Tag: #introvert

Who brought the humbug?

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My youngest son and I went to a show in Minneapolis on Sunday. It was called “Who brought the humbug?” We had front row seats and he wore a Christmas suit. He certainly didn’t bring the humbug. It was me. (I’m actually in the picture on the screen)

I’m guessing less than 39 people will read this because it makes people uncomfortable.

This is what anxiety looks like. Put together, hair fixed, makeup on, smile… not what you thought? Yeah, me neither.

I didn’t know what it looked like. I used to assume anyone anxious would look worried and be fidgety. I used to assume anyone depressed would be crying and withdrawn. December 9th, 2014, my world changed. I’ve told the story before, but if you’re new, here’s a quick recap. I had gone in for a routine mammogram. That turned into an ultrasound and then a biopsy. “I’m sure it’s nothing, you’re only 41.” That nothing ended up being cancer. I was teaching a class at work when I got the call. “I’m not sure how to tell you this, but you have cancer.” The next several weeks blur together. Fast forward 5 years. Healthy, a little overweight, but cancer free.

We went to the show on Sunday with tap dancing, singing & a band. It was just the two of us because the other two were ice fishing. Gotta love MN! Before the show, we wanted to spread some kindness. We put quarters in the candy machines at the Outlet Mall. Then, with his Christmas suit on, my son and I put candy canes on the door handles of the cars in the parking lot. If there was someone in the car (happened to be all men), I asked if they wanted a candy cane too. They all said “yes.” It’s part of my 46 acts of kindness between my birthday & Christmas. I cannot call them random acts because I have to come up with ideas first – some are random, most are not. While my body is cancer free, my mind wages a different war…. anxiety about the cancer anniversary, seasonal depression, overwhelm of the holidays, lingering thoughts of not doing enough.

This kindness challenge has shifted my focus but it’s still a struggle to get out of my comfort zone. I’ve talked to more strangers than I normally do. Every part of me wants to hibernate and every part of me wants a magical Christmas. How can I be the one who brings both the humbug and the Christmas cookies? Do you ever feel this way? Caught in a tug of war? I know the things I need to do, yet I struggle to get them done. If you’re in the same boat, you’re not alone. Join me in some acts of kindness- random or not. Watch your favorite holiday movie. Dance & sing. Do something that brings you joy. It’s not selfish, it is necessary. You cannot fill from an empty cup! Give yourself the gift of taking care of you also… you’ll have more to give to others.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May your holidays be filled with joy, peace, forgiveness, gratitude, grace, love or whatever you need most this holiday season.

Quick question (from an introvert’s perspective)…

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Quick question? Have you ever asked an introvert a “quick question?” Did you see the immediate fear and shock in their eyes or did they hide it well? (Because it was there either way). It’s one of the things I used to think was wrong with me… I don’t like to be put on the spot. I don’t like spontaneous questions. The more I learned about introverts and about myself, the more I realized I’m not alone. “Why is it a big deal?” (You may ask if you are not introverted). Because we like to be prepared. We like to give accurate, thoughtful answers. We like to research and investigate and plan and prepare our answers. Sometimes we go too far, I know I do. We keep searching for the perfect answer. We like to be experts, knowledgeable and sound intelligent, and we certainly don’t want to be wrong.

I can probably recount some of these “on the spot” quick questions and my fumbling, unintelligent or snappy response. Why? Why would I remember those things? I’m not alone. Several people do this. We replay the conversation over and over and over… thinking of the perfect thing we should have said. On a few occasions, I became aware of my frustration and asked if I could email a response later. On a few occasions also, the person asking didn’t leave. They just sat on my desk and waited for me to give my answers.

Aloof, cool, disinterested, snobby, snappy, uninvolved, alone… common adjectives for introverts. We like to process things internally. We take too long to come up with an answer. We cringe when the phone rings if it’s something that could be communicated with an email. Yet, we will talk for hours to the people we feel safe with … the people who get us. Many of us like animals because they unconditionally love us. (And they never question us) I’ve been in training meetings where they said we need to adapt to the other person’s preference, but what that does is make us very uncomfortable. It makes us want to withdraw and retreat.

I don’t have a solution to this, because I don’t need to fix introverts. If you are one, you are still enough. You are always enough. Even when someone else thinks you don’t fit in, that’s ok. There is nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to conform to the mainstream. I’ve been coached to be something other than me, and I think it’s not necessary. I’m ok as I am. You are too. Introvert or not.

I wish you peace on your journey of enough. If someone asks you a quick question, just take a deep breath. You’ll be ok. If you’re the one asking and you get a “deer in the headlights” look, just give them a minute. They just want to give you a good answer.

To be seen…

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How many times do you walk through a store, a mall, a hospital etc and see someone with a name tag? Do you notice them? Do they see you?

Recently, I was at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. I drove my parents down for my dad’s test. While he was in the procedure room, my mom and I explored. Mayo is well known across the United States for being one of the best hospitals. The campus is huge… so many buildings, elevators, tunnels and walk ways – it would be easy to get lost. We wandered the “subway” level and looked at some shops. We had gone quite a distance, when we got to a corridor that seemed less busy and active. A lady with a name tag stopped. “Do you need help finding anything?” She was so polite and helpful. While we didn’t need help, she did tell us about a great place to eat and where to go for a good bowl of soup. She saw us. She stopped and talked and listened.

After my dad’s procedure, the doctor came in to visit. He shook our hands and sat down. He explained what they had done, what the next steps would be, and even drew a picture. He made sure our questions were answered and took the time to listen. The nurse joked about the Dr… he gets them behind schedule because he talks so much. But you know what? Yep, he saw us. He saw my dad as a person and not just a procedure. Many times while we were there, we saw people being helped, guided or asked if they needed directions. Random people in the elevator told us to have a great day.

Sometimes we like to stay hidden. I sure do. Many times I like to blend in and not draw attention to myself. I tried to sneak out of church on Wednesday night, but the pastor’s wife saw me and wanted to make sure I knew they’d be praying for our son and his stress test. Even though being seen sometimes makes me uncomfortable, it also makes me feel like someone cares. To be seen is ok. It can be scary sometimes, but it’s ok. Or maybe you’re the person who sees someone else. Maybe you notice the lonely person or the person who seems lost, or the person who needs some prayers.

God sees us, but sometimes it’s hard to realize. I think we need to be his eyes to see others, to help them and to reach out. That might mean we come out of our comfort zone or spend a few extra minutes listening. When we see others, we are doing God’s work. We let someone know they are valuable, important, and worth our time. We get so busy rushing and doing and trying to get to the next thing, we might not see. It can be with our own family – did we stop and listen? Did we really see what our kids or our spouse was trying to show us?

Our journeys aren’t meant to be traveled alone. We need connections and conversations. We need to be seen. Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you see and be seen. It may just make someone’s day.

Are you “alone, alone?!”

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The end of June, I signed up as a Norwex consultant. This isn’t a sales pitch – so stay with me. I wanted to make some money on the side and get some products for free. I’ve been involved with direct sales before. Since I consider myself an introvert, this isn’t something I’ve excelled at… “people-ing” isn’t my favorite.

Regardless, I got my starter kit and read through some of the materials. One other driving force for me to join is to reduce my family’s cancer risk. My boys now have a mother with a history of breast cancer and a grandmother who passed away from it. This product line is new to me. I like to know what I’m talking about, so being “new” made me significantly uncomfortable. The end of June was my niece’s wedding, then the big family reunion, then the trip to Milwaukee. Somewhere in all of that, I decided I should go to the Norwex National Convention. Um, you’re doing what??!!

I changed our October teachers convention tickets (was to Chicago) to be flights from MSP to Dallas the first part of August. Because I forgot it’s summer and Texas gets hot? I’m not sure. It just seemed like a good idea and things fell into place. $68 hotel room for 2 nights, $108 rental car… this is all reasonable. The guys would come with me and fish etc during the day and I’d meet up with them after convention.

The convention started Thursday but we flew in Friday morning. Nervous to be “late,” I walked up to the registration desk. They had my name but not my packet since I registered late. Lunch was upstairs. Ok, no big deal, right? Um… I walked up to thousands of people already eating a nice meal. There were two rooms of (mostly) ladies. I asked someone how I could find an open table. She walked with me and I sat down in front of a salad, with 8 strangers who were enjoying their lemon tart already. “Why did you come so late?” “Are you alone?” I stumbled to answer questions while politely eating my salad. “Um, I’m new,” I said between bites of dandelion leaves. “I just started the end of June.” They all looked a little confused and kind of surprised that I had showed up to a National convention, just a month after joining.

The rest of the day was fine. The guys had fun and came to pick me up so we could meet my aunt for supper. Saturday morning came and they dropped me off at the convention center so they could get started fishing. I went back upstairs, feeling confident… now I knew where I was going. I strolled into the main room and it took my breath away. Round tables…3,000 people (2,997 ladies and like 3 guys)… all sitting with their teams. I stood in the back for a bit, scanning for an open seat. Yesterday this was just rows of chairs, but they were prepping for the gala banquet & had it in round table configuration. I thought about going up to a table but then I just went into the lobby. I sat on a chair for a few minutes until I realized the presentation was on a TV in the lobby area. I sat there and watched what was going on, somewhat relieved to just blend in. A lady sat nearby…when another lady came over to talk about how crowded it was in there, I blurted out: “yeah, it’s not a good set up if you’re alone.” They both stopped and looked at me. “Wait, isn’t your team here?,” the one woman said. I replied (wishing I had just kept my mouth shut), “Um, no, I’m by myself.” She stopped and put her hand on my shoulder… “Wait, so you’re alone/alone?!” “Yes,” I said softly. She took me by the arm (not in a forceful way), and led me to the registration desk. “We are going to find your team.” They looked up my upline and found a person who was part of my group. “You’re going to be just fine, sweetie. You’re in good hands.”

Oh man, what had I gotten myself into? What was I thinking? I felt like there was a giant “L” on my forehead. The old me would have just walked out, so they would be unable to find me… but I stayed. I found the people who are part of my team. They asked me to go to lunch. By the end of lunch, I found out that in the midst of 3,009 people, I found someone who knows my sister. What are the odds?! This was a National convention. My sister lives in a small town in North Dakota, and I found someone who knows her. It was like a reassurance that I wasn’t really “alone/alone.”

I did skip the gala/ball/banquet supper thing. (Come on now, I can’t just totally change.) After the other sessions, my youngest son and I met up with my aunt again and did some outlet mall shopping. We found great deals and had a great time. When we were walking out, she found 3 pennies. We all paused and thanked her sister, my other aunt, who passed from cancer several years ago. We weren’t “alone, alone” at all. She was with us. And this was in the convention center hotel… it reminds me of my grandmother.

I wish you peace on your journey of enough, because when you feel “alone/alone,” peace may be the farthest thing from your mind. You may feel anxious, nervous or sad. It’s ok to reach out and speak up. It’s ok to let a stranger take you to find your team. It’s ok to let someone else sit beside you. It’s ok to hear their story and to tell yours. We weren’t meant to be alone, and there are reminders of that all around us. Reach out to someone today. Invite them into your group. Say a kind word or give a compliment to a stranger. I had a total stranger compliment me on my curly hair and it made my day… you could make someone’s day also.

#IintrovertSoHard

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I recently traveled to CA for my niece’s graduation. She is the last niece on my side (of 6 nieces and nephews), and my Godchild. To get from MSP to San Jose, CA, I flew through Denver. I had a layover and then they said there was an hour delay. They changed the gate 5 different times and then moved up the departure time so it was only 10 minutes late instead of an hour. While on the plane, and waiting in the airport, I had time to finish a book. #IMOMSOHARD is a book from 2 moms who also have a YouTube and Instagram page dedicated to telling it like it is… messy and tiring and sometimes requiring wine. I’m not much of a drinker anymore. I think I took care of that in my younger years. I did take Southwest up on their free drink coupon though.

On one leg of the flight, the WiFi wasn’t working, so I read some more and rested a little. I also sponged though. (It’s kind of a nicer term for eavesdropping) The flight from Denver to MSP was full. A couple in their 60’s boarded after me. They took aisle seats across from each other. A lady who was traveling alone asked if she could sit in the middle seat. She made sure the wife didn’t want to sit by the husband. They both prefer aisles. She said to him, “You two are the cutest couple. Are you newlyweds?” He chuckled. “Yes, we are,” he said with a grin. “We’ve been married only 38 years.” Without having to say a word, I learned the woman next to me had 4 boys and a girl, all grown. The man had two sons, a doctor and lawyer in New York.

The last few minutes was the only time I talked. She commented on all of the water/lakes. I told her that MN is the land of 10,000 lakes. She was surprised by how flat it was. She said Carson Wentz is her favorite player (after I told her I was from ND originally). It’s ironic to me that I write a blog anyone can read, yet I avoid making small talk on a plane. Introverted. Text book introvert.

Before graduation, we cleaned, made food, did landscaping, set everything up, ran errands, decorated and arranged flowers. We got the chocolate fountain ready and had food options for everyone. At the graduation party, I made sure the food was refilled, the drinks were chilled, the chocolate fountain had plenty of berries & treats to dip, and the garbages were emptied. When the guests had all gone home, my sister said she felt bad that I had spent all my time in the kitchen. My niece said, “Oh no, that’s where she prefers to be.” And she was right. I didn’t have to do much small talk. I was able to be helpful and let my sister and nieces visit with their guests. Yep, it’s totally where I want to be. This is the 5th of 6 graduation parties I have helped with (along with a wedding, bridal shower, baptism etc). I’d much rather be the one making sure things run smoothly, (quietly refilling the chips) than being the center of attention. #introvert.

I’m so glad I made the trip. I’m glad my husband took care of things at home. I’m glad my sister let me help (and give honest opinions). I’m glad her cat was excited to see me. I’m glad my niece had a great party. And, I’m glad I’m an introvert, because that’s part of my journey and it makes me enough. I don’t have to be outgoing or social or vibrant. I can be behind the scenes, and it’s helpful enough. Whatever your skill is, embrace it. Whatever you love to do, do more of that. Those who love you will still love you and those who don’t aren’t worth your time.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you have your very own gluten-free funfetti bundt cake to make you feel extra special… because you are.

(Photo of my niece, Emily on her high school graduation day)

I responded in my head…

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This picture is proof that I could use a good wrinkle cream. LOL. That’s not what this is about though.

I was talking to my niece at Easter. She was complaining about her brother, who rarely responds to texts. She’s mentioned it to him a few times, and each time he says, “Oh, sorry. I responded in my head.” It really struck a chord with me. THAT’S IT!!! For the last several years, there have been many occasions where I thought I told my husband something, but I clearly just responded in my head. Apparently, we must have full conversations in my head, and I think the issue is resolved… so I don’t actually tell him things.

This happened a LOT after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. There was so much information, appointments, people checking in on me, etc. I would think that I had told him something, but I probably told my sisters or my mom, my friend or co-worker. He felt left out. He thought I was not telling him the whole story. I just honestly couldn’t keep track of everything. This was unusual for me- I was a note taker, had a Caring Bridge page to update people… but I still didn’t know who I had talked to. I never had chemo. I cannot blame it on chemo brain fog. I thought maybe I was alone until I brought it up to someone at work. He said, “Don’t all married people do that?” Huh. I’m not sure, but at least I’m not the only one.

When I came back from my retreat, this was something I had put on my “to do” list. Be more intentional – have more conversations. I tend to retreat inward when there is a bunch of stuff going on. I need time to process things, figure stuff out & sometimes think of every possible (sometimes worst-case) scenario. I like to think I remember to mention the big stuff but that’s not always true. Apparently, we had a conversation (just in my head), where I decided I was going back to CA for my last niece’s graduation. Since my husband can’t take time off from work during the last month of school, and we wouldn’t want to take the kids out of school, it seemed logical for me to go alone. (Again, I obviously never said this out loud)

I clearly have some work to do in this area. I’m not an expert… just a middle aged mom who likes to write for the 30 or so people who read this every Tuesday. Occasionally I will get readers from Sweden or Japan or even Cameroon. If you’ve taken the time to read this far, thank you. Someday I will get brave enough to put myself out there in a bigger way. When I do, I promise to have a conversation with my husband (out loud this time), so he’s aware of it.

I wish you peace on your journey of enough. If you’ve responded in your head, you’re not alone. I challenge you to respond out loud also… or at least in a text.

But I’m not lost…

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This week I will embark on a solo trip. I’m flying out to California for a breast cancer survivor retreat. I found out about it from a group I follow on Facebook. Sometimes it helps to connect with people who share a similar part of their story. Everyone in the group has been impacted by breast cancer. One of the ladies highly recommended the retreat, so I looked into it a little more.

It’s very reasonably priced. They have it more than once per year. It’s called Healing Odessey. The retreats run from Friday to Sunday. I’d just need to get myself to CA in time. Oh, and drive up the mountains by myself. In the dark. Alone. Hmmm. I convinced myself I could do this. It might be one of the last things I do like this, since they are usually focused on women in the first 5 years since diagnosis. I booked my flight with airline miles, reserved hotel rooms before and after the retreat (using Holiday Inn points) & reserved a rental car. I’ll essentially be gone 5 days for a 3 day retreat, but I figured I’m worth it.

What am I hoping to get out of this? Am I going to find myself? Not really, I’m not lost. A weekend with strangers normally isn’t on my wish list. As an introvert, this gives me a little bit of anxiety. There are some reassuring things though: 1) Nobody knows me, so there is no “history” or story that they have about me. 2) I likely won’t ever see them again, so if they think I’m strange, I won’t run into them at Target next week. 3) I am going to take time on the flights and in the airport to read some books and just re-set.

  • Old me: I can’t take that time off from work.
  • New me: I need to take time for myself.
  • Old me: I need to be there for my kids.
  • New me: My kids need to see me also as an individual & trying new things.
  • Old me: My husband needs my help.
  • New me: He is completely capable of handling things at home. (He was before also, I’m just acknowledging it more now)
  • I think I’m ready. I’ll make sure to bring my passport/ID an empty water bottle. I’ll pack some headphones and plenty of books. I’ll throw my motion sickness pills in my purse and make sure I have plenty of gum. I’ll bring an open mind and an open heart. I believe things appear in our lives for a reason. I’m taking this opportunity to see what I’m supposed to learn from it.
  • Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you have the courage to say “yes” to something… even if it’s outside of your comfort zone, a little scary (in a good way), or might possibly make you nauseated. Sometimes great things happen just outside of our comfort zones.

  • Thanks, but no…

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    It’s Christmas time and the season of holiday parties. While we don’t have a “work Christmas party,” there are some groups who do parties this time of year. I’m thankful to be invited, but I’m likely not going. I just might not have thought of an excuse yet. I wrote about this last year also, but it bears repeating.

    I’m a stereotypical introvert. I need time alone to recharge. I get flustered by people who demand an answer right now. And the thought of going to a party makes my stomach hurt. If you are not an introvert, this probably seems strange. “Just go, it will be fun.” Yeah, I’m sure people will have fun, but if I go, I’d likely fill awkward silence with a drink and that would quickly become out of hand. It is not the image I’d like to portray to my co-workers. When I was 17? Sure, I didn’t care. Also, I’m not good at small talk. If my husband is there, I’m fine – he does all of the talking and story telling. I smile and laugh at his jokes or roll my eyes, and I don’t have to say much.

    For years, I thought there was something wrong with me. “Why don’t you come out for happy hour?” I just couldn’t. I’d rather be at home with my family or shopping by myself. It wasn’t until I read some articles on introverts that the lightbulb went off – I’m not so strange. I need to honor and respect that part of me instead of trying to be something I’m not. I have little patience for “fake” people, so why would I want to be one myself?

    People have different reasons for not going to the party – maybe they have other things going on in their personal life that they haven’t shared yet. Perhaps they are dealing with loss or being alone. While it’s good to invite people, I think we need to respect their answer. We shouldn’t make them explain their why.

    Going to events like this remind me of all of the ways I’m not enough. I realize it’s a self imposed thing – I’m not smiling enough, I’m not funny enough, I’m not social enough, I’m not pretty enough… this list goes through my head. I know I need to speak kinder to myself and I’m working on it. It takes time. My request is for the answer of “no, thanks” to be enough.

    Peace be with you this holiday season. You are always enough, whether you go to the party or choose to stay home.

    Thanks, but no…

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    It’s Christmas time and the season of holiday parties. While we don’t have a “work Christmas party,” there are some groups who do parties this time of year. I’m thankful to be invited, but I’m likely not going. I just might not have thought of an excuse yet. I wrote about this last year also, but it bears repeating.

    I’m a stereotypical introvert. I need time alone to recharge. I get flustered by people who demand an answer right now. And the thought of going to a party makes my stomach hurt. If you are not an introvert, this probably seems strange. “Just go, it will be fun.” Yeah, I’m sure people will have fun, but if I go, I’d likely fill awkward silence with a drink and that would quickly become out of hand. It is not the image I’d like to portray to my co-workers. When I was younger? Sure, I didn’t care. Also, I’m not good at small talk. If my husband is there, I’m fine – he does all of the talking and story telling. I smile and laugh at his jokes or roll my eyes, and I don’t have to say much.

    For years, I thought there was something wrong with me. “Why don’t you come out for happy hour?” I just couldn’t. I’d rather be at home with my family or shopping by myself. It wasn’t until I read some articles on introverts that the lightbulb went off – I’m not so strange. I need to honor and respect that part of me instead of trying to be something I’m not. I have little patience for “fake” people, so why would I want to be one myself?

    People have different reasons for not going to the party – maybe they have other things going on in their personal life that they haven’t shared yet. Perhaps they are dealing with loss or being alone. While it’s good to invite people, I think we need to respect their answer. We shouldn’t make them explain their why.

    Going to events like this remind me of all of the ways I’m not enough. I realize it’s a self imposed thing – I’m not smiling enough, I’m not funny enough, I’m not social enough, I’m not pretty enough… this list goes through my head. I know I need to speak kinder to myself and I’m working on it. It takes time. My request is for the answer of “no, thanks” to be enough.

    Peace be with you this holiday season. You are always enough, whether you go to the party or choose to stay home.

    On behalf of introverts everywhere…

    On By journeyofenough1 Comment

    It’s that time of year… holiday parties. While most people look forward to the celebrations and fun, it makes me cringe. Don’t get me wrong, I like you, I just don’t want to be at a social gathering where I may or may not know everyone. It literally creates a physical reaction in my body. I’m sure I’m not alone. This time of year is when extroverts shine. The small talk, socializing & merriment is right up their alley. There is a lot of pressure to attend festive social functions. I love the holidays, but the parties are my least favorite part. So I avoid them… because I’m learning to say “no, thank you.”

    If you’re not an introvert, let me give you some insight…. Introverts see the invitation as an obstacle to carefully overcome. Do I go and feel awkward or try to come up with an excuse? If I go, it’s like a land mine. For me, it’s like being in jr. high all over again. Who to sit by? Who to talk to? Drink something? Don’t drink? How long do you stay? What if you say the wrong thing? Forget to talk to someone important? It’s a long list. If I don’t go, then there is the guilt. Why couldn’t you make it? Where were you? The list is shorter. See where I’m going with this? It’s easier for me to skip the party and deal with the questions, and it’s far less stressful.

    I don’t mean to be dramatic or sound like I’m a party pooper, but this is a real thing. So please, continue to have your parties but don’t feel bad if I’m not there. I’m probably snuggled up at home. On behalf of introverts everywhere, we respectfully decline. Peace be with you on your journey of enough, whether you attend or not, you are enough.