farm accident (he miraculously survived). This was before their loved ones were ill. So much has changed. Part of me wants to reach into this picture & hug those little boys. I wish I could protect them from the heartache. I wish I could see that sweet “carefree” look in their eyes.

But I can’t do that… & part of me doesn’t want to. All of those scary things taught us something. As crummy as it was to tell my kids that I had cancer, it brought us closer together. It taught us how to ask for help. It allowed us some quiet time. It changed my perception of life in general. Their uncle’s farm accident taught us how to pray intentionally. It taught us how to let others hold us when we feel like we are falling apart. It showed us that miracles are real and they do happen. Their loved one’s illness taught us that health is important. It taught us to listen to our bodies, to love and respect these vessels that we have been entrusted with. It made me even more aware that life is short & we should take the trips!

Yes, part of me would like to wave my magic wand and keep them from the pain. But, those painful moments make us realize how sweet life is. Cancer happened for me, not to me. I was asked shortly after radiation, “So, has cancer changed you?” Yes. Yes, it did. I didn’t fully realize it at that moment, but I will never be the same… and not in a bad way. I will always try to make it to my kids’ events. I will honor and listen to my body. I will hug more. I will take the trip. I will sit and pet my cat. I will practice meditation & prayer. I will enjoy the life I have. I will give to others. I will show up for them when they don’t know what to do next. I will know that silence is ok, just being there means a lot.

None of us are promised a “tomorrow,” but I will do my best to live my life to the fullest. When my time comes, I hope to end up in a place like this picture… more beautiful than I can ever imagine. I really do wish you peace on your journey of enough. Peace is a powerful thing. Learning to sit in silence and absorb all of the good around you is good for the soul.

The dance…

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Last Friday, we had our local American Cancer Society Relay for Life. It used to be that people walked all through the night, but too many people left early, so ours goes until 1am. The picture is of my husband quickly walking away after a little two-step we did at the Relay event. They had a live band and it was playing some good country songs… and I just thought we needed to dance. Why? Because we can. Because it’s been 3 1/2 years since I was diagnosed & 3 years since a hysterectomy & broken foot all at once. Because dancing with my husband makes my heart happy. Because we don’t dance enough. Because it was a day to celebrate survivor & remember those no longer with us.

I’ve participated in Relay for Life for the last 4 years. The first year, I was still recovering & had a boot on my broken foot. This year, I was a team captain for our team at work. The survivor lap is more emotional than I am ever prepared for. With a sea of purple shirts & purple balloons, it’s an overwhelming sense of gratitude. We walk as one… each with a different story but all connected together. Then we walk a lap with our caregivers. My two sons and my husband walked with me. Our kids were 8 & 11 when I was diagnosed. I participated in this event so that someday, kids won’t have to hear their mom say, “I have cancer.”

The band played a song that made me cry… “I’m gonna love you through it,” by Martina McBride. Just typing it out, my eyes are welling up with tears. Grateful… just so grateful that I had someone to love me through it. I only had to change a couple of words in the song & it could have been written for me. When you’re weak, I’ll be strong. And he was. And so were many other special people in my life. Just take my hand, together we can do it. I’m gonna love you through it.

They also played “The Dance,” by Garth Brooks. Tears filled my eyes as we lit the luminarias in honor of a survivor & in memory of someone who had passed. I could have missed the pain, but I’d have to miss the dance. Oh, how true. So, while we were the only ones two-stepping on the track, I didn’t want to miss the dance.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you take the time to dance, because there are those who cannot… and those who would give anything to have one more dance with the one they loved.

Faith of many kinds…

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When I was in high school, I won a 4-H public speaking competition. I went on to the districts and to state … and won. Instead of a trophy or a ribbon, I won a trip to Israel. This was not too long after the 1991 scud missile attack. It was a 10 day long trip. I was the North Dakota representative, there was a girl from Minnesota and a girl from South Dakota. We would travel with a male chaperone from Minnesota and meet up with an Israeli host family. We came from different faith backgrounds: Lutheran, Catholic and Mormon. It was an amazing trip of a lifetime. We toured much of the country (it is very small). We went to the Lebanese border, ate lunch by the Sea of Galilee, touched the Wailing Wall, stood on the Mount of Olives, swam in the Dead Sea, saw the scrolls, stayed at a Kibbutz, walked in Jerusalem, toured their Parliment building… it was a full trip. And my parents let me go!!! They let a 17 year old girl fly across the globe with strangers. As a parent of a teen, that freaks me out. What faith they had in me, the 4-H council and these strangers! I love my parents deeply and I know they wouldn’t have sent me if they thought I would be in danger. We were very safe on our trip. Our host knew what areas were safe and what to avoid. The people that I was traveling with were nice people. This was before the age of cell phones. We didn’t have much contact the entire 10 days… my mommy heart now knows it must have been the longest 10 days of my mom’s life. I am forever grateful for the opportunity to go.

Faith (noun) complete trust or confidence in someone or something. Also: a strong belief in God or the doctrines of a religion.

I just sent our oldest son for Texas for a week with his church group. 12 kids total and 3 chaperones will spend a week doing service work, attending conferences and getting to sightsee a little. They are supposed to limit their cell phone use and just be present in the moment. It’s only the first full day for them. Other than knowing that he arrived in Texas and it’s hot there, I don’t know much else. I sent him with some cash, a VISA card and lots of faith – of both kinds. There will be 30,000 kids at the convention. I have no doubt it will be an amazing experience for him. I didn’t go on the Lutheran youth trip when I was in high school because it was around the time of my Israel trip noted above. I hope he has stories to tell when he gets back and that his faith grows as a result of the trip. Slowly, I am learning to have faith that we’ve given our sons a firm foundation. I’m learning to let go.

I bought myself some flowers this week for my desk to remind me of the beauty all around. It was also a little bit to cheer me up and take my mind off of the fear of letting my son travel and to just have faith. Wherever you’re at on your journey, I hope you will take a leap of faith, have faith in others & in yourself and grow your faith (whatever that may be.) You are enough. You are always enough. Peace be with you on your journey of enough.