We recently got almost 6” of rain. The left side of this picture is Lake Carlos, and this is the Long Prairie River dam. This chunk of “bog” (cattails, grass & mud) was stuck at the top of the dam. While the water rushed around it, it was just stuck. It can’t go backwards because of the flow of the water. It cannot go over the dam until something changes… either the mud on the bottom erodes to let it flow over or something knocks it over the edge.
Sometimes we can feel like this bog… just stuck in place while everything flows around us at a rapid pace. There is more noise and activity when the water is this high. Behind the cluster seems smooth, but it’s flowing fast. On the other side is a churning, bubbling flurry of activity.
I felt this way when I had cancer. I felt like everything was moving quickly around me and I was stuck. The past seemed more calm, but I couldn’t go back. I was stuck. I was healing and getting better, but time seemed to go in slow motion and fast forward all at once. Looking back, I feel like I missed much of 6-7 months of my life. I tried too hard at times to force myself over the dam & back into the flow.
Since then, I’ve learned what self care is. I’ve learned to recognize when anxiety spins my thoughts out of control. I’ve learned to pause, to stop when I need to… not because I’m stuck, but because I’m observing. I’m figuring out what I need to do next in order to move forward. It’s ok to feel stuck. Just don’t stay at the top of the dam. Find a way to go forward, because you cannot go back.
“Do not cling to events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago. Watch for the new thing I am going to do. It is happening already—you can see it now! I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there” (Isaiah 43:18b-19).
I think that verse is a good one. God will make a road though the wilderness and give us streams of water. Keep looking forward. I wish you peace on your journey of enough.