Normally, this time of year we have a bunch of mini pumpkins and gourds. This year, we just have this small basket. But it screams fall to me, so I’ll keep these for myself (and perhaps my deer friends who have been eating my hosta.) Our garden took a hit due to the hot, dry summer and my husband working on the front and back steps/patio. I kept up with picking, but not enough watering and weeding. That’s ok. We still had things to bring to the market and have food in the freezer.
I haven’t written for a while, which is a little unusual for me. I’m a pretty regular weekly writer – even if I do lose track of days. I guess I needed a fall pause. I haven’t felt very inspirational, and there are some things going on that are just too personal to share. I’m fine, I just have some background things happening that I needed to focus on.
Sometimes we forget to pause. We rush from one thing to the next. This summer was busy with work, market, gardening, canning and family time. There wasn’t a lot of pausing. Even our trips are packed and full of walking/adventures. I’m grateful to get to go. I just forgot to give myself some grace.
I also forgot that it is ok to be both…
Both busy and needing a break
Both introverted and needing to talk
Both loving family and needing time alone
Both grateful for what you have and craving a change
I often feel like I need permission to pause. Busy is rewarded, yet pausing feels selfish (when I do it). I’m aware that it’s necessary, it’s just not always supported.
So, if you’re in need of a fall pause, here is your permission. Take a break, read a book, have some extra water, go for a walk, meditate, pray or just take a deep breath or two.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you take some time to pause. You’re worth it!
It kind of looks like a computer screensaver, but it’s a photo I took at the New England Aquarium on our trip to Boston. The three of us did not press up to the glass like these starfish. I’m pretty sure too many kids had licked on it. Our trip to Boston was fun. We saw a lot of things, walked a lot of miles and needed a bunch of extra socks. The weather was great, aside from two downpours on Friday. We got completely drenched. Twice. I feel like “an experience sponge” as I tried to soak up the sights.
I’ve mentioned it before, but we don’t sit much or have downtime on our vacations. We try to see and do as much as we can. This time, we did all of the things on my list earlier than planned, so I had to quickly find some additional things to do. We walked 7-15 miles each day. We took the “hop on, hop off trolley,” the first day. It was a good way to see the city. They had a night tour, but that was pretty much the same route so it was a bit of a waste (but we did sit down). We saw many of the Freedom Trail stops. Some were interesting and others were quick visits and then on to something else. It was neat to see the USS Constitution. An amazing old ship with beautiful wood and really short ceilings & steep stairs. I imagined how sick I’d be to sleep in a hammock while on the water.
Boston Day 1. Tate bakery, Nero coffee, Trolley tour, freedom trail, USS Constitution, USS Cassin Young, Quincy Market, Bunker Hill, Faneuil Hall, Boston Tea Party tour, 🦞 seafood & “summer night trolley tour” Also drove by Fenway (country concert & lots of people.)
Boston Day 2. Continuation of the Freedom trail, 12-15 miles of walking, several inches of rain, 3 pair of socks each 😂. Went by Paul Revere house and statue, had Mike’s Pastry (thank you to those who recommended that – YUM!), saw the old North Church and Boston market- outdoor and indoor…. All before lunch. Boston Market was cool. Had some good coffee and got some treats for later. Poured rain, luckily we went in the correct door for the Massachusetts State house- the Hooker entrance 😂, it was very pretty inside. I took way more pictures of it than I thought I would. We walked through all of the Boston Public gardens (it’s free), but they didn’t have the swan boats running due to weather. Had lunch in Chinatown, it was very good. “Your cousin from Boston” Samuel Adams tour was 45 min. We took the orange subway there and back. We had beer, of course (not Myles), and also beer cheese pretzel and chips/beer cheese. We went back to Boston Market, went to little Italy/The North Side for a fish festival but it was raining again. Had gelato instead. It cleared up and we walked all along the pier & saw a double rainbow. Finished the day at Legal Seafood.
Boston day 3: New England Aquarium. The center was a large aquarium with lots of varieties of fish and turtles & rays etc. We petted some stingray. We got to see a feeding. Walked back to little Italy (which I guess is not called that – it’s called “The North Side.”) It was an amazing lunch – lobster ravioli was amazing! Then switched hotels so we walked a mile with luggage 😂 New hotel had us on the 13th floor, but we weren’t there long. Since we did the other things more quickly than planned, I added a last minute whale watching trip. I was nervous about the seasick possibility but it was good. 4 hour tour & saw lots of whales. Supper at Quincy Market. The market has a lot of shops and small food vendors. Had to get some clam chowder! (Chowder was great but the San Francisco bread bowls are better). Travel day the last day.
I feel like we did most of what I would have wanted to do. We didn’t see Harvard or Salem due to time and distance. We either walked, took an Uber or Subway instead of renting a car. That was great advice because traffic there is nuts and you have to pay to park everywhere. For now, we can cross Boston off the list and start thinking of where to go next.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Returning home meant more pickles and salsa to process, so we won’t be traveling very far for a while. College classes have started for our junior in HS and regular HS classes start Tues. Life goes by quickly. Keep your eyes open.
These are some of the turkey hens and poults in our garden. It’s a turkey buffet now. Shade, food, water… they have it made. And it’s predator free. Raccoons had been wrecking our garden and they are dangerous to have around for chickens, so we trapped them. But removing the raccoons removed the predators for the turkeys. And our cat has been indoors due to an actual cat fight (multiple), so he’s no threat to them either. He lost his meow and has several scars. We’ve upset the ecosystem and now we have 4 hens and 30 or so babies hanging out in our garden. Hopefully they are eating lots of bugs. They have been trampling the straw and walking all over the beans. The raspberry plants are pretty popular with them and they like the carrot and beet area because the watering over there is like a mini fountain.
We still get deer in the yard. They don’t bother the garden much… it’s fenced but not super high so they could jump it if they wanted to. They prefer to eat the bird food that spills out of the feeder or they stick their tongues in to get the corn. You can’t really “turkey proof” a garden. They fly. So even if we put mesh around the bottom, they would just fly over the top. Putting the a net over 2 acres isn’t realistic either. I’m not sure. They supposedly eat potato beetles, so I’m hoping that is true.
Until more raccoons wander over from the state park, I think we might just have to deal with our new turkey friends. A ripple effect. I often think about ripple effects in life. One small moment or decision may seem like no big deal at the time but the impact lasts for years and often magnifies. Over 30 years ago, I flirted with the man who would become my husband & that had a ripple effect. Two sons and countless adventures later and hopefully more adventures on the horizon. What would our lives look like if we hadn’t taken that chance? There still would have been ripples in our lives but it wouldn’t be the same.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Never underestimate the impact you have on others.
I could hear the jet skis zooming around the lake. The sun was warm and I was jealous of the people on the water. You can see the lake from our driveway, but we are not on the water. Instead, I was picking peas. While I am thankful for a good crop this year due to diligent watering, I kept thinking about how much hard work this is. I wondered if people realized the amount of manual labor that goes into fresh veggies. Planting, weeding, watering, weeding, picking, weighing & packaging… a lot goes into a pea pod or string bean. We took 48 lbs of peas to the farmers market last weekend and SOLD OUT! So when people ask me for a discount if they buy a certain quantity, it’s difficult for me to say no, but I know I will sell them. My/our time is the same regardless if someone buys one pound or 10. Also, if we don’t sell the produce, we will eat it fresh or freeze it for ourselves.
I’m also in the Minnesota Cottage Food Producers group online. Someone said they are new to farmers markets and wanted to know what people charge for cookies. Our market is normally $6/6 cookies. Some of the other area bakers were $8-$12. When I mentioned that I charge $3/6 cookies, several of them said I needed to raise my prices. It feels strange to do that since people are used to ours being $3, and we sell out of 25-30 bags per weekend.
Then it dawned on me… this is tied to my self worth. Ouch. I don’t feel worthy of charging a fair price because I feel bad, or because I don’t take into account my time. “Acts of service/gift giving” are high on my love language scores. So normally I want to give and help but don’t expect or accept much in return. But so far this year, I have not given a discount for peas. They are a lot of work. I also have not raised my cookie prices though. Baby steps.
I help pick veggies after work or on weekends. One of my sisters was visiting last week and offered to help pick. I gladly accepted since the garden is in full swing, our son has a part time job, and my husband is working on our patio. When she brought in the bowls of peas, she had music playing. For some reason, it never dawned on me to have music in the garden. We don’t have fields of peas, beans or potatoes. We just have a very large garden. I’ve always picked in silence unless someone is out with me. A little Taylor Swift might be a good idea instead of my rambling thoughts. I would write them down, but there are too many. I’d use the “talk to text” on my phone, but that usually goes horribly wrong. The deep thoughts about cookies, peas and self worth came while I was in the garden. I thought I’d share in case anyone else was struggling.
Your time is worth something. Your talents are worth something. Don’t settle for less. Don’t discount a skill, service or product unless you feel comfortable doing so. You are enough, everybody has something to offer (that’s an old church hymn.)
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. I’ll be over here deciding what cookies to bake and munching on some sugar snap peas.
Didn’t Organize, Only Moved. D.O.O.M. Say what you will about Tik Tok, but I certainly have learned more about ADHD from that app than anything else. Granted, I didn’t know where to look for resources either. We always assumed my husband has it. Our oldest son was diagnosed, but there wasn’t really any help or explanation or anything. Women are often not diagnosed until later in life. It makes me wonder if I should get tested. But if I did, then what? What would change? I’m not sure. I hear of so many traits that are ADHD related and I relate to so many of them. It kind of makes me feel normally abnormal.
D.O.O.M. piles are on that list. Paper is a big one. When the boys were little, it was their school papers, or mail. Now it’s work papers, receipts to be entered for the farm business, mail, thank you notes, a hundred notebooks partially filled with work notes or journal notes or manifestation/affirmation notes. The piles get moved if I know someone is coming, but otherwise they just tend to accumulate. It’s frustrating and I dislike it greatly, yet I feel like I cannot clear it, put it away or organize it. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve referred back to one of those notebooks. It rarely happens. Once I write it down, it’s out of my head and disappears from my thought bank.
Some things I want to move, but they aren’t mine, so I know that if I move it, someone will ask me where did it go? Then I will have to try and remember where it is. Keeping mental track of all of the things is exhausting. It’s a giant file cabinet that is heavy. It weighs me down like an anchor, yet I cannot get rid of it. I go in spurts where I will try to clean it up and downsize or get rid of things, but it doesn’t last. If I run out of time before someone comes over (if I’m aware they are coming), then those doom piles just get shoved into a bag or a closet.
It’s pretty vulnerable to admit this. I’m not sure why I feel so ashamed of it. I have had people help me purge stuff before, and I occasionally go through things and organize or get rid of things. Yet the doom piles remain. They creep back like an unwelcome pest. They make me feel like a failure. I feel like a terrible housekeeper. I have friends who have similar homes, yet theirs don’t bother me. I also have friends who have homes that you could walk into at any time and feel like you were at a spa or a B&B. Our house isn’t large so it doesn’t take long for the clutter to feel overwhelming.
Aside from paper, there are other doom piles in my living room currently. I won’t go into specifics. Yet the three of us will walk by most of this stuff, unable to make the move to clear it… until I know someone is coming over.
I don’t have a solution to D.O.O.M. piles, I just recently learned about it and wanted to share with you. So, if you stop by and I don’t know you’re coming over, who knows what you’ll see. Baking nights prompt a kitchen clean up, but the baking also makes another mess. I’m not off the hamster wheel yet.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. If you too are familiar with the D.O.O.M. piles, you’re not alone. Now I’d better go move some papers.
Last week, our son, Myles decided he wanted to go camping… alone. We live 5 minutes from the state park so it’s not like this was a long trip. He drove over and scoped out the spots that would be good for a tent. I reserved a tenting spot for him & made some suggestions on what to take. He packed the car with food, tent, supplies and was off on his adventure.
He has a You Tube channel, The Unspecified Show, and wanted to film for his channel. He’s just 16 (almost 17), but if you know him, you’d know he is an old soul and a responsible kid. He filmed many hours of video – setting up an 8 person tent alone, getting fire started and cooking meals, hiking, fishing and more. He came home briefly to download some of the video and free up space, but he solo camped for 3 days/2 nights. It even rained. Twice.
Part of his meal experimentation was using pie irons. He made a chocolate cherry pie (pictured) – he said it was delicious. He invited us over for one meal and we had tacos in the pie irons also. He made eggs and bacon on his own. I was so proud of him. It may seem strange, but it’s one of those moments when you realize your kids have been (mostly) paying attention. We’ve gone camping since Myles was a baby. We had the playpen in the tent and he would take naps in there. After a few very rainy, very cold tenting experiences, we switched to mainly staying in the state park camper cabins. That way, you can eat indoors and play cards if it rains. We cook all of our meals over the fire, but still bring a small cook stove for pancakes. Myles skipped the cook stove this time.
He posted “Day 1” on his channel. I encourage you to check it out. Day 2 and 3 will be coming out soon also, but he’s been working at the Deja Bleu coffee truck this week, so he’s been busy.
His brother, Dallas also tried something new recently. He decided to do “ranch bronc” riding at the rodeo in Bozeman. He said, “I’m only 20 once.” Yes, this is true, but I’d like you to see 21 also (ha ha). He got bucked off right away, but he’s going to try it again. We never had horses ourselves. He always wanted to rodeo when he was little, but it wasn’t an option really. When your son is 20 years old and 13 hours away from you, there isn’t much more you can do other than pray he makes it out of the arena in one piece. It’s either super brave or super crazy to try this. Maybe a little of both!
I’m wondering what I should try that’s new for me? I’m going to try self publishing a couple of books. That might be my “out of my comfort zone/new thing.” I’m sure there is more. What’s a bucket list item you’d suggest?
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. Enjoy your life, take the chances, ride the horse or go solo camping. You can do it, I believe in you.
If you know me personally, you may know that I believe in signs. Signs from the universe, signs from God, signs from angels, signs from our passed loved ones… I believe they show up to guide us. We just aren’t always looking.
Cardinals are often associated with signs from loved ones. They also like pine trees. Since we are surrounded by a hundred or so, we see a pair of cardinals every year. This year, they decided to nest right in the tree/bush right by our front window (I’m not sure what it is- it’s either a cedar or an arborvitae). I noticed them flying back and forth and when I looked last week, there were 4 eggs. This week, two have hatched. I like to listen to the momma bird as she chirps and chatters. New baby birds are pretty ugly, but it will be interesting to see these little ones turn into beautiful red birds.
What a blessing to be a host to 4 more “signs” to guide someone else. This week has been busy with work, gardening and track meets. I started three different blog posts and never got around to publishing. Then these little ones started hatching. I took it as a sign that they wanted the attention and to be a vehicle to remind others to look. Look for the signs. When you start paying attention, you will see more than you realize. Every trip we go on, we find pennies or dimes (my grandparents and aunt) and even quarters (my mother-in-law wanted to be unique so we’d know it’s from her). A friend used to see eagles, which were a sign from her husband. She has passed on now too and her friends will see eagles and think of her. Some people find feathers or other animals. One friend gets skunks as a sign (I think I’d request a new one!!)
My point is, be aware. Be looking. What can it hurt? Noticing a sign can give hope, encouragement or help you remember someone you love. Maybe they remind us to slow down. To quote Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you pause to look for signs as we go into the weekend and the new moon. You are enough, and your loved ones and guides are here to cheer you on and help you realize it.
(Side note, our school mascot is also a Cardinal!)
May is a full month! It was difficult to fit all of the things in the basket. These are just a few of the events and things for May. It will go by quickly. Nurse and teacher appreciation weeks hit home for me – I have several of both in my family. These people care for/about and nurture others. They are often taken for granted and tend to put others before themselves. Thank you, nurses and teachers!
May brings us the winding down of the school year, and graduation prep for some. For those moms/parents of graduates, I understand how quickly this month will go. I understand how much you want to soak up these “lasts” with your child. Hang in there. Everyone is looking forward to the nicer weather. We often forget that not everyone is looking forward to summer break. For some, this means food insecurity, lack of a loving/stable/safe home and a lot of uncertainty. I’m fortunate that my summers growing up were spent at the pool or working. I looked forward to the break.
I skipped writing last week due to some personal issues. Since May is also Mental Health month, I’ll share a little of what is going on. I wasn’t doing well last week. My son was struggling and I couldn’t do anything to help/fix it. My work status was in limbo and it was out of my control. I felt sad and frustrated and scared. I wasn’t ready to write about that. We tend to share the shiny /happy moments with others and this wasn’t either of those. This week, I realized that we need to share these “not so shiny” moments also. I’m not alone in my struggles. While I tend to minimize these things in my mind, I listened to a podcast where someone talked about trauma being trauma, regardless of the size of it. That really hit home for me. It’s really what sparked the name of my blog… I felt like my cancer wasn’t bad enough and I frequently felt not good enough. It’s not a competition and it shouldn’t be a comparison. It’s OK to not be OK and this last week, I really wasn’t.
May also has Mother’s Day. I vividly recall a pastor who gave a sermon about Mother’s Day not being a happy day for everyone. I couldn’t understand why when I was young. As I grew older, I realized not everyone has a great mom, not everyone has a mom who is still here, and not everyone who wants to be a mom is able to be. I spent several Mother’s Days in tears… wondering why it wasn’t working for me. Why wasn’t I a mom yet. Since then, I have two wonderful boys who are now young men. I’m grateful and thankful to be their mom. I really am #blessed. For this Mother’s Day, I’ll be missing my oldest son. My other son had me on his podcast, which was cool. It will be coming out soon under the “Be Unspecified” Podcast. One thing I forgot to mention in the interview is how proud I am of him. He has come so far in the last year and I know he will continue to do great things.
So whatever your May brings you, I hope you take some time to take a breath…a deep, cleansing breath. (Hopefully the pollen won’t make you sneeze!) Peace be with you on your journey of enough. You are enough, just as you are.
This photo is from a recent evening, right in my front yard. I heard there would be auroras visible, so we went outside. At first, it just seemed like lighter cloud streaks in the sky. Then I took my phone out to take a picture, and the magic dancing lights appeared. I’ve tried to take pictures of the moon before and those rarely turn out. For some reason, the northern lights like to have their picture taken. The greens and purples showed up on my phone just like I remembered them.
My husband and I started dating the summer after my freshman year in college. I was home for the summer near Fargo, ND and we started dating after a 4-H conference. When fall came, I went back to college in Grand Forks (80 miles north). I was a resident assistant my sophomore year. We continued dating, but that meant quite a few trips back and forth for both of us. Some of those trips back to Grand Forks were pretty late at night. It was common to see the auroras dancing across the sky as I drove back to my dorm. The greens and purples would ebb and flow like waves across the night sky. There was no city lights to get in the way.
The reason why the aurora looked brighter on my phone than in real life recently, is because the human eye cannot see faint colors at night. So last year, when my sister and I were driving all over trying to see them, we might have been able to if we took out our phones. It’s a different perspective. It got me thinking about how sometimes we need to change our perspective in our lives also. Taking a step back and looking at things through a different lens might reveal something beautiful.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May your “different perspective” bring you clarity and beauty.
“Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I awake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” This hung in my room when I was little. I said the prayer every night, but was always scared of dying in my sleep. It wasn’t until we had our first son that I learned of an alternate ending. Instead of dying, the stuffed bunny he got for a baby gift said, “The angels watch me through the night until I wake in morning light.” That sure was as a much better ending! This isn’t an isolated thing though. Several nursery rhymes and children’s stories are actually about death or something you probably wouldn’t want your baby or child to go through.
I tried to research why they are so dark, but couldn’t find one common answer. It ranged from “wanting to keep children compliant,” to “hidden meaning tied to historical events.” If fear was one of the reasons, they were successful, at least for me. I feel like fear is either a motivator or it’s something that causes you to grind to a halt. Kind of like cilantro or beets – one way or the other. (I’ve never met someone who kind of likes either of those things… either you like them, or you think cilantro tastes like soap and beets taste like dirt.)
It got me thinking about fear, and how many times I’ve been stuck in a loop. Usually, fear of failure is a recurring one for me. I’m not sure why. I’m sure a few therapy sessions might uncover that, but I know I’m not alone. Fear of failure has kept me from moving forward many times. I have pushed through fear and done things anyway, so you would think that would show me I can do hard things. I survived cancer (scary), I’ve moved my family to a new city & state (also scary), I’ve been published in a book… I’m sure there are more examples of things I’ve done that were wrapped in fear.
I’m not a medical professional or psychiatrist, so perhaps this is just a pep talk for myself as I embark on something scary. I graduate from my evening copywriting class next week. It’s a new skill in my toolbox, but it’s scary. As someone who is sensitive to rejection, there is an additional layer of fear associated with this new thing. “May your faith be bigger than your fear,” although I’m not sure I believe it’s a matter of size of faith that squashes fear. You’ve probably seen the motivational saying, “But what if you fly?” Instead of worrying about the fear of failure, I’m going to welcome in the paradise of possibility. Maybe I’ll move that unicorn over to joy.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. I encourage you to listen to Francesca Battistelli’s song, “The Breakup Song.” She breaks up with fear. It’s a good one.
journeyofenough 