Tag: #kids

Time for presence…

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Recently, we went to Stuttgart, Arkansas for the World Duck Calling Championships. Did I know this existed previously? Not really. When our son got the chance to go and represent Montana did I block off my calendar and hit the road? Yep! Did I know what a champion duck caller should sound like? Nope.

If you know me at all, you know I’m a planner. I’m an actual planner as a job, but also a planner in general – family trips, events, graduations, showers, weddings – you name it, I love to plan it. But for this trip, there was a lot of unknowns. How early should we get there? Would he be hunting? Would we leave the town? What was there to do in the town? I wasn’t sure, and this trip was not about me, Cam or Myles – it was about Dallas. Our sole purpose was to be there to support him and watch him call on a World Champion Stage. So I tried my best to not plan. Of course I had to get a hotel, but the nicer one was booked so we ended up at the Days Inn. Since Stuttgart has 9,000 people, our choices were limited. Also needed a hotel in Memphis for a night because he flew in late. Traveling the week of Thanksgiving is the most expensive time to fly, so we flew him on Monday to Memphis and Myles on Wednesday into Little Rock. Flights? Check. Hotel? Check. Car gassed up? Check.

This was one of the very few times I’ve been on vacation and actually left my computer at home. I laid out exactly what was needed to cover for me while I was gone for 8 days. Lately I have been working weekends and nights also since I deal with international customers, so being gone from Sunday to the following Monday was a bigger challenge than normal. I was determined to make it work. It was Thanksgiving, my birthday and the World Duck Calling on my agenda. I didn’t even have hotels for our driving part of the trip! I knew we couldn’t do 16+ hrs driving in a day so we’d have to split it up. Both ways I reserved the hotel rooms the day of, from the car. Look at me being all spontaneous!

Dallas made it to Memphis late Monday, and we left on Tues to head to Stuttgart. First stop, the outdoor store, of course. We wandered around the store as he talked waders and duck calls and learned some tips from someone who had been in the championship before. I’m a little surprised they didn’t kick us out for loitering. Presence. That’s what I was there for. This was important for him, so I tried to observe and listen. We also got to visit the duck call shop who made his call. He learned some more tips.

Wednesday we visited the local museum, learned more about ducks and rice, found a Wal-Mart and had some great food (catfish, crawfish tails and duck gumbo). Cam and Dallas played a few rounds of pool on the pool tables with Sitka brand logo. Presence. Slow and unplanned, but the gears in his head were churning – how would he do? What could or should he change? One of the hardest things as a parent is when you cannot fix or help. I had no advice and my cheerleading just made it worse. Myles flight was also delayed Wednesday night so it was 2:30am when we got back to the hotel. Dallas had made it back not too much before we did (takes a lot of willpower to remain sober amongst drunk duck hunters).

Thursday was Thanksgiving & we were invited for prime rib. They said we could bring a side dish. Um, most everything is closed – even Wal-Mart. There was a Dollar General that was open so we went there and found enough ingredients to make a couple of “Minnesota salads” – cookie salad and cherry cracker salad (but also had to purchase bowls to put them in, spoons and can opener etc). The food was delicious and we watched football but didn’t know anyone. Dallas had met the Sitka rep when he was blowing out sprinklers in Bozeman, and that’s how we ended up at their Thanksgiving. Most everything was closed in town so we were thankful for the invite.

Friday morning, very early, he was able to go on the hunt of a lifetime. Duck hunting in Arkansas the week of World Duck Calling Championships & with a hunting brand he loves. They got some birds that were used for duck gumbo. It helps to have butcher shop experience! He had never hunted the swampy area before so it was a fun day. When he got back, I was expecting him to have a ton of pictures. He had one video and said that hunt was as for him – he didn’t need the pictures, he wanted to be present. While he was doing that, the three of us went to Little Rock and shopped a bit. Dallas called on Friday in the Last Chance competition to try and get some nerves out of the way. (It might have made it worse) We went to the caller’s BBQ supper, which was delicious but 1,000 miles out of my comfort zone. Luckily we had talked to some chamber folks earlier and they said we could all come with him since we were from so far away etc. My attempts to cheer him up failed, so I tried to just be present.

Saturday was the big day. It had been in the mid 50’s, but the weather turned colder and rainy. The temps in the low 40’s with the rain impacts the call and also the mindset. 62 contestants got ready for the World Stage. The judges cannot see the contestants so they don’t know who anyone is. They drew numbers for calling order. He drew #1. Being the first caller for your first time is the worst place to be. He tried his best but didn’t advance. He did meet a lot of new people, learned some tips, made connections and got to do his duck call on a stage that few get to stand on.

Sunday morning, we packed the 4 of us, all of the luggage and headed towards Memphis for them to fly back home. Cam and I made our way back on some icy roads, but we arrived back on Monday. I also don’t take many pictures, which is unusual for me. I have videos of his calling events and a couple of pictures from the trip. Even though the 4 of us were together, we only took one “family” picture in the Baskin Robins having ice cream for my birthday treat. I just wanted to be around my three favorite people. Presence.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading about our little journey to Arkansas and back. Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you find time for presence in the season of presents.

Bday ice cream and our only family pictures
Saturdays World Campion Duck Calling Competition
Phot from Stuttgart Chamber of Commerce (Sat)

Cookies & fresh starts…

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I looked back at my published posts, and I haven’t written since August. I have drafts, but never published. I have things started, but lacked the confidence. Where do I begin? What do I explain? It’s been so long.

But as I was walking to the mailbox in the rain, a whole series of paragraphs flooded my mind. And, I decided it was time. Ready or not.

I made cookies for my husband’s birthday. I’ve made cakes or lemon bars in the past, but raisin cookies are his favorite. The smell of cinnamon and nutmeg filled the house and I started thinking about cookies, and how they mean something different to me than they do to most people.

Most people probably don’t think much about them. But when I think about cookies, I have a mix of emotions & memories. I remember baking cookies with my mom. I remember the special mixing fork she used (never a stand/hand mixer), the homemade frosting for sugar cookies, chocolate chip cookies with walnuts and without, tiny gingersnaps and the people we shared them with. I remember all of the times my boys stood on a chair with their tiny aprons, helping to mix cookies, sneaking a bite of dough, dumping a whole container of sprinkles, decorating sugar cookies and saving some chocolate chips off to the side.

Cookies bring me joy. They are like a hug in the form of a treat. I’d bake when I was frustrated, as a way to calm down. I’d bake to bring treats for the kids or to a friend. As the years passed, the boys learned to bake on their own too. Last year, Myles made almost all of the treats for the Farmer’s Market. Dallas has made brownies and pies, much to the surprise of his roommates.

Cookies also bring me guilt & shame. As a T2 diabetic, I know I shouldn’t be eating them. The lower sugar or artificial sugar ones just don’t taste the same. I think I’ve only made cookies once since Christmas, so I cannot blame them on my weight. And my blood sugar has stayed remarkably “in range” despite the added pounds. I’m not exactly sure how to get past the guilt part. It’s a work in progress. Maybe I just need to focus on the joy that they bring to me and to others.

My fresh start is to get back to writing. Even for a brief while… if nothing else, just for me. It’s not something that will bring me fame or fortune, just peace. And I will probably have a cookie with my coffee.

OOO…

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I’m going to attempt to be “OOO” = Out Of Office this weekend for the long weekend. Work has been crazy ever since I started my new job. Although it may seem like I’ve been on several adventures, work stress never leaves and I’m often online early mornings or later evenings. I’ve been in “fight or flight” mode since April. I’m pretty sure my cortisol levels are not healthy.

I really can’t believe that it’s the end of August. Our youngest started school on Monday at the Technical College, but it’s also his senior year in high school. We recently took a trip to MT to see our other son. We had a great time and quite a few unique experiences. This month has been filled with work, travel, canning, family surgery, more canning and more work. August will end with a trip to Seattle… without my computer!

Why Seattle? Why not?! We have not been there before, August is the least rainy month in Seattle, and if I don’t force myself to leave work behind, I might snap. We will do a quick 2 full days of tourist things and then fly back. Driving there is not on my bucket list and we are under time constraints. I have my notebook of ideas (no spreadsheets this time, uncle Brian), some suggestions from friends and the advice of strangers in a “Seattle tourism” Facebook group. Will I still worry about work? Probably. But I will not be checking emails or capacity charts or batch numbers for almost 4 days.

Life is short. You’ve seen the stories & heard about people who wait for retirement before they have their adventures only to get them cut short by health issues or other things. I’m not waiting. I’m having experiences while I can. I’m grabbing those 4 day weekends, skipping a farmers market or two and seeing something new. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows. I don’t currently have the mental capacity to work on my Copywriting dream or write my next book. I’m just trying to hang on. I’ve lost friends, had strained relationships and have not been kind to myself in the last few years. I’m not the same. I’ve shifted timelines but I don’t think I am done shifting yet. I feel like there is more. There is more to life than work and there are more changes to come.

Even though I haven’t written much in the last few months, life sure has been going at full speed. Tonight we did 32 jars of hot salsa and 35 jars of pickles (& I had an hour conference call). Sometime before Friday at noon, I’ll throw some things in a suitcase and call it good. If I forget something, Seattle has stores. For almost 4 days, I will be OOO. I’ll report back if you’d like to hear about it. Travel blogger is on my someday/wish list. I just don’t think people vacation hard like we do. We try to cram as much in as we can. Maybe there is a market for it though?? We’ll see.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. And yes, our journey will include coffee from the original Starbucks (even though we prefer our local coffee shop with my favorite barista).

WAIT Mode…

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It’s August 1st, yet I feel like August is already over. The jam packed “last month of summer” has my head spinning. Although I no longer need to worry about summer camps, there are still a lot of things packed into August. Our garden is in full swing, we are trying to process pickles and keep our tomatoes/onions/peppers growing for salsa, there are acting classes, bowling tournaments, trips to see family, trips with family, a comedy show and an anniversary, among many other things.

I’ve been trying to learn more about ADHD, and as I do, several of the things listed ring a bell. I never thought of myself as having ADHD. I had good grades in school, active in a lot of things, but not hyperactive. It was never considered. This is pretty common for women. Something that really resonated was the idea of “wait mode.” Wait mode is when your mind is overly focused on an upcoming event. You have a hard time accomplishing anything else because you are waiting for the other thing. Like if there is an appointment later in the day, your whole day is shot because you’re thinking about that appointment, backtracking time as to when you need to leave. How early should you be there?, What if there is traffic? What do you need to get done before the appointment? What about after? (And 100 other things). It’s common with people who have ADHD, or anxiety & depression.

So, in my head, August is almost over. On the first day. It’s like an appointment, but in the form of a month. Will I be productive in August? Probably, but I will also be thinking about these multiple events along with the timing and coordination of each. Which things overlap? What other arrangements have not been made yet? How will I manage working remotely and at different times while I’m gone? Throw in some “worst case scenario” thoughts, and it gets to be a lot. My brain needs a pause button. I’ve tried very hard not to lose myself in drinking etc, but I still grab a snack when I’m extra stressed out. Being fluffier than I’d like causes me to feel shame and talk negatively… it’s a whole loop. Growing up as Gen X, there was a lot of body shaming. That all stuck in my head. While I did not have an eating disorder, I certainly have a tricky relationship with food.

Anyway, that’s the squirrel brain tangent (just a snippet). So for August, my challenge to myself is to write it out, but be present. I have some boundary work to do also. I’m going to try to reduce the amount of “wait mode” in August. (Notice I said I wasn’t going to get rid of it, because I don’t think changing my entire personality in a month is a realistic goal.) Maybe I just need a daily reminder of what day it is today, without jumping ahead too far. Today is August 1st, and I will try to plan for today (after I write out the whole month because I am a planner by profession and it is just my nature.)

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. If you’re in wait mode also, maybe we can wait together and have some coffee.

You might know one of the six…

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We were married 7 years before we had kids. That wasn’t the original plan. I didn’t find out I had polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) until a few years after things didn’t just “happen on their own.” At the time, I didn’t know anything about it. I didn’t know the percentage of people who struggle with infertility (one in 6). It wasn’t discussed in our conservative Midwest communities. When people asked, “When are you going to have kids?,” or “Why haven’t you started a family yet?,” we would deflect or make a joke. Instead of crying in the bathroom over their hurtful questions, I wish I would have told them my story. I should have talked about it more. Maybe people would realize how common it is, and how many people are impacted by potential reproductive legislation.

We wanted kids. We wanted a family. We needed a fertility specialist to make that happen. So when I hear of legislation restricting IVF or other fertility treatments, my heart sinks. Those people who already feel disappointed or hopeless may have fewer options. You’re entitled to your beliefs, but keep in mind that legislation may impact someone you love/care about, you just don’t know their story.

Mother’s Day, baptisms and other people’s pregnancies sparked tears, sadness and longing… for several years. I felt alone, depressed and discouraged. There wasn’t a support group, a Facebook group or blog posts discussing infertility. The injections/shots, medications and procedures were not covered by our insurance. Each time before we did get pregnant, it was going to be “the last round.” The financial, emotional and physical toll was just too much. I do not regret it at all.

My sharps container for fertility shots was replaced with one for gestational diabetes, which was replaced with one for type 2 diabetes 16 yrs later. Still no regrets. My cancer may have been caused by birth control, but that medication also made things slightly easier each month. Maybe we just need to change the name to “hormone management.” The cancer may have been caused by fertility treatments and increased hormone levels, yet I have 2 wonderful sons as a result. The cancer may have been caused by microwaved food, microplastics, environmental issues, some genetic marker that didn’t show up, extra weight, not taking care of myself…. and on and on and on. I won’t ever know.

I try to stay away from politics and opinions, but this one hits pretty close to home. Given the upcoming elections, I thought it was important to share my story in a little more detail. I probably won’t change your mind, but maybe I’ll make you think a little. If you made it this far, thanks for listening.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. We could all use a little extra peace at the moment. Please be kind to one another.

I blinked again…

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Myles with Miles Axlerod cake (age 6)
Car show (18)

Our youngest son, Myles recently turned 18. The picture of him with the “Miles cake” from the Cars movie makes me smile. That grin is the best! This time for his birthday, we did some shopping (for suits of course), went to a casino, stopped at MN largest candy store and went to a car show. He starts his senior year in high school soon. Time is flying by. The next year will be filled with nostalgia, grad planning and senior year moments. It won’t be a “typical” senior year since most of his classes will be at the Technical College. He has a world full of options, more skills and talent that he realizes, and a smile that can brighten anyone’s day.

He’s embarking on a road trip soon with a fellow You Tube buddy. Am I nervous about them traveling alone? A little, but I’m more excited for them than anything. I hope that he’s picked up some tips from our previous trips. I hope he listens to his gut, keeps his phone charged and is aware of his surroundings. But mostly, I hope they have fun. I hope they create some core memories & have some amazing videos! They will learn through experience and have some great stories to tell.

I’m certainly not a parenting expert. I’ve made my share of mistakes and have some regrets. I’m thankful for the time spent together and memories made. Roots & wings, right? Boundaries, a safe space and the freedom to experience life. It must be a shocking transition to go from having too many rules to be an independent adult after graduation. I hope I’ve given them a balance.

I blinked again and he’s 18. He works at the coffee shop, has a YouTube channel (The Unspecified Show) & a podcast (Be Unspecified Podcast). He does not know what he wants to do after high school, and that’s ok. Honestly, he should just make something up. It’s really just a conversation starter – it’s not like people follow up with you later to see if you’ve done what you said. Nobody ever asked me if I was a physical therapist (original major in college). Even my degree isn’t related to what I do now.

Anyway, I hope they have a wonderful week long adventure. I can’t wait to hear about it. Peace be with you on your journey of enough. If you’re not able to go on an adventure of your own, check out their videos in a couple of weeks.

Unconditional

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It’s graduation season, and while I have one more year until my last graduation, I will soon have an 18 year old. For 18 years, we try to control what goes on for our kids. Part of it is due to wanting to keep them safe & healthy. Part of it is trying to steer them in the “right” direction or at least away from harm. Once they graduate, they are often on their own, testing the boundaries themselves. Often times, the kids who had the most controlling parents are the ones who go wild in college. They don’t know how to handle the freedom and autonomy & they try to make up for things they missed in high school.

I was the most wild of the three girls, but I never smoked and was never arrested. I think the only vehicle accident I was in involved a deer. My boys have already both been in car accidents, for various reasons. Accidents happen. We can’t prepare for everything. Our oldest has had his fair share of near death experiences, but hadn’t broken any bones. The youngest broke his leg skiing, but was thankfully ok otherwise. Unconditional love means they will call you when they are in crisis, knowing that you won’t yell but will help them navigate the next steps.

We aren’t perfect parents. What we do though, is love our kids unconditionally. I hope they always know that. I hope they know they are always loved and welcomed regardless of the twists and turns their lives take. (I know there are cases where it is necessary to cut ties due to safety reasons, but hopefully that won’t happen with them.) Many parents kick their kids out at 18 and don’t want them to come back. While I know that they need to learn things on their own, I also know that college, housing and other expenses are way more than when I was 18.

They will likely take very different paths, and that’s ok. They are unique individuals, not carbon copies of us (although some characteristics are unmistakable.) It’s exciting to see where life will take them. I’m happy for the graduates this year and I’m looking forward to next year. Having a senior again will bring another roller coaster of emotions. One thing will remain constant… unconditional love.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you experience unconditional love in your lifetime, either as the giver, recipient or both.

Comfort stars…

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I can’t tell you how many bowls of chicken noodle soup I’ve had in my lifetime, but I can tell you for sure that number of bowls consumed while sick far outweighs the bowls I’ve had when I felt well. From Lipton noodle soup to Campbell’s Chicken & Stars, those were the traditional comfort foods when I had a cold or didn’t feel well. (And of course, some saltine crackers.)

It’s interesting how many emotions can be stirred up by different foods. Often we think of celebrations, traditions, highs or lows. We might be able to remember the sweet or savory tastes and smells while being transported back in time. Having chicken & stars soup tonight made me think of our old green and gold sofa. As I sat on my own gold/yellow sofa, I thought of all of the times my mom made soup for me when I was sick. There may be some negative food related memories, but for me, they were mostly positive.

I had a health coach tell me to remove the emotion from food, and just see it as fuel for the body. I wasn’t very successful with that concept. Even “mindless snacking” is often a form of self soothing/comfort. Sharing food or cooking and baking for someone is often an expression of love. It’s a form of gift giving, by sharing your talents and resources. It’s one of the things that brings me joy. While I don’t necessarily have fancy or expensive taste, I do appreciate good food. I also gravitate to the foods that are tied to a memory of a person or an event.

Now that I’m physically back in the office half of the time, I’m sure my cubicle neighbor thinks a goat moved in next door since I do like to snack. Surprisingly, I think I snacked less when my kitchen was 30 feet from my office. Maybe I’ll incorporate some comfort snacks into my desk drawer stash. For tonight, I’ll have my “comfort stars” in hopes of warding off a cold.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. What are some of your favorite comfort foods? Which ones bring you back to a special birthday or celebration? Do you have a family tradition or a favorite dish your grandma made?

Weren’t you just 10 yesterday?

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Time really does fly by. Do I write about it every year? Well, it’s true. Seems like my oldest boy was just 10 or just 5, but now he’s turning 21. No longer a little boy with a buzz cut, now he’s a man with much longer, curly locks.

There are a few milestone birthdays, and this is one of them. I don’t think I was fully prepared to be spending so many of his birthdays without him after he turned 18. I certainly have some core memories from the day he was born and many birthdays and parties since then. A January birthday in the upper Midwest is a bit of a surprise for what the weather will be like. Cold is a pretty good bet though. 18 is another milestone and our youngest turns 18 this summer. As I see ads for senior pictures, it all makes me pause. When did my two little guys become men?

Being a parent to teens/young adults isn’t easier… it’s just a different set of worries. Instead of “Bob the Builder” or “Minecraft” t shirts, it’s welding work boots for one and suits for the other. Instead of “Hot Wheels” races, it’s actual fender benders with trucks and cars. Sleepless nights with babies changes into late nights waiting for them to get home, or talking on the phone later because one of them is a time zone ahead.

I love these two humans more than they can comprehend… more than I say. One day they might understand if they chose to have kids. Either way, I will love them through their highs and lows, loves and heartaches, triumphs and disappointments and everything in between. It’s the silly little stuff they remember- not always the grand gestures, big gifts or trips. As long as they know that I’m their safe space, their home base, their unconditional fan…. I’ll be happy.

So, happy birthday to my legal adult son. I’d say “don’t over do it,” but I know better. Be safe. Thank you for still calling your mom. I love getting to share in the details of your life.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. I’m thankful for the passage of time… it means I’m still here!

BINGO?

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“That wasn’t on my (current year) BINGO card,” is a phrase that became common in 2020 (if it wasn’t before). Pandemic, tsunamis, killer bees… I forget all of them. It gave me an idea. What if I made a 2024 BINGO card of things I want to happen? A typical BINGO card has 24 spots. Now to think of 24 things I want out of 2024. Some will be stretch goal type things and some will be more realistic. All will be positive and/or bring joy.

I’m not sure I’ve seen this done before. I’ve seen a month long type document of things to do each day, but this is just 24 things for the year. Interesting. It’s not really a New Year’s resolution. It could include daily things like “drink plenty of water,” or “journal daily.” It could also include bigger items related to jobs, finances, travel etc.

I’m going to start filling mine out. I think this will be a fun take on a vision board. I don’t plan on beating myself up if I don’t have a “blackout BINGO” by 12/31/24. Just a fun thing to switch the focus. Would you be interested in seeing it once I get all of the boxes filled in? I can tell you for sure that I have 9 ideas already. Do you have some ideas to share?

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May your BINGO card be filled with fun and challenging things. I’ll skip the killer bees on mine!!