Category: Uncategorized

Nothing at all…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

You’ve heard it – “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” So I’ve been silent. Not knowing what to post or where to focus my energy –  I’ve said nothing at all. While several people have been confrontational, my normally “passionate” personality has left me silent. I’m torn between sharing my beliefs and not knowing how to do that and still be a nice human.

If you don’t know me well, you might not be fully aware of my personality. I’ve been called passionate, stubborn, aloof, opinionated… I could go on, but you get the idea. Once you’ve been stereotyped, it’s hard to break out of it, and it becomes kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m not known for keeping my mouth shut. If you want my opinion, I’ll likely give it. But sometimes that is in direct conflict with my anxiety related to confrontation. That’s where I’ve been lately, just trying to be a nice human. One nice thing about moving is that you get to start over. People don’t have opinions about you yet. There isn’t baggage that follows you around. That part is pretty cool. But I’ve struggled with what to talk to my kids about & how to approach things lately. I also want them to be nice humans, so I don’t want to give them a bad example.

Then tragedy struck, and two teens died in a car crash last night. And again, I’m left with nothing to say, but this time for a different reason. Nothing at all… there is nothing that could comfort the families of these two kids. Both good kids with promising futures, taken too soon. It’s hard to find “everything happens for a reason” in something like this. I don’t understand the reasoning behind it. Why don’t these kids get to grow up, get married, have kids and grandkids etc? Why do their parents have to plan unexpected funerals? The list could go on… so many “why’s” with no answers.

It makes me want to hug my kids closer, worry less about the bad things and focus on the good. I pray that the families and friends of those who died last night will help to comfort each other. I pray they will rally around and support the girl who survived the crash. I pray that they all feel the love around them. I wish them enough strength to get out of bed & enough faith to help them through such a difficult time.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough, and may you comfort someone along their journey.

4 more years…(not political)

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

With it being Inauguration Day, you might have thought politics were the topic of the blog today. I will refrain from political posts because I don’t think my opinion will change your mind. This isn’t about politics. My oldest son has a birthday coming up. He will be 14. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I only have 4 more years! 4 years from now he will be 18 and will be figuring out his next path in life. Wasn’t it yesterday that we brought him home from the hospital? So tiny in the big car seat?! Wasn’t it yesterday that he was farming and put a toy fence around baby Myles to make sure that he wouldn’t escape? Wasn’t it yesterday when he lost his first tooth, had his first day at preschool or learned to ride bike?

The picture above is his baby hat and one of his tiny socks (crayon for size reference.) Now, he is taller than me. He’s becoming such a neat young man. I get to drive them both to school in the morning. Yes, they could take the bus, but I really treasure our time together. Just a quick start to the day may turn into talks about school or ice fishing or the status of the home sale. I also take him to confirmation on Wednesday nights. They do it a little different here. There is a small service and then the kids break out into 2 groups and the adults talk about the Bible verse and our highs/lows. Anyone who knows me, knows that small talk with strangers makes me uncomfortable. It’s way way outside my comfort zone. Why did I agree to take him? Why didn’t I just drop him off and come back later? Example. I want to show him how important this is, and I want to show him that it’s ok to go outside of your comfort zone. I realize now that my mom did the same thing for me. Maybe 30 yrs from now, he will get to do the same for his kids. I’ve always been content to sit in the back and blend in. I’d quietly volunteer but not get too involved. I felt led to this place, and we happen to have a familiar pastor. Perhaps there are greater things at work here. In fact, I know there is. I just need to be open to it.

Some days, my journey of enough leaves me feeling like the sands of time are slipping through my fingers. Some days, my journey makes me feel like I should have done more as a mom. And then, some days, I get a hug out of the blue and a peek into my teen’s life. And in those moments, I feel enough. Peace be with you on your journey of enough.

Roller coasters, mess & hopes for the future…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

Our pastor on Sunday talked about letting God meet us in our “mess.” We often show the best side, and fail to be real with each other. If you ever want to know how real I am, drop by on a random Tuesday and my house will likely make you feel better. (It’s not spotless!) Anyway, here is me – letting you in on my mess. What a roller coaster. The last few weeks have had us up and down and down and up again. When we decided to move to Alexandria, homes in our neighborhood were selling very quickly. We wrongly assumed ours would sell quickly also and we’d be able to move forward. But then it was the election and Thanksgiving and Christmas and not much happened. We thought we had it sold twice, but those fell through. Then last week we put it back on the market, ready to start over. Thankfully, the market has picked up, and 3 showings and 2 offers later, we can finally put a SOLD sign out front. Our ND realtors did a great job in making it all come together. Our MN realtor did a great job in calming the sellers here (of the home we want to buy.) By the end of February, we should be ready to really move forward.

We are thrilled there is a young family who will be loving our home as much as we did. It was neat to hear my boys talk about how much the kids will love the playground and yard… how they will think the park is neat… all the ways that the new kids will love to grow up in the house that was their home. There is so many things I hope for them…

I hope they get to carve pumpkins on the kitchen table in the breakfast nook. I hope they have cookie sprinkles on the floor and Nerf gun darts stuck to their dishwasher. I hope their kids “farm” the new carpet. I hope they open their home to the neighborhood kids & not worry if it’s clean or not. I hope they have S’mores in the fire pit and teach their kids to garden. I hope they ride bike or go for walks “around the loop.” I hope they get tons of trick or treaters. Mostly, I hope they make the house into their home – with memories that their kids will cherish also.

Sometimes our journey of enough takes is on a roller coaster instead of a nice smooth path. God has a plan for each of us. Sometimes it’s hard to see and it’s usually hard to wait, but it will come. Peace be with you on your journey. And remember, the roller coasters make us appreciate the smooth paths!

But it’s difficult…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

Jeremiah 29:11. This is my favorite verse. It’s a common one, but in the past few days, I’ve seen it in some way or another at least 10 times. I know I should let God handle my problems… but it’s difficult. I’m a bit of a control freak and there is so much that is out of my control. I know fear and faith cannot exist at the same time, so I should have faith… but it’s difficult. It’s hard not to worry about things that seem big.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s not the end of the world. I’m cancer free, my kids & husband are healthy and we are settling into our new town. The bumps in the road that we are experiencing are ones we will overcome… but it’s difficult. The stress feels like an elephant sitting on my chest. I’m sick to my stomach but still “stress eating.” It’s crazy cold outside so I don’t feel like going for a walk to burn off some steam. It’s difficult to know what to do. It’s nothing I can fix or control or make better.

I don’t have an answer. I gave away my magic wand before we moved. Let’s go back to the verse. The first part is what is commonly quoted, but let’s go further…

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Verse 12 & 13… “pray to me and I will listen to you. Seek me with all of your heart.” All of your heart… but it’s difficult – we think we know better. We think that we in control and it’s hard to let go. I have a lot yet to learn. We all do. God knows that, so he sends reminders- if we listen.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. May you pay attention to those reminders or messages along the way.

Sweatpants and fleece thank-you’s …

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

A friend and former co-worker made me this neat fleece tie blanket as a going away gift. It’s cozy and comfy. It reminds me of her and of our new Minnesota adventures. It also makes me think a little deeper.

We recently celebrated Christmas. It was filled with family, food, games and travel. It was a “dress shirt event.” Christmas pictures, church programs and services… special times. My dad comments every year about the number of people who appear at the Christmas service. The church is full, there is candlelight and extra songs. It’s a special event. It brings people together and is a reminder of God in our lives. We remember the big gift he gave to us by sending his son. We are more likely to go to church and to perhaps thank God… to pray.

I believe that God loves our “dress shirt” thank-you’s but I think he also loves our “sweatpants and fleece” thank-you’s…The every day prayers when nothing out of the ordinary is going on. It’s easy to remember God when times are tough because we are usually asking for help. It’s easy to remember God when amazing things happen – births,  weddings or other great things because  we are so thankful for the good fortune. It’s harder to remember to be thankful for every day things.

I’m reminded of this each night when our youngest son says his prayers. He’s a kid of rituals, routines and familiar things. Each night we read from a daily devotional book for kids and say the Lord’s Prayer, then we thank God. For years, that was my section. In the past year or so, he has started to do the thankful part. It’s interesting to hear what he says. It’s a great reminder to be thankful for the “every day.” Some days he is even thankful for stuff he wasn’t necessarily excited about. He’s thankful for someone else’s good day or exciting event. He’s thankful for ice fishing even though he doesn’t love it. He’s thankful for my good day at work. He’s thankful for going out for supper. It always ends with “thank you for our family and all of our blessings.”

Sometimes our journeys take us down scary paths. We might not have expected a loss or life change, illness or move. We struggle to find meaning and hope. In those times, but also in the regular “lounge in fleece days” I hope you are able to be thankful. I know some days that is the last thing you may feel like doing. It takes strength but it also takes practice. I feel like our daily prayers make God smile because it means we are thinking of him. What are you thankful for today?

Peace be with you on our journey of enough. May you have some sweatpants and fleece thank-you’s to go with your dress shirt thank-you’s.

Season of enough…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

Are your cards sent? Did you order enough? Are your cookies made? Did you bake enough? Are your presents wrapped? Did you buy enough? As we enter the Christmas & holiday season, we are bombarded with messages that we aren’t enough. Sales that remind us how much time is left or that time is “running out” often create a false sense of urgency. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the material side of Christmas. (Pardon the wrapping pun) I find myself forgetting what I’ve already wrapped if I don’t have a list. When we moved, I found presents that I had “hid” a little too well! Those gifts were perfect for the boys at the time, but they have outgrown them. Those gifts went to the toy drive instead.

Whatever your level of preparedness, I’m guessing that it’s better than you think it is. Many people won’t remember what gift they got last year, but they will remember the time together. 2 years ago, I was recently diagnosed with cancer. At our family Christmas Bunco, I had a little too much to drink – I’m guessing that will be more of a memory than the gloves I gave someone. I remember my mom doing Wii bowling that included some interesting leg movements (she was not drinking). I remember our games of spoons, my nephew showing off his impressive auctioneering skills, & that one time when we went yulebaching.

I’m blessed and thankful to get to spend time with my family over the holidays. My kids will be fed and loved and given gifts. They don’t fully understand how special that is. I know that there are others experiencing loss, faced with a diagnosis or struggling with other issues. I hope that they can find comfort & friendship this holiday. As you rush from one Christmas concert to another, try to cram in some last minute shopping or bake a few more treats, I wish you enough.

Enough family to make you feel loved. Enough food to make you feel full. Enough activity to make you feel vibrant. Enough peace to last you for the coming year.
Peace be with you on your journey of enough. (& save a cookie for Santa)

The best kind of contagious…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

I decided to give you a break from my cancer diagnosis anniversary to let you know about a great book. I’ve followed Nicole Phillips’ column for a while. She writes a weekly column for the Forum newspaper about kindness & recently released a book. “100 short stories to remind you God is good and so are most people.” I bought 4 copies. Guess what 3 people are getting for Christmas? (Aside from 3M products) The book is a compilation of her columns, all good reminders that it doesn’t necessarily take lots of money or time to spread kindness, sometimes you just need to be nice.

The book gives you lots of examples of how something small can mean a lot to someone else. Sometimes we get too wrapped up in ourselves to think of others. I’m guilty too. We rush about and don’t take the time to listen to others, to smile at the cashier, to ask the server how her day was or to look people in the eyes. If nothing else, maybe it will make you more aware of your fellow humans.

Several years ago, when Dallas was small, we visited family & went to church in Oakes, Nd. They had “quiet bags” for the kids… a bag with some distractions for them. A stuffed toy, coloring pages and crayons, a car, a book etc. Both Cam and I thought this would be a great addition to our own church. The nursery in our hometown church wasn’t “sound proof” and we felt self conscious of our loud toddler. With our tax refund money, we bought cloth bags, found clearance stuffed bunnies, used coupons for etch-a-sketches and found Bible coloring books at the dollar store. I painted on each bag and we filled them up. Over the years, someone brought in 2 stands to put them on and our boys have helped us fill and re-organize the bags. If it makes some parents with little kids feel more welcome and more willing to stay for church with their kids, then that’s great. It was our way of spreading kindness.

There are many simpler examples though… pay it forward in the drive though… help someone who is short on money at the grocery store…visit a nursing home… find out the needs at the local shelter. The ideas are endless.

Each year, for the past several years, my best friend Jessie and our families do a giant baking day. It’s a 12-14 HR marathon day of cookies, candies, bars and snacks. It started when she lived two houses down from us. It seemed like a good idea to use our double oven and kitchen island. Over the years, we streamlined our process and added cooling tables in the garage too. The husbands were in charge of dishes and packaging up the finished product. We each brought our favorite recipes and then doubled or tripled it. We both like to bake, love the chance to visit, and like to share the Christmas goodies. The majority of our treats go to family gatherings, but also to school teachers, mail carriers, bus drivers, co workers and homeless shelters. I know I wrote about this recently, but for us it was a really great tradition… one that we are both missing this year. It’s also one that for us was an easy way to spread kindness.

As we navigate some new paths on our journey, we look towards the opportunity to spread kindness in our new location. I hope you will order Nicole’s book and it will spark some ideas for you too. And, when you are done reading it, do what I did – share it with someone. I gave mine to my new co-worker (with a note thanking her for making me feel so welcome). Peace be with you on your journey of enough… may you have enough  this holiday season to be able to share with others!

What if you could….

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

I celebrated a birthday this week. In the past, I didn’t think they were a big deal, but events over the past two years have made me realize that every birthday is special. Too often we take each day for granted. I’m as guilty as anyone of trying to plan ahead. It’s been part of my job for as long as I can remember and a part of my personal life too. It’s December 1st, but I’m planning for the weekend, for Christmas, for New Years, for next summer. I plan as if it were guaranteed to me – as if living to 95 is how it’s all going to work out. But ask someone who has lost someone – most times they probably weren’t expecting the loss. They too assumed they’d have more time. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t feel like I was going to die when I had cancer. Actually the sudden death of others is what hit me harder. Both things made me appreciate life more. The saying “life is too short” really made sense and that’s part of what prompted our move.

For my birthday, my sister in California sent me a present & house warming gift. The towels are pictured above. “Bake the world a better place.” What if you could? What if just baking could bring joy and peace and make the world a better place?  While it seems like an unattainable goal, when you stop to think about it, it’s true – you can.

I’ve always loved to bake. My mom taught me how. She was great with making homemade cookies, bars, cakes and pies. We frequently had dessert at meals. While she will tell you that she’s “lost the touch,” her gingersnap cookies never last long & her peanut butter Rice Krispie bars are often requested. To me, baking does make the world a better place. It’s one of the things I do when I’m stressed out because it makes me happy. I’d rather offer to bake something for an event than do anything else. It’s one of the reasons that we’ve had a marathon baking day the last several years … joy. We both (me and my friend who does “baking day” with me) give away most of our baking. Teachers, co-workers, church or neighbors – many people other than just family benefit from our plethora of holiday goodies. We’ve taken several dozen to the homeless shelter every year too. My boys help me bring it in. They get to see the big smiles on the faces of those who wouldn’t have homemade treats. Baking the world a better place, one cookie at a time. Perhaps that will be my tag line some day. Now if I could just make them healthier, I’d have it made!

So, enjoy your birthdays, celebrate with loved ones and maybe even bake something this holiday season. (It can be from a mix or even from the freezer, nobody will know) Whatever you make, share it with someone. You could be making their day. Peace be with you on your journey of enough & stop to smell the cookies.

Thanks, you might hear that a few times today…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

At the risk of posting something on Thanksgiving day and having it get lost in your feed…I like this saying & it’s fitting for Thanksgiving week. Sometimes we get so busy that we forget to stop and be thankful. Instead of worrying about what we lack, we should focus on what we have. Many of us live in abundance – we don’t worry about our next meal or where we will sleep. I didn’t thank God for the ability to walk until I broke my foot. Then that simple thing that we take for granted suddenly becomes a big deal. I wasn’t thankful for my health until I had cancer and my life forever changed.

Everyone has a story. We’ve all had some event or circumstance that shapes who we are and the journey that we travel. Sometimes they are huge, significant things like death/loss, cancer, accidents etc. Other times they are small and we don’t recognize it at the time (or maybe ever). For example, back in 1993, I went to a 4H picnic & walked over with a friend to a group of “the cool guys.” The one guy asked where my ex-boyfriend was. I explained that we weren’t dating. He said, “I’m sorry.” I said, “I’m not.” The rest is history. Small, every day occurrences can shape our lives significantly also. That cool dude became my husband. Life forever changed. You may look back on an ordinary day and realize that it was a turning point.

We all also cope with those significant changes differently. Some people feel sorry for themselves, some pretend it didn’t happen, and some are more vocal. I’ve been more vocal about my cancer journey than some. It doesn’t make my way better – this is just how I cope. Writing stuff out is like making a big list. Have you ever made to-do lists? I have plenty. (I’ve been known to make a list or add to it so that I can cross something off). I do think that sharing with people allows you to bring them in, share in your joy or pain and feel more connected. You might learn something about them or yourself.

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful on purpose. Today you may hear people be thankful for family or friends or a big turkey dinner. There will also be people who are alone, scared, homeless or wondering where their next meal will come from. They might be cold, tired or struggling with addiction. Not everyone enjoys the 4 day weekend filled with food, football, shopping &/or family. I say this, not to make anyone feel bad, but to make you aware that you probably have so much more than you realize. My husbands job at the school opened our eyes to the struggles that some kids face. Some of those kids worry about more than just turkey. They worry about being safe, where to sleep, what to eat. Yes, we have way more to be thankful for than what we realize. When we really think about it, the list could be very long. Sometimes it might not make sense.


I wondered if I should put this quote in, because it seemed kind of negative… but to me, it is a reminder to be thankful for our struggles, challenges and even difficult people. Maybe an odd thing to be thankful for, but hasn’t a difficult person also shaped your life? Did they make you realize how strong you really are? Did they make you strive to be nicer? Less judgemental? More loving? We learn a lesson from everyone who touches our lives. What path we take is up to us. Fill up with turkey and blessings this weekend, but take some time to relfect too. Peace be with you on your journey of enough.

Honeymoons & snow days…

On By journeyofenoughLeave a comment

Ha ha, did I get your attention? Well, it’s not that kind of honeymoon … it’s the honeymoon of being new to the area/school/job instead of new to marriage. We are on a new journey of enough. We made it through our first 2 weeks at work and schools. You know what I learned? A few things…1) Kids are way more resilient than we give them credit for. 2) Candy at your desk makes you more approachable & is a great conversation starter. 3) An employee store with cheap post-its, tape & command hooks is like having Black Friday every Wednesday. 4) A double oven made cookie baking much quicker – I miss mine. 5) Home is wherever you are together with your family. 

Many of the boxes have been unpacked, the garage has been organized just in time for the first blizzard (thanks to Cam), and we are getting settled into our new area. We have found the grocery store, tried some new places to eat & toured several homes. We even went to a winery and did wine tasting. We still need to find a Dr, dentist, orthodontist & hairdresser, but we will get there eventually. The nice thing about moving 2 hrs away, is that it’s only 2 hrs – there isn’t much “culture shock.” There is a Target store, Menards, Fleet Farm, Culver’s and Zorbaz, so there is enough of the familiar to make things seem more normal. 

Today was the first snow day that the boys have had in a while. The last few winters have been more mild, so I don’t remember when the last snow day was. At 6am, it seemed like they might have overreacted, but by 8am, it was really snowing and blowing. By 2pm, my car was a snow drift in the parking lot and it was a challenge to get home. Our rental house is on the lake and it’s hilly (especially compared to ND). The boys asked to go outside, so they found their snow gear, climbed up the tiny garage attic ladder to find the sleds, and headed out. The wind blew 30-50 mph, and we got 8-12″ of thick, wet snow. They spent 2-3 hours outside making snowballs, sledding and videoing their adventures. They had a blast. They were enjoying the snow and even each other. In their video, Myles said, “I love Minnesota!” Dallas said, “So, this is winter in Minnesota,” like we had moved somewhere exotic. 

While I know there will be challenges ahead, I’m pleased with how things are going so far. Our journey will no doubt take us on ups and downs, but we are together. I am grateful for our past experiences, thankful for where we are now and hopeful for what is to come.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough.