January is typically resolution/goal setting/vision board time. Have you ever been asked. “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” For many years, I didn’t know how to answer that question. The idea that I had no clue what the next 5 years was going to bring kind of scared me. Why couldn’t I envision the next 5 years? Why didn’t I have 5 year goals? I honestly worried at times that perhaps I wasn’t going to be around in the next 5 years and that’s why I couldn’t see it.
I worried about it when we were first married- what would the next 5 years bring? The first 5 years brought no children… would the next 5?
I worried about it when I first started my full-time job. Where would the next 5 years take me? I was asked to set long term goals but I didn’t know what I wanted to do.
I worried about it when I was pregnant for the second time. “The baby had a 2 vessel umbilical cord instead of 3.” What would the next 5 years bring? (Spoiler alert, he is fine)
And, I worried about it when I had cancer. What would the next 5 years look like? What treatment would I have? What were my odds? How would my family cope?
Next Tuesday marks 5 years from surgery. 5 years from when the surgeon said, “We got it all.” 5 years from when they said, “Her lymph nodes are clear.” 5 years from when I wore pink gloves to my surgery and afterwards told my husband that I was ready to bust out of there.
I’m writing about it now instead of next week because I feel like I need to honor this milestone. So much has changed in 5 years. It seems like such a short time, and yet it seems life times ago. It often feels like a bad dream, but one that shaped me into who I am today. 5 years ago, people prayed for me and they didn’t know me or hadn’t spoken to me in years. 5 years ago, I had no idea where I would be today. 5 years from today, so much more will change. God willing, I’ll have 21 & 18 year olds and a whole new chapter will be unfolding.
5 years can go by in a blink. Some days I feel like I’m making the most of it, and other days I struggle. I do have some regrets: I wish I would have spent more time on the floor with my kids. I wish I would have played more games and come home earlier. I wish I would have made date night a priority. I wish I would have taken time for self care and not felt like it was selfish (it’s NOT selfish). The list could go on, but it won’t. Today, I lay down those regrets knowing that my kids and husband love me anyway… flaws and all.
Next Tuesday, I will acknowledge the day, but it will be with gratitude & not fear. Do you have 5 year goals? Good for you! Do you have no idea what the next 5 years will bring? Good for you too! I wish you peace on your journey of enough. May your next 5 years be filled with all the things they’re supposed to have, whether you know it now or not.