Month: August 2024

OOO…

On By journeyofenough1 Comment

I’m going to attempt to be “OOO” = Out Of Office this weekend for the long weekend. Work has been crazy ever since I started my new job. Although it may seem like I’ve been on several adventures, work stress never leaves and I’m often online early mornings or later evenings. I’ve been in “fight or flight” mode since April. I’m pretty sure my cortisol levels are not healthy.

I really can’t believe that it’s the end of August. Our youngest started school on Monday at the Technical College, but it’s also his senior year in high school. We recently took a trip to MT to see our other son. We had a great time and quite a few unique experiences. This month has been filled with work, travel, canning, family surgery, more canning and more work. August will end with a trip to Seattle… without my computer!

Why Seattle? Why not?! We have not been there before, August is the least rainy month in Seattle, and if I don’t force myself to leave work behind, I might snap. We will do a quick 2 full days of tourist things and then fly back. Driving there is not on my bucket list and we are under time constraints. I have my notebook of ideas (no spreadsheets this time, uncle Brian), some suggestions from friends and the advice of strangers in a “Seattle tourism” Facebook group. Will I still worry about work? Probably. But I will not be checking emails or capacity charts or batch numbers for almost 4 days.

Life is short. You’ve seen the stories & heard about people who wait for retirement before they have their adventures only to get them cut short by health issues or other things. I’m not waiting. I’m having experiences while I can. I’m grabbing those 4 day weekends, skipping a farmers market or two and seeing something new. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows. I don’t currently have the mental capacity to work on my Copywriting dream or write my next book. I’m just trying to hang on. I’ve lost friends, had strained relationships and have not been kind to myself in the last few years. I’m not the same. I’ve shifted timelines but I don’t think I am done shifting yet. I feel like there is more. There is more to life than work and there are more changes to come.

Even though I haven’t written much in the last few months, life sure has been going at full speed. Tonight we did 32 jars of hot salsa and 35 jars of pickles (& I had an hour conference call). Sometime before Friday at noon, I’ll throw some things in a suitcase and call it good. If I forget something, Seattle has stores. For almost 4 days, I will be OOO. I’ll report back if you’d like to hear about it. Travel blogger is on my someday/wish list. I just don’t think people vacation hard like we do. We try to cram as much in as we can. Maybe there is a market for it though?? We’ll see.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. And yes, our journey will include coffee from the original Starbucks (even though we prefer our local coffee shop with my favorite barista).

WAIT Mode…

On By journeyofenough2 Comments

It’s August 1st, yet I feel like August is already over. The jam packed “last month of summer” has my head spinning. Although I no longer need to worry about summer camps, there are still a lot of things packed into August. Our garden is in full swing, we are trying to process pickles and keep our tomatoes/onions/peppers growing for salsa, there are acting classes, bowling tournaments, trips to see family, trips with family, a comedy show and an anniversary, among many other things.

I’ve been trying to learn more about ADHD, and as I do, several of the things listed ring a bell. I never thought of myself as having ADHD. I had good grades in school, active in a lot of things, but not hyperactive. It was never considered. This is pretty common for women. Something that really resonated was the idea of “wait mode.” Wait mode is when your mind is overly focused on an upcoming event. You have a hard time accomplishing anything else because you are waiting for the other thing. Like if there is an appointment later in the day, your whole day is shot because you’re thinking about that appointment, backtracking time as to when you need to leave. How early should you be there?, What if there is traffic? What do you need to get done before the appointment? What about after? (And 100 other things). It’s common with people who have ADHD, or anxiety & depression.

So, in my head, August is almost over. On the first day. It’s like an appointment, but in the form of a month. Will I be productive in August? Probably, but I will also be thinking about these multiple events along with the timing and coordination of each. Which things overlap? What other arrangements have not been made yet? How will I manage working remotely and at different times while I’m gone? Throw in some “worst case scenario” thoughts, and it gets to be a lot. My brain needs a pause button. I’ve tried very hard not to lose myself in drinking etc, but I still grab a snack when I’m extra stressed out. Being fluffier than I’d like causes me to feel shame and talk negatively… it’s a whole loop. Growing up as Gen X, there was a lot of body shaming. That all stuck in my head. While I did not have an eating disorder, I certainly have a tricky relationship with food.

Anyway, that’s the squirrel brain tangent (just a snippet). So for August, my challenge to myself is to write it out, but be present. I have some boundary work to do also. I’m going to try to reduce the amount of “wait mode” in August. (Notice I said I wasn’t going to get rid of it, because I don’t think changing my entire personality in a month is a realistic goal.) Maybe I just need a daily reminder of what day it is today, without jumping ahead too far. Today is August 1st, and I will try to plan for today (after I write out the whole month because I am a planner by profession and it is just my nature.)

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. If you’re in wait mode also, maybe we can wait together and have some coffee.