Tag: #help

Fight or Flight

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

I’m not taking up boxing or flying anywhere soon. “Fight or Flight” has been what I’ve been feeling like internally for a while. The same thing happened last year, when early morning & late night meetings led to burn out and exhausted anxiety. Here we are again. Given the state of things, I am super happy to have a job & thankful to still be remote. The one down side is not having a set time to leave for the day. 6:15am meetings & again at 7:30 pm makes for a long day. Several counterparts are in Asia, so we need to accommodate the different time zones.

I’m in the “I wish my racing brain had a pause button” phase again. Waking up with an instant to do list in my head, things to follow up on, wondering what the day will bring isn’t healthy. I’m aware of it, and trying to remember to pause and breathe deeply. I continually feel like I’m letting people down. Since it’s nearing the year end review time at work, it’s a good chance to focus on the good things this year. Maybe gratitude & good things should be added to my daily list. I need to shift the focus.

As we near the holiday seasons, you’ll see lots of cute family photos or trips or presents. Just know that behind those photos is likely someone burned out, just trying to hang on. Also, if you ask them how they are doing, you’ll probably get an answer of “fine” or maybe the slightly more accurate answer of “busy.”

We all see things differently. I wish I knew more about neurodiversity previously. When watching an Iron Man sequence in a movie, I realized people visualize (in their mind) differently also. In the movie, Iron Man moves 3d images around using his hands. One of my boys had a lightbulb moment and said, “that’s what it’s like.” I was confused because this was a movie and it must be made up, right? Nope. All 3 of them can see things in their mind in 3d – move it around and see it from different angles. So, you never know what’s going on in someone’s mind… are they making mental list, is there a song on repeat or is there a 3d image being moved around?

Fight or flight mode isn’t something you can see most of the time. It may be like the duck feet paddling under water. Sure, there are times when people actually fight or flee, but often times it’s not something visible. People keep going about their day, Ground Hogs Day style until the song changes. Someday I will have great advice of a trick/method/magic that worked wonders. I’m not there yet.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. You’re not alone, whether you’re in fight or flight mode or smooth sailing, keep going.

Circle back around…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

I was scrolling through my phone at lunch and found someone talking about ADHD traits and one of them had to do with “closed loop.” (Pasha Marlowe) Summary is that people with ADHD need to close the loop on a conversation because having it open just means they will keep thinking about it. This got me thinking about the hundreds of half conversations or thoughts in my head. I imagined them looking like colorful half loops – almost a spaghetti diagram (work/manufacturing related)… so that’s what I made. The above picture is just a fraction of what was running through my mind at the time. I did not include work related things, so this is just the “non work” side of my brain. Just a part of it. It’s pretty and exhausting and incomplete.

I found every color of pen I had and started making half loops of current thoughts. “What are you doing?,” my husband asked. I kept going until I used every color once, then I decided I could use it more than once because I wasn’t nearly done and it was looking neat. I look the paper outside and set it in the grass. I needed to actually touch grass today. I needed to ground myself because my head was spinning like the picture and the work diagram would have been even larger, had I written that one out.

“Circle back around” is a phrase used especially in corporate America and has become kind of a joke or cliche. When Pasha was talking about how ADHD people need to close those loops, I had an “Ah ha” moment. Yep, that’s me. I want to be able to check the box, cross the thing off the list or put the issue to rest, and if there is a lingering open loop that won’t happen.

I am not a medical professional, doctor or therapist, but I’ve found it interesting to learn more about ADHD in women and how high-functioning women often go undiagnosed. They mask their true selves so much that they don’t even really know who they are. They become a different person for every situation. They read the energy of the room and adjust accordingly. Sometimes they can misjudge and if they get it wrong they will dwell on that mistake for a while.

Growing up, ADHD was something only hyper boys had. There isn’t more ADHD/Autism because of external factors, but because we are understanding more about it (my opinion). It makes me sad that there is a push to stigmatize it again and also to reduce the research and education associated with it. I’m scared to get tested but I also probably know the answer.

I don’t have a solution. Just be patient with me if I ask questions or need to circle back around. I may get to a point where I just need to be quiet and not talk, or I may just spill all the things at once. Until then, I’ll be on my colorful looping spaghetti diagrams, feeling like I’m on the “sit & spin” and hoping for a pause.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough.

The end of a chapter…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

This week, I had my yearly oncology appointment in Fargo. I took the afternoon off from work and drove up there alone. I have no concerns, so I didn’t really need anyone with me. I already knew my latest MRI was clear, my A1C has been really good, and aside from some extra tummy weight – I’m in pretty good health. I don’t know how many times I’ve walked into the Roger Maris Cancer Center since December 9, 2014. It’s quite a few, that’s for sure. I honestly felt like this would be the last time. I parked my car in the ramp and I paused on the sidewalk. I asked for God to be with me and for my angels to surround and protect me. There is a lot of dense energy in a cancer center. A lot.

I checked in and took my spot in the waiting room. I glanced around the room, noting that I was still one of the youngest people there. I opened up my Colleen Hoover book and didn’t get very far before I heard her call my name. She weighed me in the hallway (which I’m not a fan of), and walked me back to the room. The last several times I’ve been there, I was in room 7. This time, I was in room 9. “Something is different today,” I said to myself with a hopeful grin. I got asked all of the standard questions and she left. My doctor came in shortly after, shook hands and opened my chart. We went through the last scans, talked about my blood sugar levels and general health. He handed me the pink gown for the last time and stepped out of the room. Nothing concerning happened during the exam. The lumpectomy site is still tender, more than 8 years later. I just avoid sleeping on my stomach. Otherwise, things were good.

“I don’t think you need to come back here, unless you have any issues or concerns. Feel free to reach out though if you do.” Music to my ears. If you would have asked me 8 years ago if I would feel comfortable ending my oncologist visits before 10 years was up, I would have said you’re crazy. But today was different. I felt a confidence I didn’t know I had. I felt a sense of relief and gratitude to be able to close this chapter. I shook his hand again and said, “I hope I don’t see you here again. No offense.” No follow up appointment to schedule, no half day to figure out with work and other activities. This was it. I got dressed and walked out of room 9.

I walked out of the cancer center as a man was helping his frail wife. They had used the valet and were waiting for their car. As I walked past them, I hoped that she would one day be able to say good bye to this place too. I walked towards my car and figured I should document the sign. And I took special note of the “exit only” part. Yes, I will be only exiting today. I’m ready to be done. As I sat in my car, tears filled my eyes and I wasn’t really anticipating the emotions I was feeling… relief, gratitude, closure, joy. I texted my family and some friends and told them the good news. A sigh of relief.

Some people don’t like the phrase cancer journey, but I do. I think of it as a journey because there are twists and turns, highs and lows, mountains and valleys. It’s so much better if you’re able to have someone along with you on your journey and to have a great navigator. I feel like cancer took things from me: confidence, physical changes, time with my family, changes in my personality & the loss of some friends. But, it also gave me things: importance of self care, a spiritual community, the ability to ask for help, renewed relationships, and my renewed love of writing. I am so thankful my chapter has ended how it did. I know not everyone has a happy ending, and I’m grateful mine is. I honestly felt like I set down the baggage when I walked out of that building and felt more free.

Will I stop writing about this? Probably not. But I’m in maintenance mode now. It’s different. I’m not sure how to explain the shift, but it certainly has shifted. If you’ve been though this journey with me the whole time, thanks for sticking with me. I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know. Now that this chapter is done, I feel like I can move forward with writing my next book. It will be a healing process and probably difficult to relive some of those memories, but good will come from it.

I wish you peace on your journey of enough. Hug your loved ones, take care of yourself and get your yearly screenings done!

What do cookies and peas have to do with self worth?

On By journeyofenough2 Comments

I could hear the jet skis zooming around the lake. The sun was warm and I was jealous of the people on the water. You can see the lake from our driveway, but we are not on the water. Instead, I was picking peas. While I am thankful for a good crop this year due to diligent watering, I kept thinking about how much hard work this is. I wondered if people realized the amount of manual labor that goes into fresh veggies. Planting, weeding, watering, weeding, picking, weighing & packaging… a lot goes into a pea pod or string bean. We took 48 lbs of peas to the farmers market last weekend and SOLD OUT! So when people ask me for a discount if they buy a certain quantity, it’s difficult for me to say no, but I know I will sell them. My/our time is the same regardless if someone buys one pound or 10. Also, if we don’t sell the produce, we will eat it fresh or freeze it for ourselves.

I’m also in the Minnesota Cottage Food Producers group online. Someone said they are new to farmers markets and wanted to know what people charge for cookies. Our market is normally $6/6 cookies. Some of the other area bakers were $8-$12. When I mentioned that I charge $3/6 cookies, several of them said I needed to raise my prices. It feels strange to do that since people are used to ours being $3, and we sell out of 25-30 bags per weekend.

Then it dawned on me… this is tied to my self worth. Ouch. I don’t feel worthy of charging a fair price because I feel bad, or because I don’t take into account my time. “Acts of service/gift giving” are high on my love language scores. So normally I want to give and help but don’t expect or accept much in return. But so far this year, I have not given a discount for peas. They are a lot of work. I also have not raised my cookie prices though. Baby steps.

I help pick veggies after work or on weekends. One of my sisters was visiting last week and offered to help pick. I gladly accepted since the garden is in full swing, our son has a part time job, and my husband is working on our patio. When she brought in the bowls of peas, she had music playing. For some reason, it never dawned on me to have music in the garden. We don’t have fields of peas, beans or potatoes. We just have a very large garden. I’ve always picked in silence unless someone is out with me. A little Taylor Swift might be a good idea instead of my rambling thoughts. I would write them down, but there are too many. I’d use the “talk to text” on my phone, but that usually goes horribly wrong. The deep thoughts about cookies, peas and self worth came while I was in the garden. I thought I’d share in case anyone else was struggling.

Your time is worth something. Your talents are worth something. Don’t settle for less. Don’t discount a skill, service or product unless you feel comfortable doing so. You are enough, everybody has something to offer (that’s an old church hymn.)

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. I’ll be over here deciding what cookies to bake and munching on some sugar snap peas.

D.O.O.M.

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

Didn’t Organize, Only Moved. D.O.O.M. Say what you will about Tik Tok, but I certainly have learned more about ADHD from that app than anything else. Granted, I didn’t know where to look for resources either. We always assumed my husband has it. Our oldest son was diagnosed, but there wasn’t really any help or explanation or anything. Women are often not diagnosed until later in life. It makes me wonder if I should get tested. But if I did, then what? What would change? I’m not sure. I hear of so many traits that are ADHD related and I relate to so many of them. It kind of makes me feel normally abnormal.

D.O.O.M. piles are on that list. Paper is a big one. When the boys were little, it was their school papers, or mail. Now it’s work papers, receipts to be entered for the farm business, mail, thank you notes, a hundred notebooks partially filled with work notes or journal notes or manifestation/affirmation notes. The piles get moved if I know someone is coming, but otherwise they just tend to accumulate. It’s frustrating and I dislike it greatly, yet I feel like I cannot clear it, put it away or organize it. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve referred back to one of those notebooks. It rarely happens. Once I write it down, it’s out of my head and disappears from my thought bank.

Some things I want to move, but they aren’t mine, so I know that if I move it, someone will ask me where did it go? Then I will have to try and remember where it is. Keeping mental track of all of the things is exhausting. It’s a giant file cabinet that is heavy. It weighs me down like an anchor, yet I cannot get rid of it. I go in spurts where I will try to clean it up and downsize or get rid of things, but it doesn’t last. If I run out of time before someone comes over (if I’m aware they are coming), then those doom piles just get shoved into a bag or a closet.

It’s pretty vulnerable to admit this. I’m not sure why I feel so ashamed of it. I have had people help me purge stuff before, and I occasionally go through things and organize or get rid of things. Yet the doom piles remain. They creep back like an unwelcome pest. They make me feel like a failure. I feel like a terrible housekeeper. I have friends who have similar homes, yet theirs don’t bother me. I also have friends who have homes that you could walk into at any time and feel like you were at a spa or a B&B. Our house isn’t large so it doesn’t take long for the clutter to feel overwhelming.

Aside from paper, there are other doom piles in my living room currently. I won’t go into specifics. Yet the three of us will walk by most of this stuff, unable to make the move to clear it… until I know someone is coming over.

I don’t have a solution to D.O.O.M. piles, I just recently learned about it and wanted to share with you. So, if you stop by and I don’t know you’re coming over, who knows what you’ll see. Baking nights prompt a kitchen clean up, but the baking also makes another mess. I’m not off the hamster wheel yet.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. If you too are familiar with the D.O.O.M. piles, you’re not alone. Now I’d better go move some papers.

Parallels of gardens & life…

On By journeyofenough1 Comment

Our yellow peonies were moved from Kindred to Argusville to Oakes to Carlos. They are thriving on the south side of our house. (The pine needles are another story!) they started to bloom last week. Sometimes the move shocked them a little and it took a while to bounce back. Other times they thrived and grew beautifully, always reminding me of home.

Onions. Freshly weeded & compost added

These are the onions in our garden. My husband weeded them and carefully added compost. They have drip irrigation in between the 2 rows. It has been much needed after a late spring and a hot start to summer.

Potatoes, newly hilled

These are our potatoes. They also have drip irrigation and have been newly hilled. Potato beetles have started to show up and will need some attention.

The rest of the garden, minus carrots

The rest of our garden is zucchini, peas, tomatoes & peppers, peas, peas, cucumbers, beets and beans are up front. Raspberries are on the side and chokecherries in the back. (Not pictured is rhubarb & asparagus). These rows have either straw, cardboard & grass, or burlap sacks down the walking rows. It helps reduce weeds. It’s also irrigated. There is a fence for the peas, and will be for the tomatoes & cucumbers also. The pallet “tents” have squash on each side. It will grow up and over.

18 Irish Spring

18 Irish Spring used to help keep the bunnies from eating the peas and cucumbers. I guess the cat has not scared them away yet. Either the bunnies will be deterred, or my garden will smell like a fresh bath.

Why am I showing you my garden and plants? I think we are similar. We may bloom where we are planted, but sometimes it takes a while. Sometimes we need some help from a caretaker who isn’t afraid of getting dirty or pulling thistles. We learn over time what we need to thrive. We need help from each other to grow and flourish. Just as our plants need sunlight and water, we too need to spend time outside and be sure we are hydrated. Tonight, the bees were busy in the raspberries, helping to make sure we have a great berry crop.

Gardening is a lot of work, but the rewards of fresh produce are great. We are able to be nourished by something we tended to and cared for. We get to share that with others also. There are circumstances beyond our control, such has heat, rain/lack of rain, storms or pests. We do the best to manage what we can. There are just so many parallels with life, raising a family, and the cycles we go through. Sometimes we bloom and thrive, and sometimes we just need a little help.

Wherever you are on your journey in life, you are enough. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Today is World Cancer Awareness Day. I’m an 8 year cancer survivor, and asking for help was one of the biggest things I learned through that struggle. Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Looking forward to a great harvest!

If you give a mom a mission….

On By journeyofenough1 Comment

You’ve probably seen or read the books “If you Give a Pig a Pancake,” or “If You Give a Moose a Muffin,” by Laura Numeroff. There are at least 9 books with a similar theme. They are super cute and catchy. This past weekend they kept going through my mind. Why would I be thinking of random children’s books? Taxes. I was supposed to be doing taxes.

Since we have a side business, Frueh Market, and I am also a Norwex consultant on the side, our taxes are a little more complicated than they used to be. The idea of it being overwhelming prompts a kind of avoidance feeling… I want to do anything but that task. So here is my Saturday/Sunday version of “If you give a mom a mission…”

If you give a mom a mission (doing taxes), she will want to make sure she does a great job. Since taxes are overwhelming, she will look for some cocoa to drink while she does this task. When she goes to get the cocoa, she notices that some corn syrup spilled on the lazy Susan. She will see that it has made other things sticky, so she takes everything off the shelf. She finds some things she no longer needs, and some things that have expired, so she starts to throw what she doesn’t need. She sees the sugar container, and that reminds her that she has some red M&M’s left. She decides to make some cookies with them. Since the sugar was on the other shelf, she decided to clean off that shelf also. While she is cleaning off the other shelf, she sees cocoa powder, which reminds her she came into the kitchen to get cocoa. The cocoa will make her think of spices, so she will decide to clean her spice cabinet also. While she is in the spice cabinet, she sees some Italian seasoning which reminds her that she has a large Italian seasoning in the other lazy Susan. She will start to combine spices, and will see the red pepper flakes. The red pepper flakes will remind her of her chickens. So, she will go give water and treats to her chickens. Her chickens will remind her of the farm and the fact that she needs to do her taxes. While she is looking for some receipts, she will find some papers she no longer needs. She will decide to go through the stack of papers and burn what she doesn’t need. As she is throwing papers, she will notice her carpet needs to be vacuumed. She will vacuum her office and decide she needs to vacuum the bedroom also. In order to vacuum the bedroom, she will need to clean some things off the floor. While she is picking things up off the floor, she will remember she was going to put away some Christmas sweaters. Christmas sweaters will make her think of giving, which will make her think of donations, which will make her think of taxes.

On and on it went throughout the weekend. Tuesday night, I completed most of the tax prep and finalized it today. In the meantime, I got 4 shelves of Lazy Susan cleaned, the spice cabinet, my office, carpets, silverware drawer, medicine cabinets, closet and more. Some of these things I’ve held onto for too many years. It was a relief to get rid of some clutter, donate things, and do some pre-spring cleaning! If you came to my house now, you wouldn’t know I cleaned, but I could give you a cookie.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. And, if you want to get some projects done, tell yourself you’re going to do taxes!

Ice breakers?

On By journeyofenough1 Comment

I’ve seen this phrase many times before. “There is somebody in the world who needs your story.” I often dismiss my writing. I think it’s not important, wonder who would care to read what I have to say and honestly question why I do this. Why do I share my stories with unknown numbers of people, many of whom I’ve never met and likely won’t meet? Connection. I know it’s not the physical connection, in person or face to face, but it’s a connection of sorts. Every now and then, someone will reach back to me and say, “me too” or “wow, I needed to hear that.” That’s the connection.

My writing is random and usually spirit led. It’s not eloquent or fancy. It’s often raw and always honest. It’s a peek into parts of me that not everyone sees. If you ask me in person how I am, I will likely reply with the ever acceptable, “fine.” Although for me to be able to write that I’m frequently not fine seems easier than saying the words out loud. I’ve gotten better with sharing things with friends, but I still feel like I’m a bother, so I don’t always bring it up. I’ll still be “fine, good, ok.” I have a small circle who dig deeper and don’t accept my scripted answer as the truth. Without judgement or criticism, they are willing to hear my crappy days as well as celebrating the great days. I treasure them more than they know, but gratitude is one of my strengths, so I feel like I do show them how much they mean to me. Hopefully that’s true.

It’s been almost 8 years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. December will mark 8 years. I started a Caringbridge site soon after, and started writing more regularly not long after my treatment was done. In those years, I’ve seen so much change. Health scares, moving, new jobs, loss and gaining of friendships, struggles/lows and high points with family…. yet there is one thing that I keep getting reminded of: we aren’t meant to do this alone. I can go to church, but I need to walk the walk when I leave. I can go to a retreat, but I need to keep working on myself when I come back home. I can lose weight, but I need to be mindful to be able to maintain it. Along the way, I need people to help with all of those things. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.

Our connections are like a thread… weaving us together in one way or another. The last few years it’s been easier to see what divides us instead of what unites us. Have you ever been in a room where you had to do an “ice breaker” event? One of the introvert nightmares of tell me about yourself ?! As much as those make me cringe, I love to watch the connections form. Things you see in others that resonate with you. Soon those strangers now have something in common. They don’t need to be your new best friend, but it reminds us how unique we are, yet we still have common ties.

Someone needs your story too. You may not think so, but they do. I know I’ve written a lot about it lately, but I feel like it needs to be repeated. You’re not alone. Somewhere there is another mom struggling to get it all done. Somewhere there is another middle aged woman wondering how she got to be middle aged. Somewhere there is another baker, a gardener, a chicken tender, a cat lover, an artist, a writer and a survivor. It just takes a brave first step, an awkward ice breaker or a smile in the grocery store.

I wish you peace on your journey of enough. Thank you for letting me share my story, even if it is just with a few people. I’m thankful for you, more than you know.

At a loss…

On By journeyofenough3 Comments

You might have noticed that I didn’t write last week. I was at a loss for words. Sometimes that happens, I guess. My mom was in the hospital again and we were just trying to get by. I won’t share her full story, but my focus was on how she was doing, the next doctor or nurse to enter the room, and what the next steps would be. So, my form of “self care” was to preserve my energy and focus on mom and keeping the family updated. As someone who struggles to say “no,” this was a pretty big step for me. I said no to writing last week and yes to myself.

It was more doctors, nurses, CNA’s, PT’s, OT’s and people in general than what I’m used to. She was on the ICU floor, which has a whole different feel to it. Several of these people would not be going home. As I passed their family members or friends in the hallway, with tear stained cheeks, I knew they had said their goodbyes or had gotten news they would have rather not heard. I was at a loss then too.

Luckily, my mom woke up with no recollection of the prior 24 hours. The nurse and doctors put their hands up, with no real explanation… other than a miracle. My tears became happy tears and I felt oddly guilty when she was able to go home. The nurse who had been with her likely had the best ending to a shift she’s had in a while. We even got the doctor to smile.

One thing I’m confident of: I am certain my mom knows how much I love her. Sometimes, “I love you,” is all that needs to be said. Those 3 words are enough, and I’m thankful to be able to have her say it back to me.

Being part of “the sandwich generation” is new to me – parents requiring more care, while having kids still in school. Although my boys aren’t little anymore, they are still active. It’s an adjustment. Not being able to fix everything is a challenge for me too. So, instead, I became the group communicator- keeping the aunts, uncles, friends and churches informed of what was going on. It was the only thing I could kind of control. It certainly brought me back to the days of my cancer diagnosis and trying to manage all of the info.

While I may be at a loss for words, I do have words of thanks. I’m thankful again to those who prayed/held space/sent love for my mom and our family. I’m thankful for the people who checked in on us. I’m thankful for the relatives who put up with my all-night messages. I’m thankful again for my aunt and uncle opening their home to us at all hours of the night. I’m thankful for the people who let me text them because it was as difficult to speak out loud about what they as happening. I’m thankful for my husband who let things running at home. I’m thankful for my sisters for their love and support. We continue to pray for my mom’s healing.

Sometimes when we are at a loss, we realize it’s ok to surrender. It’s ok to not have the right words. It’s ok to just be there.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. I’m thankful you’re here.

Mystery cave with a side of mystery…

On By journeyofenough2 Comments
Mystery Cave

This past weekend, we went camping in southern MN to the Forestville Mystery Cave State Park. We hadn’t been camping in a while due to Covid and other conflicts. We arrived Saturday, (got a little lost thanks to Google maps), but eventually found our cabin. We unloaded the vehicle, set up camp and made supper. Campfire cooking is my favorite. My husband makes wonderful meals over the fire. We played some yard games and tested our skills at some new axe throwing games (not real axes!) After supper, we went on a hike though the forest. It was a beautiful area. We saw some deer, lots of white moth/butterflies and a sea of lightning bugs.

Beautiful sunset at camp

Sunday morning I woke up with vertigo that would not go away. I couldn’t walk a straight line. I looked like I was drunk without drinking. I’ve had vertigo before but it is usually quick to resolve. This was not. We had a cave tour scheduled and I didn’t want to miss it, so I held it together as well as I could and went. The Mystery Cave was neat. 48 degrees cool, always constant temp. 13 miles of caves, but we were on the easy tour that lasted an hour. I held the railing and shuffled my feet to maintain balance. It felt like I was walking on a bounce house instead of in a cave due to the vertigo.

After the cave tour, we went to “historic Forestville” for a tour of the town. I had gotten a walking stick to help steady me, but I wasn’t feeling well. The whole time that Art was talking I kept trying to will myself to stay upright. After the tour, I tried to have some coffee, thinking that might help make me feel better. It didn’t work. I was sitting outside and started vomiting. But then I was vomiting blood. I asked to quickly leave so we could find medical help. This State park is not near a large town, and it was Sunday. With no cell signal it was difficult to find the nearest clinic. The closest one was in Rochester. Thankfully I had some “puke bags” in the car for the ride to town. The clinic was a basic clinic and suggested we go to St Mary’s/Mayo, so we did. Apparently if you are vomiting blood, you don’t need to wait in the waiting room.

My son came with as they took me back to a room and my husband tried to find parking. It was like a NASCAR pit crew of people putting on sensors and hooking up IV and asking questions. By this time, I was still throwing up, but they gave me an anti nausea medicine to help. They ended up doing a head/neck CT to rule out anything brain related, and did an abdominal CT to make sure there wasn’t active bleeding. They did an EKG and a bunch of lab work. It all came back ok. There was no real reason for this mystery illness. It couldn’t be explained other than Vertigo. They made sure I could keep down some graham crackers and water and sent me on my way.

We opted for the Holiday Inn down the street instead of going back to camp. The guys got some basic supplies and Gatorade for me. I was able to rest. We went back to the campground in the morning to pack up. I still felt dizzy but kept small amounts of food down. I had to take of my glucose monitor for the CT scans so I was checking my blood sugar manually. It was in a good range. We made the four hour trek home.

The mystery illness is still a mystery. I’ll follow up with my doctor here to see if we can figure out where the blood came from. I guess if I was going to get sick, having it happen near one of the best hospitals was a good thing. Now to get back on my feet and not feel like I’m on a ship!

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. I hope to solve my mystery soon!