Month: March 2024

Version 5.0???

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I read somewhere recently “there are so many versions of you, that it’s difficult to really say who you are.” There is the version you think you are, but there is the version of you from your coworkers’ perspective. There is the version of you seen at the track meets by other moms when you’re off to the side, and you’re not confident enough to join in their group. There is the version of you for each of your kids – because you were not the same mom for each of them. There is the version of you that met your spouse and the version that exists 30 years later. There is a version your family sees though texts and calls and the filter you let them see. There is the version of you as a customer, a patient, a consumer – in person, on the phone and online.

You get the idea. Lots of you, but which one is it? You’re constantly changing, growing, aging, having new or different experiences, gaining and losing friendships, learning new things, letting go of what no longer serves you. Ask someone to describe you in one word. It’s an interesting experiment. Some may give you a noun (mother/sister/wife/friend), while others will give an adjective relative to feelings (caring/funny/sweet), and others may give you a word describing your appearance (short/curly hair/glasses.) Which one is right? All of them – but just to the person saying it. If someone says I’m fun, that doesn’t automatically make me fun. It makes me realize they think I’m fun, but it still might not convince me (or anyone else) of how fun I am.

Have you ever held onto something you thought about yourself but it no longer applies? Sometimes the familiarity feels comfortable. It’s difficult to release those things and add something new. We often forget that we don’t need to hang onto things that don’t work for us. It’s ok to start something new, to change things up.

You may have heard, “Someone else’s opinion of you is not your problem.” That’s a tough one for me. Especially since it means things are out of my control. It’s even more difficult when it’s someone you love and care about. If someone has spent hours with you, knows your dreams, secrets, skeletons and victories… then they walk away or pull back – it seems like a big rejection. Was I not a good enough friend? What did I do wrong? But perhaps it isn’t something related to you at all – it’s just something they are going through and they need the change.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. You are enough as you are, and yet you are allowed to change as many times as you need to. Don’t give up.

Comfort stars…

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I can’t tell you how many bowls of chicken noodle soup I’ve had in my lifetime, but I can tell you for sure that number of bowls consumed while sick far outweighs the bowls I’ve had when I felt well. From Lipton noodle soup to Campbell’s Chicken & Stars, those were the traditional comfort foods when I had a cold or didn’t feel well. (And of course, some saltine crackers.)

It’s interesting how many emotions can be stirred up by different foods. Often we think of celebrations, traditions, highs or lows. We might be able to remember the sweet or savory tastes and smells while being transported back in time. Having chicken & stars soup tonight made me think of our old green and gold sofa. As I sat on my own gold/yellow sofa, I thought of all of the times my mom made soup for me when I was sick. There may be some negative food related memories, but for me, they were mostly positive.

I had a health coach tell me to remove the emotion from food, and just see it as fuel for the body. I wasn’t very successful with that concept. Even “mindless snacking” is often a form of self soothing/comfort. Sharing food or cooking and baking for someone is often an expression of love. It’s a form of gift giving, by sharing your talents and resources. It’s one of the things that brings me joy. While I don’t necessarily have fancy or expensive taste, I do appreciate good food. I also gravitate to the foods that are tied to a memory of a person or an event.

Now that I’m physically back in the office half of the time, I’m sure my cubicle neighbor thinks a goat moved in next door since I do like to snack. Surprisingly, I think I snacked less when my kitchen was 30 feet from my office. Maybe I’ll incorporate some comfort snacks into my desk drawer stash. For tonight, I’ll have my “comfort stars” in hopes of warding off a cold.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. What are some of your favorite comfort foods? Which ones bring you back to a special birthday or celebration? Do you have a family tradition or a favorite dish your grandma made?

Get Lost…

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Last week, we went on a family vacation. It was spring break for our son and a pause between school activities, so the time was right. I didn’t track how many miles we put on the rental car, but we walked 25-30,000 steps per day. We had great weather despite the forecast and only had rain one day. We went through 4 states: Nevada, Utah, California and Arizona…3 different hotels… 2 time zones, 2 national parks and 1 state park. We didn’t get lost, or at least not so lost that we couldn’t find our way back.

You’ve seen the posts about life being short, “Take the trip,” or “Eat the cake,” or “Use the fancy dishes for a Tuesday.” I tend to not use my fancy dishes mainly because they don’t go in the dishwasher, but I do love cake and I do love to travel. Pro tip: do NOT watch the Boeing documentary and then fly on the exact planes that they talk about in the documentary. It’s a little unsettling. But we made it there and back – no doors or wheels fell off and I am very thankful!

My someday is now. I’m not waiting until I retire to travel and have adventures. I use all of my vacation time each year. I can’t recall a trip or adventure that I regret. Even the ones that were not so good allow me to appreciate the good ones even more. The time we went camping and it was -40 degrees with no running water with only an outhouse and I ended up with influenza…. NOT fun, but memorable! On this trip, we had some very crummy pizza at the Zion lodge for lunch, but it made us super thankful for our amazing pizza at Trevi in the Cesar’s Forum shops Vegas (also get the mozzarella- it is AMAZING!) I don’t think you have to have something bad to appreciate something good, but sometimes the contrast is a good reminder.

We hiked, we saw family, we went to a show, we shopped, rode the bus, we saw breathtaking views and had some great (& some not so great) food. While looking up from the bottom of the canyon in Zion at the massively huge rocks and the waterfalls finding their way down the side, I felt so small. From the top of the rocks looking out over the landscape, I also felt small. From far away, you could see people on the trails who looked like ants, yet you could hear the peaceful rushing water, the bird singing and the sound of the wind through the canyon. It was like a hug from Mother Nature, asking you to pause and take a deep breath. Watching the sun come up over the canyon at just the right time was hard to describe… it was there for an instant with oranges and reds, then the clouds moved in and it was gone. The snow covered peaks now surrounded in clouds as the bright colors muted in the daylight.

I could write a whole chapter on our week long adventure, but I’ll keep this shorter. I agree that life is short. My bonus could have gone to some bills, but instead I traded it for memories. Along the way, we found coins that held meaning – our other son’s birth year and graduation year along with my mom’s birth year, the year I was diagnosed with cancer and some others. Constant reminders of those we love and the things we’ve overcome.

Peace be with you on your journey of enough. And, if you do get lost, be sure to find your way back. You’re needed here.