I actually wrote this draft last November. I didn’t have the strength to post it. Worried about confrontation, loss, arguments, alienation etc… I had hope that things would get better. But it’s so much worse. Lies are rampant, checks and balances are gone, and people are dying. I don’t have the answers, and I feel helpless to all that’s going on.

I could have stayed silent, but I didn’t.

Here is the original draft –

Recently, a friend told a racist joke. I wanted to call them out, but I didn’t.

Recently, a friend made a racist comment. I wanted to make them repeat it, but I didn’t.

Recently, someone was upset because a restaurant had gender neutral bathrooms. I wanted to say that those are really helpful for families too because when my husband took our boys into the bathroom when they were little, there were not changing tables. I wanted to ask why it bothered them so much, but I didn’t.

Recently, someone made a comment about “Tampon Tim,” and I wanted to explain that often times opposing teams use the boys locker rooms or restrooms & that I’ve known a trans male who probably appreciates the machines being in there, but I didn’t.

I’ve wanted to scream out all of my reasons why I was hoping for kindness to prevail, but I didn’t.

I wanted to tell everyone that I’m a woman who needed fertility treatments to have children, and that I needed a D&C because I would not stop bleeding (something illegal in some states), but I didn’t.

I wanted to call out those who claim to be Christian, but don’t actually mean the phrase “love thy neighbor,” but I didn’t.

I wanted to yell at the guy who had a shirt that said “I’m back, bitches.” I wanted to flip him off, but I didn’t.

I wanted to put a Harris/Walz sign in my yard, but I didn’t.

I wanted to explain tariffs, but I didn’t.

I wanted to share about my preexisting condition (cancer survivor & diabetic), and how the healthcare changes were scary to me, but I didn’t.

I wanted to ask people if they make more than $360,000/year because otherwise they won’t be helped by this administration, but I didn’t.

I wanted to ask why people should be forced to have kids but then not supported after they have them, but I didn’t.

I wanted to speak up about all of the reasons I had hope for our country again, but I didn’t.

I wanted to ask about working in the fields or construction work or other difficult trades and if they were going to get those jobs once thousands of people are deported, but I didn’t.

I wanted to spout off statistics of the number of people who miscarry or have ectopic pregnancies or need fertility treatments, but I didn’t.

I wanted to ask about family values and why they think he has them, but I didn’t.

I wanted to say something to the guy wearing a garbage bag to the polls, but I didn’t.

When they talked about putting Bibles in school, I wanted to ask about other religions, but I didn’t.

So I didn’t…

I wanted to keep following along with their life updates, but they keep posting such hateful lies, so I didn’t.

I wanted to maintain our relationship, but their party was endorsed by the KKK and has Nazi flags at the rallies, so I didn’t.

I wanted to give up hope, but I know my time on earth is not done, so I didn’t.

I’m ashamed for not speaking up. It felt like talking to a wall. I knew nobody could change my mind, so I assumed I could not change anyone else’s. Even though I felt physically ill whenever I drove by a Trump sign or heard Fox “news,” (that’s in quotes because they were literally sued for not being actual news but entertainment instead), I didn’t take action. I could not fathom a convicted felon, rapist, racist actually being taken seriously and being voted in. When most of his former staff warned how dangerous he would be, I thought people would listen. When he actually said he wanted to dismantle the Dept of Education, Obamacare/ACA and that we wouldn’t need to vote again, I thought that would make people think twice.

I’m kind of scared to find out who thinks these things didn’t matter. Who thought “the price of eggs and gas” was more important than women’s rights or LGBTQ rights, or education or health? I want to be informed but I also want to be an ostrich or Sleeping Beauty for a while. I doubt it will be “just 4 years,” because they’re going to dismantle democracy and when we realize that, it will be too late.

I could have stayed silent, but I didn’t.